Connecticut Mcphee

Fic: To Have And To Hold...And To Fondle 8/?

2009-09-07T22:05:27Z

The next morning, Olivia and Alex were woken up by the sound of banging on the door between Olivia and Sam’s room. The pounding of the door was mimicking the pounding in her head, so it took a few minutes for Olivia to realize what was going on. Finally, she got up and went to the door. As she walked to it, she passed the bed and saw Alex sitting up with a huge, unhappy frown on her face.

“What in God’s name IS that?” Alex demanded. She was wincing and holding her head as if it could block out the pounding.

The memories of putting Alex to bed and unzipping her dress came flooding back to Olivia as she opened the door.

“WHAT?” she demanded to Sam.

“Hey Oliv-“ Sam began but then looked behind her friend and saw Alex in her bed. “OH MY GO-“ but she didn’t get to finish because Olivia threw her hand over her mouth and shoved her back into her own room keeping her hand over her mouth until she could shut the connecting door with her foot.

As it slammed shut, she yelled to Alex, “Be right back!”

When the door shut, she got really close to Samantha and whispered in a threatening tone, “It IS NOT what you think. David had the only keycard to the room. I let Alex crash in my bed and I took the couch. DO NOT, I repeat, DO NOT say a WORD about us sleeping together or that it looks like we slept together or so help me God I will beat you within an inch of your fucking life. Got it?” She asked. With eyes wide Sam nodded against the hand clamped over her mouth. “Okay, I’m going to take my hand away now, don’t make me regret it.” Olivia dropped her hand and Sam worked her jaw to make sure it was not damaged.

“Beat me within an inch of my life huh?” she asked with a smile.

“Sounds kinky.” Came the voice of a woman from Sam’s bed.

Olivia’s head moved around Sam’s to see the bed. There was a naked, well at least topless, woman in it. “Oh, I didn’t realize you had company.”

“I’m not company I’m family.” The girl replied to which Olivia grimaced. “We’re not related! I’m family to the groom.” The girl said.

“Oh,” Olivia began, “Thank God, that was about to get gross.”

The girl eased out of bed and at least had panties on. She slinked toward the two women and ran a hand over Olivia’s shoulder. Her hand cupped Olivia’s face and then a slender finger touched her forehead. “It kind if looks like a nipple.” The girl stated.

“You should have seen it last night!” Sam said.

Olivia grabbed the girl’s hand and threw it down. “Enough topless touchy, Ms…?”

“Brandy Tatum.”

“Tatum?” Olivia said putting it together, “Are you Robert’s sister?”

“Is everything okay?” Alex asked as she opened the door to Sam’s room. She beheld a topless Brandy Tatum whom she had babysat when they were younger and her eyes went wide with shock. “Brandy?” she asked.

Olivia and Sam both reacted to Alex recognizing the girl by tackling the girl to the ground similar to what heroes in movies do when they throw themselves on top of live grenades. Only, in movies, the grenades aren’t topless twenty-somethings.

The girl was squirming and laughing as Sam’s attempt to shield her from Alex was resulting in accidently tickling her. “Stop that tickles!”

“WHAT is going on?” Alex stated totally confused as to why two grown women had just tackled a topless girl.

“Let me up! I want to say hi to Alex.” Brandy said as she squirmed between them and eventually managed to get up. “Don’t mind them Alex, it’s GREAT to see you!” Brandy said as she embraced the attorney in a hug.

Alex did not exactly hug the girl back but she did completely turn red. Olivia and Sam watched from their positions on the floor. Brandy released the topless hug and stepped back still smiling. “Well Brandy,” Alex began, “You certainly have…grown up.” She replied unable to maintain constant eye contact with the girl because of her perky breasts.

“Yeah, I know, right?” Brandy replied not the least bit self conscious. “I’ll be a senior at Smith this fall.”

“Smith College not Smith High School…right?” Olivia quipped. Sam punched the woman in the shoulder.

Alex shot Olivia a look. “That’s great Brandy. I can’t wait to catch up with you more. Don’t you have someplace ELSE to be?”

“Yeah, I gotta go find the other bridesmaids we are supposed to get our hair done.” Brandy said walking back toward the bed and rummaging around until she found her top and shoes. She pulled the top on easily and started to walk out the door with her shoes in her hand. She looked at Sam, “I’ll see you at the reception.” she replied casually.

“I’ll be there somewhere.” Sam said in a non-committal tone.

The girl smiled not really concerned either way and then smiled at Alex, “It was great to see you Alex. Hey, weren’t you wearing that dress last night?” she pointed out knowing that the woman had come from the detective’s room.

“Uh, yeah, I uh…forgot my keycard…and-“

“You don’t have to explain anything to me.” Brandy said with a wink as walked out the door shutting behind her.

Alex’s mouth was agape. She looked down at Olivia and Sam who were still on the ground. Her eyes narrowed at Sam. “I used to BABYSIT that girl!” she said in a disapproving tone.

“Well she’s all grown up now counselor.” Sam said as she and Olivia got up.

“I saw that for myself.” Alex joked. She changed the subject, “Did David come home with you last night? I need to get into the room.”

“Yeah, he came back with us and hung out in my room for awhile before going over there. I dared him to fit a whole jar of Macadamia nuts in his mouth at once. That guy’s got a big mouth.”

“You have NO idea.” Alex stated wistfully as she thought back to all of the times her cousin had gotten her into trouble when they were young.

Olivia and Sam took the statement to be an uncharacteristic sexual reference to the man she was sleeping with and both silently put a large tick mark in the ‘straight’ column.

When Alex entered her hotel room, she found David sleeping upside down on the bed with his head hanging off of the end and his arms dangling above him, knuckles resting on the carpet. She walked over to him and used her foot to kick one of his hands. It shot upward and then fell back to the ground with a ‘thud’.

David started to stir. His eyes fluttered open and he met his cousin’s gaze, albeit upside down. “Hey there, where have you been?”

“I slept in Olivia’s room.” Alex stated.

David snapped upright like the bar on a mousetrap. “You SLEPT AT-“ he yelled but Alex jumped on him and covered his mouth.

“Don’t yell!” she whispered loudly in his ear. She was so anxious about the possibility of the detective overhearing that she may have spit a little.

David pulled her hand off of his mouth and wiped his ear with a sour face, “Say it don’t spray it counselor.”

“I did not sleep WITH her if that’s what you are thinking.” Alex stated in a slightly above hushed tone. She collapsed on the bed next to him like a tortured teenager as she exclaimed adorably, “Though I WISH I had!”

David stood and stretched as he regarded his cousin looking so forlorn on the horrifically ugly hotel bedspread. “So what happened?”

“I got really drunk and needed to come home. She brought me home. It was so sweet. I don’t think she was doing it out of anything other than a sense of cop-appointed responsibility but still…it felt wonderful to have her watching over me. I could barely walk and she caught me a few times. She so strong.”

“Oh my god, please speed this up!” David begged as he opened the mini bar and pulled out a candy bar.

“Sorry, “ Alex apologized. She continued, “Anyway when we got to my room I realized YOU had the room card!”

“Ooo, sorry about that.” David said, then paused and amended, “Actually, you are welcome for that.” He smiled pleased with himself as he took a bite.

“You chew food like a horse with a loose jaw.” Alex replied making a face as she watched the man eat.

“Do you want me to march up to Detective HotPants and tell her you LOVE her?”

“No!”

“Then nix the eating comments!”

“Okay, okay.”

“Finish your story!”

“Okay, well when I realized I didn’t have the card, Olivia offered to let me sleep in her room.”

“Hot.”

“You don’t have a crush on my Detective Pookie do you?” Alex demanded interrupting her own story.

“What? Are you really asking me this question?”

“Yes I need to know.”

“Um, a crush? No. But would I kick her out of bed?” A smile crossed the man’s face as he declared “I would do her at the drop of a hat.”

“I find that acceptable.” Alex stated approvingly.

“I thought you might. FINISH YOUR STORY!”

“Okay, Okay. So I get to the room and she tells me I can have the bed and she will take the couch.”

“Chivalry is not dead.”

“Then I need help with my zipper.”

“Oh my God, I would accuse you of using the oldest trick in the hook-up book but I had to zip that thing up, it’s impossible.”

“I thought I was going to faint as she pulled it down.”

“Did she do it slow?”

“Yeah, it seemed like it.”

“That’s a good sign.”

“How so?”

“Come on Alex, haven’t you ever unzipped a girl before? You savor it.”

“That’s true.” Alex said thoughtfully. She didn’t dare hope that was the reason. She chalked it up to the fact that Olivia was as drunk and was just concentrating.

“You’re arguing yourself out of believing me aren’t you?” David asked.

“Maybe.”

“That’s what I thought.”

Alex finished getting ready and decided to go to Olivia’s room and see if she was ready to go back to the boat. Before the ceremony, the wedding guests were invited to return to the boat where the women were given spa treatments and massages and the men gathered to play poker.

She knocked on Olivia’s door. “Just a minute!” Olivia yelled. After a moment she opened the door. Her hair was mussed and she had a toothbrush sticking out of her mouth. When she saw that it was Alex she seemed surprised. “Alex, oh, sorry. I didn’t know it was you. I’m not quite ready.” She left the door open and hurried into the bathroom.

“Its alright, I’m not in a rush. I thought I would just stop by and see if you were ready.” She blushed feeling bad for rushing the detective.

Olivia grabbed some gel and ran it through her hair quickly. She gargled some water and spit it out quickly. “Okay,” she said stepping out of the bathroom and running a hand through her hair. “I’m ready.”

Alex smiled as she looked at the detective standing in front of her. Her shirt was miss-buttoned at the top. She took a chance and took a step forward taking it upon herself to fix the button. “Your shirt, the button, let me just,” she said as she fixed it. Her heart was beating like crazy. “There.” She stepped back. “Sorry.” She apologized suddenly feeling self conscious.

The detective couldn’t believe how close Alex had just been to her and how intimate. Her whole body was flushed. “Its cool, thanks. I didn’t notice.” There was a silent beat, “Ready to go?”

“Yeah, is Sam ready?”

“Who knows, let’s check.” Olivia replied glad the subject was changed.

Once they gathered Sam and David they all took the limo to the yacht. Olivia and Sam were getting used to living the good life of limos, yachts and champagne before noon. As they walked passed Roland the doorman, Sam slapped him on the butt. The man cried out in surprise and jumped.

“That’s one tight ass Rollie-Pollie!” Sam yelled as she continued walking.

“I’m sorry Roland.” Alex mouthed as they continued onto the boat.

David went off to go play poker with the men on the third level and the women stayed on the first level to get their spa treatments and massages.

All three women signed up for massages and were content to wait their turn as they received pedicures, manicures and facials. They sat three across as the attendants worked on their feet. They heard a squeal coming from the stairs.

“My three favorite women!” Annette yelled. She was wearing a plush robe and sipping champagne.

“Alex, I can’t thank you enough for the yacht. It has absolutely MADE our weekend!” She leaned forward and kissed Alex on both cheeks. “Mmm, you smell great!” she said as she pulled back.

“Oh, thanks?” Alex replied not expecting the comment.

“Anyways, who’s getting a massage?” Annette asked then added, “Bernice has hands like a sailor but she’s surprisingly gentle.”

“Olivia Benson.” An attendant called for Olivia’s massage just as Annette was asking.

“Looks like I’m up. I’ll let you guys know how it is.” Olivia said smiling at the women.

“Please do.” Annette said in a husky tone.

“Wow Annette, use that tone of voice again about the massage and I’ll expect to get a happy ending.” Sam replied.

Annette threw her head back and laughed. “We would have had to have paid a LOT extra for that!” She eyed Alex and Sam for a moment before adding, “Excuse me would you? I have other guests to see.”

When she left Alex and Sam exchanged looks. “Annette is certainly interesting.” Alex replied.

“Yeah, that was always the polite adjective people used with her.” Sam said leaning her head back on the head rest and placing cucumbers on her eyes. “But who knows? Maybe she’s de-crazy-fied herself since college.”

Olivia entered one of the sleeping cabins in the yacht that had a massage table set up in it. Bernice, who was a top heavy woman with biceps that looked like they could crack walnuts, told her to undress to her comfort level and that she would be in momentarily.

Olivia, who was perfectly comfortable naked, stripped down to her underwear, laid on the table with a towel over her and waited face down. After a few moments she heard the cabin door open and Bernice enter. The masseuse said nothing as she turned on some soothing music and walked over to Olivia.

When hands met her shoulders Olivia instantly felt that something was different. The hands were not meaty and gruff as expected but thin and dainty. They caressed her more than massaged her.

“God, you’re even hotter than you were in college.” Came Annette’s voice.

The detective nearly hit the ceiling when she heard Annette’s voice. “ANNETTE!” she yelled sitting up and pulling the towel around her naked body. It wasn’t out of her own modestly but that of the bride’s impending nuptials that she covered herself.

Annette chuckled in a creepy, stalker kind of way as she moved toward the detective tugging at the towel. “Don’t act so shocked Olivia. We both know this isn’t the first time I’ve seen you naked.”

“No, but it’s certainly the first time you’ve seen me naked on the day of your wedding!” Olivia replied hopping off the table in an attempt to dodge the woman’s advances.

Annette pouted, “Come on Liv, don’t be such a spoilsport. This is MY weekend and I’m supposed to get what I want.”

“You are SUPPOSED to LOVE, HONOR, and CHERISH!” Olivia said her voice squeaking at the end as she darted to one side of the table and Annette leapt to the other.

“That’s okay, I don’t mind a little foreplay. You know I’ll catch you in the end.” Annette replied.

“I’ll yell for help!” Olivia threatened.

“No you won’t.” Annette challenged.

Suddenly, there was a knock at the door of the cabin as Bernice asked, “Miss Wallace? Is everything okay in there?”

Olivia let her guard down for only a second to listen to the voice calling from the other side of the door. Annette saw her opening. She dove over the massage table and used her forward momentum to throw the detective hard against the cabin door and pin her.

“Everything’s fine Bernice, go ahead and use cabin two for the next massage!” Annette yelled using her hand to cover the Detective’s mouth in case she decided to yell. She looked down at her captive and removed her hand replacing it with a plunging kiss that doubled as a tonsillectomy.

She refused to pull back until Olivia’s body let go of its resolve and melted into the kiss. When she did pull back, the brunette’s eyes remained closed as she licked her lips. She opened them slowly and her mouth curled into a smile. “I forgot how well you kiss.”

“I’m more than happy to remind you of a few things.” Annette replied as she lowered herself to her knees and pulled off the woman’s towel.

From outside, the sounds of a woman yelling and moaning could be heard from the first cabin. Grandma Tatum, Robert’s grandmother, leaned her head against the door for a few moments before grabbing one of the attendants. “I want the exact same massage as that woman is getting in there. It sounds fabulous!” she demanded.

Sam and Alex contented themselves by sipping champagne and leafing through magazines until Olivia appeared again. She had a contented grin on her face and a far off look in her eyes as she took her seat next to Sam.

“How was the massage? You looked relaxed as hell.” Sam stated.

“Relaxed is DEFINITELY a word I would use.” Olivia replied as she grabbed a glass of champagne from an attendant as they walked by.

Alex went in for a massage next and received excellent treatment at the hands of Bernice. When she came back out feeling great, she saw Olivia with her head back, cucumbers on her eyes, snoring lightly. Samantha was nowhere to be found. Not wanting to wake the woman, she decided to go up to the third level to try and find either Samantha or David.

As she climbed the steps, she could hear the sounds of people screaming and laughing in the dinning room. She opened the door and to her surprise found six people in the room playing cards at various stages of undress. Annette and Robert were both in the room. Annette was in her bra and Robert was down to a pair of very unflattering tighty-whities. They were laughing and drinking. Sam was at the head of the table in just a bra, that she could see. She had one breast hanging out of the bra and a large cigar hanging out of her mouth.

“What is going on in here?” Alex yelled.

Everyone stopped when they heard her voice and turned to look at the woman. “Alex! What’s up? Can we deal you in?” Sam asked grabbing the cards from the other players so she could deal the woman in.

“Strip poker?” The attorney asked as she walked in closer.

“What? No, it’s just really hot in here.” Sam replied.

“Can I ask a question?” Alex said.

“Of course.” Sam replied.

“Why do you have one boob hanging out of your bra?”

“I didn’t start out wearing much, I’m trying to stay in the game as long as possible.”

Alex stood for a moment allowing everyone to continue wondering what she would do. Finally, she bent down next to one of the male players and plucked the cigar out of his mouth. She shoved it in her mouth and declared loudly around the stogie, “Deal me in!” Everyone cheered and quickly made room for her. “My mouth’s dry too, somebody get me a drink! And make it strong!”

“I can’t wait to get you naked!” Sam declared.

“Good luck.” Alex replied suddenly all business.

About forty-five minutes later Olivia was awakened by the sound of one of the attendants saying, “Miss, miss, excuse me miss?”

She lifted the cucumber off one eye and regarded the attendant. “Yeah?”

“Um…I just thought you might want to take your feet out of the foot bath? They are starting to prune.”

“Oh, okay thanks.” Olivia replied pulling her feet out and sitting up. She pulled both cucumbers from her eyes and ate them. Some of the older women who were sitting around her instead of Alex and Sam who had clearly left long ago, gave her startled looks. “What? I’m hungry.” She stated as she stood and decided to wander around and try to find her friends but her feet were tender from the extended foot bath and she kind of waddled away like she was walking on hot cement.

She made her way up to the third floor and could hear the sound of yelling and laughter coming from the dining room door. She opened it and started to walk in. Her sensitive feet reacted to the cold tiles and she looked down at them as she entered and shut the door behind her. The room when silent when the door shut and she looked up to see what was going on. Everyone in the room was completely naked, except one person. Alexandra Cabot was sitting amongst them fully clothed except for her bare feet which were propped up on the table. She had an embarrassingly large, smoldering cigar in one hand and a tumbler of straight whiskey in the other.

“Hey Liv!” she yelled with a smile. “Come on in! I’m teaching a clinic.”

“On awkward nudity?” Olivia asked.

“On poker,” she stated pausing to puff on her cigar. “My ninety year old Grandma has a better game than most of these fools, and she looks better NAKED!” Alex finished in a loud declarative voice.

The group and Olivia made a face. Alex sighed and looked at Sam who patted her on the back and said consolingly, “That was a really good burn up until the naked grandma part.”

“Just deal, I need to put it past me.” Alex stated not making eye contact with anyone.

“So Liv…did you want to play?” Sam asked to which the rest of the group amicably encouraged her to play.

“Oh, nah, I’m really bad at poker. You’d have me butt ass naked in like five minutes.” Olivia said with a smile.

Suddenly, after hearing the statement, the whole group, men and women, started yelling and almost violently demanding that she play. The detective jumped back into the dining room door in surprise. “Whoa!” she said reacting to the overwhelming desire of the entire group to see her naked. “That was an awesome, albeit a little disturbing, self-esteem booster.” she said with a shaky voice. I think I’m gonna go find David.”

When she left and the door was safely shut behind her, Sam started up, “Olivia’s soooooooo HOT! Oh my God your friend is sooooooo HOT! That cop is HOT!” She mocked everyone in the room. She was clearly jealous/annoyed and added, “She’s not some crazy sexual wonder of the world People! She’s got two tits and an ass like EVERYBODY else!”

“Feeling a little threatened?” Alex asked leaning toward Sam.

“Me? No! She may have the hotter body but I always had the awesome personality. Who thought of the strip poker game? I did! Who declared excessive body hair count as an article of clothing? I did!—“

“Thank you for that by the way.” A very large and previously VERY hairy man who Sam had just freshly shaved, declared.

“My pleasure Sal,” Sam added continuing her rant, “I’m funnier! I’m more charming! And I think we can all agree that I’ve been barefoot for over an hour and NO ONE has even mentioned my sixth toe!” Everyone in the room, in unison, dropped their heads under the table to see her feet. She slammed her hand down on the table and declared, “Ha! Gotcha! See? I’m a better liar too!”

Fic: To Have And To Hold...And To Fondle 7/?

2009-08-12T02:02:13Z

“How long till the cocktail party?”

“It starts at four.”

“Great, I’m gonna take a nap.”

“Good idea, wanna spoon?” Sam asked.

“You’re drunk again aren’t you? How much of that champagne did you drink?”

“I’m NOT drunk! You’re just a good spooner.”

“Shut up. I’ll see you at 3:30.”

“Spoilsport.” Sam grumbled as she went back to her room.

Alex opened the door to her and David’s room. There were two full size beds in the room just as she had requested. They threw their stuff on the bed and Alex unzipped her suitcase. The first thing she noticed was over twenty pairs of socks on top. She dug her hands into them and held up as many of them as she could. “This is A LOT of socks.” She replied.

“I TOLD you that if I packed drunk you’d get a lot of socks.” David replied.

“Oh God, you also said crackers.” Alex said dropping the socks and rummaging through trying to find any loose foodstuffs. She exhaled when she did not see any. She did find the latex corset though. “Why did you bring THIS?” she asked.

“I thought the detective would like it.”

“Very funny.” Alex replied. Her eyes went wide and her face turned a deep crimson when she pulled out a riding crop.

David laughed. “I was as surprised as YOU when I found that in your closet.”

“I am not going to talk about this item.” Alex said as she stuffed it back into her suitcase.

“That’s fine because I don’t really want to know.” David replied.

“Did we pack anything that I can actually wear?”

“The blue dress is in there.”

Olivia woke up to the sound of banging on her door. She pulled her pillow over her head to try and block out the noise but it was persistent and loud. “Okay! Okay!” she yelled as she got up and walked toward her door. It was not coming from her main door. It was coming from the connecting door. It was Sam. “I’m seriously going to murder you!”

The door swung open and Sam was standing there all made up for the cocktail party. “Get dressed! We’re gonna be late! Do you want to miss Alex’s entrance? Because you know that she’ll be punctual.”

Olivia made a face. “Good point.” She walked away from the door. “Alright, come in.” She unzipped her suitcase for the first time. “What the-?” she began. Sam walked up and peered into the suitcase.

“Oh, that was ALL me.” Sam stated.

On top of her clothes in the suitcase was a package of baby carrots and a container of chocolate sauce. “Why does this stuff keep popping up lately?”

“It seemed like a really good idea last night. Then again, so did four tube tops.” Olivia kept rummaging through her suitcase until she found an outfit that pleased her. Sam frowned as she said “That welt on your forehead looks like a nipple.”

“Yet another reason why I am going to kill you at some point this weekend.”

Sam and Olivia caught a cab to the location of the cocktail party. It was a on a private yacht. When the cab pulled up to the dock the two women whistled in surprise as they gazed at it. “Whoa.” Sam replied.

“That is some serious money!” Olivia agreed.

They stepped out of the cab, tipped the cabbie, and headed toward the dock. There was a red carpet leading to the entrance and a white-gloved attendant waiting to check them off the list. Sam swaggered up to the man. “Samantha Dawson and her assistant, Peggy Sue Flatbottom.”

The attendant’s face registered shock and Olivia elbowed her friend in the gut. “Olivia Benson.” She corrected.

The attendant scanned the list. He lifted the first page, then the second, and finally, with a snooty nod, looked up. “Ah yes, here you are. At the END.” He said disdainfully.

“I’ve got an END I’d like to show you.” Sam answered getting in the man’s face.

Olivia held her back. “Don’t mind her. She’s used to a better quality of servant.”

The man nodded at first not realizing that he had just been insulted. When he did realize it, they were already past him and headed toward the entrance.

The yacht was amazing. It was all polished brass and deep mahogany tones. There was gorgeous white leather seating everywhere. It had three levels and every level was decorated with small white lights and beautiful white flowers. Servers walked around with trays of champagne in tall bubbling flutes and others carried hors d’oeuvres that looked like works of art themselves.

“Does this place have a bar do you think or is it all champagne all night long?” Sam asked.

“Search me.” Olivia replied. Sam moved to literally search her and Olivia said, “Don’t even think about it.”

“God you are no fun at all.” Sam pouted.

“Let’s go up to the second level.” Olivia suggested.

They took the stairs up to the second level and when they reached the top they heard their names being shouted loudly, “Olivia Benson and Samantha Dawson!” the names were followed by a prolonged high pitched squeal that Sam swore she saw shatter the champagne flute of a man standing next to her.

The woman who owned the voice was Annette Wallace. She came running toward them with her arms outstretched and her heels clacking on the wooden floors. Throwing her arms around them both at the same time she practically strangled them as she squeezed. “I’ve missed you guys!”

“Hey Annette.” Both women replied through the shaking and the squeezing.

When the woman finally let go, she stepped back to look at them both. “I did not think it was possible that you could both look better than you did in college but,” she paused and her eyes seemed almost predatory, “you do.” She paused and Olivia could tell she was eyeing the nipple-welt.

“A little accident in the limo this morning.” She said as she self consciously covered the mark.

“You look pretty good yourself.” Sam replied eagerly wanting to change the subject.

Annette smiled and did a little spin. “I’ve done pretty well for myself huh?” The women nodded. “You’ve got to come upstairs and meet Robert. He’s dying to meet you both.” Annette turned and hurried to the next staircase.

Olivia and Sam exchanged looks and realized they had no choice but to follow. As they crested the stairs, once again, the first thing they saw, the first thing anybody saw when they came up the stairs, was Alexandra Cabot. She was wearing a royal blue, backless dress. Her hair was down except for the sides which were tied tastefully but youthfully back.

The sound of Olivia’s voice catching in her throat was noticeably audible. She and David were talking to a tall, blond man who had to be Robert Tatum. When they were about ten feet from the group Alex turned and caught sight of Olivia. Her face lit up into a smile but then she quickly looked down into her champagne glass.

“Robert!” Annette called, pushing through David and Alex to pull the man to her. “This is Sam and this is Olivia!” she said proudly.

Robert smiled a large toothy smile. He looked like he had been born and bred by money. “It’s good to meet you both. I’ve heard a ton about you.”

“A ton? Really? Wow. So I’m assuming most of it was about me.” Sam said with a smile.

“A fair amount.” Robert said with a smile and a chuckle. He paused, Olivia could tell he was captivated by the welt.

The detective put up her hands and stated loudly, “Attention everyone! I have a welt on my forehead that looks strangely like a nipple! Everyone get a good look so we can all move past it!”

Everyone within hearing distance stopped to listen to the statement and then behold the third nipple. After a few moments, they began going back to whatever they had been doing.

“Can I get you ladies some drinks?” David asked congenially hoping to change the mood.

“I’d love a whiskey sour.” Sam said.

“Make it two.” Olivia replied.

Alex smiled at Olivia. “You look nice.” The detective was wearing charcoal grey slacks that fit her like a glove and a black button down shirt that was so tight you could see her muscled abs.

“Thanks.” Olivia said blushing slightly. She was thankful that the low lighting on the yacht that evening was obscuring her reaction. “Your dress is great.”

Internally, Alex turned to jelly when the detective complimented her. Externally, she offered a reserved smile and said. “Thanks, I picked it out earlier this week.”

Olivia wanted to gush. She wanted to fawn all over the woman and tell her that she was the single most strikingly beautiful woman she had ever seen. She wanted to tell her that all she wanted to do was spend the entire weekend with her and her alone. Instead, she just smiled stupidly at Alex and could not think of a thing to say.

“So Annette, tell us how you two met!” Sam said loudly so she could distract Olivia and Alex from themselves.

Annette launched into a long, drawn out story about how they met. Sam was pretty much tuning the whole thing out. She looked around sizing everyone up. She looked at David. If he and Alex were dating then she did not want to like him but the guy was totally charming and very nice. She looked at Alex. The woman was giving nothing away. She never had the entire time she had known her which to be fair, was not long. Olivia, whom she had known for way too long, was barely holding it together around the blond. Any outsider looking at her would have absolutely no idea. She looked cooler than the coolest girl in school. She looked to Annette next and noticed with unexpected surprise that the woman was eyeing her as well.

Sam raised her eyebrow and Annette licked her lips. Sam’s eyes bugged out of their sockets and she quickly looked around to see if anyone else had seen the woman’s move. No one had caught it. She looked back at Annette and now the woman was openly appraising her. Not knowing what else to do, Sam buried her nose into her drink.

“You okay?” Olivia asked leaning toward her friend.

“I have no idea.” Sam replied.

“This yacht is amazing.” Olivia said making conversation.

“Isn’t it?” Robert replied. “We have Alex to thank for that.”

“Robert, don’t-“ Alex tried to say but the man ignored her and continued.

“It’s hers.”

Olivia’s whiskey sour erupted out of her tumbler as she coughed into it. “What?” she replied.

Robert repeated himself, “It’s Alex’s yacht. Didn’t you notice the name? It’s the Alexandra Grace.”

Olivia searched herself for something to say to the statement that had totally floored her. “Well its beautiful.” She said lamely. “Excuse me for a moment.” She turned and left quickly heading down the stairs. She made her way to the first level and found a semi-quiet spot near the bow. She stared into the water and tried to get her heart rate to slow down. Alex was a millionaire. She knew the woman came from money but it was starting to get ridiculous. How could someone like HER ever hope to even be considered by a woman with money and breeding like that? She felt like the tramp from Lady and the Tramp except not as adorable. She sighed and downed the rest of her drink. Even if Alex was gay, which she probably wasn’t, she didn’t have a chance with her.

“Is everything okay?” Alex asked making sure to ask when she was still a distance away from the detective.

Olivia spun around quickly and made sure to change her expression to one of cool collectedness. “Yeah, I’m fine.”

“Are you sure?” Alex asked. She knew what it was about.

“Yeah. I’m good.”

“It’s the money I know. It throws people.”

“Nah, it’s not that…its…its…” Olivia sighed, “Okay it was that. I just didn’t realize you-“

“Are filthy stinking rich?” Alex said with a smile.

“Yeah that.”

“I wipe my ass with twenty dollar bills.”

If she had another drink, she would have coughed into it again. She laughed. “I did not expect that.”

“I have my moments.” Alex said with a smile.

“Thanks for coming to find me.” Olivia said honestly.

“Well I can’t have anyone out of sorts on MY yacht.”

Olivia shook her head, “Careful Counselor, don’t use up all your funny moments at once.”

“If I run out I can always buy more.”

“Yes you can.” Olivia agreed as they headed back up the stairs.

As they climbed the stairs to level three they heard the sound of cheering and hollering. When they reached the top they saw David, Sam, Robert and Annette downing shots simultaneously. “Uh oh.” Olivia said looking at Alex, “This is bad.”

“It’s a party detective. Loosen up.” Alex stated with a smile as she walked right up to David and took the shot from his hand. She downed it and slammed the glass on the bar. The whole group cheered and Sam slapped Alex on the back.

“Come on B! Come get a drink!” Sam yelled to Olivia. Realizing she had no other choice, Olivia joined the party.

Way too many shots later….

“Come here you!” David yelled advancing toward Sam.

“I’m right here buddy!” Sam said her arms out.

“I’m gonna pick you up and spin you around!” David said as he picked Sam up and quickly hoisted her over his head. He started spinning around in circles not very steadily.

Sam held her arms out like a super hero and yelled, “I’m king of the world!”

“David put her down you are gonna drop her!” Alex yelled laughing.

“You’ve got moves like a sedated grizzly bear.” Robert told David.

“You think you can do better?” David asked.

“Watch this!” Robert replied as he stood and quickly picked up Alex. The woman protested and yelled but Robert ignored her and was strong enough to lift her over his head as well.

“Oh my God.” Olivia replied stunned as to what was happening.

“Robert put her down!” Annette yelled.

“Let’s chicken fight!” Sam cried, “Walk me over to Alex!” she commanded David.

David started to walk toward Robert and Alex and Alex started yelping in fear. Olivia jumped up and put herself between the two men and their playthings. “Nobody is doing ANY chicken fighting!” she stated with authority.

“Who do you think you are? The fun police?” Robert asked.

“She is a cop!” Sam yelled laughing. “Doesn’t she reek of cop?”

“She’s all business, I think it’s hot.” David agreed.

“I wouldn’t stop her from taking me down.” Robert agreed.

“Neither would I.” Annette added. Everyone spun around to look at the woman in surprise. She shrugged her shoulders, “What? I don’t get to have an opinion?”

“Okay! Okay! That’s enough opinions from EVERYONE!” Olivia stated. “Boys put the girls down.”

“I don’t wanna come down!” Sam pouted.

“Put her down David.” Olivia demanded. Both men dutifully put their women down.

“You’re moves still suck.” Robert said.

“Dance off!” Alex yelled as she grabbed a flute of champagne from a passing server.

“Oh, I’m definitely getting in on this!” Sam declared. She turned to the DJ and hurried to his booth. She whispered something to him and the man nodded. Suddenly the music switched to David Bowie’s “Let’s Dance”.

The dance floor cleared out as Sam, David and Robert took the floor. Samantha’s moves were stunning. Stunningly awful. She flailed and jerked and moved all around the floor. Annette, Olivia and Alex watched with disturbed amazement.

“Is that the robot?” Alex asked.

“Yep, she always busts it out when she is wasted.” Olivia replied.

“I think it’s cute.” Annette commented.

“You always did.” Olivia noted. They continued to watch as David and Robert also began doing the robot as well. It tripled the awful factor.

“It’s like a train wreck. It’s horrible but I can’t look away.” Alex said in awe.

“Get ready, she always follows the robot up with…” Olivia trailed off.

“With what?” Alex asked still not looking away.

Before their eyes Samantha walked behind David and pushed him over so that the man was bending over at the waist with his butt against her. She began mock thrusting against him as David seemed to be more than willing to participate.

“With THAT.” Olivia replied shaking her head. They all jumped slightly when Sam smacked David in the ass as hard as she could. The man yelped but kept dancing. “I’m sorry Annette, I know this is highly inappropriate for your wedding.” Then Robert went behind Sam and started ‘freaking’ her as well.

“Don’t apologize. It has been my dream since I was a little girl to have a mock daisy-chain at my wedding .” She replied. She smiled and grabbed the two women’s hands. “Let’s join them!” she said dragging them onto the floor.

Reluctantly, the two women followed Annette onto the dance floor. Once they were out there, they let themselves be won over by the music and started dancing with the group. After a few minutes Annette pulled Samantha off the dance floor but no one else seemed to notice.

Olivia was dancing with Robert and Alex was dancing with David. The detective could not help but feel jealous every time she glanced over at the two of them dancing. Thankfully, they weren’t doing anything too risqué. Robert on the other hand was practically humping the detective’s leg.

Suddenly, Olivia felt hands on her waist. She turned around and realized it was Alex. The woman smiled at her and started dancing. They were dancing together but not close. Olivia had no idea what to make of what was happening but she knew she definitely did not want it to stop. They danced together with the men finding other partners who had joined the group to dance with. They danced for a long time. Alex never moved any closer which didn’t give Olivia any clues as to whether she had any intentions beyond platonic dancing. It was simultaneously frustrating and an enormous turn on. They only stopped dancing when the DJ finally played a slow song. The other people on the dance floor partnered up but Alex and Olivia just smiled awkwardly at each other and walked off the dance floor. Neither of them had any idea that the other desperately wanted to slow dance as much as they did.

They walked back to an empty table and Olivia offered to get Alex another drink. “Can I get you something from the bar?”

“Whatever you are having.” Alex replied. Olivia returned with two rum and cokes. As Alex sipped hers she looked around. “Where’s Sam and Annette?”

Olivia looked around as well. “Not sure. How long have they been gone?”

Alex smiled adorably, “I have no idea, I’m pretty drunk.”

Just as Olivia was about to pay the woman a compliment,, Annette and Sam re-appeared. Annette’s hair was oddly mussed and Sam’s dress was a little wrinkled but Alex and Olivia were too drunk to notice.

“I’ll take that!” Sam said grabbing the drink out of Olivia’s hand.

“Hey!”

“Hey yourself, I’m dying of thirst!” Sam said taking a long drink. When she finished her eyes bulged and then she yelled, “Hotdog that’s strong!”

“Hello gorgeous!” Robert replied as he rushed off the dance floor and took Annette into his arms. He dipped her and then kissed her soundly. “You look hot!”

“Doesn’t she?” Sam agreed.

“Hey! Everybody ditched me!” David yelled from the dance floor. When everyone looked at him he began doing the Macarena.

“I think that I need to head back to the hotel.” Alex stated as she stood carefully. She wobbled a little, clearly off balance.

“I’ll come with you. You shouldn’t go by yourself.” Olivia stated.

“That’s alright Detective, I don’t want to keep you from the party. David can take me.” Alex said trying to be considerate.

“Awwww! I don’t wanna go!” David whined.

“Yeah mom! We’re having fun!” Sam whined as well.

Alex sighed and turned to look at Olivia, defeated. “Would you mind?”

“Not at all.” Olivia said delighted at what had just happened.

They said their goodbyes and headed carefully down the two flights of steps to the boat exit. Walking down the red carpet, they passed the attendant that had snubbed Olivia and Sam earlier that evening.

He bowed when he saw Alex. “Ms. Cabot.” He stated. He stood and offered Olivia a snear. “Ma’am.” He said to her.

“Yeah, take that ma’am and shove it up your-“ Olivia began but Alex cut her off.

“Olivia!”

“Sorry, that guy gave us attitude when we first showed up.”

“That’s just Roland’s way. He’s a snoot. Don’t let him get to you.” Alex said waiving it off.

“Easy for you to say, you own him.”

“For clarification’s sake, the boat isn’t mine, it’s my father’s.” Alex said.

“It’s named after you.”

“I can’t deny that.”

Olivia went to grab one of the waiting cabs but Alex shook her head. She pointed to a waiting limo. “That’s our ride.”

“I am way, way out of my league.” Olivia said.

“Just go with the flow Detective.” Alex said then stumbled on absolutely nothing.

Olivia caught her easily and righted her. “You okay?”

“I’m better now.” Alex stated with a smile.

Olivia blushed and looked away. Again, she could not tell if the woman was flirting with her or just really drunk.

The limo ride was comfortable enough. Olivia had been hoping for transportation with fewer seating options that would have required them to sit closer. Instead, they were both able to sprawl out. Alex fell asleep on the short drive and Olivia was content to watch her sleep.

When they pulled up at the hotel, Olivia crawled over to where Alex was sitting and took a moment to admire how beautiful she was before she woke her up. The blond’s full lips were parted slightly and her cheeks were flushed from the alcohol. Her soft blond hair was splayed out on the seat and her chest moved up and down in a slow rhythmic motion. Olivia could have watched her sleep forever but she knew she had to wake her.

“Alex, wake up, we’re here.” She said gently.

The blond’s eyes slowly fluttered open and met soft, warm browns. It was the greatest thing she had ever woken up to. “Oops. I didn’t mean to fall asleep.”

“It’s alright. Ready to go in?” Olivia asked gently. The blond nodded and allowed Olivia to guide her up and out of the limo. When she stood on the concrete she wobbled once again. Olivia caught her. “I’ve got you.”

The feel of the brunette’s strong arms holding her up was intoxicating. She felt her body warming from the contact. The detective relaxed her grip when she was sure that Alex could maintain her balance but kept her hand on the woman’s shoulder as they walked into the hotel.

They walked wordlessly through the lobby and into the elevator. Alex yawned and leaned against the wall as they slowly moved through the floors.

Olivia watched her and couldn’t help but imagine what it would be like to walk up to her at that moment and gently place her hands on her shoulders. She would look into the blond’s endless blue eyes and lean in for the single softest most amazing kiss of all time. She imagined Alex kissing her back just as softly, both of them wanting to draw out the moment.

She had to abandon the fantasy when they reached their floor. Olivia let Alex out first as they headed to their respective rooms. The attorney was wavering on her feet. Olivia caught her again to stabilize her.

“I think I’d have been nothing more than a pile on the floor without you Detective.” Alex said grateful for the assistance for many reasons.

“Just doing my job, protecting and serving.” Olivia said with a smile. She was pretty drunk too but she was hiding it better.

“My room is right up here.” Alex said reaching into her purse to get her key card. She moved her hand through her purse for long moments as they stood in front of her door. “Oh no.” she stated stamping her foot rather adorably in frustration.

“What?”

“David has the keycard.” Her head fell against the door in inebriated defeat.

“That’s okay. My room is right here.” Olivia stated. She watched as the attorney’s eyes went wide with what she assumed was shock. She put her hands up, “It’s cool, you can take the bed. I’ll crash on the couch.”

Alex’s eyes returned to their normal size. “I can’t do that to you in your own room.”

“I don’t mind, really. I fall asleep on my own couch at home more often than in my bed. It’s all the same to me.”

“I’m too drunk to turn you down.” Alex stated.

Olivia grabbed her keycard from her back pocket and they walked the short distance to her room. Once they were inside, Olivia went to the bed, grabbed one of the pillows, and tossed it on the couch. Alex watched her and wished with all of her heart that she had the courage to ask the woman to sleep with her in the bed. Instead, she just sighed and went about trying to undo the zipper on the back of her dress. She struggled with it for a few moments before she said. “Um, Olivia? Can you help me?”

Olivia turned from making her bed with a spare blanket she found in the closet and saw what the attorney was asking of her. She gulped.

“Um, sure.” It was by no means the first time she had ever unzipped a woman’s dress, but this most certainly was not any woman. This was the holy grail of women. This was Alexandra Cabot. Her heart was beating like a hummingbird’s in her chest as she walked forward. Her feet felt like they weighed a hundred pounds and the walk felt agonizingly long.

She reached up with trembling hands and found the small zipper pull hidden so carefully behind the seam of the dress. She pulled it down slowly. She could hear the sound of each tooth releasing its grip as her gaze went to the ever expanding landscape of the attorney’s back.

It felt like it took hours to unzip the dress. Alex questioned whether or not she might moan out loud with desire as she imagined the potential outcomes of what was happening. She imagined the detective spinning her around and using her hands to push the dress off of her shoulders in one clean motion before pulling her into a passionate kiss.

The zipper hitched at the bottom and reality came flooding back for both of them. “There you go.” Olivia stated as she pulled her hands away and quickly turned around. Just because SHE was enjoying the revealing glimpse at the attorney’s backside did not mean that the attorney wanted her to. She wanted to be respectful and not take advantage of the situation. She made sure not to look as she went over to the couch.

“Thank you.” Was all Alex said as she let the dress fall around her ankles. She quickly hopped into bed feeling self conscious of her body in the detective’s presence. “Goodnight Olivia.” She said quietly.

“Goodnight Alex. Sleep well.”

Fic: To Have And To Hold...And To Fondle 6/?

2009-08-02T19:33:36Z

Title: To Have And To Hold...And To Fondle
Author: Connecticut Mcphee
Rating: R - Adult Situations
Pairing: A/O SVU
Summary: After the high drama of Wither Thou Goest, I needed to get silly...really silly. I'm having a great time writing it. Also, I need you to bear with me people, I am bringing back everyone's favorite goofy actress Samantha Dawson! But in this storyline Art Imitates Life and Life Imitates Art never happened. I hope you're all cool with that. Okay, enough chit chat......ENJOY!!

When Olivia arrived at the restaurant, she found Sam chatting up the bartender. When she walked up to her she caught the tail end of their conversation. “I’m just saying it’s not the first time I’ve done that blindfolded.”

Olivia cleared her throat and the two women turned to look at her. “Liv!” Sam said with a smile.

“Who’s your friend?” The bartender asked raising her eyebrow with interest.

Sam rolled her eyes as she responded in a bored tone, “This is Olivia, she’s a sexy, brooding, dark, cop type. I know, I know she’s hot. Get it out of your system now.” She told the woman.

Olivia chuckled, “Was that supposed to be complimentary?”

“Well, how am I supposed to compete with your sexiness?” Sam asked.

“I didn’t realize it was a competition.”

“It’s not a competition per se, but when you swagger up in that leather jacket looking all broody and authoritative you tend the steal my thunder just a tad.”

“Is there any reason I can’t have you both?” The bartender asked.

“Whoa.” Both Olivia and Sam responded leaning back and putting their hands up in a defensive position.

“We don’t roll like that.” Sam stated then added, “Do we?”

“No!” Olivia replied forcefully.

“No! No!” Sam chimed in this time with conviction. “We gotta get something to eat. Let me know if you are still interested in just me Sweetie.”

They left to go get a table. “I forgot how many times we get propositioned for threesomes when we are together.” Olivia said.

“Yep, it’s like college all over again.”

“Why did you almost agree to that one?” Olivia asked.

“Just trying to keep you on your toes.”

“Well that did it.” Olivia replied with a smile. “That girl was cute though.”

Once they were seated at a table by the door they settled in and waited for their waitress to arrive.

“I’m so glad you agreed to go to the wedding.” Sam replied.

Olivia rolled her eyes. “Yeah, well I still really don’t want to except…” she trailed off.

“Except your lovey-dovey, kissy-face sweetie is gonna be there so how can you say no now?” Sam replied.

“Please don’t call her that.”

“What’s sticking in your craw?” Sam asked.

The detective ran her hands through her hair as she answered, “I had a weird day with Alex today.”

“Weird how?”

“Remember that girl that was at my place last night?”

“Yeah, Fake-Irish?”

“Teresa,” Olivia corrected and continued, “Alex found out that we hooked up last night and gave me shit about it today. Ripped me in front of the guys.”

“Well that’s great!” Sam said.

“How is it great?”

“It’s a point in the ‘gay’ column for sure!” Sam replied.

“Gay column.” Olivia chortled. “I think that most of the time the woman can barely stand me.”

“I don’t think that’s true at all. She seemed to have fun the other night when we all went out.” Sam said.

“Yeah but she talked mostly to you!” Olivia pointed out.

“That’s because I knew YOU in college! She only came out at all to be with YOU and talk to ME about YOU.” Sam observed. “She’s a mullet and a pair of Birkenstocks away from being gay right now, I’m telling you.” Sam replied taking a sip of her beer.

“I’ve been watching her like a hawk for two years looking for signs. I’m still not convinced.”

Samantha’s expression dropped as she looked over Olivia’s shoulder. “Uh, well, then don’t turn around because this isn’t going to help your cause.”

Olivia, of course, turned around and saw Alex in a little black dress walking into the restaurant with a tall, handsome, gentleman in a dark suit. She put her head in her hands. “This is a BIG point for the straight column.” She replied sadly. They watched as Alex and the man were guided to a table unfortunately, right past them. Olivia grabbed Sam by the collar and shoved her down into the booth then slinked down herself and tried to camouflage herself with a menu.

“Olivia?” Alex asked as she noticed the detective hiding, for some strange reason, in a booth.

The detective hesitated for a moment before pulling down the menu and meeting the attorney’s gaze. “Uh, hey Alex.” She replied lamely.

“Can I sit up now?” Sam asked annoyed.

“Why were you hiding?” Alex asked confused.

Thinking quickly, Sam piped up, “Uh, our waitress is one of my exes.”

“Oh.” Alex nodded in an understanding tone. “I know how that can be.” She said smiling.

Just then their waitress arrived. She was a squat woman in her early sixties with multiple moles on her cheeks and a slight limp. “Hey sweetheart, what can I get you to drink?” she asked Samantha first with a voice that sounded like she’d been smoking since she was a fetus.

The waitress’s name tag read ‘Blanche’ so Sam begrudgingly summoned all of her acting skills, “You know what I like baby.” She replied.

“I do?” Blanche asked surprised.

“Yeah, come on, remember?” Sam said suggestively.

“Clamato on the rocks?” the waitress offered unamused.

Sam swallowed and then replied happily, “That’s it Gorgeous! Make it a tallboy!”

“I’ll have a beer.” Olivia said. Blanche wrote down the drink orders and turned to leave. Sam reached out and slapped her on the ass. The woman jumped and squealed and then turned and gave Sam a suggestive wink.

The actress forced herself to watch her go and then smiled, “I know she doesn’t look like it but she’s a hellcat in the sack.”

“Wow!” Alex began, her eyes widening, “That…IS…surprising!” she managed to say with a straight face. “I really should go meet David.”

“His name is David?” Olivia asked suddenly obsessing out loud about Alex’s companion.

“Yes.” Alex said.

“Well, we certainly don’t want to keep you from him.” Olivia said in a curt tone.

Alex’s expression flashed hurt for a moment. Samantha caught it but not the detective. “Alright, well I will see you later then.” The blond replied as she walked away.

Blanche returned with the Clamato and beer and set them down in front of the women. The Clamato tallboy had a cocktail shrimp hanging from the rim. “I dressed that up special for you, cutie.” Blanche said with a wink.

When the woman walked away Sam leaned forward and sniffed the drink.

“That looks gross.” Olivia replied amused.

“I think I just threw up in my mouth a little bit.” Samantha said pushing the drink away.

“Look at her, laughing with that guy.” Olivia said as she stared Alex and David down.

“Try not to stare detective, its rude.”

“That dress was hot.”

“It looks like she just came from a funeral.” Sam countered.

“It would be hard for me to concentrate on the dead guy if I had to look at her the whole time.”

They finished their dinner experience and started to head out of the restaurant when the bartender called to Sam. “Hey wait!” The two women stopped and watched the girl jog up to them. “Can I still get that number?” the woman asked she was holding a pen and a pad of paper.

“Definitely.” Sam replied she took the pen and paper and quickly wrote down her number. She ripped it off the pad and handed it to the girl.

“Great, I gotta run. I’ve got orders, but thanks!” She said as she turned and hurried back to the bar.

Sam and Olivia turned around to start walking away again when they heard a deep gravelly voice clearing. “Ahem.”

They both spun on their heels to see who it was though they already knew. It was Blanche. “Don’t forget me gorgeous.” The woman replied. As her mouth opened and closed you could hear the sound of her lips moving against themselves as if the woman desperately needed a drink of water.

“Oh good.” Sam replied feigning a small amount of excitement.

She started to write down her number and Blanche added, “Don’t try to give me a fake Sweetie I can check it against the bartender’s.”

“All those looks and brains too!” Sam continued as she finished writing out the number. Blanche took it and folded it. She pushed it down into her bra slowly.

“Well, uh, call me.” Sam said making the phone motion with her hand half-heartedly. She and Olivia turned quickly and started to walk away. The sound of a loud smack rolled through the foyer of the restaurant and Sam jumped practically two feet in the air. Blanche had slapped her on the ass.

“Shake it don’t break it!” Blanche called to Sam as the actress picked up the pace to get out of the restaurant as quickly as possible. The sound of Blanche’s cackling, smoker’s cough-mingled laughter could be heard as they walked out the doors of the establishment.

“I can’t believe you just gave her your number.” Olivia said laughing.

“What was I supposed to do deny her? She reminded me of my grandma.” Sam said.

“I don’t know what’s more disturbing about that statement,” Olivia began making a sour face, “That someone who reminds you of your grandma is a road hard, put-away-wet woman with the nastiest smoker’s cough I’ve ever heard, or that a woman slapping you on the ass reminds you of your grandma.”

As they headed down the street they heard the sound of Alex calling Olivia’s name. “Detective Benson!” she yelled.

They stopped and turned back around to meet Alex halfway. “What’s up Alex?”

“How you guys were planning on getting to Martha’s Vineyard?”

“Uh, I figured we’d take the ferry.” Olivia replied.

“Well, I wanted to offer you an alternative.” Alex began, “I own, well, my family owns a jet. I was going to take it over.”

“You OWN a JET?” Sam said her jaw dropping.

“As I said, my family owns it.”

“I didn’t know this chick was loaded.” Sam leaned over and said to Olivia in a tone that Alex could still hear.

“My family has money. I do my best to touch it as infrequently as possible. In this situation however, it makes more sense to use the jet.”

“Of course.” Sam began, “I was thinking the same thing.”

“Well if you want to go, we’ll be taking off tomorrow out of JFK at noon. There’s a private tarmac. I’ll call you tonight and let you know all of the details. I need to get back to David.”

“Thanks Alex, that’s really nice of you.” Olivia said with a smile.

“No problem, happy to help.” Alex stated. “See you guys later.” She headed back into the restaurant.

Sam looked over at Olivia, “You need to wipe that smile off your face Detective, its pretty transparent.” Suddenly Olivia’s expression sunk and the look in her eyes became one of fear. “What’s up now? What’s with the face?” Sam asked.

“What am I gonna wear?”

“Oh no.” Sam began, “We’re about to go back to your place and tear your closet apart aren’t we?”

“Hail a cab, we don’t have much time.”

“We have over twelve hours.”

“I know, we’ll be pushing it.” Olivia declared stepping out into the street to hail a cab.

After dinner, Alex made David come back to her apartment. The man was laying on the attorney’s bed with his hands over his face as the attorney rummaged through her closet. “Every outfit you have shown me looks great. Why are you doing this to me?” David asked.

“Because you are my cousin and I trust your opinion.” Alex stated.

“Have you told this girl how much you like her?” David asked in a tired voice.

“Did you see her tonight? She’s—“

“Hot.” David stated.

“Yes, not exactly how I would have put it but yes, very hot.” Alex said as she tossed tops out of her closet in rapid fire. “I can’t just tell her how I feel. She could get anyone that she wanted. I’m sure she doesn’t even think of me like that.”

“Are you kidding? Alex, have you seen yourself? You’re not exactly some shriveled up old hag.”

“Did I tell you she slept with my receptionist?” Alex asked still with her head in the closet.

“Yes, three times, this makes four. Its awful. It’s terrible. I don’t know how you suffered through it.” David replied rolling his eyes.

“She’s hot I guess. She’s YOUNGER than me. How can I compete with that?”

“I think this girl is making you crazy.” David said, “Though it’s a short trip.”

“Ha ha.” Alex stated throwing a shirt she did not like at her cousin. “She’s just so amazing. She’s strong and capable and when she looks at me I just want to die in her eyes.” She clutched another shirt to her chest as she thought about it.

“Wow, you have it BAD! I haven’t seen it this bad since Amarice Martin.” David replied.

“I thought Amarice was the one.” Alex remembered. “And she thought I was one of five.”

“Yeah, that was harsh.”

Alex turned and continued tossing items out of her closet with gusto. She wasn’t even paying much attention to what she was grabbing. Suddenly, a garment soared through the air and landed with a smack on David’s face. The smack was caused by the garment’s material. Black latex. David slowly pulled the item off of his face to examine it. When Alex heard the item land she abruptly realized what it was. “Nooooooo!” she yelled as she dove toward the bed.

It was like slow motion. Alex sailed through the air and David pulled the garment off of his face as he realized what it was. “Oh…my…GOD!” he yelled just as Alex landed on top of him trying to wrench the garment from his grasp. He was very familiar playing ‘keep-away’ with the woman and used his long arms to keep it out of her grasp as he cackled and cried, “A latex corset! Alexandra Cabot has a latex corset? The Park Avenue Princess gets naughty!”

“Seriously,” Alex struggled reaching and desperately trying to grab the item, “Give it back!”

“You’re such a nympho!” David declared. Alex couldn’t take it anymore and socked her cousin in the gut. The man grunted and dropped his hands to clutch his stomach. She quickly removed the corset from his grasp. David was rolling around on the bed making heaving noises. “I forgot you have a punch like a piss-drunk sailor.”

“Yeah don’t forget how many times I have made you cry over the years.” Alex reminded him.

“Like when I caught you kissing my girlfriend behind the Dairy Queen?” David said bitterly.

“God! You need to get OVER that. We were seven and she was not your girlfriend.”

“She gave me her pink bracelet and said we were going steady!”

“She let me wear her headband and said she LOVED me!” Alex countered.

“Didn’t she give you lice?” David recalled.

“Ugh! Yeah, I forgot about that. We totally broke up after that.”

“You’re such a skanky girlfriend stealer.”

“You WISH that I stole more of your girlfriends instead of them just dumping you based on your personality.” Alex countered.

“Burn!” David exclaimed feigning hurt.

“You have muscles bigger than my head. Don’t pretend like I can actually ?hurt you.” She looked around at the mess she made all over her large bedroom. “Now I have a huge mess and still no progress on the packing.”

“Oh Jesus, if we are going to continue at this pace I need a drink!” David declared.

“If I get you drunk do you promise you will help me finish packing?”

“You’ll have a suitcase packed full of shit I can promise you that. Even if it’s a bag full of socks and crackers.”

“I’m serious.”

“So am I.”

“I’ll get the wine.” Alex stated as she hurried into her kitchen.

In another part of the city, Olivia and Sam were packing and drinking as well. Clothes were flying out of the detective’s closet at a breakneck pace. Olivia waltzed into her bedroom with a couple of beers and a bottle of Jack Daniels to see the garments flying.

“Are you actually picking anything out or just making a mess?” Olivia asked.

“I found a couple of pairs of shoes that I like.” Sam said.

“Please don’t throw those.” The detective said as she handed her friend the beer.

Sam’s eyebrow raised when she saw the Jack. “Whiskey chaser? God, I forgot how much we drink when we are together.” Sam said taking the bottle and taking a long swig. Olivia nodded in agreement as she took pull from her own bottle. Sam looked around the bedroom. “You’ve got a TON of clothes for a hard butchy!”

“Yeah, it’s all crap.” Olivia stated looking at it all with disgust.

“Wow.” Sam said shaking her head.

“What?” Olivia asked.

“You.” Sam began, “You really like this girl don’t you?”

The detective was silent for a moment before she answered honestly, “I just want the chance to get to know her.”

“Wow. You’ve got it big time.” Sam said squeezing her friend’s shoulder.

“Yeah. I know. I’m in trouble.” Olivia agreed. Just then Olivia’s cell phone rang. “Benson…Oh, hey Alex. Yeah, give me a sec let me grab a pen and paper.” She walked over to her bedside table and grabbed a pad of paper and pen from the drawer. “Okay, be there at noon, take off at twelve thirty. Tarmac G. Got it. Okay, we’ll see you then.” She closed her phone and shoved it in her pocket. When she looked at Sam she had big, round puppy-dog eyes. She looked simultaneously sad and love-struck.

“Let’s drink more!” Sam stated wanting to change the focus by grabbing the Jack Daniel’s bottle and taking a big swig. She did not want Olivia to get lost in her feelings. The detective had a tendency to do that at times. Olivia responded in kind taking the bottle from her friend and taking an equally large swig. Sam slapped her hard on the back causing the woman to almost spit out what she was swallowing. “There you go Tiger! Let’s get you packed!”

The sound of Olivia’s alarm clock buzzing over and over finally crept its way into the detective’s ear. With her eyes still closed and her face scrunched, she stretched for her alarm. As she reached, she realized she was too far away because she was spooning another human being. Her eyes fluttered open so she could see who it was.

“Sam!” she yelled using her knee to shove her friend in the butt. “Shut that stupid alarm off its killing me!”

“Shhhh, Baby it’s not that bad, just lean forward and don’t tense.” Sam mumbled in her sleep.

“What?” Olivia replied not totally sure what she had heard.

“What?” Sam asked lifting her head up slightly as she started to wake up. “What’s that noise?” she croaked. She looked down, “Why are you spooning me?”

“It’s my alarm! Shut it off!” Olivia answered rolling onto her back and rubbing her eyes.

Sam leaned forward and hit the button then studied the readout for long moments before saying, “Uh…Liv?”

“Yeah?”

“How accurate is your clock?”

“Its not calibrated to Greenwich Mean time or anything but I think it works pretty accurately.”

“Uh oh.”

“What?” Olivia asked sitting up. When she sat up she saw the time. It was 11:00. “Oh Fuck!”

Both women jumped out of bed but before they could start scrambling around, they were unable to ignore what they were wearing. “Why are you wearing chaps and a lime green turtleneck?” Sam yelled.

Olivia looked at her friend, “Why are you wearing three tube tops and my old hot pink bike shorts?”

“How much did we drink?” Sam asked.

“Did we actually pack?” They looked over in the direction of the last place they remembered Olivia’s suitcase being. It was sitting by the bedroom door packed full and zipped up neatly.

“We don’t even have time to check it.” Olivia declared. “We have to leave now if we are gonna make it to your place and the airport on time.” Olivia stated. She was shimmying out of her chaps and turtleneck as fast as she could. She put on the first “normal” pair of pants and without looking, grabbed the first shirt she could find. She barely had time to grab her leather jacket and sunglasses before they dashed out the door.

They took a cab to Sam’s apartment so she could grab her, thankfully already packed bag, and change into a more appropriate outfit. When Sam hopped back into the cab Olivia was leaning against the window looking rough. “I feel like shit.” The detective declared.

“I hear that. I feel like an elephant sat on my face.” Sam agreed as she shut the cab door and then leaned against her own window. They both fell asleep on their way to the airport.

They were startled awake by the cabbie, “Ladies! You’re here!”

“Jesus, did you swallow a car horn?” Sam yelled at the guy as she shoved a wad of cash into his hand.

“For this kind of tip? I’ll swallow whatever you want Gorgeous.” The man replied.

“I’m so turned on.” Sam said rolling her eyes, “Olivia, hold me back.” She added sarcastically.

“Yeah, get rough with her.” The cabbie egged Olivia on as he helped them pull their luggage out of the trunk.

“Really?” Olivia began annoyed, “It’s way too early and I feel too much like ass for you to be this pervy.” Olivia stated.

“I’m just saying the three of us could have a good time.” The cabbie defended.

“And I’m just saying I’m a cop, so back the fuck off pal. It stopped being cute five minutes ago.”

The cabbie put his hands in the air and backed away. “I don’t want no trouble.” He replied.

“Get out of here.” Olivia said not even offering him another look. The man hopped in his cab and sped away.

The cabbie had taken them over to the private tarmacs and they began walking toward G. Once they walked past a parked truck, the Cabbot Jet came into view.

“Whoa.” Sam said wide-eyed.

“It’s so shiny.” Olivia exclaimed. When they got closer, there was literally a red carpet rolled out for them to walk on. “I feel famous.” Olivia quipped.

“Yeah, it’s like I am an actor that people have actually heard of!” Sam added.

When they got to the plane an attendant appeared from the side and took their luggage. Then David stepped out from inside. “Hello ladies, beautiful day for a plane ride.” He stated.

Olivia and Sam, still feeling very under the weather, just grumbled at him. David frowned and turned letting them follow him into the plane. When they stepped inside both women were in awe. It was gorgeous. Everything was a creamy, caramel colored leather and anything that wasn’t leather was a beautiful cherry colored wood. The seats clearly reclined and looked like the single most comfortable things they had ever seen. There was an attendant standing there smiling at them behind a small bar. “Mamosa? Champagne? Fruit?” the attendant asked.

“Are we in heaven?” Sam asked as she sank into a leather chair that hugged her like an old friend.

Just then, the door to the cockpit opened and Alex stepped out. She had sunglasses on as well. She looked like she just stepped out of a magazine cover. She had on a charcoal grey jacket, a white button down blouse and tight, dark, jeans tucked into shin high leather riding boots. Olivia was speechless.

“Hey guys.” Alex said smiling.

Sam looked at Olivia and realized she was incapable of speech. “Hey Alex, great outfit.”

“Oh this?” Alex said as she also eased into a chair. “I just threw this on.”

“Don’t be jealous,” David began, “She was born looking like a million dollars.” He looked at Olivia and smiled, “But we all know that you are the chick magnet.” He stated to the detective.

Olivia was confused but felt too nauseous to answer the man’s strange statement and instead just smiled. She had not even removed her sunglasses yet.

They all had to take their seats as the plane rumbled to life and took off. It was a quick take-off because it was such a small plane. It was a little too fast for the detective. Her stomach flipped over multiple times and once the plane was safely in the air, she jumped up and hurried to the bathroom.

The sound of the detective wretching could be heard throughout the cabin. Sam was oblivious as she was already asleep. David found it unpleasant but he sympathized with being hung over so he just turned up the volume on his ipod and closed his eyes. Alex, being the only one conscious, felt simultaneously sorry for Olivia and nauseous herself from hearing the sound of another person heaving. She and David had drank way too much last night as well. David, ever since they were young, never got hung over. Alex, almost always did. She tried to hold out as long as she could but finally, she had to go to the bathroom herself.

She knocked rapidly on the door. Olivia didn’t exactly say “Come in.” she just kind of moaned. Alex took it as a good enough answer and entered. The bathroom was so tiny that she was practically on top of the detective as soon as she entered.

The brunette looked up when Alex came in and within seconds she was face to face with the blond’s crotch. If she had been any less ill she would have blushed beet red. Instead, she remained green and looked up from the toilet bowl with bloodshot eyes, “Can I help you Counselor?”

“Are you alright?” Alex asked. It was taking every ounce of stamina she had to keep from vomiting from the smell.

“I was better before a second body wedged itself into this sardine can.” Olivia replied.

Alex ignored the grumpy comment, taking it to be a side effect from the woman’s condition, and grabbed a pre-wrapped glass from a tiny cupboard above the sink. She filled it with water and handed that and a towel to the detective.

“Thank you.” Olivia said gratefully.

“You’re welcome. It’s not the flying is it? I would feel awful if you get motion sick.” Alex stated.

“No. I drank a little too much last night.” Olivia said as she carefully rose and put her sunglasses back on. They stood there for a few moments, both in sunglasses, until finally, Olivia said. “Well, I think I need to go take a little sober-up nap.” Alex smiled at the detective but did not move. Olivia did not know if it was out of ignorance or intention but the detective realized if she wanted to get out of the tiniest-bathroom-in-the-friendly-skies, she was going to have to squeeze past the attorney.

She started to push past her. Their bodies were pressed together and they both had to physically work to get past each other. It would have been hot if it wasn’t so uncomfortable and if the bathroom didn’t smell like puke. As it was, it was just gangly and awkward. When Olivia finally got past Alex the force of squeezing past her and then suddenly being freed was like a cork popping out of a champagne bottle. The door flew open and she fell out of the bathroom. She landed with a thud.

“Are you okay?” Alex asked.

Olivia sighed and took a moment to stare at the ceiling of the plane before carefully getting up. “Yeah, I’ll live.”

“I figured the chick magnet can handle it.” Alex said with a smile as she shut the door to the bathroom.

Olivia walked over to Sam and plopped down next to her. “That was weird.” She stated.

“What was weird?” Sam asked with closed eyes.

Olivia looked over at David whose eyes were closed. She could hear his music from the other side of the plane meaning that it was definitely loud enough to keep him from hearing what she had to say. “Alex came into the bathroom while I was puking.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. She asked me if I was okay and got me a cup of water and a towel.”

“She’s concerned for you. Possibly a point in the gay column.” Sam said still with closed eyes.

“Here’s the weird part.” Olivia said leaning close. “When I said I was going to leave she didn’t get out of the bathroom to let me out. I had to squeeze past her.”

“Hot.”

“I wish. Its’ hard to be turned on when it smells like puke.”

“Turnoff.”

“That bathroom is so tiny that squeezing past her was like reenacting my own birth.”

Sam made a puking face and said, “Double turnoff.”

“Yeah, weird.” Olivia stated as she leaned back with her hands folded behind her head.

Sam lifted her head and opened one eye, then smiled. “Do you realize that you are wearing a t-shirt with a hole in it that says ‘Chick Magnet’?”

Olivia looked down at the shirt she had on under her jacket, “No! But that explains A LOT!” she replied. Her head rolled back onto the headrest behind her as she mumbled, “Why do I even own this shirt?”

“I like how the hole is right where I can see your bra.” Sam added amused.

“Shut up please.” Olivia stated zipping up her jacket all the way to her neck. She lifted her head and looked at Sam. “You know that you are still wearing one of my tube tops?”

“I didn’t have time to change.”

“What about the bicycle shorts?”

“They are under the jeans.”

“Classy.”

Suddenly they heard the not so quiet sound of Alex retching away just as Olivia had done. “That sounds familiar.” Sam said.

“I guess she drank too much too.”

“I think that SVU and crew are a bunch of alcoholics.” Sam declared.

“Given the current evidence, I can’t argue with that.” Olivia replied. She did not want to but she got up and walked over to the attendant at the mini bar. “Club soda with a twist of lime and a napkin please.”

The attendant quickly and efficiently prepared the drink and handed Olivia what she asked for. The detective walked over to the bathroom and stood there waiting for a few moments.

When Alex opened the door, she found Olivia standing there smiling. She offered Alex the drink and the napkin. “I thought I would return the favor.”

Alex smiled as she took the drink. “Thank you. That’s sweet.”

“Well what do you expect from the Chick Magnet?” Olivia stated with a chuckle then added, “For the record, I did not know I was wearing this shirt until about 5 minutes ago.”

“But you do OWN it.” Alex stated.

“It was a gag gift. I wear it to work out in.” Olivia defended.

“Where? At Gold’s Gym’N’Grab Ass?” Alex asked with an amused grin.

“Oh so you’ve heard of it.”

“I’ve only seen it on Cinemax after midnight.” Alex quipped.

“Hey, don’t say that too loud. Some of Samantha’s best work was with Cinemax softcore.” Olivia whispered.

“I heard that!” Sam yelled. “It was Showtime, it was ONE TIME and they let me keep the heels and hat.”

“What kind of hat?” Alex asked.

“A Fez.” Sam said.

“What kind of softcore plotline calls for a fez-“ Alex began confused but Olivia cut her off.

“Don’t ask. Please don’t ask. Because she WILL tell you.”

Alex chuckled and the two women stood in front of each other awkwardly until Alex finally said, “I need to lay down. I drank way too much last night, as I am sure that you guessed.”

“Well you’re in good company counselor, so did we.” Olivia said.

“Get used to it ladies, this wedding is going to be a three day long drunk fest!”

“Oh lord.” Alex replied as she ease onto the couch next to David. An attendant, anticipating her needs, handed her a sleep mask.

“Don’t hold out on me sweetie!” Sam said to the female attendant. The girl walked over and handed Sam a mask. Sam took it and winked. “Do you always work this plane?” she asked.

“Uh…I work as a private flight stewardess.” The woman said hesitantly.

“So I’ll see you on the way back?” Sam asked hopefully.

“Most likely Ma’am.” The stewardess said formally.

“Ma’am is what they call my grandma. I’m Sam.”

“Sam.” The woman said. “I’m not permitted to fraternize with the passengers.”

“Fraternize? I didn’t know we were but I like the implication.” Sam wiggled her eyebrows.

The woman chuckled. “I think that I need to stay away from you.”

“Wait!” Sam said leaning forward and reading the woman’s tag. “Cindy. Could I trouble you for a blanket?”

The woman smiled and retrieved a blanket from one of the cupboards. Instead of just handing it to Sam she unfurled it and laid it over Sam. She even tucked it around her tightly. “Comfortable?” Cindy asked in a voice that was just slightly husky.

“I can think of something else-“ Sam began pushing her luck, but the stewardess cut her off.

“That’s all your getting.”

“Fair enough!” Sam said nodding and then snuggling in for a nap.

They all slept for the rest of the trip to Martha’s Vineyard and barely even noticed when the plane landed. Reluctantly, they stepped out of the plane into the punishing sunlight to retrieve their baggage.

There was a limousine waiting for them with the driver holding a sign that said “Cabot”. Sam looked around and then replied, “The sign seems a little unnecessary since we are the only ones on the tarmac.”

“Is this courtesy of your family as well?” Olivia asked.

Alex cleared her throat, “My mother specifically. She doesn’t understand the word No.”

“Sounds like my kind of woman.” Sam replied, wiggling her eyebrows, as she hopped into the limo.

“She has the libido of a fourteen year old boy.” Alex leaned in and remarked to Olivia.

“God, you have no idea. Its like babysitting a horny toddler.”

“I would appreciate it if you never said those last two words ever again.” Alex said cringing.

“Oh, sorry. I guess that is an alarming visual.” Olivia apologized.

Once they were all in the limo, they headed off toward the hotel. Sam explored the limo. She found a small fridge chilling champagne. She pulled out a bottle. The rest of the group cringed. “Seriously, is your mom single? Because I think I love this woman!”

“You can’t possibly be considering drinking that.” Alex said.

“I’ll join you.” David said moving to sit next to Sam.

“Thata boy David! He knows what I’m talking about, hair of the dog right?” Sam said as she started to work the cork.

“Right.” David agreed.

Olivia just laid back, folded her arms across her chest and shut her eyes trying to block out the situation. Suddenly, there was the sound of a pop and the cork shot out of the bottle nailing Olivia in the forehead.

“OW!” Olivia yelled as she sat bolt upright. “Son of bitch!” she said as she rubbed her forehead. “I’m seriously going to kill you Sam!” she lunged for the woman.

Sam squealed and crawled behind David peering over his shoulder. Alex grabbed Olivia by the arm and held her in place. “Let me take a look at it.” Alex stated. The detective turned to face Alex and did her best not to freak out that the blond was so close to her and lightly touching her face. Alex ran her thumb over the growing spot on the woman’s forehead. “It didn’t break the skin. Its gonna be red for awhile but it doesn’t look too bad.” Alex had to resist the urge to kiss the woman’s injury.

“See? You are making a big deal out of nothing.” Sam stated.

“Don’t push your luck Sam. I brought my service weapon.”

“You’re packing heat? Why the hell would you do that?” Sam asked alarmed.

“It’s my version of a teddy bear.” Olivia growled.

“Would you mind moving now?” David asked. At this point, Sam was wrapped around him from behind still peering over the man’s shoulder.

“You’re like a burly jungle gym.” Sam said as she eased around and sat next to him properly.

“Thanks, I think.” David replied.

When they arrived at the hotel, they all checked in and found that they were in rooms that were right across the hall from each other.

Olivia went into her room and tossed her stuff on the bed. She walked into the bathroom and immediately noticed the gigantic, angry red splotch on her forehead from the champagne cork. “I’m gonna kill her at some point this weekend.” She realized.

“Hellooooooooo!” Sam called from inside Olivia’s room.

“What? How the hell did you get in here the door’s locked!” Olivia yelled as she walked out of the bathroom and saw that their two rooms were connected by a door. “Seriously?” she asked looking up toward God.

“Look at this we have a little go-between door!” Sam said happily.

“Delightful.” Olivia said sarcastically.

“Aww, quit acting like such a grouch. I didn’t mean to pop you in the head with that cork! Look on the brightside, Cabot was touching all over your face! That’s gay’ish right?”

“It was first aid.”

“Oh come on! She’s seen you take more than that! You’re a grizzled cop. I think she did it so she could be close to you.”

“It would be nice if that were true.”

“You never know.”

“God, she’s like a sexual rubik’s cube. Is she gay? Is she straight? I CAN’T tell!” the detective exclaimed as she fell back on the bed.

“That’s the new goal of the weekend. We’re going to figure it out once and for all.” Sam declared.

“She and David are in the same room. What does that tell you?” Olivia asked sadly.

“You just never know.” Sam said trying to be optimistic though she knew that was a valid point.

“How long till the cocktail party?”

“It starts at four.”

“Great, I’m gonna take a nap.”

“Good idea, wanna spoon?” Sam asked.

“You’re drunk again aren’t you? How much of that champagne did you drink?”

“I’m NOT drunk! You’re just a good spooner.”

Fic: To Have And To Hold...And To Fondle 5/?

2009-06-26T02:58:28Z

Title: To Have And To Hold...And To Fondle
Author: Connecticut Mcphee
Rating: R - Adult Situations
Pairing: A/O SVU
Summary: After the high drama of Wither Thou Goest, I needed to get silly...really silly. I'm having a great time writing it. Also, I need you to bear with me people, I am bringing back everyone's favorite goofy actress Samantha Dawson! But in this storyline Art Imitates Life and Life Imitates Art never happened. I hope you're all cool with that. Okay, enough chit chat......ENJOY!!

Seriously, let's all be honest with ourselves, I'm a whore for feedback. I can't get enough. Give momma her fix....

The next day, when Olivia arrived to work, she was limping. “Morning Liv, what’s with the limp?”

Olivia hobbled to her desk, sat down, and immediately pulled off her shoe. “There’s been something in my shoe since I left my apartment.

“Uh, oh. Did Sam stay over last night?” Elliot asked.

“Yeah, why?” Olivia asked as she brought her shoe up to inspect it.

“Could be chocolate, or chocolate sauce.” Elliot stated.

Olivia offered him a look as if to state that his suggestion was ridiculous. She shook out her shoe and something fell to the floor. She picked it up and exclaimed, “It’s a baby carrot! What the hell?”

“Don’t ask.” Elliot answered looking back down at his paperwork.

“Whatever.” Olivia said. She put her shoe back on and started working. After a few minutes, Cragen stuck his head out of his office.

“Benson!”

Olivia jumped up and headed toward the office. She had no idea what the man was yelling about. When she walked in Cragen barely looked up as he said, “Shut the door.”

She shut the door behind her. “What’s up Cap?”

Cragen looked up with tired eyes. It was clear that whatever he had to tell her he did not want to. “It’s about Maria Angelos.” He said. Olivia did not like the sound of his tone. She eased down into a chair and waited for the news. “Cabot pleaded out her rapist.”

The detective shot out of the chair. “Are you serious?” she began pacing, “Why the fuck would she do that?”

“You’re gonna have to ask her.” Cragen stated. Olivia did not say another word she just stormed out of the office to her desk to grab her coat.

“What happened in there?”

“Cabot screwed me!” Olivia yelled as she walked out the door.

When she was gone Munch could not contain himself, “I would have thought she would have been much happier after that act.”

“You’re just lucky she didn’t hear you say that John.” Elliot replied.

Liz Donnelly was in Alex’s office talking to her about her plea bargain. It was a plea-bargain that Liz had ordered when the opportunity arose to parlay the plea bargain into a conviction against a more severe criminal.

“I feel bad about it Liz. Liv worked hard to get that guy.”

“She’ll get over it. This will turn into a big win for us in the long run.” Liz replied.

Just then, Alex’s office door flew open and an angry Detective Benson stormed into the office yelling as she entered, “What the FUCK do you think you are doing?”

Alex offered Liz a quick look before she looked at the detective replying in a calm voice. “I had no choice. It wasn’t my call.”

“I don’t give a shit if the fucking president of the United States told you to plea him out! Where’s your conscience counselor?”

Alex rose from her desk at the comment. It was one thing to be unhappy about the plea-bargain, it was another to declare that she had no conscience. “Detective Benson I will not tolerate such an accusation!”

As the two argued, Liz Donnelly performed a disappearing act and snuck out of the room. As she quietly closed the door behind her, Alex’s receptionist said in a bored tone, “They arguing again?”

Liz stood up straight and nodded to the receptionist. She exhaled and said, “Like cats in heat.”

“God, I swear they get off on it.”

“I know! I wish they would just do it and get it over with!” Liz spoke then added, “Though it is fun to watch Detective Benson get all hot and bothered.”

“She’s hot.” The receptionist added. “I gave her my number.”

Liz turned to the girl and leaned forward, “If you hook up with her and tell me everything I’ll make sure you get a raise.”

“Honey, for a raise I’ll draw you a picture!” the receptionist replied.

Olivia was only inches away from the blond. They had been moving closer and closer as they yelled at each other. “You can’t do a damn thing now Counselor! YOU should have to look Maria in the eyes and tell her that her rapist is gonna walk after two years but I don’t want her to hear it from an icy bitch so I’ll do it!” That was the final straw. Alex’s hand moved like lightening and she slapped the detective hard across the face.

The sound of the smack was so loud that Liz and the receptionist could hear it from outside. “Did someone just get slapped?” The receptionist asked.

“Ten bucks says it was Cabot slapping Benson.”

“Hot.” The receptionist added. Liz nodded. Olivia opened the door to Alex’s office, quickly stepped out and slammed the door behind her. Her cheek was a deep crimson where the woman had slapped her and her hair was mussed from the way her head snapped at the blow. Her brown eyes were seething and she offered both of the women smoldering looks. She looked at Liz, then at the receptionist. She walked over to the woman’s desk and leaned forward.

“You wanna go out tonight?” she asked in a very angry tone.

“Yes.” The receptionist replied clearly turned on.

“Chauncey’s at eight.” Olivia demanded.

“I’ll be there.” The woman answered.

Olivia rose and started to walk away when Alex’s door flew open and Alex yelled, “You forgot your organizer!” she threw a zip up organizer right at the detective. Olivia covered her face instinctually and it nailed her in the stomach. She doubled over. “And your pen!” Alex yelled throwing a pen at her as well then slamming the door again. The pen hit Olivia in the head.

“Jesus!” Olivia yelled covering her head again in case of another attack.

“Hey! That’s my stuff!” Liz yelled scrambling to pick it up.

“I know!” Alex yelled from behind her office door.

“You’re a---!” Olivia started to yell but Liz dove into her and threw her hand over her mouth.

“Shut up! You’ve avoided a puncture wound up until now. Keep it that way.” When she finished she removed her hand.

Olivia straightened her jacket and nodded at Liz. “Thanks.” She turned and headed toward the elevators.

“We still on for tonight?” the receptionist called to her.

“Is a pig’s ass made of pork?” Olivia yelled angrily back.

The receptionist and Liz exchanged surprised and confused expressions. “I think that means ‘yes’.” Liz stated.

Alex popped out of her office again, breathless. “Is who on for what?” she asked.

“Uh…I’m going on a date with Detective Benson.” Her receptionist replied carefully fully expecting to be fired on the spot.

Alex was momentarily stunned but covered it by saying, “Oh, well have a good time.” Then she shut the door again.

“Whoa.” Liz said.

“What if I get fired?” the receptionist asked.

“Nah, Alex won’t do that. She might make you life a living hell but you’ll keep your job.”

“Oh goody.”

That night, around midnight, Samantha was banging on Olivia’s apartment door. She had performed in her play that night and afterwards the cast went out for drinks. Now she was just enough beyond tipsy to decide that it was a good idea to go over to her friend’s apartment for the third night in a row without checking to see if she was out or busy.

“Open up!” she yelled continuing to bang.

A wiry old man with a come over opened the apartment door right next to Olivia’s. “Do you mind young lady? It’s after midnight!” he yelled.

“Sorry sir, this is a matter of life and death!” Sam stated.

“I think you’re drunk.”

“And I think you look like a q-tip with the fuzz worn off.” Samantha replied. Suddenly the door to Olivia’s apartment opened and a naked woman who was not Olivia, stood in the doorway.

“NAKED WOMAN!” Sam yelled when she saw the naked woman.

“What do you want?” the girl asked.

“Who are you, and how do you shave it into flower like that?” Sam asked unable to take her eyes off the girl’s lower half.

“It’s a shamrock.”

“Oh, are you Irish?”

“No.”

That effectively killed the conversation. Sam just stared at the girl. The girl stared back. Finally, thankfully, Olivia walked out of the bedroom and passed the door. “Hey Sam.” She said casually.

“Liv! What’s up? Fake-Irish chick is hot!” Sam yelled still standing in the doorway.

Olivia went to her fridge and extracted something. She turned to the doorway and tossed the bag to Samantha. “Looking for these?” she asked.

Sam, in a move of unexpected dexterity, caught the flying bag. When she saw what it was she threw her hands up in triumph. “Baby carrots!”

“Will you shut up!” the old man, still in his own doorway yelled.

“Pipe down Q-tip!” Sam said then added, “I’m leaving. Three’s a crowd…sexually.”

“Well…not necessarily…” the receptionist said twirling her fingers in her hair suggestively.

“EWWWW!!!” Both Sam and Olivia cried at the thought of hooking up with each other.

“I’m outta here Liv, thanks for the carrots!”

“See ya!”

The next morning, Elliot arrived to pick up his partner. He knocked on the door and Olivia opened it. “Hey El.” She replied she walked back into her bedroom and called into it. “You ready? He’s here.”

“Sam?” Elliot asked knowingly.

“Uh…not exactly.” Olivia stated. Just then Teresa, Alex’s receptionist, appeared buttoning up her shirt.

“Oh.” Elliot said with surprise. “Hi.”

“Hey.” Teresa said as she straightened her shirt.

Elliot just continued to stand there until finally Olivia said, “Elliot, can we go?”

“Oh, yeah, sorry. Let’s go.” Elliot replied as he turned, fumbled with the door for a second, and then opened it successfully.

They dropped Teresa off at work before heading to the precinct. Teresa hurried into the building and into the elevator. When it opened on her floor, she quickly went to her desk. She pulled a drawer out and grabbed a blue silk scarf. She tied it around her neck and let it drape over her chest.

Alex opened the door to her office and yelled out. “You’re late!”

“Only by two minutes.” Teresa replied surprised.

“It’s been noted.” Then the door slammed shut again.

Liz Donnelly walked up to Teresa’s desk with a cup of coffee. “You are wearing the SAME outfit!” she declared with delight. “My office NOW!”

“But, Alex—“ Teresa said.

Liz yelled over her shoulder as she walked to her own office, “Alex! Teresa’s with me for a little while!”

Alex was fuming. She huffed and folded her arms fitfully across her chest. Her feet were tapping rapidly on the floor and her eyes darted around the room looking for something to focus on. She managed to hold out for fifteen minutes before she stood up, let out a frustrated sigh and walked with purpose over to Liz’s office.

She rapped on the door. “Busy, please come back later!” Liz yelled.

Alex stood there for a moment contemplating whether or not she should turn around and go back to her office. She was being silly. She started to turn around and then suddenly spun back around and in one fluid motion threw the door open. “You ARE NOT busy doing something work related!”

Liz was quiet for a moment as she thought about what to say. “Alex, I am having a conversation with an employee. I would prefer you did not stay.”

“You are wearing the same clothes.” Alex stated bitterly to Teresa.

No one in the room harbored any delusions about why Alex was so angry. Teresa tried to make it better. “I put on a scarf to try and change it up.” She said hopefully.

“Well you did not change it up ENOUGH!” Alex declared flustered.

“Alex, go back to your office. I will be there shortly.” Liz stated in her boss tone.

When Alex shut the door behind her she heard Teresa say, “Then she threw me against a wall and—“ the blond made sure to hurry away before she heard the end to that sentence.

She tried to work, she really did, but her mind was filled with the images of Olivia and Teresa rolling around in bed together. She was gripping her pencil so hard that she snapped it in half. It was a mechanical pencil. While she searched around her desk for another mechanical pencil Liz opened the door.

“Do you want to talk like an adult or whine like a child? Its your call I just need to know whether to pat you on the back or burp you when this is over.” Liz replied as she entered and stood in front of Alex’s desk.

“There is nothing to talk about.” Alex declared as she pretended to sort through files.

“Yeah, I’d buy that if you weren’t leafing through empty files and snapping your mechanical pencils in half.” The woman said as she lifted half of a broken pencil. “Jealousy is not a good color on you Alexandra.”

“Stupid blue silk scarf is not a good color on Teresa either.” Alex shot back.

“Burping it is.” Liz said as she eased into a chair.

Alex stood up and started pacing. “I just find it to be highly unprofessional for my receptionist to socialize with the SVU detectives.”

“Bullshit.” Liz interrupted. Alex ignored her and continued.

“There are certain rules of etiquette and candor one should follow in an office setting and—“

“Bullshit.”

“A person cannot just go around sleeping with those they interact with professionally without ramifications.”

“Bullshit.”

“Nobody likes a hussy!”

“Bullshit!” Liz declared for the last time. “Alex. If Teresa spent the night at Fin Tutuola’s last night how much would you care?”

“It would be a breach of professional ethics and—“

“Bullshit, bullshit, bullshit!” Liz replied in a bored tone over and over.

“Though your vocabulary is staggering, would you mind not interrupting me?” Alex stated.

“Why? What you are saying is one giant steaming pile of bullshit!” Liz said with finality. “You are mad at Teresa for doing the thing you have been dying to do for two years!” Liz stated. When she finished she sighed with relief. I’ve been dying to get that out of my system!”

“Don’t be ridiculous.” The blond replied unconvincingly.

“I’m not being ridiculous. Ridiculous would be arguing with your co-worker one to three times a week over petty crap. Ridiculous would be CALLING Elliot, Fin, and John when you need them and PHYSICALLY GOING to see Olivia when you need her. Ridiculous would be purposefully taking off your glasses at key moments in a conversation when you know the Detective is watching you. Ridiculous would be wearing that tweed skirt with the black trim that hugs your ass like a Cuban refugee to a raft sea storm whenever you are around Benson! All of THOSE things would be ridiculous Counselor!”

Alex just stood there flabbergasted. After a few moments she composed herself and answered quietly, “I may have a small crush on Detective Benson.”

“This crush is bigger than the iceburg that sunk the Titanic.”

“I didn’t even know you knew I was gay.” Alex said to her boss.

Liz smiled. “I had no idea to be honest with you. Not a clue until you started spatting with your wanna-be wifey.”

“Please DO NOT call her that.”

“Whatever. Why don’t you just tell her you like her instead of punishing your receptionist for doing the nasty you wish you were doing?”

“This is a whole new, strange side to you Liz.”

“I have many layers.”

“Clearly. I’m sorry I behaved in such a childish manner.”

“Don’t apologize to me, apologize to Teresa.”

“Do I have to?”

“I don’t really care what you do.”

“You wouldn’t tell Olivia would you?”

“Of course not. I’m staying as far away from the drama between you two as possible.”

“Do you think Detective Benson feels the same way about me?” Alex asked hopefully.

“I think you can call her Olivia. When you are daydreaming about the woman’s hooha on a daily basis you are allowed to call her by her first name.” then she added, “I don’t know how Olivia feels. I know she fights right along with you though.”

“Not as definitive an answer as I would have hoped.”

“You’re just gonna have to strap on a pair and ask her Cabot.”

“I really hate that answer.” Alex said. Her phone chose to ring at that moment and she answered it. “Cabot.”

“Alex, can you come down for an interrogation? We’ve got three kids in a ‘he said, she said he said’ assault. I could really use your expertise.” Cragen stated.

“I’ll be right there. Can you give me twenty minutes?”

“Yep, we’ll put them on ice till then.”

Alex arrived at the precinct and walked quickly through the double doors. Munch stood up and pointed to interrogation room one. “Benson and Stabler are in there.”

“Where are these kids from?” Alex asked.

“Some prep school called St. Sebastian’s.” Munch said as he followed her in. They both walked through the door to the observation room. Olivia and Elliot were talking to one of the boys. He looked like a little punk. His arms were folded across his chest and he refused to make any eye contact.

Cragen looked up when they entered. “Counselor, this kid allegedly raped Amber Masterson.”

“Who is the accuser?” Alex asked.

“Another boy that we have in interrogation two. Carl Brawn. He claims Amber told him Evan raped her.”

“What’s Amber saying?”

“She’s not, she’s in the hospital. One of these boys beat her unconscious.”

“Are we thinking a double team?” Alex asked.

“That’s the theory Benson and Stabler are going with.”

“Elliot’s taking an Oscar turn as the good cop.” Fin added.

Fin, Munch and Alex watched as Elliot and Olivia put the screws to the punky kid named Evan. Olivia was yelling at the kid and getting more and more worked up. The kid refused to budge. He wasn’t giving away anything. Finally, the detective got so worked up that she smacked the kid on the back of the head.

When Alex saw that she rapped hard on the window. Elliot was closer to the door so he opened it. “What’s up?” he asked.

“Get Benson in here now.” Alex demanded.

Olivia walked in with an expectant look on her face. “What’s up?” she asked.

“Did you just strike that child?” Alex asked.

“He’s no child he’s eighteen.” Olivia replied.

“That was unnecessary. Let Elliot finish the interrogation on his own. I want you out.” Alex replied.

“What?” Olivia said incredulous, “The little shit’s eighteen. He hasn’t asked for a lawyer yet, everything’s cool we were about to break him!”

“I don’t care what you were about to do. You’re out.” Alex said firmly.

“I think that’s a little rash Counselor.” Cragen offered.

“I think that we can’t afford to have an overzealous cop taint the interrogation.”

“OVERZEALOUS? Are you crazy?” Olivia stated getting in the woman’s face.

“I’m not in the mood for this today Detective, either watch your partner or leave. I don’t care which.”

“This is insane! There is no point to this. You know I am perfectly capable of handling this interrogation!” Olivia continued to yell.

“My concentration is needed on the interrogation, not your whining.” Alex said calmly.

“Fucking Bitch.” Olivia stated as she walked out of the observation room slamming the door so hard it rattled the panes of glass.

“That seemed a little harsh Alex.” Cragen stated.

“It was my call and I made it.” Alex said not taking her eyes off the interrogation.

Olivia sat at her desk fuming while the interrogation finished. When they were done, Elliot exited the room first with a cuffed Evan Smalls walking in front of him. The rest of the group followed behind.

“The kid copped to it and rolled on Carl. They did it together.” Elliot said to his partner as he walked passed her.

“I KNEW it!” Olivia said. She stood and walked up to Alex again. “What the fuck was that in there?”

“What do you mean?” Alex asked in a bored tone.

“Don’t act like you don’t know. You yanked me outta there for no reason!”

“You’re a loose cannon.”

“What?” Olivia asked. Fin, Munch and Cragen exchanged confused looks as well.

“I did not trust you to finish the interrogation professionally. You have made some other unprofessional choices lately.”

“What are you talking about?” Olivia asked.

“I’m not going to spell it out for you. You’re a detective. Think about it.”

“What the hell?’ Olivia replied turning and looking at her co-workers for support. They all just shrugged their shoulders. Then a light bulb lit up in Olivia’s head. “Is this about Teresa?”

Alex laughed awkwardly, “Of course not.” Olivia thought she had it. When Alex denied it her shoulders slumped and she tried to keep thinking about it. “Of course it’s not about you having ‘relations’ with my receptionist who is essentially a professional peer. It’s certainly not about how terribly unprofessional that is.”

“Oh my god!” Olivia yelled. She threw her hands up and stormed out of the squadroom.

“Where are you going?” Alex yelled.

Olivia spun around, “To get a fucking soda? Is that alright with you? Or is regular soda unprofessional? Should I pick diet? You tell me Miss Manners!”

“Diet is better for you!” Alex yelled.

“I prefer regular, nutrisweet upsets my stomach!” Olivia yelled back.

“Maybe you should avoid soda altogether the carbonation can cause upset stomach!” Alex added.

“Really? I did not know that! Maybe I should cut back!” Olivia countered.

“Soda has a lot of carcinogens! Water or tea would be a better alternative!”

“I really like ice tea!”

“Is there anyway you two could have this suddenly casual conversation at a normal levels!?” Elliot yelled over both of them.

“I’m still gonna get a fucking soda.” Olivia stated as she finally left the room.

“What in God’s name was that?” Munch asked.

“Can it Munch.” Alex stated as she stormed out of the squadroom through the other set of doors. “Tell Cragen I’ll call him after I do the paperwork!” she called to the remaining detectives.

“That was really weird.” Fin stated shaking his head.

Olivia returned and breathed a sigh of relief when she saw that Alex was gone. “Thank God she’s gone.” She stated taking a sip of her bottled water. She had chosen not to get soda.

“She was all over your shit today Benson. Why did you go and sleep with her secretary?”

“I had no idea she would care!”

“Well she cares.” Munch unnecessarily observed.

“No shit. She hauled me out of that interrogation room and practically bent me over her knee.” Olivia stated. She expected to hear her co-workers grunt or verbally agree, instead there was only silence. She looked up at them and saw them all lost in their own perverted thoughts after the statement she had made. “Hey! Guys! Snap out of it! It can’t really be THAT hot!’

“Alex spanking you? Oh that’s hot. Its like surface of the sun while eating soup.” Munch declared.

Olivia allowed herself to be lost in the thought for a second too. “Yeah you’re right, it IS hot.” She agreed then she shook it off. “Well that’s not what happened. Instead, she chastised me in front of my peers like a fucking five year old and then questioned my professionalism. I swear there are days we get along and days I think she wants my head on a platter.”

Later that day, Olivia still couldn’t get the argument she had had with Alex out of her head. Finally, she picked up the phone and called Sam.

“Well, well, well if it isn’t the long arm of the law calling me!” Sam answered.

“How’d the show go tonight?” Olivia asked.

“I knocked it out of the park as usual.”

“So what are you up to now?”

“I was thinking about getting a bite to eat. Wanna join me?”

“Sure where at?” Olivia asked. “Ummm…. How about Piatto? It’s a pretty good Italian place. Okay, meet you there in an hour.”

“Going out to dinner with Sam?” Elliot asked when she hung up.

“Yeah, I need to get my mind off of Alex’s weirdness today.”

Fic: To Have And To Hold...And To Fondle 4/?

2009-06-22T23:19:24Z

Olivia met Alex outside the courtroom with the file. “Thanks for running this over.” Alex said as she took the file from the Detective.

“No problem. We were close anyway.” Olivia replied. She couldn’t help but notice how good the attorney looked in her power suit and glasses. She imagined herself pulling the glasses off of the woman’s face right before she kissed her.

“Olivia?” Alex asked trying to get the woman’s attention. She had asked her a question that the detective seemed to totally space out on.

“What? Oh, sorry, what did you say?” Olivia asked.

“I asked if you got any more information on the second interview?” Alex stated.

“Oh! Sorry, um…no not really. She stuck to her story. But the mom gave us some good stuff. It’s in the file.”

Alex checked her watch. “I gotta get back in there. Thanks again Detective.”

“Actually, I was planning on sticking around. I’ll walk in with you.”

“Okay great.”

“Wow, I’ve never really been in the New York City courthouse before.” Samantha replied looking around in wonder.

“But you have been in courthouses before I would guess.” Elliot chided.

“I think you think I get I get arrested a lot.”

“Am I wrong?”

“I’m like Teflon, nothing sticks.”

When they reached the courtroom Alex was in, Elliot opened the door for her. They crept in and were lucky enough to find the seats next to Olivia open.

“What up PoPo?” Sam whispered as she slid in next to Olivia.

“Citizen.” Olivia quipped back.

“So where’s this crazy hot attor—“ but Sam was not able to finish her sentence because Alex turned around and looked at them smiling when she saw Elliot. “Whoa.” The woman stated.

“Close your mouth.” Elliot whispered to Sam.

When the trial adjourned for the day Elliot, Olivia and Samantha exited the courtroom and waited outside for Alex to emerge. When the attorney finally did she smiled at her co-workers.

“Impressive as usual.” Elliot said with a smile.

“Thanks.” Alex said smiling then she looked at Samantha.

“Alex, this is Sa—“ Olivia started.

Samantha stepped in and interrupted the detective, “Samantha Dawson. I’m a friend of Olivia’s.”

The blond’s eyebrow raised. “A friend of Olivia’s? I’ve never met one of those.” She said smiling at the detective.

“So I hear.” Sam began, “I would assume that Olivia never mentioned me then. Makes sense, I’m almost impossible to describe.” The woman finished by shaking her hand and giving Alex a wink.

“Pride goeth before the fall.” Alex stated with an amused smile.

“Oh don’t worry about me, I fall down A LOT…and if you think I lack humility then you should see me naked. I’m like a shaky Chihuahua.”

Alex couldn’t help but laugh at the statement. “You’re funny.” She said.

“Thanks, you’re one hell of a lawyer.”

“So,” Olivia stated when there was a break in the conversation. “What brings you by SAM?” the detective asked with a hint of annoyance in her voice.

“Well, I originally stopped by the squad room to see if you wanted to grab lunch. But one thing led to another and now its way past lunch and I’m standing in a courthouse with two cops and a lawyer. The last time that happened I was cuffed.”

Elliot quickly evaluated the women he was standing with. Olivia was probably desperately torn between inviting Alex out for a drink and dreading Sam accompanying them knowing that Sam would either embarrass her or try to pick Alex up. He looked at Samantha. She had either totally figured out that Olivia was head-over-heels for the blond or she was oblivious which made her more dangerous and Alex was frankly impossible to read. He realized that the only one that wasn’t functionally impotent in this situation was him so he spoke up.

“How about we all go out for a drink? I bet you could use it after your day in the courtroom.” He said to Alex.

The blond looked at Olivia, then Sam. “I don’t think I could pass up the opportunity to go out with one of Olivia’s friends. Sure, I’ll go.”

“I’m game.” Samantha replied.

“I gotta lot of paperwork to do back at the station.” Olivia stated hemming and hawing.

“Bullshit Benson, let’s go.” Sam stated she poked the Detective hard in the side.

Olivia squirmed and jumped. “Did you just poke me?” she asked in surprise.

“Yeah, and I’ll do it again.” The woman replied wiggling her finger.

“Okay okay, I’ll go.” She stated.

“I have to stop at my office first. Can I meet you guys there?” Alex asked.

“Sure. We gotta stop by the squad room anyway. How about meet there at seven?”

“Sounds great. See you then!” Alex replied heading off in the other direction.

Elliot and Olivia turned and started walking away. Sam stood there for a few moments until she realized that her group was moving. Then she jogged to catch up. When she reached them she pushed her way between them. “Sooooooo…” she began. “Are we gonna talk about that?”

Olivia offered her a look. “Talk about what?”

“Talk about the fact that you are totally and completely, ooey-gooey in love with Alex!”

“I hate you.” Olivia replied.

“Oh, come one Liv.”

“Wait,” Olivia said stopping for a second and addressing Sam, “Aren’t you supposed to be in some play right now?”

“Its Thursday, we don’t perform on Thursdays.”

“Is that even true?”

“You have no way to know do you?” Sam countered.

Olivia’s shoulders slumped. “Nope. You could totally be lying. I wouldn’t know. I haven’t seen a play since I performed in ‘My teeth my body’ when I was in third grade.”

“Don’t knock that play, I think Nathan Lane won a Tony for that. He was inspiring as a bi-cuspid.”

“Hands down my favorite tooth.” Elliot declared.

“I hear that!” Sam countered as they high-fived.

“Don’t discount the molar, it’s the silent watchman of the mouth.” Olivia added.

“So true.” Elliot stated.

“What about Alex’s mouth? I bet you want to check out her incisors!” Sam stated.

Olivia fumed in frustration for a moment before finally acknowledging defeat. She nodded her head. “I do. I DO want to check out her incisors.”

“That’s what I thought. You never could hide that stuff from me.” Sam stated proudly. She looked at Elliot. “So how long has this been going on?”

“A couple of years now.” He stated.

“Wow…that’s a long one but it makes sense. She’s impressive.”

“But is she even gay?” Elliot asked.

“I don’t think she is.” Olivia replied with a sigh as they walked outside and down the steps of the courthouse.

“So far I can’t tell. Which is surprising, because usually my gay-dar is calibrated to .00001 gaynometers.” Sam said perplexed.

“Well you’ll have plenty of time to gauge her while we’re at the bar. Just please Sam, I beg you, don’t embarrass me.” Olivia stated.

“When have I ever embarrassed you?” the woman countered. Olivia gave her a look of incredulity. Samantha amended her statement, “Okay, when TODAY?” Olivia’s look still did not waiver, “Okay when in the last FIVE MINUTES?”

“I’m dead.” Olivia said throwing up her hands.

“Yes, you are.” Elliot agreed.

Elliot, Olivia and Sam got to the bar first and found a table. Elliot left the girls to get the first round of pitchers. Samantha noticed that Olivia was nervously tapping her foot on the floor. “Whoa, this girly’s really got you by the short and curlys huh?

The detective made a frown at the euphemism. “Yeah I guess.”

“I haven’t seen you this worked up since Tessa.” Sam stated.

“Ooo, who’s Tessa?” Elliot asked catching the tail end of the statement as he set down the pitchers.

“She was this crazy hot chick we knew in college. Came to school on a diving scholarship, went to the Olympic trials one year. Anyway, in an attempt to impress her Olivia actually joined the dive team.”

“Really?” Elliot answered surprised, “I’ve seen you dive, you’re not good.”

“Exactly,” Sam said gearing up to bring the story to its conclusion. “She got onto the team by bribing the coach.”

“Bribing? Really? That’s unexpectedly shady of you Liv.” He said.

“I didn’t bribe her with money. The woman had this weird obsession. She collected sad clown paintings.” Olivia began sipping her beer. “She went on and on about this one painting of a clown holding a puppy. I managed to find one on campus.”

“How’d you get it?” Elliot asked.

“I had to give a prolonged foot massage to a seventy-eight year old woman named Gertie.”

“Whoa, that’s love.” Elliot declared.

“Here’s the kicker,” Sam stated leaning in close. “Liv actually has to dive in front of Tessa. So she climbs the ladder…”

“It was impossibly high. I felt like I was climbing to the moon.” Olivia added.

“So she gets to the top and walks like a prisoner on the plank to the edge. She bounced a few times. Now bear in mind that the whole place is quiet waiting for her to do some stupendous dive, she leaps high into the air and then just sort of started falling.”

“Oh god no!” Elliot said laughing into his beer.

“Yes!” Samantha concurred and continued, “Her arms and legs flailed and for a moment she seemed to be doing the running man, then she landed with a stupendous belly flop! It sounded like an elephant landing in a kiddy pool. The whole crowed collectively cringed!”

“Oh…my…god!” Elliot replied practically hugging his beer for comfort.

“When she finally surfaced she did the ‘dead man’s float’ out of shame and one of the other divers, some nasty dude in a speedo, had to jump in and pull her out!”

Elliot sat back in his chair in amazement. “Wow, that is the most awful-greatest story I have ever heard.”

“Isn’t it?” Sam added.

“So what about Tessa?” he asked.

“She hooked up with the coach who liked sad clowns.” Olivia replied.

“Wow, that sucks.” Elliot replied shaking his head. “I’m so glad I know that story.”

“Yeah, yeah, now you know. I’ve had failures.” Olivia replied with her head down.

“Well don’t cry into your spilled beer too much there Detective, you’ve been making up for it ever since.” Elliot replied.

Just then the door to Chauncey’s opened and Alex walked in. Sam looked to her friend instantly to gauge her reaction. She had to admit to herself that it was totally adorable the way Olivia’s eyes followed the woman’s every move. It had been a long time since she had seen her friend react that way to anyone.

“Hey guys. Am I too late?” she asked as she took a seat next to Olivia.

“No! You’re right on time.” Olivia replied pouring the woman a beer.

“Good.” Alex stated as she situated herself. When she was finished she looked up smiling at Sam. “So, Samantha, what do you do?”

“I’m an actress.” The woman replied.

“Really? In television? Movies?”

“Well I was in LA for years doing small parts on tv and commercials but I got tired of that and came back to New York to do some plays.”

“What play?” Alex asked leaning in.

“Speed the Plow.”

Alex chuckled, “Isn’t that play practically a rite of passage at this point?” she asked.

“Sure seems like it. I’m just glad I got the part.”

“How long does it run for?” Alex asked.

“I’ve got about four more months for sure. I could get you tickets if you want.”

“That would be great.”

“I think it I can get front row tickets this weekend.” Sam stated

“Well I hate to pass up free tickets but I can’t make it. I have a wedding to go to.”

Sam and Olivia laughed. “That’s ironic.” Sam began. “Liv and I got invited to a wedding this weekend.”

“Robert Tatum and Annette Wallace?” Alex asked.

“No WAY!!! You know Annette the Wreck?” Sam stated dumbfounded.

“The Wreck? Uh…no, I know Bobby Tatum. We grew up together.” Alex stated then added, “He’s marrying someone with the nickname ‘The Wreck’?”

“Uh, it was her nickname in college, I’m sure she’s a model citizen now.” Olivia jumped in and tried to repair the situation.

“One time Annette got so drunk at a party that she dove into a pool, took off her pants and performed a solo synchronized swimming routine while Warrant’s ‘Cherry Pie’ played in the background.” Samantha stated.

“Good Lord.” Alex replied. Elliot just started laughing.

“For a drunk she could really hold her breath.” Olivia stated remembering the incident.

“Honestly, I gave the whole performance an 8 ½ she was really on point that night.” Sam added.

Alex couldn’t help but laugh. “I’m looking forward to meeting this woman. So does that mean you guys are going to the wedding too?”

Olivia leaned back in her chair folding her arms across her chest. “I don’t know.” She stated.

“Isn’t she the most fun you’ve ever had?” Sam stated sarcastically about the detective, “I’ve had more exciting pap smears.”

“I’m just not that into weddings.” Olivia stated, then added to Sam, “Never mention your gynecological history out loud ever again.”

“If I have to go you should have to go.” Alex stated smiling at the detective.

Olivia took an intentional pause to give the illusion that she was actually thinking about her answer instead of just instantly agreeing to absolutely any suggestion the gorgeous blond made. “Uh…well….I guess it wouldn’t kill me to go.”

“There you go! Hell yeah! This is going to be the greatest wedding ever!” Sam declared.

“Looks like we are almost out of beer.” Elliot stated. “Everyone up for another round?”

Everyone agreed and Alex got up to help him leaving Olivia and Sam alone at the table. When Alex was far enough away Sam leaned into her friend. “Wow, you are like triple double crazy loco nutbar kissy-face about this girl!”

Olivia blushed and dropped her head onto the table to hide it. “You are making it worse Sam because I know you know.”

“Do you think Alex knows?” Sam asked.

“I don’t know.” Olivia replied.

“What if she knows I know you know we know?” Sam asked.

“Unlikely.” Olivia stated.

“Why?”

“Because that sentence was gibberish.”

“A solid point.” Sam agreed. “But you are still coo-coo for her cocoa puffs.”

“Yeah, I wanna try her Lucky Charms.” Olivia joked back.

“I know, you’re freaky for her Frosted Flakes.”

“I’m hot for her Apple Jacks.”

“You wanna get down on her Golden Grahams.”

“I wanna hook up with her Cheerios.”

“You’re phonetic for her alpha-bits?”

Olivia said nothing, she just stared at her friend. “Um…no.”

“You’re hot for her Grape-Nuts?”

“Did you just use cereal to insinuate that Alex is a tranny?”

“You’re warm for her Wheat Chex?”

“Stop it. Please, stop it.”

“One more?” Sam asked.

“Make it fast.”

“You wanna frost her mini-wheats?”

“Okay, that was actually pretty good.” Olivia agreed. She held up her mug and they clinked glasses.

“What are you guys talking about?” Alex asked as she set the pitcher of beer back on the table.

“How much Olivia loves cereal.” Sam stated.

Alex didn’t stay sitting for long. She noticed that the dartboard was free and asked, “Who wants to play darts?”

“I’m way too dangerous with pointy objects.” Sam stated.

“I’ll play winner.” Elliot stated.

Olivia stood. I guess that means I’m playing.” She said.

“And that means that Elliot, you’ll be playing me when I kick her ass.” Alex said grinning.

“Oooo, thems fightin’ words.” Sam stated gleefully.

“Yeah be careful Alex, Olivia rarely loses anything.” Elliot replied, “Just ask my new pants.”

“You up for a beat down detective?” Alex asked.

“You talk more smack than a teenage girl from Jersey.” Olivia replied. “Let’s take it to the board Cabot.”

They walked over to the dart board with their beers. Alex grabbed both sets of darts and handed one of them to Olivia. Olivia motioned for her to go first. “Let’s see what you’ve got.” She replied.

Alex didn’t even take a few practice aims she just took one look at the board and threw. The landed it in the triple twenty on the first shot.

Olivia’s mouth dropped open and the attorney smiled. “Close your mouth detective.” She said.

“Okay, alright…I’m gonna chalk that up to beginner’s luck.” The brunette replied.

Alex offered her a displeased look and threw again. She nailed the triple twenty again. Olivia was stunned. Alex had one dart left she threw it again and landed in the single twenty. “Your turn.”

Olivia took her step at the mark and took a few practice aims before she threw. When she did she landed in the five, right next to the twenty. She dropped her head. She had been hoping to land the twenty.

“Throw again.” Alex said her eyes narrowing in concentration.

“Why? You wanna see me suck twice?” Olivia asked.

“Humor me.”

Olivia took aim and tossed. It landed in the single five again. “Awesome, that’s exactly what I wanted to happen.” The brunette stated sarcastically. She resigned herself to clearly losing this game and threw again. This time it did land in the twenty but barely. It was dangerously close to the five.

Alex walked to the board and extracted the darts. She handed them to Olivia and stepped up to the line. “Your technique is off.” Alex stated.

“YOUR technique is off.” Olivia replied in a childish tone.

“That’s mature.” Alex said her mouth curling into a half smile. “Do you want me to help you or not?”

“Depends on what you do to help me. Just don’t interrogate me.”

Alex walked up to Olivia and used her hands on the woman’s waist to put the detective in the correct stance. She stood uncomfortably close behind the brunette and lifted her throwing arm. “You’re curving it. It’s because you are snapping it.”

From the table Sam saw what was happening and punched Elliot in the arm. “Holy shit! Look at that!” she whispered.

“Ow!” Elliot replied.

“Ow? Really? You’re like an ex-marine or something aren’t you? Don’t be such a pussy.”

“Ow.” Elliot replied again. Sam shot him a look and he added, “That one hurt me emotionally.”

“Will you look at what’s happening with your partner right now?” Sam stated.

Elliot turned, “Whoa!” he stated. They watched for a few moments as the attorney moved Olivia’s arm back and forth and leaned in close to talk to her. “That’s gotta be a point in the gay column.” Elliot replied.

“You would definitely think so.” Sam replied still watching. “But the straight girls can be tricky sometimes.”

Olivia threw her dart after the instruction and it landed solid in the twenty. It might have landed better but it was taking everything she had to fight off the overwhelming feelings of desire that rolled through her from the proximity of the attorney. Her voice was shaky as she responded to her throw, “You are right Counselor. That definitely worked.”

Alex raised her beer in acknowledgement before taking a sip. “You know the joke about law students, the only bar they pass is the one on paper. So I’ve been around a lot of dart boards.”

“Well Elliot’s right, I rarely lose but I don’t think there is any way I’m gonna beat you.”

“You’re conceding? Wow, I didn’t think you had it in you.”

“It is a rareity, like the aurora borealis, so drink it in.”

“I will. I’ll savor my win by default.” Alex said as they walked back to the table.

“That was a short game.” Elliot observed.

“I didn’t realize going into it that our ADA is a crack shot.”

“That good huh?” Elliot asked.

“She’s as good at darts as she is at the law.” Olivia replied.

“Whoa, then it’s just as well that you forfeited.” Elliot said.

“It’s not often that Olivia Benson forfeits Alex.” Sam declared.

“Yeah, she told me it’s as rare as the Aurora Borealis.” Alex replied.

“Aurora Borealis my ass, that’s like rain in the Gobi desert.” Sam declared.

“Why the Gobi?” Olivia asked.

“Gobi is by far the funniest desert.” Sam said. The rest of the group nodded in agreement.

They spent the rest of the night talking and telling stories. Samantha was more than willing to tell stories about Olivia in college and Alex and Elliot were more than willing to listen. The night came to a close when Elliot excused himself. “I gotta get home to the family.” He stated.

“I need to get back too. I have the trial in the morning.” Alex said.

“Wanna share a cab?” Olivia offered.

“Sure.” Alex replied.

“Ooo, I’m getting in on that!” Sam declared. Olivia turned and gave her friend a look only she could see. Sam caught the look but ignored it.

Olivia hailed the cab and held the door open for Alex. Sam took the opportunity to jump in right afterward, “You’re such a gentleman.” She paused to say to her friend.

“And you’re a cockblock.” Olivia replied.

“You wish.” Sam replied as she ducked into the cab.

“I DO wish.” Olivia replied looking up wistfully at the sky before getting in the cab herself. Once they were all inside, Alex gave her address first, since it was the closest. The detective was annoyed that Samantha was sitting next to Alex but she decided to harass her friend about it later.

“I had fun tonight.” Alex stated. “I should go out with you guys more often.”

“Yeah, see? Cops aren’t that bad to socialize with.” Olivia said.

“Cops are fine, its actors that I’m not so sure about.” Alex said.

“Hey!” Sam yelled.

“Calm down Sam, you’re a terrible actor so you don’t count.” The detective stated which earned her a hard sock to the stomach. Olivia responded by doubling over and making a nauseous sound. “Too much beer!” the detective groaned.

“Ooo, you okay Liv? That was like punching a water balloon.” Sam asked surprised.

“I’ve felt better.” The detective replied still doubled over.

The cab came to a stop in front of the attorney’s house and Alex, in her inebriated state, leaned over and rubbed the brunette’s back for a second. “Feel better Detective.” Then she stepped out of the cab, “See you guys later.”

When the cab door shut Olivia sat back up. “Feel better now?” Sam asked knowingly.

“I feel like five billion trillion dollars.” Olivia stated.

“It’s amazing what a little back rub from a hot lawyer does for ya.”

“Not just any lawyer.” Olivia countered.

“Yeah, I’ll have to give it to you. She’s seriously hot.”

“Isn’t she? God, there are days when I can barely handle it.”

“Let’s go back to your place!” Sam announced.

“And do what? I have to work tomorrow.” Olivia said.

“Eat! I’m craving baby carrots.”

“That’s weird, I’m craving chocolate sauce.” Olivia stated.

Fic: To Have And To Hold...And To Fondle 3/?

2009-06-15T01:55:09Z

The next morning, in the squad room, Munch and Fin were chatting over coffee when Elliot popped his head in and called to them. “Hey, can one of you give me some help?”

“What? Why?” Fin called.

“Just get over here would ya? The reason will be obvious.” Fin and Munch walked over with their coffee cups and found Elliot standing next to Olivia who was prostrate on the floor half dead.

“Is she dead?” Munch asked.

“Hungover.” Elliot replied. Fin turned to Munch, handed him his coffee cup and helped Elliot get the detective to her feet.

Olivia’s head rolled over to Fin’s side and she smiled a little. “Hey, Fin. What are you doing at my apartment?”

“Oh, just stopping by.” Fin replied rolling his eyes as they reached her desk chair. They eased her into it and laid her head down on the desk. After a few minutes she started snoring.

“WHAT happened last night?” Fin asked adding, “Has she gained weight?” Olivia’s hand shot up and flipped him the finger then dropped and she started snoring once again.

“Honestly? I don’t know. Olivia, Samantha and I were all having a good time but no one was too drunk. Then I dropped them both off at Liv’s. I showed up this morning to get her and this is what I found.” Elliot said pointing to the pile of human that was Olivia Benson.

“Oooo, tell me they hooked up.” Munch replied.

“No, I don’t think so. I found them both fully dressed. Olivia was asleep in the bathtub using the shower curtain as a blanket.”

“Where was Samantha?” Fin asked.

“She was passed out with her head in the fridge.”

“That’s not so bad. I may have even done that before.” Fin said.

“Yeah, that’s not the weird part.” Elliot said, continuing, “Her shoes were off and her socks were covered in chocolate sauce.”

“What in the world?” Munch marveled.

“Her pants pockets were filled with baby carrots.” Elliot added.

“I don’t even want to know.” Fin said waiving himself out of the conversation and returning to his desk.

The guys went back to working leaving their co-worker to recover. The day moved along normally. Cragen came out a few hours later and inquired about Olivia but since they had no major cases pending he was content to let her sleep.

A couple hours after that, Olivia was still hung over but she had at least stopped snoring. Alex walked through the doors looking for the detective. “Hey guys I need to speak to…” she stopped talking when she caught site of Oliva. “WHAT happened to her?” she asked as she moved toward Olivia’s desk.

“She had a little too much to drink last night with an old friend.” Elliot replied.

Alex leaned in a little closer and then leaned way back. “Oh,” she exclaimed her brows furrowed and she said, “Why does she smell like chocolate sauce and feet?”

Elliot couldn’t stifle a chuckle as he spoke through laughter, “Believe me you don’t want to know. I don’t even know.”

Alex reached out her hand and shook the detective lightly on the shoulder. “Olivia. Olivia are you awake?”

The foggy muffled sound of someone calling her name pushed through the detective’s subconscious. Her brain started reacting. It’s Alex! It’s Alex, wake up! Her brain fought to bring her to consciousness. She sat up suddenly, taking a long deep breath through her nose as she did so. She managed to stay totally upright for a few seconds but then her head, too heavy for her neck, rolled back and she found herself looking at the ceiling. “Uh, hey Alex…what’s up?” she asked still looking upward.

“Hey there Detective.” Alex replied carefully.

“What can I do for you?” Olivia said trying to sound non-chalant as she gazed at the water stained ceiling tiles of the squad room.

“Well, I needed to ask you about Herman Sanchez.”

“Oh, well go ahead and ask.” Olivia replied she forced her head to lift up again. It remained upright for almost five seconds before falling forward so that the detective was looking at her own chest.

“Dude, what’s going on? She’s like an infant who hasn’t developed neck muscles.” Fin declared.

“Okay, give me a minute here.” The detective declared.

“I can give you a little longer than that.” Alex said sympathetically. “I have to talk to Cragen too. I’ll go talk to him first and then meet up with you. Will that work?”

“I’ll make it work.” Olivia replied.

Alex nodded and headed into Cragen’s office.

Olivia looked to the guys. “Who wants to help me into the shower?” Munch and Fin smiled widely and moved eagerly forward but Elliot stopped them.

“I’LL DO IT!” he said stopping them. “Good God, I DO NOT want to. But I don’t trust you two.”

He walked over to her and slung her arm around his shoulders so he would walk her to the showers. They made their way down the hallway and into the locker room. “Just walk me into the shower like this.” Olivia replied.

“You’re fully clothed.” Elliot observed.

“Yeah well I can take care of the clothes part. I just needed help with this part.” Olivia said as they made their way into the showers.

“Oh, thank GOD. I really didn’t want to see you naked.”

“You’re the nicest guy I know Stabler.” Olivia quipped as she let go of her partner and used the shower knobs to support herself.

“I’ll see ya in a little bit.” Elliot replied leaving his partner to her business.

When he got back to the squad room, he sat down at his desk and worked for only a little bit before Alex came out of Cragen’s office. She looked around. “Where’s Detective Benson?” she asked.

“She’s in the locker room. She should be out soon.” Elliot replied.

Alex checked her watch. “I’m working with a bit of a time frame. I’ll go find her.”

“uh, she may not be decent.” Elliot replied.

“I’ll knock first. Don’t worry detective, we’re both women. She doesn’t have anything I haven’t seen before.” Alex responded walking away.

“Nobody speak,” Munch stated, “Let me have the silence and the picture in my mind of what is happening when Alex encounters Olivia in the shower.”

“They should give Oscars for perviness.” Fin said to his partner.

“Everyone can thank me for the image later.” Munch replied.

When Alex reached the locker room she paused to listen. It sounded like the shower was still running. She licked her lips. She wasn’t going to lie. She wanted to see Olivia naked. But she also wanted to be professional. She took a deep breath and stepped into the locker room. She called out to the detective. “Detective Benson?” she called.

Olivia thought she heard her name. She had been standing under the hot water for a long time hoping the heat would speed her recovery. She cut the water when she thought she heard her name again. “Somebody calling for me out there?” she yelled.

“Uh, yes. Its me, Alex.”

Olivia’s eyes went wide and she looked around for her towel. “Uh, just a second.” She called. She grabbed the towel and wrapped it around herself before stepping out of the shower and into the locker room. “Hey, what’s up?” she asked.

Alex’s eyes widened when she saw the detective in nothing but a towel. It wasn’t so much what she was seeing but the promise of what she could so easily see if not for the white piece of fabric.

“Alex?” Olivia asked again.

Hearing her name called again, Alex snapped to, “Yes, Hi.” she looked down for a second and then looked up again. “Sorry to bother you like this but I’m on kind of a timeline.”

“I don’t care if you don’t.” Olivia said with a smile as she turned to open up her locker.

“No, I’m alright.” Alex replied as she watched Olivia pull on a pair of female-cut boy shorts up under her towel. With the woman’s back to her she let her mouth form a half smile as she imagined the detective in nothing but those shorts. “Anyway, Herman Sanchez. I need you to go over the night you collared him again.”

“Okay,” Olivia replied reaching for a bra. “I remember Fin and I had the one am to two am shift. We were sitting in an unmarked car on the other side of the street from his apartment. Fin was falling asleep in the driver’s seat but I had drank so much coffee I was wired. Anyway, I remember looking up from fumbling with the car radio to see Herman hoofing it out of the front door of his apartment. I shoved Fin in the shoulder and then jumped out of the car to pursue. He ran for about five blocks before Fin and I cut him off in an alley and collared him.” When she finished, she grabbed her bra out of her locker. With her back to the attorney, she let her towel drop so she could put it on.

Alex felt herself actually drooling as she watched strong shoulder blades on a muscular back bend inward as the detective snapped the bra together in the back. “So…so…so when did he actually come out of his apartment?”

Olivia turned around confused. She was standing in front of the attorney in only a bra and underwear. “What? I just told you that. Didn’t I?”

Though internally, she felt like the cartoon wolf in the old Warner Brother’s cartoons, howling with her eyes bugged out and her tongue dangling from her mouth, she pulled herself together on the outside and said, “Yes you did. But I need to know if you recall the actual time.” Nice recovery, Cabot. She congratulated herself.

“Oh,” the brunette said. She paused and thought about it, “I think it was like five till two because the radio host was signing off for the night, ending her shift.”

“Well that was what I needed Detective. Thank you for your help. I am sorry for inconveniencing you.”

“No, you’re fine.” Olivia replied as she stretched before reaching for her pants in the locker.

“Well, I have to go. I’ll see you later.”

“Bye Alex.”

When the attorney was clear of the locker room she clutched her briefcase to her chest, collapsed against the wall, and took a few deep breaths. “Whoa.” She said to herself. If circumstances had been very different, the sight of Olivia Benson in that state would have been enough to make her want to tear what little bit of clothes was on her and take her right there on the locker room floor. She felt flushed. “Shake it off Cabot.” She said to herself as she squared her shoulders and headed out of the precinct.

That night, Olivia headed home right around five. She still didn’t feel great and was eager to go home and go to bed. She shoved her key in her door lock and pushed it open. She tossed her jacket on the hook dropped her keys on the table.

“You only look fifty-percent like shit.” Samantha announced from her reclined position on the detective’s couch.

“You’ve been here all day?” Olivia asked surprised.

“Yeah. But I haven’t had the energy to do much. I hope you don’t mind I had to borrow a clean pair of socks.”

“That’s cool. Are you hungry? I was going to order some take out probably.”

“I think I’m finally in a place where I could eat a real meal. The only thing I’ve eaten today is a couple handfuls of baby carrots.”

“How about Italian? That should go down pretty easy.”

“Sounds good to me.”

When the Italian arrived, strictly out of the convention of being a good host, Olivia offered her guest some wine. Samantha actually turned green at the suggestion.

After dinner, they sat around, drinking water and chatting. “So have you managed to find yourself a girlfriend yet?” Olivia asked her friend.

“Have you?” Sam countered.

“Me? No. My job makes that next to impossible.” Olivia said sadly.

“Mine doesn’t make it much easier.” Sam replied. She smiled at her friend. “There’s got to be someone you are sweet on. I know you remember? You slept around a lot but there was always usually one person you loved from afar.”

“Not this time Sam, sorry to disappoint.” The detective lied. She wasn’t interested in revealing her impossible crush to her mouthy friend.

Samantha twirled her plastic fork in her fingers. She was long since finished eating but she enjoyed fidgeting with it. She pointed it, prongs first, at the Detective. “I don’t believe you. But that’s alright. I’ll find out soon enough.”

“I hate it when you do that.” Olivia replied her head falling back onto the couch arm as she looked up at her ceiling.

“You love it. You act like you are all mysterious, brooding and bitter but you really are a big softie and just want someone to read you like road sign.” Sam replied.

Olivia squeezed her eyes tightly shut as she repeated like a prayer, “Please don’t make a ‘slippery when wet’ joke, please don’t make a ‘slippery when wet’ joke…”

Samantha rolled her eyes and pouted, “You’re no fun! What about a ‘Dangerous Curves’ joke?”

“Not if you want me to keep my dinner down.” The Detective yawned and stretched. “You crashing here tonight?” she asked her friend.

“Yes I am. I refuse to leave this couch.”

The next morning, Elliot knocked on his partner’s door and waited. “One sec!” came the voice but it didn’t sound like Olivia. It sounded like Sam. The sound of chains rattling and locks unlatching could be heard before the door swung open and Samantha smiled at the man. “Hey there tall, dark and coppy.”

“Samantha,” Elliot began as he entered. “Good to see you again.” He noticed that she was wearing the same clothes he had found her in yesterday morning. He looked down at her feet and smiled. “Good to see you got a fresh pair of socks.”

“Yeah, you want some coffee?” Sam asked barely acknowledging the comment.

“I can’t believe you are awake AND made coffee.” Elliot replied.

“Yeah well I blame your partner. No one should have to wake up at this ungodly hour. I’ll tell you exactly who is NOT awake at this hour.” She stated pouring him a cup, then added “CRIMINALS! Criminals are notoriously late sleepers. So why you people wake up at the crack of dawn to go to work I’ll never know.”

Elliot took the cup of coffee she offered to him and sipped it. It was pretty good. “What about you? Do you EVER work?” he asked with a raised eyebrow.

“I’m in a play. The matinee doesn’t start till three o’clock. I don’t even have to be there until two. I’ve been known to show up as late as two thirty or quarter till. Plus, if you don’t show at all they just use an understudy. God, I LOVE show business!”

“What’s she yapping about?” Olivia asked walking out of her bedroom and rubbing her wet head with a towel.

“Show business.” Elliot said. “You look a hell of a lot better today than you did yesterday.” He added.

“I don’t want to talk about yesterday. When I was puking I think I actually saw a piece of my own lung.” Olivia replied.

“Have some coffee, I put it in a to-go cup.” Sam replied handing her friend a to-go mug.

“You are like a regular Donna Reed.” Olivia joked.

“I played a homemaker in a commercial once. I had to wear pearls.”

“Are you ready?” Olivia asked her partner.

“I’m ready!” Sam replied before Elliot could.

“Oh no! You are not coming to work with me.” Olivia stated.

“I know that. But I need a ride. Going my way big fella?” the woman asked batting her eyelashes.

“No offence Sam, but it’s hard for me to take a girl seriously ‘sexually’ when I’ve seen her passed out head first in the fridge with her socks covered in chocolate sauce.” Elliot replied as they all moved toward the door.

“You’re just disappointed that I was clothed and the chocolate sauce was on my feet.”

“I’m disappointed about a lot of things.” Elliot said.

The morning went by rather quickly. They had a couple of re-interviews to conduct at Alex’s request. On their way back to the squad room, Olivia’s cell phone rang. “Hello Detective, I was wondering if you could do me a favor.”

“Of course Counselor, name it.” Olivia replied. Elliot smiled when he realized who she was talking to. The detective’s entire demeanor changed just by being on the phone. She sat up straighter and her whole body practically smiled. “Actually I have that file on me. We just interviewed the coffee shop girl again. I’ll have Elliot drop me by on our way back.”

When she hung up the phone, Elliot stated the obvious, “Alex?” he said.

“Yep, she’s on a recess, she needs me to run this file with our new notes by the courthouse.”

“Okay, we’ll do that then we will go to lunch.” Elliot stated.

“Um…actually I think I’ll stick around and watch the trial. You go ahead though.”

Elliot was secretly annoyed that his friend was ditching him but he knew she had the crush bug bad and decided to let it go. He dropped her off and then headed back to the precinct.

When he entered the squad room he saw the strangest most unexpected thing. Fin was holding Samantha upside down by the waist. Her legs were spread eagle and his head was between them. He was shaking her up and down. “Like this?” he kept asking.

“Exactly…like…that!” Samantha replied in between shakes.

Elliot walked up and stood in front of the two of them, crossed his arms over his chest and shook his head as he said in defeat, “I have no words for this.”

“Hey Elliot!” Samantha replied upside down. Fin took that as the cue to let the girl down and back on her feet. When she was righted again she responded. “Fin was just cracking my back for me.”

“That’s not what it looked like.” Elliot replied.

“That’s what I told them!” Munch contributed.

“It’s a method I learned in Thailand. Its called a Bangkok Sugar Snap.” Sam said.

Elliot made a face, “Are you really telling me this with a straight face?” he asked her.

“I know it looked kinky El but its cool ‘cause she’s a lesbian.” Fin said as if he was revealing new information before leaning back in his chair.

“That does not make it ‘cool’.” Elliot began, “NOTHING will ever make that cool. It was weird and I don’t think that’s what it’s called I think that’s the name of a Thai hooker you met over there.” Elliot added to Samantha.

The woman thought about it for a moment, “Oh! You’re right! The girl’s name was the Bangkok Sugar Snap! The move is called ‘Sexual-back-crack’.”

“Hey!” Fin yelled.

“That’s more like it.” Elliot repliedbbb.

“Don’t freak out Fin, I’m still totally gay.” Sam said smiling.

“I REALLY like you.” Munch stated with a smile. “Where has Olivia been hiding you? We never meet her friends. I was beginning to think they were all imaginary.”

“I have been hiding in LA. I did some tv work for awhile. Now I’m back to plays.”

“Oh, what play?” Munch asked.

“Speed the Plow.”

“That’s a good one.”

“Thanks, I can get you tickets if you are interested.”

“So how did you and Olivia become friends?” Fin asked.

“In college.”

“I would have loved to have known the young, angsty, college Olivia.” Munch mused.

“Ha! So would I. She wasn’t angsty at all. She played the clarinet and had a poster of a kitten playing with a ball of yarn in her dorm room.”

“I think you are lying.” Elliot replied.

“I am, I made that up but wouldn’t that be so much more fun if it were true?” She stated.

“Yes it would.” Fin agreed.

“So anyway Sam, what are you doing here?” Elliot asked.

“I wanted to see where Olivia worked. It’s not as seedy as I had hoped.”

“Yeah it’s just kind of old and crappy. The seedy factor seems to have eluded us.” Munch replied.

“I thought we could go out to lunch.” Sam said adding, “Where is Liv anyway?”

“She’s at the courthouse.” Elliot responded.

“Cabot call her in special?” Fin asked with a smile.

“Who’s Cabot?” Sam asked her eyes twinkling with delight.

“No one, just our Assistant District Attorney.”

“Our take-no-prisoners, smart as hell, superfly-hot Assistant District Attorney.” Fin added.

“OOOO, I GOTTA see this chick!” Sam stated. “Let’s go!”

“Uh, why don’t you and I just get some lunch. I can tell you all the dirt I know about Liv.” Elliot suggested not wanting to ambush his partner with her pushy friend.

“Interesting…now you are actively trying to get me to stay away from this girl. We are definitely going. Or I’m just going. It’s your call.”

Elliot sighed. “Alright let’s go.”

Fic: To Have And To Hold...And To Fondle 2/?

2009-06-10T00:49:58Z

The rest of the day went by uneventfully except for Elliot constantly checking his watch. He was also tapping his pencil. It was starting to give Olivia a tick.

“Could you chill with the anxiety? The day will be over soon enough.” Olivia said looking over top of a file she was reading.

“I’m sorry, I’m just excited.” Elliot replied.

“Excited for what?” Fin asked grateful that he had a reason to stop looking at the disturbing photographs in the file he was going through.

“It’s nothing, I meeting an old friend for drinks and Elliot’s coming with.” Olivia said.

“You should have heard this girl on the phone. She sounds like a real character.” Elliot said. “Plus she knew Liv back in college. I can’t wait to hear some stories.”

“What was our dear Olivia Benson like in college?” Munch pondered aloud.

“It was the late eighties-early nineties. I bet she had mall-hair.” Fin said.

“Yeah probably did. But I’m sure that was one of 72 haircuts she went through, just like she does now.”

“Hey, what’s wrong with changing up your look?” Olivia defended.

“Seriously Liv,” Munch began, “You do go through a lot of haircuts.”

“I have moody hair.” The woman replied.

At that moment, Cragen who had been overhearing their conversation from upstairs, came down and chimed in, “I have to agree with the guys on this one Olivia. First you grow it out, then you chop it off, then you grow it out, then you chop it off again. Pick a look and commit. We’ve collared schizophrenics more decisive than you.”

“Alright! Alright! Everybody just lay off would you?” the brunette cried.

“Yes, I’d like to see more working and less yapping.” Cragen ordered as he went back into his office.

Once he was gone, Olivia offered, “I can’t believe Cragen has such a vested interest in my hairstyle.”

“The man’s a cueball. He has hair-envy.” Elliot replied.

Olivia leaned back in her chair ready to re-absorb herself in the file when her phone rang. “Benson,” she answered, “Good afternoon Counselor. No, you’re fine, what can I do for you?” she checked her watch, “I can have those copied and over to your office in fifteen minutes, will that work?” she laughed and smiled a wide smile. “For you, I’ll make it ten.”

As soon as she hung up the phone she threw open her desk drawer and quickly thumbed through more files. Pulling out the one she needed, she jumped up and practically ran to the copy machine.

“Looks like Cabot lit a fire under her ass.” Fin said with a smile.

Olivia returned with the copies, grabbed her coat and headed toward the doors past Elliot’s desk. As she passed her partner he mocked her in a high pitched, girly voice, “For you, I’ll make it ten. I love you Alex.” Olivia didn’t say a word as she passed him but swung her arm backwards and smacked him hard in the back of the head with the file folder. “Ow!” Elliot replied rubbing the back of his head.

Olivia Olympic sprinted to get to Alex’s office in under ten minutes. She moved so fast through the hallways of Alex’s building that when she reached the receptionist’s desk she threw her arms out and head back like she was breaking through finish line tape. The receptionist offered a stunned look and was barely able to speak when Olivia made eye contact with her. “Uh…uh…you can go in.” she said. The detective nodded and headed in. The receptionist called to her as she entered, “Can I get you a cup of water or something?”

“Naw, I’m good.” Olivia said as she entered Alex’s office.

“You ARE good. Nine minutes and thirty-eight seconds,” Alex said then chuckled, “What did you do? Run here?”

Olivia chuckled as she sat down. “Yeah, no. That’s crazy.”

Alex looked at the woman carefully. Her chest was moving up and down and she seemed flushed. She allowed her mind to ponder for a moment another scenario in which the same symptoms would apply before stating. “Are you sure? Because you seem out of breath.”

“Who? Me? Oh, elevator was too crowded, I took the stairs.” She quickly covered.

Alex smiled at her not sure she believed her but too distracted with the current legal matter to think any more on it. “Is that the file?” she asked pointing to the manila envelope still in the detective’s hands.

“Oh! Sorry, yeah. Kind of the whole reason I came over. Here ya go.” Olivia handed the blond the envelope.

“Great, thanks for doing this Detective. They called a recess but I have to be back in there in…” she checked her watch. “Oh no, ten minutes!” she got up quickly and shoved the envelope in her briefcase heading out the door as she did so. Olivia got up too and followed her out shutting the door behind her. “Thanks again Detective. I’ll stop by the squad room afterwards and let you all know how it went!” she called as she headed to the elevator.

“Okay! Talk to you then! Bye!” Olivia called out but the blond didn’t hear any of it. She was already gone.

Olivia stood there for another moment, sighed at the brief contact from the woman, and then turned to see that the receptionist had been watching the whole thing.

“That was smooth.” The woman said. She was a younger, attractive woman in her early twenties.

“What do you mean?” Olivia asked.

“I mean I’ve seen three-day starved mutts less eager for T-bones.” She quipped.

The detective blushed instantly, not something she did often, saying, “Its NOT what you think.”

The receptionist leaned back in her chair and smiled, appraising Olivia before she answered, “That’s alright Sugar, I don’t judge. If I were you though, I’d go for someone that you could actually get.” She finished by winking at Olivia clearly indicating with her body language that she was for-the-getting.

When Olivia returned from Alex’s office to the squad room, Elliot protected his head as she walked by. “How’d it go?” he asked once she was safely past him.

“Fine, I got her the envelope in under ten.”

“Whoa, did you wear your headband and wrist warmers? That’s a hell of a sprint.” Her partner said.

“I’ve out run you the last five times we’ve gone out. You know I can do that with my eyes closed.”

“You are so modest.”

“Yeah, and you’re slow.”

“Not today Olivia, I’m wearing a brand new pair of pants.” Elliot warned her.

“Find Grandpa, we don’t want you to mess up your old man slacks.” She continued.

“Literally, Kathy will KILL me if I race you in my new pants.”

“No, I understand. That’s cool. Just hike them up a little higher, like right under your nipples and then cinch them tight with the belt. You know, because that’s how men in their seventies wear their pants.” The brunette taunted.

“Munch, Fin…” Elliot began, clearly simmering from the woman’s comments, “Set it up!”

Elliot’s command was a familiar one that signaled to the other two detectives to get Cragen who was the keeper of the sidewalk chalk. Then, Cragen, Fin, Munch and everyone else in the entire precinct would go outside to the parking lot and, using the sidewalk chalk, mark out the parameters of the sprint race that happened almost weekly between the two detectives.

Within a few minutes everyone was outside. Fin and Much were chalking out the lines making sure that they were even and fair. The first few times that this race had occurred both Olivia and Elliot were notorious for blaming Munch, Fin and even Cragen for either not measuring properly or not calling the race properly. They were both very sore losers.

Everyone else was busy taking and making bets. It was a welcome distraction from their otherwise heavily emotional and trying jobs. Cragen, was over-seeing the measurements and walking the distance to double check it when the crowd parted and the two competitors entered the parking lot. For the final touch, Fin hit play on a boom box they had brought out as well. It began playing the “Chariots of Fire” theme song. This had been a mutually agreed upon request by both competitors.

Elliot and Olivia took the opportunity to stretch before the run. People were already cheering for them and slapping them on the back encouragingly. Cragen took his position at the end of the line so he could call the winner. Munch took his position at the beginning so he could make sure no one false-started. Fin and another co-worker stretched a line of police tape across the finish line.

The two racers took their positions as Cragen called, “On your mark, get set, GO!”

Both of the detectives took off like a shot. Olivia had an early lead but in the last few seconds Elliot pulled through and broke the police tape before her.

Everyone cheered or cursed loudly depending on who had money on who. Cragen raised Elliot’s hand and called him out as the winner. Olivia kicked the ground with her foot and yelled out some choice expletives that made the newest junior officer blush.

“Olivia, tone it down with the fowl language. You’re making Mahoney blush.” Cragen ordered.

“Sorry Cap.” Olivia spoke, still bitter.

“Don’t worry Granny, you’ll win next time.” Elliot replied condescendingly.

Olivia did not respond with words. Instead, she charged the man dropping her shoulder at the last moment in order to tackle him. As Elliot took the hit, he went down yelling, “MY PANTS!”

They both landed with a thud and started wrestling and throwing punches. Cragen and Fin had to pull them apart. “That’s ENOUGH!” Cragen yelled as he pulled Olivia off of the man she had pinned. “I swear its like working with two ten-year-old boys! I’m not a fucking Au Pair, I’m your Captain. Knock it off!”

“Sorry Captain.” They both said in unison.

“Look at my pants!” Elliot yelled in dismay. He had busted out the knee.

“You started it.” Olivia replied.

“Are you kidding? No I didn’t!” he yelled.

“Oh who cares who started it? You both act like Neanderthals.” Munch replied.

“You bet on me, didn’t you Munch?” Olivia asked knowing that his response was directly tied to his losing bet.

“Yes, I did. I lost fifty bucks thank you very much.”

“I bet on Elliot, I won a hundred.” Fin replied waiving his money in Munch’s face.

“See? See how he taunts me? And I don’t turn around and fight him like an angry gorilla.” Munch pointed out.

“If anyone’s a gorilla it’s me,” Elliot began then pointed to Olivia, “She’s like one of those annoying little spider monkeys.”

“Oh yeah? If I’m such an annoying spider monkey then what’s this?” Olivia asked pulling a piece of paper out of her pocket.

Elliot grabbed it and looked at it. “Who’s Teresa?”

The detective smiled as she took the number back from him. “Cabot’s receptionist.”

“That girl is FINE.” Fin said.

“She didn’t mind that you are a slow-ass jogger with a runner’s wheeze?” Elliot asked rubbing it in.

“Seriously, you both need to stop talking or I’m going to turn this car around and then NO ONE’s going to Disney World!” Cragen yelled as they walked back into the building.

“Sorry Captain.” The replied in unison again.

After the race, five o’clock came pretty quickly. Elliot had to change into a spare pair of pants he kept in his locker before they headed to the bar to meet up with Olivia’s friend Samantha. They got there early and found a table. Ordering a couple of beers they made small talk as they both anxiously waited for Samantha’s arrival.

They did not have to wait long. Samantha walked through the doors of the bar and spotted Olivia instantly. “BENSON!” she yelled when she saw her.

Olivia turned at the sound of her name and smiled when she saw the woman. Samantha had long brown hair and was cute, she had a girl-next-door Midwestern look about her that Elliot found pleasing. The two women embraced and when Samantha pulled back she appraised the detective. “Look at you? You’ve got this dark, dangerous almost swarthy look about you. Dig the leather jacket.”

Olivia laughed as she returned, “You look good too Sam. A lot more ‘refined’ than in college.”

“That’s a nice way of saying I used to look like a dirty hippy.” Samantha replied to Elliot. She walked over to the man and offered her hand. “And you must be Elliot,” she shook his hand heartily and added, “The ‘partner’.”

Elliot smiled. “It’s nice to meet you. And yes, I guess I am ‘the partner’.”

“You’re built like a mack truck.” Samantha replied. She turned to Olivia, “Calling him ‘pecky’ was right on the money.”

“See, I told you.” Olivia said. She signaled to a passing waitress that she and Elliot needed two more beers. “What’ll you have Sam?”

“How about another beer just like their’s Sweetie.” Samantha said to the waitress. “We might take off our training bras later and actually do some real drinking but this is good for now.” The waitress laughed at Samantha’s statement as she walked away. Elliot’s eyebrows raised at the comment and instead of saying anything, he took another sip of his beer.

“The last time I saw Samantha she was hanging half-way out of an old beat up Volkswagen bug being driven by a girl named Starshine on your way to Hollywood.”

“There was actually a real live human being named ‘Starshine’?” Elliot asked in amusement.

“Yes there was. Her name was Starshine Johnson. She made bracelets out of acorns and bits of string and I loved her.” Samantha said. She was serious about the bracelets but not about the love.

“She was always a sucker for a woman in hemp.” Olivia observed.

“You’re one to talk,” Sam began leaning over to Elliot, “The last time I saw this girl she was standing on a float in the middle of a parade in Chicago surrounded by German girls singing ‘Danke Shein’.”

Elliot’s eyes went wide with surprise until Olivia corrected her friend, “Yeah, Sam that wasn’t me. That was the movie Ferris Bueller’s Day Off.”

“Awwww, that’s such a GOOD movie!” Samantha replied not missing a beat. She turned to Elliot. “So how about you tough guy? Tell me a little bit about yourself.”

“Uh, okay. I have a wife named Kathy and four kids.” Elliot began but Samantha cut him off.

“Kathy huh? I’d like to meet her. I bet she flipped shit when she first met Olivia.”

“Uh….” Elliot did not want to answer.

“Come on, two hot cops, working the beat? I bet she was pleased as punch when she found out Liv’s gay.”

“Uh, well it did help.” Elliot had to admit.

“You never told me that.” Olivia said smiling.

“Come on Liv, you KNOW how women are.” All three of them nodded in agreement. Elliot decided it was his turn to ask some questions. “So Samantha, how long have you been living in New York?”

“Oh, only a couple of months. I’m doing a play. You know, to beef up my resume. It will make me look like a ‘serious artist’.” She made the quote gesture with her fingers.

“What play?” Olivia asked.

“Speed the Plow.”

“I was hoping you would say Cats.” Olivia replied adding, “That would make it the second time you’ve appeared in public in a spandex cat suit.”

“What?” Elliot asked.

“Maybe when you’re a little older I’ll tell you all about it.” Samantha said to the man. Just then the waitress showed up with their drinks. She handed Samantha her drink. “Thank you very much.” She said to the woman who nodded to her smiling and walked away.

“You think she’s cute don’t you?” Olivia replied.

“Maybe a little. Did she seem troubled to you?” Sam asked.

“She could definitely be troubled.” Olivia replied encouragingly.

“Uh, I don’t think we know her well enough to make that statement.” Elliot replied.

“She might even be on meds.” Olivia continued.

“Ooo meds! I like the ones on meds. Nothing too crazy, no Lithium. But I like a girl who take a few Zanex from time to time.” Samantha said wistfully.

“Do I want to know what you are talking about?” Elliot asked.

“Look, I don’t do it on purpose, despite this conversation, but I always seem to fall for girls who are…how do I say this? A little troubled.”

“Oh. Yeah. Been there.” Elliot replied.

“What do you mean El? Kathy’s great.” Olivia said.

“I’m not talking about Kathy. My first girlfriend was a nut job. She needed meds. BADLY.”

“Huh, I did not know that.” Olivia said with surprise.

“You don’t know everything about me yet partner. I’d like to think there is still some mystery.”

“How about your type Liv?” Sam asked knowingly.

Olivia was not happy with the focus now on her and her love life. “Yeah Liv, how about your type?” Elliot asked amused.

“I don’t have a type.” Olivia replied.

“Bullshit.” Elliot and Samantha replied in unison.

“Just because you’ve slept with more women than a Sealy Posture-Pedic mattress doesn’t mean you don’t have a type.” Elliot replied.

“How is that any of your business?” Olivia countered.

“How is it not?” Elliot continued to argue, “Half the time you are bragging about it and the other half of the time I am helping you evade the various women you’ve bedded that are scattered across this city who we encounter on practically a daily basis!”

“Its not a DAILY basis! You are exaggerating.” Olivia retorted.

“This is the greatest conversation I have EVER heard.” Samantha replied with a huge smile as she listened.

“Okay, okay. Fine. I get it. I’m whorry.” Olivia replied annoyed.

“Awww, don’t let it get to you. You gotta do what you’re good at right? Apparently, you’re good at being really, really easy.” Samantha barely finished before she started laughing. Elliot joined her.

“This conversation sucks.” The brunette replied.

“Okay seriously though. What’s her type?” Samantha asked Elliot. “She’s obviously not going to tell me herself.”

“Well, at least at the moment, she seems to like blonds.” Elliot replied then quickly looked down into his beer. It was as if he was anticipating either a verbal or a physical attack for his disclosure.

“Blonds huh? Interesting. Any particular blond?” Samantha probed.

“Elliot…I swear,” Olivia began. She was beet red and seething, “If you say what I think you are going to say I will break off the end of this beer bottle, close my eyes and just start stabbing!”

“Oh my GOD!! This is AWESOME!” Samantha replied. Elliot started backing up until Sam put her hands in between the two of them. “Okay, alright, alright. Everyone just calm down. Elliot don’t say another word. Olivia, its cool. Your reaction has already told me plenty. Everybody just calm down.”

“Let’s drink more and talk about ME, less.” Olivia replied.

“Best idea of the night.” Sam agreed as she called the waitress over again. “Alright Sweetie. Now we are gonna drink for real. Let’s get some shots over here.”

When the waitress returned with the shots she put the last two in front of Samantha and added. “You know my shift is gonna be up in about fifteen minutes. I could join you if you want.” The tone was soaked in suggestion.

Samantha checked her watch, “Its ten o’clock. What kind of bar waitressing shift is over at ten o’clock?”

In an unexpected move, the waitress used the base of her palm to hit Samantha in the forehead as she responded, “The kind that wants to get to know YOU ya numbskull! Do you want me to stop by or not?”

Samantha was rather stunned but she still managed to reply, “I absolutely do.” When the woman walked away the three exchanged looks. “I DID NOT expect that.” Samantha replied.

“Well if she’s not troubled she’s definitely quirky which will do for you in a pinch.” Olivia replied.

They each had two shots in front of them that they did in two rounds together. Once they were done, they sat back and continued chatting. Samantha brought up the thing that Olivia had been dreading.

“So, Liv, who ya gonna bring to this wedding?” she asked.

“Aww, I don’t think I’m gonna go.” Olivia replied.

“Not an acceptable answer!” Samantha replied. “You HAVE to go! I’m going.”

“No, really. I don’t want to go. I hate weddings.”

“You’re going to have trouble getting this one to budge. I would think you would know that about her.” Elliot replied.

“Oh, I’m familiar with that character trait. But if there’s one thing I learned you can’t make her budge on her own but there’s usually something that will make her budge. You just gotta find it.” Sam replied.

“Well, good luck.” Elliot replied taking a sip of his drink.

“So, why do you want to go so badly?” Olivia countered.

“Are you kidding? Weddings are GREAT! Especially this one. Its going to be an all weekend, all expenses paid, open bar, blast! Don’t you remember Annette Wallace? She’s crazy! If nothing else, it’s going to be awesome to watch the Annette Wallace train wreck in effect!”

Olivia shook her head. “I DID forget about Annette the Wreck but I don’t know if that’s enough to get me to go.”

“God! Olivia, you’re killing me. Are you sure you don’t work for the fun police?” Sam asked rolling her eyes.

They talked and drank for a few more hours before Elliot excused himself to head home and Olivia took him up on a ride. “Well if you’re giving her a ride you’re giving me a ride.” Sam replied. Elliot laughed and agreed. He ended up not taking Samantha home but just over to Olivia’s so they could continue drinking. He dropped them off and said a silent prayer that his partner would be conscious enough for work the next day.

Fic: To Have And To Hold...And To Fondle

2009-06-02T00:40:39Z

Elliot tried the door again. His fist pounded repeatedly against the weathered wood. “Liv!” he yelled again. A pause. No answer. He shook his head as he reached into his pocket and fumbled with his keys. She had given him a key for emergencies and the instances where she refused to get out of bed.

The latch clicked in the door and he swung it wide as he entered. He looked around. No outward signs of anything suspicious. “Suspicious” for Olivia Benson meant signs of an overnight guest. He walked toward her bedroom yelling her name. “Liv! Seriously! Wake up!”

A grumble and the sounds of sheets swishing over themselves then silence. “No, don’t change positions! Wake…up!” He said again stepping into her bedroom and beholding the sleeping woman. She was in an old NYPD t-shirt that looked like it was held together by three threads and a prayer, and a pair of boxers.

Elliot stood in front of her his hands together in front of him. “Why do you do this to me? I have my own children at home that I hate waking up.”

Olivia opened one eye and regarded him before rolling over onto her back, exhaling loudly and rubbing her eyes. “I’m not your kid.”

“Yeah, thank god. None of my kids have ever pistol-whipped me when I gently nudged them awake.”

“You took a running leap and cannon-balled onto my bed like an Olympic diver. I was launched eight feet high and cleared the bedside table. You DESERVED that pistol whipping.”

“Whatever, just get up would you? We’re going to be late.” Elliot replied.

Olivia checked her watch. “Oh shit!” she exclaimed as she jumped up and dashed into the bathroom. She was halfway through brushing her teeth when she leaned out and said, “Will you grab me something to wear?”

“Really?” the man asked in exasperation. “You want me to dress you?”

“In the interest of time, I want you to grab a pair of pants and a shirt for me, yes.” The brunette spoke with a mouth full of toothpaste.

“Again, I don’t even do this for my children.” Elliot replied as he went to her closet and without even looking grabbed a pair of pants. He then went to her drawer and pulled out the t-shirt that was on top. He eyed her under wear drawer. Walking over to it he opened it up and looked around. He leaned toward the bathroom as he said, “Did you want the leopard print thong or the solid black thong?”

“Get out of my underwear drawer!”

“You told me to dress you!”

“I don’t want either of those!”

Elliot crinkled his nose, “Granny panties it is then!” he pulled his pen out of his jacket pocket and used it to extract a pair of underwear and toss them on the bed without actually touching them.

Olivia came out just as her under wear were sailing like a child’s kite toward her bed. “Is nothing sacred?” she asked as she grabbed them off the bed once they landed and brought them back to the drawer. She looked at him as she shoved them back and pulled out another more suitable for work pair. “I can’t believe you even opened my underwear drawer, I thought it grossed you out.”

“It does. You’re like my sister. But I wanted to call your bluff.”

Olivia smirked and tossed the underwear she had in her hand back in the drawer. “I think I’ll go commando.”

Elliot made another, even more grossed out face. “Ugh! If you do that you’re not even sitting in the front seat with me. You’re sitting in the back, on a towel.”

“How about you stop complaining and go make some coffee?”

The man shook his head as he walked out of the bedroom. “Did I miss something? When did I become your little bitch?”

Olivia ignored him and did not respond as she got dressed. Once she was finished, she walked into her living room where Elliot was waiting sipping on coffee from a travel mug. She went into the kitchen and filled another mug. Grabbing her coat, she followed her partner out of the apartment.

Walking through the lobby they passed by the mail boxes. “Have you checked your mail recently?” Elliot asked.

“Ooo, good call.” She stated as she grabbed her key and opened up the box. There was a ton of mail shoved into the slot. She yanked it out, shutting and locking the box before heading out the door. Elliot had double parked the car right out front.

As he drove to work, Olivia flipped through her mail making comments here and there. “Bill, bill, bill, magazine, bill, bill…hey, what’s this?” she said as she tore open a pink envelope.

Elliot looked over, “Pink?” he asked. Rarely, was his partner ever given something in that color.

Once it was open she could tell what it was immediately. “Crap.”

“What?”

“It’s a wedding invitation.”

“Who do you know that’s getting married? I thought I knew everyone that you knew.” Elliot replied.

“Annette Wallace.” The brunette announced flipping the card over.

“Is it happening here?”

“Martha’s Vineyard.” Olivia read with a groan.

“There goes a whole weekend.”

“God,” Olivia began leaning her head back and closing her eyes in frustration. “Is it wrong of me to hope a body turns up that Friday?”

“Yes, yes it is.” Elliot replied as he kept his eyes focused on the road.

When they got to the precinct Olivia tried to quickly toss the invitation in her desk drawer but Munch caught sight of it. “PINK! I see PINK!” he yelled as he wheeled himself over to her desk and grabbed the envelope in the nick of time before Olivia slammed the drawer on his hand.

“Careful! You almost hurt me.” Munch replied as he started looking at the envelope.

“Yeah, ALMOST.” Olivia said let down by the outcome.

Munch sniffed the envelope before he opened it. “Mmmm…its smells like lilacs after a summer rain.”

Fin leaned over and smelled Munch. “and you smell gay.”

“I’ve had wives, I know what lilacs smell like.” Munch replied and added. “I’ve had enough wives to know this is a wedding invitation, and an expensive one at that.”

“Who’s gettin’ hitched Liv?” Fin asked.

“Someone I haven’t talked to since undergrad. I have no idea why she even invited me.”

“Annette Wallace.” Munch added in. “It looks like she’s marrying, Robert Tatum.” Munch whistled through his teeth as he added, “He’s no slouch. This is gonna be one nice wedding.”

“Isn’t that the guy that just sold his share of the Knicks?” Fin recalled.

“Yeah, for a tidy sum. He’s all about money. I’m telling you Liv you gotta go to this wedding. Its going to be worth it no matter what.”

“I hate weddings.” Olivia replied.

“I’ll go as your beard.” Munch offered.

“I don’t think I’m gonna go. I haven’t talked to this girl in fifteen years. I don’t even know why she wants me there. She certainly won’t notice if I’m not.” The woman replied as she leaned way back in her chair folding her arms behind her head.

“Maybe she will.” Elliot began leaning closer to Olivia’s desk. Olivia raised her eyebrow encouraging him to go on. “Maybe she’s been secretly in love with you for all these years and she wants to see you one last time before she gives herself over to the man that she’s settling for instead of you!”

The woman’s face soured into incredulity as she responded, “Do hear yourself right now?”

“Look, my life is all kids and marriage and blah. I need some excitement! You’re my fix!” Elliot defended himself.

“That’s waaaay too much responsibility.” Olivia said trying to shirk the duty.

“Not really Liv. Remember the time you got drunk and karaoked Wham’s Careless Whisper?” Munch reminded her.

“As an encore you openly wept and then made out with Judge Petrovsky’s 19 year old niece.” Fin added.

Olivia cringed as she foggily recalled the incident. “THAT’S why I woke up in SVU’s lockup the next morning!”

“I like watching you drunk-cry. It’s like watching a walrus hold back a sneeze.” Elliot pointed out.

“Liv, you’re gonna fall if you keep leaning back in your chair like that.” Munch pointed out.

“Thanks Daddy.” Olivia replied back mocking and ignoring him.

“Ooh, call me Daddy again.”

“You’re sick.” The brunette said taunting him by pushing herself even farther back in the chair.

“Who’s sick?” Came the voice of Alexandra Cabot as she walked out of Cragen’s office.

Olivia turned too quickly at the sound of the woman’s beautiful voice, lost her balance, and fell backward onto the floor with a crash. The guys responded by bursting into laughter and Alex went to the woman to make sure she was alright.

“Are you okay?” she asked. Olivia awkwardly scrambled, a little too quickly to her feet, causing her to waiver back and forth a little. Alex reached out her hand to steady her again.

“I’m fine.” The brunette answered blushing though internally she questioned whether or not she broke two of her fingers.

“Did I do that?” Alex asked concerned.

“No! No, you didn’t. I’m just clumsy I guess.” Olivia answered. The presence of the ADA always made her uncomfortable.

“Okay. Well, I guess I will see you all later. I have to meet with Leona Goldwater in twenty minutes.”

“You want some back up?” Fin asked.

“Yeah that would be great.” Alex said with a smile. She turned and walked out of the precinct. Fin followed behind her and just before he walked out of the double doors he turned around and whispered, “Suckers!” to the rest of the squad. Everyone had a crush on Alex Cabot.

Olivia watched the woman walk away intently, even craning her neck to try and catch the tiniest glimpse of her as the double doors swayed back and forth. “Roll your tongue back up off the floor and close your mouth Benson.” Elliot replied.

The detective turned back around and shook her head as she pulled a file from the top of a stack on her desk. “Why couldn’t our ADA have been a matronly old woman or some gnarly guy? Why did she have to be the hottest woman I have ever seen?”

“Because God likes to watch you fall out of your chair.” Munch replied.

A few days later found Elliot and Olivia eating hot dogs in their squad car for lunch. Olivia was shoving the last large bite of the hot dog with extra relish in her mouth when her cell phone rang. She started fumbling for it and finally grabbed it answering with a mouth fool of mystery meat and bread. “Howo?” she tried to speak.

“Hello? Liv? Who is this?” asked the voice in the phone.

Olivia’s mouth was still too full to answer so she shoved it into Elliot’s hands and made a motion for him to talk until she could swallow. “Uh, hello?” he said hesitantly.

“Whoa, Liv…you sound like a dude.” The voice said.

“This is a dude, I’m her partner, Elliot. To whom am I speaking?”

“Partner? Like sex partner? Gin Rummy partner? Salsa Partner? Just what kind of partner are we talking about buddy? My girl likes the ladies last time I checked.”

Elliot’s face registered surprise at the forwardness of the voice. “Uh, yeah, she still does ‘like the ladies’,” he affirmed smiling to Olivia as he continued, “I’m her work partner. We’re cops. Who is this again?”

“Cop? Shit, she actually went through with that? Wow, cops. Just tell Liv that Peppermint Paddy is on the phone.”

Elliot turned to Olivia bearing a look of bewilderment as he handed her the phone. “She says it’s ‘Peppermint Patty’?”

The brunette’s eyes went wide with recognition and she grabbed the phone saying, “Shut the fuck up I can’t believe you’re calling me!” Elliot listened intently to the conversation as he put the car into drive and headed back toward the precinct.

“So where have you been all my life Sam?” she asked into the phone. What proceeded was a long one-sided conversation mixed with comments and pauses.

“No I’ve never done that. I can’t believe you HAVE.”

“I don’t really like parsnips.”

“How many times did you have to tell her that before she did it?”

“That’s A LOT of Vaseline.”

“No, he’s just my partner.”

“Not since college.”

“Don’t blame me I thought all cars were designed to do that!”

“Peacocks have nicer plumage.”

“I said PLUMAGE!”

“Well you would say that. You always say that.”

“No.”

“I thought about it once, but then I realized I didn’t have that kind of cash.”

She turned and looked at Elliot like she was appraising him. “Pretty muscular. I’d call him Pecky.”

At the compliment, Elliot re-adjusted himself and squared his shoulders smiling. “Where are you?” she continued.

“I just ate lunch but I might be able to meet up for a drink later.”

She looked at Elliot again. “I’ll ask him but I don’t know what he’ll say. He’s a family man.”

“Alright, I’ll call you after my shift, bye.” She closed her phone, put it back in her pocket and was silent.

Elliot stole a glance at her while keeping his eyes on the road, “Um….you HAVE to tell me who that was.”

“Her name is Samantha Dawson. I went to college with her.”

“Well she certainly has personality.” He stated then after a moment added, “Pecky?”

Olivia grinned. “She asked me if you were one of those beefy cop types.”

“Ooo, is she into muscles?” Elliot asked swelling with pride and enjoying the idea of one of his partner’s friends finding him attractive.

“She’s into girls.”

“Awww.” Elliot replied in defeat. “You’re friends are a real let down to my self-esteem department.”

“Yeah, well when I switched to SVU I hoped for a hot lady cop but instead, I got YOU so we are even.”

“You would prefer I was Alex Cabot.”

“Shut up, I would not.”

“You so would. It’s so obvious you are crushing on her.” Elliot replied.

“Crushing?” Olivia began, “You sound like your daughter’s.”

“Yeah well I am an adult man living in a house full of tweenage women. I fight against it, but it’s rubbing off on me.”

“Clearly.” Olivia said. “Anyway, I’m not the only one who thinks she’s attractive. The whole squad room practically grinds to a halt when she walks in.”

“Yeah, but you are the only one who ACTUALLY drools.”

“I had just gotten back from the dentist that day! They filled a cavity! It was the Novocain!”

“No, you love her. You want to have like ten thousand of her babies.” Elliot said in a girly voice.

“I hate you.” Olivia replied folding her arms across her chest in a very huffy manner. After a few moments of silence she spoke again. “Samantha wants to meet me for a drink later. She wants you to come too.”

“I will totally be there. I gotta meet this girl.”

FIC: Whither Thou Goest 19/19

2009-05-27T12:09:49Z

Both Alex and Nantane’s heart lept into their throats as they pulled apart. Nantane turned to the sound of the voice. “Jacob, I did not hear you.” Nantane said with surprise.

The man was red faced and angry as he stormed toward them. “What are you doing to my WIFE?” he demanded again.

“Jacob don’t-“ Alex began but he cut her off.

“What are you doing to my wife?” he yelled again at the warrior.

Alex moved to take the man’s arm in an attempt to pacify him but he shook her off hard. Alex stumbled backward.

Nantane stepped forward speaking to him to get his focus back on her, “Jacob, my friend. I am sorry.”

“Were you KISSING her?” he demanded.

“Yes.”

“She is my WIFE and you…you…are a WOMAN!” He yelled getting even closer to the warrior in his anger.

“Jacob, I did not wish for you to find out like this.” Nantane replied.

“FIND OUT WHAT!” he yelled. “I knew you were different! I understood that you did many things that men do. But you cannot do this with a woman! You cannot do this with my WIFE!!!” he yelled.

“I love her.” Nantane answered.

As soon as Jacob heard the words he pulled back and punched Nantane hard in the face. It made a sickening thud and the warrior fell to one knee from the force of it.

“Jacob no!” Alex cried lunging for the man’s arm which was pulled back again ready to strike again. He turned when he felt Alex’s weight hanging from him in an attempt to stop him and violently shook her off again.

When Alex fell to the ground he turned and yelled at her, “Did you do this with her willingly?” he demanded.

“Jacob PLEASE!” Alex cried.

“Answer me!” he yelled again. His large chest was heaving with anger and his hands were balled into fists ready for a fight.

Alex was silent as her lungs gulped for air. She did not want to answer but she knew she had to. “Yes.” She answered quietly. Too quietly for the man to hear in his rage.

“What?” he demanded.

“I said YES!” Alex cried out.

Jacob turned to Nantane who was now standing. “YOU did this to her!”

“I love her Jacob, I am sorry.” Nantane answered again. Jacob punched her again. Her head snapped back but she did not stop him or defend herself.

“You cannot love her! I LOVE HER!” he yelled as he towered over her. “She is MY wife!” he yelled again. He kicked her hard in the gut as she was still on her knees. “Fight me!” He yelled throwing another punch. Nantane did not move. “Fight me!” he yelled again. Still she did not move.

“I will not fight you Jacob.” Nantane said calmly through the pain.

Alex was up and moved toward Jacob again. She reached out for him and when he felt her touch on his should her turned around and pushed her to the ground. Nantane was on him in an instant. In one swift move she swept his legs out from under him and he landed hard on his back. She was on top of him but he was a large man and he was easily able to wrest her off enough for them to start wrestling around on the ground. They both threw punches. Alex was yelling for them to stop fighting. Eventually, Nantane was able to pin him on the ground. They sat there for what seemed like long moments staring into each other’s eyes. The warrior jumped off of him standing quickly.

Jacob stood carefully. He was favoring his right arm. He looked at the warrior and then at Alex. Taking a deep breath he looked at the blond. “She says she loves you,” he said to Alex. He continued, “Do you love her?”

Alex looked away from him. “Do you think it is possible to love two people at the same time?” she stated.

“Do not delay the point.” The man replied angrily. Tears formed in Alex’s eyes. She looked to Nantane. “Don’t look at her!” He yelled. “Look at me! Answer me!”

“I LOVE HER!” Alex cried out, the tears now flowing freely.

Jacob’s entire posture slumped when he heard the statement. He stood there silently looking down at the ground. There was a silence while both the women watched the man waiting to see what he was going to do next. He took a deep breath and looked up at the sky. There were tears in his eyes.

“Tell me what to do and I’ll do it.” Nantane replied.

“What is there to be done?” Jacob asked in defeat. “I do not know how I feel.” He replied. He turned and he began to head back toward the village.

“Jacob!” Alex called to him.

“Don’t!” he yelled to her, putting his hand up for her to stop talking or trying to follow him. “I need you both to stay away from me!” he yelled back.

They did not follow him back right away. They gave him the time to get back and get his space. When he was safely gone the women went to each other. Nantane held Alex close as the woman cried. “I never meant to hurt him!” she sobbed.

“Neither did I.” the warrior spoke with regret.

When they eventually returned to the village Jacob was nowhere to be found. Malila approached them and began to speak rapidly to Nantane in Mohawk.

“What happened?” she asked angrily.

“Excuse me?” Nantane replied.

“Jacob is a mess!”

“Where is he?” the warrior asked.

“His is in my home and he’s falling apart.”

“Why is he in your home?”

“Yes, why is he there?” Alex asked in broken Mohawk. Both of the women looked at her in surprise.

“He has no friends here! Who is he supposed to go to?” Malila declared.

Tears filled the blond’s eyes again. “I never wished for any of this.” She stated in English. Malila looked to Nantane and the warrior translated into Mohawk.

Malila took a step forward and began speaking to Alex. “Do you love her?” she asked in Mohawk pointing to Nantane.

Alex understood her without a translation but she did not know how to answer. She looked to the warrior, “Tell her ‘I love her more than anything’.” She said. Nantane translated the words blushing as she did so.

“I hope you truly mean that.” Malila replied then added, “You have already broken one man’s heart, do not break Nantane’s as well.” Alex was able to understand what the woman said.

Jacob did not come out of Malila’s home until the next morning. When he did, it was only to go to the creek and wash up a little. Then he went right back when he was finished. Later that day, Chogan called his sister to the longhouse.

“Sister. ” he greeted as she entered. He was moving even better than before.

“You look even better Chogan. I am so pleased.” Nantane replied embracing her brother.

“Soon I will be free of this building and able to walk around like I used to.” He said happily.

“Everyone misses you.”

Chogan nodded and then changed the subject. “The English are still in the village.”

The brunette nodded. “Yes.”

“We are through the worst of it. We no longer require their assistance. I would like them to leave.”

Nantane nodded. “I will tell them tonight.” As she left the longhouse she was torn. Given what had just happened she had no idea how either of them would react to Chogan’s request. She had no choice but to deliver the news.

She went to Malila’s house and attempted to enter. Malila met her at the door. “I do not know if he wants you to come in.” Malila stated.

“Please ask him. I need to speak with him.” Nantane replied.

Malila disappeared into the house and returned a few moments later. She simply nodded. Nantane entered carefully. She walked into the house and saw Jacob sitting by the fire. He looked up when she got close but said nothing. His face was heavy and fatigued looking. She took a seat on the other side of the fire.

“How is my wife?” Jacob asked his tone ironic.

“She is fine.” Nantane answered.

There was a long silence before the man asked, “How long have you loved her?”

Nantane thought about how to answer. She decided that her friend deserved the truth. “Since the first moment that I saw her.”

“So did I.” Jacob replied. He looked into the fire before adding, “My people would not allow you to be with her.”

“I know.” Nantane replied.

“Why did you not tell me?” He asked.

“I could not tell you. I thought that it would never come to anything. I did not know she loved me for a long time. I thought I could just leave and return to my people and leave the two of you to your lives together.”

Jacob thought about her statement. It was true, she had tried to leave more than once. “You did try to leave.” He agreed.

“Yes, please know my friend that I never wanted to take her away from you. You have been a good and kind friend to me. I never wished to do anything to destroy that.” Jacob laughed at the statement. Nantane looked at him quizzically. “Why do you laugh?”

“Because I believe you.” He stated. “Nantane, I wish I could hate you. I wish I could hate Alexandra but I do not hate either one of you. I love you both. I am simply broken hearted.”

“I am sorry to have hurt you.” Nantane replied.

“I know you are my friend.”

“I am sorry that I have to tell you this as well.” Nantane began. Jacob looked up at her with tired eyes. She continued, “Chogan has asked for you both to return to your English village.”

“He has a strange way of showing his gratitude.” Jacob joked.

Nantane was surprised to hear the man joking. She smiled. “Yes, I am sorry. He is not a very warm man.”

“Have you told Alex?” Jacob asked.

“Not yet.”

“Tell her now, bring her in here.” Jacob replied.

Nantane told Mailila what Jacob said and the woman responded, “I’ll get her.”

Malila exited her house and scanned the village for the blond. She saw the woman across the way helping another woman with some skins. Crossing the village center she called to Alex in Mohawk.

“Alex, your husband asks for you.”

Alex turned with a look of surprise at the statement. She nodded. The woman she was helping took the skins from her. The whole village was aware of what was going on between the two English and Nantane. Alex walked over to Malila and replied in Mohawk, “I am ready.”

Together they walked back toward Malila’s home. The woman spoke to Alex. “I loved Nantane once.”

Alex turned and looked at Malila. It was not exactly a revelation. Given what she had seen of them that day at the creek and the way she reacted to the warrior it was obvious there were feelings there. “I know.” The blond answered.

“I broke her heart. I will always regret that.” She replied. They walked quietly for a few more steps before the woman added. “I do not envy the position you are in. Jacob is a good man.” She looked over at Alex and it was apparent that what she was about to say next was important to her, “I am sorry for treating you coldly. I was suspicious of your intentions with Nantane. But now I believe that you love her.”

“I have never loved anyone more.” Alex said.

When they reached the longhouse Malila guided Alex inside and to the fire where Nantane and Jacob sat. When she arrived she saw how worn out her husband looked and a surge of guilt washed over her. She did not know where to sit. Jacob and Nantane were on either side of the fire. Her choice of seating would be the first indication of her allegiance. She chose to remain standing.

“Go ahead, tell her.” Jacob replied. His motivation for wanting to see the blond’s reaction to the news that they were being asked to leave would be to see what she would do.

“Chogan has asked that you return to your English village.”

Alex’s eyes went wide. “When?” she asked.

“As soon as possible.” Nantane replied.

Alex looked at the two people on either side of the fire. The man she had married and the woman she loved. She thought about her life back in the English village. She thought about her son Caleb. She thought about all that she had been through on the frontier and the loss of her first husband. She looked at Jacob who was looking at her waiting to see what she would say. She looked at Nantane who’s expression was impossible to read. Finally, she looked into the fire in a vain hope that her destiny would magically appear to her in the licking flames.

“I do not wish to return.” She stated.

Nantane looked at her with surprise and Jacob nodded as if he expected the answer then hung his head in defeat.

“What?” Nantane repeated in total shock.

“I said I do not wish to return home. I wish to remain here.” Alex re-stated.

“For how long?” Nantane said.

The blond offered a quick smile to the warrior as she replied, “Forever.”

The warrior stood, “You cannot mean it.”

Alex went to Jacob and kneeled down in front of him. Tears quickly formed in her eyes and her voice was pained as she stated, “Husband, though I do not deserve it, I ask for your forgiveness. I have sinned. I have gone against God and my husband. I am not worthy to be your wife. Please know that I am infinitely sorry for what I have done. Please know that I do love you and never wished anything but your happiness. I know I do not deserve your forgiveness but I ask for your leave.”

“You want to leave me and remain in the village.” Jacob stated.

“I do. I am sorry. I love her. I cannot leave her.” Alex stated.

“What about your son? You will never see him again.” Jacob stated.

“The knowledge of that pains me deeper than you can ever imagine. He is too young. I cannot know what his choice would be and I will not rob him of his heritage. He should live where he can grow up righteously and not follow his mother into sin.”

“So I am to return without my wife.” Jacob said. “Your family will want you to return regardless of your sin.” Jacob said.

Alex sighed as she spoke the next request. “You will have to tell them something that will prevent them from seeking me.” Jacob just looked at her, waiting for her to continue. “Tell them I did not survive.”

“You would have me lie?” he asked incredulously.

“I do not see what other choice I have.” Alex stated.

“You may not but I have many choices. You are my wife. I could return with a group of men and force you to come back with me.”

“I would fight you if you tried.” Nantane replied.

“I do not think anyone else in this village would stand behind you Nantane. I could easily defeat one woman with many men.”

“Why would you fight for a woman who has not chosen you?” Alex asked.

“You are my WIFE!” Jacob replied defiantly.

“What would you have me do then?” Alex yelled back, “Go back with you? Live out our lives all the while knowing that I love someone else more? Is that what you want?”

Jacob became quiet again as he stared into the fire. “I want my life back to the way it was. If I had never found out we could have gone back to the way it was.”

“I would have known the truth.” Alex replied.

“Please leave me.” Jacob said turning away from them both. “I will prepare to leave in the morning…alone.”

Alex and Nantane quickly left the longhouse. They both nodded silently to Malila on their way out. Once they were outside Nantane turned to Alex. “Do you really intend to remain in the village…with me?” she asked it hesitantly as if she feared the answer.

Alex smiled at her a full smile. She replied in Mohawk, “I intend to stay with you forever.”

Nantane’s smile was bigger and broader than Alex had ever seen before as she threw her arms around the blond and picked her up, swinging her around in excitement. When she finally put her down she answered. “I never once dared hope this would happen. I never dreamed you would choose me, I never dreamed we would be together, like this.”

Alex took a step closer to the woman getting very close to her lips as she said, “Well you have me now, forever, what do you intend to do with me?” The warrior closed the gap between them by kissing her deeply and passionately.

The next morning, Nantane and Alex were up early. They went straight to Chogan’s longhouse to speak with him.

When they entered he was eating. When he saw Alex, he put down his food. “Why have you brought the English with you? I thought they were leaving today.” Chogan stated in Mohawk.

Nantane nodded. “Brother, I have come to ask you something of great importance to me. I ask that you hear it with an open mind.”

Chogan looked at the blond and then to his sister. He nodded and waited for her to speak.

“Jacob will be returning to the English village today…alone.” She began, Chogan still said nothing waiting for more information. “You know my brother, and have known for a very long time how much I love Alex.”

“I know you have longed for her like a lost dog, straying from your people.” The man said in Mohawk assuming Alex did not understand.

Nantane felt frustration at his statement but continued calmly, “I love her Chogan, and she loves me.”

“What?” the man asked in surprise. “Impossible, she is married to an English man is she not?”

“She loves me brother.”

“Has she told you so? How do you know it is not a trick?”

“For what gains would she trick me?” Nantane asked. “Your suspicion makes you immune to the truth. She loves me. She wishes to remain in the village with me. I am the daughter of Apiatan, I can have her remain without your permission but I am asking for your blessing.”

“You think this English truly wants to remain here, in our village away from her own people and her own ways? Do you think she can even learn our ways?” he asked.

“I have already learned your language.” Alex replied defiantly in Mohawk. Chogan’s eyes went wide with surprise. He was truly stunned.

Nantane had to chuckle. She looked at her brother with a smile, “I did not even teach her that. She picked it up on her own.”

Chogan walked over to Alex. He stood in front of her appraising her quietly. Having a man a large as Chogan standing in front of her, Alex had to admit, at least to herself, that she felt intimidated. But she refused to let it show. She returned his gaze unflinchingly. “Do you love her?” he asked Alex in Mohawk.

“Yes, I love her.” Alex replied.

“And what of your own people?” He asked.

“I came to this land from across the sea. My blood family is so far away from here that I expect never to see them again. The only true people that I have encountered since my arrival to this land are your people. My own people struggle too much with their rules and desires. I feel no kinship with them and I love none of them they way I love your sister.”

Chogan listened to the speech carefully. He looked at Nantane then back at Alex. For the first time since she met the man he spoke to her in a tone that bore no anger or suspicion. “My sister may say otherwise, but the truth is, I have never been able to deny her anything. If you truly love her as much as you say, then I cannot and will not keep you from her.”

Alex was overjoyed. She wanted to throw her arms around the man and hug him but she knew enough to know that was too much too quickly. Instead, she said a simple “thank you” and she and Nantane left the longhouse.

Jacob left not long after that. His goodbye was simple and quick. He spared few glances at either of the women before leaving on the same path that they had arrived on so many weeks ago.

When he was gone, Nantane and Alex stole off to the creek to find a secluded spot. They were all over each other within seconds. Alex threw herself onto the warrior practically tearing at her clothes. Nantane laughed as she wriggled away long enough to pull her shirt over her head to keep the blond from damaging it. When her breasts were free Alex descended upon them showering them with kisses and nips that made the warrior simultaneously moan and giggle. She let Alex do it for only a few brief moments before using her body weight to roll the woman off of her and she then straddled the blond.

She grabbed Alex’s arms and pinned them above her head. “I’ve got you know.” She smiled.

“You’ve got me forever.” Alex replied.

Nantane pressed her own body harder into the blond’s so that she rubbed herself against the woman’s hip bone through her pants. She released Alex’s hand and began undressing her. She was only slightly more polite than the blond had been about damaging the garments.

Once Alex’s shirt was removed she immediately brought her mouth down to cover a nipple and suck on it until it became hard in her mouth. Alex bit her lower lip when she felt teeth bite down on the sensitive nub.

Her hands went to the warrior’s back and she dug her nails into the soft flesh she found pulling down and releasing bright red trails down a tanned back. This only encouraged the warrior as she moved down the woman’s body biting the blond’s stomach and yanking down her pants. Alex was suddenly naked and exposed to the morning air.

Goosepimples raised on her flesh as the chill hit her and Nantane growled as she witnessed the woman’s body’s response. She moved back up so that she was kissing her again. She let her hands wander over the woman’s soft skin until they reached the apex of her legs. Her fingers danced in the soft curls they found there.

“Oh!” Alex cried as she felt Nantane’s hand so close to her aching center. “Please,” she began. “I need you.”

That was all the encouragement the warrior needed to dip her hand down into the wetness she found. Two fingers plunged deep inside the blond and Alex moaned and thrusted herself down hard trying to take in more of the warrior’s fingers. “More.” She begged as her hands found Nantane’s hair and gripped it tightly. She guided the brunette’s head down her body wanting to feel the warrior’s mouth on her.

The warrior smiled into her stomach on the way, knowing exactly what the woman wanted. She allowed herself to be guided down until her mouth came into contact with the soft curls. She buried her face in them and brought her tongue out trailing it lower and lower until it found her center. She flicked her tongue out and Alex whimpered. Her hands pushed Nantane’s head hard against her body forcing more contact.

The warrior smiled into her as she closed her lips around the wet nub she found and began to suck. Alex’s body began to move hard against all of the incredible ministrations. She began to thrust and buck her body so as to get as much sensation as possible.

The warrior increased her efforts, her tongue was darting all around the flesh she found. Alex’s body was moving of its own accord. She wanted release desperately. Nantane’s strong arm thrusted her fingers deep inside curling them slightly each time she pulled back.

Finally, as her hands threatened to pull out fistfuls of the warrior’s hair she reached her climax crying out with abandon as the orgasm rippled through her. When she finally came to, the warrior was laying next to her watching her breathe. Alex’s heavy lidded eyes slowly opened and she smiled. Nantane smiled back and wrapped her arms around her.

They slowly fell into a contended sleep among the creek side grasses. The sounds of water rolling over rocks, birds in the trees and the wind ruffling the leaves guided them through their slumber. They were finally and forever together.

EPILOGUE

It had been three months since Alex stayed behind in the village. Since that time, what was left of the Mohawk village after the sickness was putting the final preparations together to move their entire tribe just as Chogan had planned.

Alex and Nantane had settled in to their life together. Alex chose to wear the clothes of the women in the village rather than the pants and shirt she had arrived in. The people of the village had taken to her quite easily after they knew she had both Nantane’s heart and Chogan’s blessing. She had also gained their trust when she and Jacob had remained in the village to tend to the sick and dying. Her Mohawk was impeccable and she almost never used her English anymore. She found the warrior to be much more expressive than she even realized once she was able to talk to her in her own language.

One afternoon, she and Nantane were returning from checking some traps that the warrior had set the night before. They had caught two rabbits and were on their way to Malila’s to give her the one they did not need for dinner.

Suddenly, there was a chain reaction of shouts and commotions coming from the eastern entrance to the village. “English! The English has returned!” they yelled.

Nantane and Alex exchanged worried expressions as they hurried to the eastern entrance. When they got there they saw Jacob walking into the village. He was carrying a large pack on his back and had grown a beard.

Alex went to him first. “Jacob!” she yelled. Nantane was right behind her. “Are you alone?” she asked suspiciously.

The man nodded as he smiled at her. “Alexandra! You look well. Savage life suits you.” He said happily. It was strange to hear his tone so lighthearted after the way they had left things not so long ago. He looked at Nantane, “Nantane, good to see you my friend.”

The warrior nodded suspicious of his mood. “You too Jacob.” She replied carefully.

“What is going on? Is everything alright? How is Caleb?” Alex asked.

“Your son is well. You family however was greatly saddened by the news that you did not survive our journey back from Nantane’s village.”

Alex’s face took on a look of surprise. “You actually told them I died? I am surprised.”

“Why should you be surprised? I did what you asked of me. Like any good husband would.” He added almost jokingly.

Nantane stepped forward. “What is the meaning of this Jacob. Why have you returned?”

“Uh, well…it is hard for me to say.” The man began.

Nantane was impatient. Something about the situation felt strange. “You took your leave of us three moons ago. What could you possibly want now?” she asked. As she was finishing, Malila appeared and hurried to meet them.

“Jacob!” she replied happily when she saw him.

“Malila.” The man said his tone changing to one more serious. He looked at all three of them. “I am happy to have caught you before you all moved away.”

“We are very close, we plan to leave within the week.” Nantane replied still suspicious. “Why have you journeyed here now?” Now that she had Alex she would not let her go no matter what the man wanted.

“Nantane, if you do not mind, I have come to-“

Alex cut him off. “If you have told my family I am dead what purpose could you possibly have for returning?”

Finally, in frustration Jacob yelled over both of the women, “EXCUSE ME!” he began, “but I have not come for either of you.” He stated.

The two women exchanged looks. “Then why-“ Nantane began but it was Jacob’s turn to cut her off.

“I have come for Malila.”

The two women looked at each other confused and then at Malila who smiled when she heard the man say her name. She looked to Alex to translate for her.

“He says he has come for you.” Alex said perplexed.

“Tell him I hoped that he would.” Malila replied.

Again, Nantane and Alex looked at each other in total bewilderment before Alex translated, “She says she hoped that you would.”

“Tell her,” Jacob began then blushed adding, “I apologize Good Wife for asking this of you but could you please tell her that I have thought of no one else since I left the village.”

Alex could not help but smile when she heard the man’s words and saw the man’s faced as he gazed upon Malila. “Uh, yeah,” she began then in Mohawk to Malila, “He says that he has thought of no one else but you since he left.”

Once Malila heard that she went to the man and hugged him. When she pulled back they kissed. Nantane and Alex looked away as to give them some privacy.

When they were finished Jacob smiled and went to Nantane hugging her as well. The warrior was still a little surprised by the unexpected turn of events but she willingly embraced her friend. He went to Alex next. He approached her carefully and when she opened up willingly to hug him her bear hugged her back.

“Oh I’ve missed you both so much!” he replied.

“Jacob, I had no idea anything like this was happening while you were here. You seemed so devastated by what happened between us.”

“I was.” He began, “But I spent a lot of time with Malila and though I do not speak very good Mohawk we connected. When I left I found that I thought little about you and more about her. I apologize if that offends you.”

Alex smiled and chuckled, “Well I do not like to think of myself as so easily forgettable but I think I can let it go.”

Jacob smiled, “Good.” He looked to Nantane, “I would like to remain here in the village with Malila. That is, if she will have me.”

Alex translated to Malilla and she responded by hugging the man again. “Nantane, do you think that Chogan will allow me to stay?”

“We will have to ask him.” The warrior replied.

“ANOTHER English wishes to join our village?” Chogan asked in surprise. They had gone straight to his longhouse from the eastern entrance.

Nantane translated her brother’s words for Jacob. Jacob nodded when he heard them and said, “Please tell him this. In the English village, I have no family. I came from England alone looking to find my fortune. Nantane, Alex and Malila are the only family I have known. I wish to remain with them.”

Nantane translated for Chogan. When her brother heard the words he contemplated carefully. “How do you know the English will not look for you?” he asked.

Jacob answered once he got the translation, “I am one man with no family. They will not risk themselves to find one man. Besides, I made my cabin look as if it had been abandoned. They would not even know where to begin to look for me.”

Chogan nodded when he heard the translation. He hung his head for a moment before answering. “Sister you must vouch for him. I put him in your charge. He can remain. I have never thanked him or you Alex for what you did for our people during the sickness. I consider your permission to remain that thanks. But we are leaving this place in one more moon and we will not take on any more English!”

Nantane, Alex and Malila could not help but smile at Chogan’s exasperation. Jacob smiled as well once it was translated for him.

THE END

FIC: Whither Thou Goest 18/?

2009-05-22T01:13:14Z

Nantane remained with Jacob and Alex for three more days. She did not answer them in those three days. Instead, she took the time to truly enjoy spending it with two people that she cared deeply for. On the evening of the third day Jacob pushed her for an answer.

“You have not answered our proposal yet my friend.”

“I know.” The warrior began. “I realize how difficult it is going to be to deny you. I also worry about brining you too close to my village. My brother Chogan is wary of English. If you truly wish to come, you can come halfway. I will go the last half alone. Will that satisfy your request?”

Jacob smiled. “Anything is always better than nothing.”

“Then it is agreed. I would like to leave in the morning.”

As they bedded down for the evening Jacob turned to his wife. “My darling are you ready for this journey?” he asked.

“Yes, I have made it before my darling. It will not be difficult.” She said with a smile.

“But there is one thing that might be.” The man suggested. Alex looked at him quizzically. He turned and grabbed something he had been keeping behind them. He handed her a pair of his pants and shirt. “I know you can do wonders with a needle and thread. I hate to watch you struggle through the bush and bracken in your dress like you did before.” he finished with a smile.

Alex could not believe that he was offering her the clothes. She threw her arms around him gleefully as she exclaimed, “You are the single sweetest man I have ever known!” She grabbed the items and went about mending them to fit for the morning.

Nantane was up before the sun came up the next morning. She was excited to leave. It was heartbreaking to know that the journey marked the end of her extended time with Alex but she was eager to be back in the world again. The constricting walls of the cabin had been almost maddening for the amount of time she had spent within them. She went outside and was content to wait there until Jacob and Alex were ready.

Jacob stepped outside first. He was carrying a bag that easily slung over his shoulder. He smiled at the warrior. “I am ready, Alex should be out soon.”

“Thank you for getting ready so quickly.” Nantane said with a nod. The door to the cabin opened again and this time Alex stepped out. The brunette’s mouth dropped when she saw the blond. She was wearing pants and a man’s shirt. Her hair was tied back away from her face and she carried another pack slung over her back. She walked up to the warrior and her husband with a smile.

“I am ready.” She replied.

“You…you look amazing.” The warrior said.

Alex blushed and she looked down away from the woman. “Thank you. It was Jacob’s idea so I could be more comfortable.”

“Who knew she was so beautiful she could make men’s clothes look good?” Jacob replied wrapping an arm around the woman and hugging her close.

“Shall we go then?” Alex asked stepping away from the embrace. The other two agreed and they set out on their journey.

They walked all day and did not stop until there was only a hint of sunlight left on the sky. Making camp quickly, they were able to put together a modest but filling meal. After they ate, Alex spoke. “Jacob, would you excuse us? I would like to check how Nantane is healing.”

Jacob moved to get up but Nantane stopped him. “I am fine Alex. They do not need to be checked.”

Alex knit her brow as she responded more forcefully. “If this is the LAST time I will get to see you I want to leave you knowing you are physically sound. If not for your benefit than for mine, please le me do this!”

Nantane and Jacob exchanged surprised looks and Jacob continued to rise. “I’ll excuse myself. If you two want to continue arguing about it, so be it.” He walked into the darkness beyond the firelight.

Alex moved toward the warrior. Nantane moved backward. “Please Alex, I am fine.”

Alex was close enough to the warrior that she reached out and began unbuttoning her shirt. Nantane grabbed her hands and stilled them. “Alex.” Was all she said. The blond finally stopped. She looked up with her azure eyes into deep browns.

“I am sorry.” She apologized. “I’m acting like a teenager. The desire to touch you is overwhelming. It is hard for me to fight it. Knowing that this might be the last time I will ever touch you makes the desire even worse.”

Nantane smiled. “For me, touching you now would hurt more than it would be pleasurable.”

“May I please check your wound? I would truly like to know that you are healing well.” Alex spoke honestly.

Nantane leaned back on her hands leaving her stomach open if the blond chose to look. Alex leaned forward and unbuttoned a few buttons. It was just enough to appraise the wound. Her fingers caressed the warrior’s skin as she looked over the scarring. She touched it lightly. “Does it hurt?”

“It is sore and tight sometimes. That is all.”

Alex reached out and placed her hand on the wound allowing her warmth to pass onto the warrior’s skin. Natane shuddered at the touch. “Know that I love you. Forever.” Alex replied locking eyes with the woman.

Natane’s hand covered Alex’s and her eyes welled with tears. “Thank you.” She replied. They sat there for a few minutes longer relishing the moment. Then Nantane replied, “It has been long enough.”

Jacob returned to camp a little bit later and they settled down for the night. Nantane slept on the opposite side of the fire from Alex and Jacob. It was unsettling to see the couple sleeping next to each other. The warrior was beginning to reach her threshold for what she could stand of seeing the two interact as a loving couple. She was grateful to know that soon they would leave her to her village.

The next morning came quickly and all three in the party rose with a heavy heart knowing they would have to say goodbye all over again. They reached the halfway point by a little after midday. Nantane turned to the couple and offered a sad smile. “This is halfway.” She replied.

She watched Alex’s eyes grow wide and knew without the woman having to say a word that she was frantic to find a way for this moment not to be the end. “This cannot possibly be halfway. Let us go farther.

“It is.” Nantane replied.

Jacob looked at his wife and could not bear the sadness in her eyes. “Are you sure?” he asked. “We could go a little farther.”

“I am sure.” The warrior replied with a sigh.

“How can we be sure that you are alright until we see you to the village properly?” Alex pressed. She knew it was silly and that she was delaying the inevitable but if this was to be the last moments of her entire life that she spent with the woman she loved she was going to fight for them.

The warrior’s heart melted when she saw the desperation in her ocean blue eyes. She wanted to stop, to tell them no, to go on alone but instead she relented. Her shoulders slumped and she nodded. “If you wish, you can accompany me the rest of the way.”

The smile that lit up the blond’s face made the acquiescence worth it. Jacob smiled as well. He was excited to see the village the warrior had talked so much about and that his wife had visited. “Excellent.” He replied. The three set off again with renewed vigor.

It took them most of the rest of the daylight hours to reach the village. As they got close Jacob spoke to his friend. “I think I can see it. The path is well worn here.”

Nantane smiled. “Yes we will arrive very soon.” After only about a hundred more yards they were spotted by a scout. Within moments, a squaw came running out to them. Nantane recognized her immediately and began speaking with her in Mohawk. The woman seemed deeply distressed and agitated. It did not take long for Natane’s expression to take on the same seriousness and she turned to Alex and Jacob. “You should leave.”

“What?” Jacob and Alex asked together. They watched as Nantane did not even bother to answer them and hurried into the village. Jacob and Alex looked at each other and simultaneously made the decision to follow her.

As they entered the village, it became quickly apparent what the woman had been talking to the warrior about. There were people and bodies everywhere. It was a sickness and it had infected the entire village.

As they moved through the houses people were reacting to Nantane strangely. People were screaming and calling out her name. The commotion was rolling through the village and people were coming out of their homes to see her. People where running up to her, pushing past Alex and Jacob to touch her and hug her and greet her. When they passed Malila’s house the woman ran out crying her name. She threw herself onto the warrior hugging her to her closely. She began speaking to her in rushed Mohawk and running her hands through her hair as she smiled and gazed upon her.

“Who is that?” Jacob asked totally bewildered by the interaction.

“Her name is Malila. She and Nantane are…close friends.” Alex had to force her lips around the last part of the sentence.

“Neka said you were dead.” Malia stated as she smiled and ran her hands through the warrior’s hair.

Nantane held the woman to her but at a distance as she replied, “I was alive when he saw me last.”

“He assumed you would not survive your injury.”

“Where is he? I would like to let him know just how wrong he is!” the warrior said with a smile. Malia’s eyes quickly welled with tears and she looked away. “What is it?” Nantane asked.

The woman looked back at the warrior and said, “He is dead. He was the first to get this…this sickness. He did not survive. Very few of those who get it are surviving.”

Nantane grabbed the woman’s arms hard and shook her more than she intended to. “Malila! Don’t tell me that! He is dead?”

The look in the warrior’s eyes made the woman desperately wish it was not true but there was nothing she could do. “I am sorry, he has been dead for four weeks now.”

Nantane instantly let go of her grasp on Malila and stepped back and away from her. “Where is Chogan?”

“He is in his longhouse. He…he has the sickness too.”

Nantane didn’t even turn to look at Alex and Jacob she just turned away from Malila and headed with purpose towards the longhouse. Not knowing what else to do, Alex and Jacob followed.

Nantane moved quickly through the streets with Jacob and Alex at her heels. They followed her into a large longhouse. It was smoky and dark the sound of coughing filled the large room. Chogan sat up when he saw his sister. He was clearly weak but he rose and made his way toward her needing the assistance of squaws on either side of him to help him in his condition. They embraced and he spoke to her in Mohawk.

“Sister! Nekka said you were dead!” He hugged her close but quickly noticed her two companions. He pushed her away from him as he exclaimed, “You have brought HER back?” his anger was cut short by a coughing fit. The two squaws guided him back down to where he had been laying.

“They escorted me to see to my safety. I was shot. I am better now.” Nantane replied back to her brother. Alex and Jacob just watched in awed silence having no idea what was being said.

Chogan looked up at his sister with a crestfallen face. “Nekka is dead.”

Alex and Jacob turned to look at Nantane not knowing what was said but guessing it was something serious. The warrior barely flinched. “Malila just told me.”

“He was the first to die.” Chogan said his voice empty. He could not make eye contact with his sister. “It was weeks ago.” He began coughing again, when he finished he looked at Jacob and Alex stating, “I want them gone. We are weak. Our people are dying. I cannot worry about English as well!” Chogan barked.

“They will leave brother.” Nantane agreed. She turned to Jacob and Alex. “It is time for you to leave.” She said in English then adding, “Come with me.”

They followed her as she guided them back through the village. Alex could not keep from speaking. “What is going on?”

“There is a sickness here. People have been dying for weeks. You have to leave.”

“Can we help?” Alex asked earnestly.

“No. It is not appropriate. You should just go.” Nantane said.

“Appropriate?” Alex began a fire building in her eyes and voice, “Your people took me and Caleb in when we were ill and watched over us in our time of need. I think it only APPROPRIATE that I do the same!”

Nantane stopped in her tracks at the statement and spun on her heels to face the woman. “You need to leave! I do not have time to watch you and tend to my people!”

Alex did not even flinch. She got right in the woman’s face declaring, “First of all, I am not a dog to be minded! Look around you Nantane! Your people are sick! There are few left healthy enough to care for them. Jacob and I are two more healthy bodies willing to help. You would be a fool to turn us down!”

The warrior looked around and saw the devastation around her. She knew Alex was right. “You may stay.” She replied.

They worked through the night. People were suffering all around them. The sickness caused coughing, a runny nose, a horrible rash and very high fevers. There were some people who had not become infected but it took all of them working all night long to keep up with all of the death and disease.

When the sun rose, Alex was tending to a small child who was covered in the rash and delusional from fever. All she could do was dab his head with a cloth and keep him as still as possible. With tired eyes she looked for her husband. Jacob was in the same longhouse tending to a young warrior who was moaning in pain.

She looked around for Nantane. The warrior was carrying a wooden bowl filled with water. She was carrying around to each person and making sure they had enough to drink. Eventually she came to Alex’s patient. She gave a hollowed out gourd to Alex filled with water. Alex took it and guided it to her patient’s lips.

“I haven’t seen Nekka since we have been here. Where is he?” Alex asked.

Nantane looked up when she heard her brother’s name. She looked away again. “He is dead.” She replied her voice hollow.

Alex felt her heart drop on her chest. “When?” she asked desperately.

“Not long after he returned to the village.” She replied not making eye contact with Alex.

“Are you alright?” Alex asked deeply concerned for the woman.

“I do not have time to mourn.” The warrior replied as she rose and moved to the next suffering Mohawk.

Alex watched her go and knew that the warrior’s pain was almost imperceptible to everyone. But Alex could tell in the way she carried herself that it was ripping her apart inside.

Jacob was at the creek washing towels in the water. It helped the sick to have the cool water against their feverish skin. Malila came to the creek as well to get fresh water. When she saw Jacob she smiled at him but kept her distance.

He stood when she approached, a traditional custom. Malila looked at him strangely not understanding what he was doing. She nodded at him and took a position a little farther down. When she was finished filling her containers with water she stood again to carry them back to the village.

Jacob stood too and spoke, “Can I take those for you?” he asked.

Malila looked at him strangely and tried to walk around him. He made the motion for her to stop and asked the question again. “Can I take those for you? They look heavy.”

Malila smiled politely again and tried to walk around him. The man did his best to pantomime what he was saying. It looked pretty silly and Malila began to laugh. Suddenly, Nantane appeared and translated for her friend.

“Malila, he wants to carry that for you.” She said in Mohawk.

“Why?” she asked.

“It is an English custom. He is trying to be nice.”

Malila looked at him again and then handed him her containers. He smiled, grateful that he had been understood and nodded to Nantane.

Malila asked the warrior. “How do I say thank you in English?”

“Thank-you.” Nantane said.

“Thhhonk—ooo.” Malila struggled around the foreign word but it was close enough for Jacob to understand and smile.

They waited for Nantane to finish filling her own container before they all headed back toward the village. Malila leaned in close to her friend. “I am surprised the English have remained here to help a bunch of dying savages.”

“Do not speak of them that way. They are good people.” Nantane replied.

“Good to see Alex found another husband. And so quickly.” Malila pointed out. She knew the statement would hurt the woman but she also knew that pointing out the obvious truth was better than pretending.

“Of all the ways you have hurt me Malila, you were always best with words.” The warrior replied.

When they reached the village they found Alex sitting on the ground outside a longhouse her head down. Jacob went to her. “My darling what is it?”

Right when he asked, a man by the name of Chitsa walked out of the longhouse carrying his ten year old son in his arms. The boy was dead. The few who could, followed Chitsa wailing and mourning his loss as he carried his son out of the village.

Alex stood up and brushed herself off. “I am fine.” She replied. She did not want to be the one who could not handle what was happening.

The next few days continued on much the same. People died. Children, once healthy warriors, mothers, fathers, grandparents. The sickness killed most of whom it infected. There were a lucky few who remained healthy throughout. Nantane, Malila, Alex and Jacob worked tirelessly throughout the night and day to provide as much comfort and support to the suffering as possible.

One morning, while Nantane was preparing food, Malila called to her. “Nantane!” The warrior dropped what she was doing and hurried to the sound of the woman’s voice. It was coming from inside her and Tekala’s home. When she entered the house she found Malila next to her husband’s bedside as the man shivered. His skin was broken out with the large flat blotches that she had come to understand was part of the sickness’s trademark. Tekala looked up when he heard the warrior enter but his fever was so high that he did not recognize her when he saw her.

“When?” Nantane asked.

“A few days ago he started coughing. I had hoped it was nothing.” Malila replied with tears in her eyes.

“Stay here with him today. We will be alright.” The warrior spoke. Malila only nodded and went back to tending to her husband.

When Nantane exited Malila’s home Alex was waiting for her outside. “What is it? What is the matter?” she asked.

“Tekala is sick.”

“Is Malila alright? She is not sick…is she?” Alex asked concerned.

“She does not seem to be. I told her to remain with him today. We can work without her.”

Alex nodded and followed Nantane back to the cooking fires to help her prepare the food. As she did so she began reciting something, “ The LORD will protect him and preserve his life; he will bless him in the land, and not surrender him to the desire of his foes. The LORD will sustain him on his sickbed, and restore him from his bed of illness. I said, "O LORD, have mercy on me; heal me, for I have sinned against you."

“What is that?” Nantane asked when she heard the woman speaking.

“It is a Psalm.” Alex replied.

“What is a Psalm?”

“It is a prayer. For the Lord to help us all through this.” Alex said. Nantane just nodded a silent thanks and went about her work again.

Four died that day. Three adults and one child. Jacob and Nantane helped the families bury the bodies away from the village in a sacred place. Alex was left to continue carrying water to the homes to insure everyone had what they needed to tend to their sick. None of them went to bed until long after the sun had left the sky.

They slept in Chogan’s longhouse. Nantane bedded down last. Alex, though exhausted was still awake, waiting to see when the warrior would return. Jacob had passed out long before and was sleeping soundly.

Nantane assumed Alex was asleep too and laid down a few feet away from the couple. Alex crawled over to her quietly once she was laying down. “I thought you were asleep.” The warrior said.

“I wanted to wait for you.” Alex replied. She moved toward the warrior in an attempt to snuggle up with her. The warrior held her at bay with a strong hand.

“Please don’t.”

“Why not? Everyone is asleep, especially Jacob. No one will know.”

“It is too much. I am in pain. Please, respect my wishes.”

Alex looked at the warrior for long moments before scooting away and going back to where she was originally laying down. Eventually she fell asleep.

The next morning when Alex opened her eyes the first person she looked for was Nantane but the warrior was already up and gone. Jacob was already up and gone as well. She got up quickly and hurried through the village trying to find her. With no luck spotting her she finally stopped a woman she had helped a few days before and managed to ask in awkward Mohawk “Where is Nantane?” she was slowly beginning to learn the language.

The woman nodded and pointed to Malila and Tekala’s home. Alex hesitated. She had managed by virtue of the horrible situation around them to avoid an actual confrontation with Mailia since she had been here. They had interacted with each other through the course of helping the sick but because the situation was so dire they did not have time to acknowledge their personal distaste for each other. Entering the woman’s home was a different story.

She resolved to go in. Despite the petty squabbles between her and Malia she certainly did not wish to see the woman’s husband die. Moreover, she sought to put their differences behind them. When she reached the doorway she called into the home. “It’s Alex, may I come in?”

Nantane appeared very quickly in the doorway. Alex peered over the woman’s shoulder when she did so and saw Jacob inside Malila’s home as well. She was surprised to see him there. “What is going on? Can I come in?” she asked.

“You should not.” Nantane said.

“MY husband is in there.” Alex responded with consternation.

“Please, it is best if you do not come in. Tekala has died.”

The fight left her as quickly as it had come on and Alex said nothing else as she backed away from the doorway. With nowhere else to go she sat down next to the doorway in the dirt and waited for them to eventually come out.

When they finally did emerge, Nantane and Jacob were carrying the warrior’s body. Malila followed behind them weeping. Alex wanted to follow them but she did not want to do anything to agitate Malila on the day her husband died. She knew what it was like to be in that position. She watched them leave the village to take the body to the sacred place.

Alex kept herself busy until the group returned. As they walked into the village Malila was practically being carried by Nantane. The blond couldn’t help but feel some jealousy when she saw her. She knew she was being petty but being in the village, amongst the warrior’s people she felt like she was losing her grip on the warrior.

Jacob and Nantane guided Malia back into her home and laid her down to get some rest. When they came back out a squaw found Nantane. “Chogan wishes to speak to you.”

The warrior looked to Jacob. “Can you stay with her? I don’t think she is ready to be alone yet.”

Jacob turned to his wife inviting her in. “Alex and I will stay with her.”

“No!” Both Alex and Nantane said at the same time. Jacob’s eyes went wide with surprise and confusion.

Alex stepped in. “It would be better if both of us were not tied up with one person.” There is much for me to do elsewhere.

She and Nantane exchanged brief glances and Jacob just nodded. “You are right, that is better.” He agreed. Then everyone separated to go to their separate assignments.

The next week was much of the same. Tending to the sick, helping to make large quantities of food to feed the many who were too weak to cook for themselves. A few times Nantane and Jacob snuck away to hunt to add some much needed meat to their meals. They slept very little and oftentimes in shifts. Malila was able to contribute her efforts as well now that she no longer had Tekala to tend to. They were all exhausted but did their best to hide it from each other.

By the end of the week, Chogan called for Nantane once more. When she entered she smiled to see her brother standing on his own. “You do not have to rise for me.” She said to him.

“I rise to show you I am gaining my strength back.” The man said with a smile.

“It is wonderful to see my brother.” Nantane replied embracing him carefully.

Chogan moved to take a seat just as quickly knowing not to overdo it. “I am told that the worst of the sickness is behind us.”

Nantane nodded, “Fewer are sick.” She paused for a moment then added, “I do not know if it is because the sickness is leaving the village or if it is because it has taken so many there are fewer left to die.”

Chogan nodded his agreement. “Less than half of our people remain. We have been decimated.” Nantane said nothing. She simply sat quietly thinking about all of the loss she had experienced over the past couple of weeks. There was so much of it she felt as if she was numb to it. She dared not think of Nekka a single thought of him could bring all of the thoughts rushing to the surface. “What of your English?” Chogan asked.

“They have worked as tirelessly as any Mohawk to tend to our people in this time of need.” Nantane answered.

“I you told at the beginning to get rid of them.” Chogan said.

“I could not turn down the offer of help when we were so many sick.”

The man was silent as he thought about what she had said and what he knew the English had done for their people. He had kept close tabs on them even as he struggled through the sickness. “I am not yet as strong as I would like to be to face the rest of our people. In a few days, I will face them and your English.”

It was a good sign. He did not demand that they leave. Nantane considered it a small victory as she wished her brother a continued recovery and left the longhouse. As she walked through the village streets she realized how empty they were. Now, with a moment to breath amidst the chaos, feeling came rushing over her. She picked up her pace as she headed for the creek to seek some privacy.

Jacob, Malila and Alex saw her go, following her with their eyes. They exchanged looks. “I will go.” Alex said. She surprised both Jacob and Malila when she said it in Mohawk.

Jacob stood to go with her. “Does she need us both?” he asked concerned for his friend. Malila stopped the man with her hand. He watched his wife hurry toward the warrior.

When she reached the creekside she searched for the brunette for long minutes before she found her. She actually heard her before she found her. The woman was sobbing. She had never heard Nantane sobbing before. She wasn’t even close when she saw the warrior quickly turn and use her arm to wipe away her tears. “Alex.” She stated her sharp hearing picking up on the woman’s footsteps even in her emotional state.

“I will never be able to sneak up on you will I?” Alex said with a smile. The warrior wanted to offer a smile back but she could not. Her heart was deeply broken. She stared into the rushing water of the small creek her expression stone. “You were crying.” Alex replied as she knelt down next to her.

“I did not know you were coming or I would not have done it.”

Alex brought her hands up and cupped the warrior’s face. She guided her gaze to meet her own. “I cannot imagine the heartache and anguish you must be feeling. If you are sad, CRY.” Alex stated.

The warrior fought against it for a few moments before Alex’s soft cornflower eyes and her own crushing pain overwhelmed her and she began weeping. She wept and moaned screaming for her brother and the friends she lost. Alex clutched her the entire time. The warrior’s whole body trembled as she clung to the blond. She did not know how long she cried until she lifted her weary head up and gazed again into the soft eyes of the woman she loved.

Alex was surprised at the look she found in the warrior’s eyes. It was desire. Without another word or sob the warrior lunged forward forcing her lips upon the blond’s with crushing force. She pushed her tongue deep inside and her hands reached out grabbing the blond’s biceps hard pulling her close. Alex returned the passionate kiss. The warrior pushed her back and down so that she was lying in the tall creek side grasses on her back. It only took Nantane a few seconds to nimbly remove her own shirt and pants leaving her naked and straddling the blond.

She lunged for Alex again kissing her deeply as her hands found the top of the woman’s pants. With two strong hands she grabbed the sides and yanked them down with such force that the blond cried out. The warrior straddled Alex’s exposed thigh and began to rub herself against it. She took Alex’s hand and guided it between her legs as well.

Alex could not believe what was happening. It was the most erotic and passionate thing she had ever experienced. Nantane was completely feral in her need as she watched the brunette throw her head back in ecstacy. She continued to grind herself against Alex’s thigh and the blond continued her ministrations as well. Within moments, the warrior was crying out as her body trembled in release. When the tremors subsided she slowly she eased herself to lay on top of the blond.

“I love you.” She whispered the fatigue evident in her voice.

“I love you too.” Alex replied running her fingers through the short, damp hair on the woman’s head.

They laid there for a long time before the warrior finally dressed. When she was clothed again they got ready to head back. Before they did, Nantane pulled Alex into one last embrace and kissed her deeply and passionately.

“What is going on?” came the sound of Jacob’s voice.

FIC: Whither Thou Goest 17/?

2009-05-11T23:52:59Z

When it was apparent that the warrior would be staying at Jacob’s for the duration of her recovery, Jebediah and Esther came to take Caleb to their home. They openly expressed their disapproval of having the child in the presence of the warrior. Alex wanted to argue but had to admit that taking care of a wounded warrior and a husband would be much easier without the burden of a baby. Reluctantly, she let her young son go with the Turners.

Over the next two weeks, Nantane slowly began to regain her strength. The two women had exchanged countless glances, and touches but few words over that time. The warrior was not entirely sure why Alex was being so distant. She could only guess it was because she was intruding on the new life that she and Jacob were trying to live together. She felt truly bad about it and resolved to heal as quickly as possible and leave as soon as she had the strength. Jacob kept the conversations going when Alex would not by wanting to hear about her battles with the Huron and more about her village.

One night, while Nantane was still recovering, Esther and Elizabeth called Alex back to the Turner house to help them with a quilt they were trying to finish before one of the town socials. That left Jacob and Nantane alone together for the evening.

Jacob was sitting by the fire cleaning his gun, Nantane was resting in the bed but was propped up. “I am ready to be able to move again.” She said her tone frustrated.

Jacob smiled, “I do not doubt someone as active as you is desperate to have your health back. But you are lucky to be alive. I thank God for that every day.”

“I am thankful. But I am restless. I cannot help it.”

There was a comfortable silence between them for a long time before Jacob added. “Alex has put every bit of herself into your recovery. I do not know what she will do with herself when you no longer require her.”

Nantane smiled as inside she thought, I will always need her. “I know there is much else to do around your home. I will be a burden she will be glad to be rid of.”

“Do not ever say that about yourself. You are the sole reason that my wife is even alive and breathing. She and I both would do anything for you Nantane.” He continued rubbing oil into the wooden handle. After a few moments he looked over at her. “Can I ask you a question?”

“Of course.”

“Have you ever thought about taking a husband? I mean, a man from your village?”

The warrior blushed at the question. She was not used to being asked such things. “I do not think I am the type who would be good with a husband.” She fumbled awkwardly.

“Have you ever been in love?” he asked pushing her.

“Yes, I have.”

“Did he return your love?”

Nantane paused. She contemplated explaining to Jacob that she loved “she’s” not “he’s” but decided better of it and allowed the man to continue thinking whatever he chose. “Yes, HE did.” She enunciated.

Jacob looked over surprised. “Then what happened?”

“It is not that simple. Things get in the way of love. It was not meant to be.”

Jacob could not help but notice how heartbroken the warrior’s voice was as she spoke. His heart went out to her. His friend was so incredibly worthy of love. He truly wished that she had someone to be with.

That night, after Alex came home and she and Jacob excused themselves for bed, Jacob told his wife about what they had talked about.

“I asked Nantane if she had ever been in love.” He whispered to her.

Alex’s body tensed in the dark. She offered, “Oh? What did she say?”

“She said ‘Yes’.”

Alex’s body flushed and she was thankful that the dark was masking her reactions to her husband’s statements. “What else did she say?”

“She said that she still loved him but that things have gotten in the way and that it was not meant to be.”

“Oh. How sad.” Those were the only words that Alex could get out of her mouth as she rolled, curled into a ball and let heartbreak wash over her.

Jacob nestled up behind her wrapping his arm around her. “Did you meet him?” he asked her.

“What?” she asked confused.

“When you were in the village, did you ever meet the man she was talking about?” Jacob asked.

“Uh, I do not know. If I did, she never told me.” Alex replied quietly.

“I certainly would like to meet the man that she fell in love with.” He marveled.

“Why?” Alex asked.

“Because, whatever it was that kept him from being with her cannot possibly be worth it. He would be a fool not to be with her.”

Alex sighed and threw her elbow back hitting her husband in the gut with it. It was meant to surprise and maybe slightly hurt him. The man groaned at the hit. “You do not know the circumstances, you cannot make such a statement.”

“But Nantane is amazing. I might have gone after her myself if I was not so smitten with you.” He spoked leaning in close to her ear. His body pressed into hers and it was obvious to Alex what he wanted. She turned around to meet him prepared to carry out her duties as his wife.

Nantane woke to the sounds of Alex and Jacob making love in the loft above her. When she realized what she was hearing she felt sick. Her instinct was screaming at her to leave, to run out of the house and as far away from it as she possibly could. But her body was not strong enough to do so. She rolled over and pulled the pillow over her head in an attempt to block out the noise but she could not. When she heard Alex moan she tried desperately to control her body’s response to the sound. It was simultaneously sickening and arousing. Before she knew it she had rolled over so hard to the other side in an attempt to do anything to distract herself from the noise that she fell out of bed.

She landed on the ground with a crash. The noise in the loft suddenly stopped. Alex’s voice cried out the warrior’s name. “Nantane!”

The warrior cringed. She struggled to get up. She had been standing and walking around the cabin for the past two days but it was still tenuous and with a lot of effort. She did not have the strength to get herself up quickly enough after having exhausted herself from the day. Her muscles trembled as she tried to lift herself.

Jacob and Alex were by her side within moments. “Nantane, are you alright?” Jacob asked his strong hands gripping her biceps as he helped her up.

“I am sorry. I am fine. I just rolled over one too many times I think.” She lied.

Alex was only wearing her thin shift and her hair was a mess of gold on her head as she helped guide the warrior back to bed. When Nantane was finally back in bed she avoided looking at both of them. Alex looked to her husband. “Go back up darling, I’ll be up soon.”

“Are you sure you are alright?” Jacob asked the warrior.

“I am fine. Thank you for your help.” Nantane replied.

“Alright.” He said as he went upstairs.

Alex watched him go. When he was safely upstairs she went about tucking the warrior in. “Please, do not trouble yourself. I am fine. I am sorry I fell.” She spoke not looking at Alex.

Alex brought her hand up to the warrior’s head and tentatively and lightly touched her hair in an attempt to soothe her.

“Please, do not do that.” Nantane replied trying to move away from the touch.

“I do not mean for it to be anything other than comforting.” Alex replied.

“I know.” Nantane said. Alex did not remove her hand. It continued to linger, unmoving. “Please, let me be.”

Tears filled in Alex’s eyes as she pulled away. “Nantane, he’s my husband.” Alex spoke attempting to address the real reason she knew that Natane fell.

“Please, just leave me alone. It is none of my business.”

All Alex wanted to do was proclaim her love for the warrior. All she wanted to do was climb into the bed with her and hold her until she recovered. All she wanted to do was kiss her and touch her and let her know that Nantane was the only person she would every truly love in her entire life. Instead, she withdrew her hand and with a broken heart, returned to her husband.

After that, it was obvious how uncomfortable the warrior was in Jacob’s home. When Jacob mentioned it to his wife, Alex contributed it to the restlessness of being immobile for so long. Jacob seemed content with the answer and did not ask again. Alex, on the other hand did everything she could to see to the warrior’s needs. Nantane spent much of her healing time outside, sitting under a tree. She enjoyed the sounds of the outdoors and looking at the blue of the sky. She had never spent that much time inside any structure. That coupled with the unbearable expectation that she spend that claustrophobic time in close proximity to the woman she loved without being able to touch her made her ready to jump out of her skin.

The days crawled by. She only ever looked at Alex when the woman was not looking at her. She watched her work and remembered fondly the days when she would linger behind the trees watching the woman work outside her and Caleb’s cabin. It seemed like a lifetime ago.

One morning, Alex and Jacob were preparing to go to the market. Nantane was finally strong enough to be left alone for a few hours without needing immediate supervision. She eagerly encouraged them to go. Alex was clearly hesitant but knew that ultimately, Nantane did not wish to be near her. The realization broke her heart a little more each day. They packed up what they needed to take with them to market and left not long after sun up.

After a few hours of sitting outside, Nantane went back in the cabin and decided to take a bath. She was not strong enough to carry a heavy water pail yet but they had filled it and set on the fire hook ready for her in case she needed it. As long as Nantane stayed by the fire she could clean herself pretty easily.

She slowly removed her clothes and using a cloth specifically for the purpose, dipped it in the water and went about cleaning herself. She had to take it slow or she would fatigue.

Alex was only about twenty yards away from returning to the cabin. She and Jacob had only been at the market a short time when she realized she forgot the blanket she had made for Rachel Bidwell. She turned around and headed back to the cabin determined to get it and deliver it directly to Rachel’s house herself if she had to.

She quickly reached the cabin steps and pushed the door open vigorously. As it flew open, she saw Nantane standing, naked in front of the fire, bathing herself. “Oh!” she yelled when she saw her.

Nantane quickly tried to grab a piece of her clothes to cover herself up but fumbled and was unsuccessful. The action of attempting to cover herself up was not lost on Alex. Nantane had never been concerned with her nakedness before. “Please, I am not dressed.” Nantane spoke trying to hide her body from the blond.

Alex’s entire body reacted to the sight of her love’s nakedness in the fire light. Her mouth watered and she felt herself flush with warmth. She should have turned away or stepped back out of the cabin but she did not. Instead, she stepped forward shutting the door behind her.

“Alex, please!” Nantane begged.

The blond moved closer. “Nantane, I just…” she began as she approached her. She was within arms reach.

“I am begging you to please let me be. I am sorry you caught me like this.” Nantane replied there were tears in her eyes.

Alex reached out. Her hand touched a smooth shoulder and she gripped it. She pulled the warrior towards her. As Nantane turned to look at her the brunette’s face was fearful. “Do not do this.”

Alex’s lips parted as she moved in for a passionate kiss, “I cannot help myself.” She replied, then kissed the warrior with all of the passion she had been suppressing deep inside herself.

Nantane moaned and melted into the blond. Alex’s hands roamed all over the warrior’s warm, naked body. The fire light made parts of the woman’s skin almost burn as she caressed her. She cupped supple breasts and whimpered as she felt them. The nipples hardened against her palm and she deepened the kiss as her lust mounted.

Nantane’s hands cupped Alex’s face and pushed their way into Alex’s tightly bundled hair. She pressed her body against Alex’s, her sensitive skin brushing against the rough fabric of Alex’s dress.

Alex could not believe that she had the beautiful, naked body of Nantane in her arms again. It was intoxicating. Her roaming hands slipped between the brunette’s legs finding her wet with desire. “I want you.” she spoke into the warrior’s ear with a husky voice.

“I’m yours.” Nantane replied her voice and her body in complete supplication. Her body was beginning to feel weak. She allowed Alex to guide her to the bed. She laid down on her back gratefully. Alex moved on top of her. “I am weak.” She said quietly.

“I promise I will be gentle.” Alex spoke. She maneuvered her hand between the warrior’s legs. Once she was between them she pushed insistently but carefully.

The brunette opened herself to the touch. When Alex’s fingers made their way inside her she cried out. “Go slow.” Natane begged.

Alex continued her ministrations but moved her body up so that she could be face to face with the warrior without putting her body weight on her. She kissed her deeply as her hand moved slowly in and out of the woman’s folds. She explored Natane’s mouth with a deliberateness that she could not afford the first time they made love. Nantane’s body was completely open to her. The warrior never imagined in her wildest dreams that she would get to feel the woman again. Having Alex making love to her felt like a miracle. She was so overwhelmed that she cried.

When the blond pulled away from a lustful kiss she saw that the brunette was crying. She leaned in again trying to kiss away the tears. “Do not cry my Love.” She whispered to her.

“I am sorry.” Nantane spoke, then added, “I do not think you understand how much I love you.”

“I love you too.” Alex replied her hand pumping harder as she said it. She wanted to watch the warrior’s face as she brought her to ecstasy. She did not have to wait long. Within moments Nantane was crying out, her whole body trembling as ecstasy rolled like thunder through her weakened frame.

Watching the woman release because of her actions made Alex cry as well. Nantane was so incredibly beautiful. She curled her body around Natane’s and could not resist letting her fingers explore the woman’s face.

It was long moments before Nantane could speak and even then her voice was weak. “I will never love anyone like I love you.” She said her eyes a deep full brown that Alex wanted to lose herself in.

Alex smiled as she played with the strands of Nantane’s hair. “Anyone who takes the time to get to know you falls in love with you. You will find someone who deserves your love.”

“You do not deserve it?” Nantane asked curiously.

“No, I do not.” The blond replied matter-of-factly.

“Why?”

“Because I have gone against God and I have sinned. Truthfully, I am not worthy of anyone.”

“I do not understand your God.” The warrior spoke. “He has too many rules.”

“We must have rules. Without rules we would be…” Alex was cut off.

“Savages?” Nantane asked with a half smile.

“I did not mean…”

“We have rules. But our rules do not cage us. Our rules free us to live with our Creator in harmony.”

“I must admit,” Alex began her voice heavy with emotion, “I do not understand why God would put someone like you before me. You are so good, so wonderful, so brave and so impossible not to love and I am expected not to. It is impossible. I love you so much no matter how wrong it is.”

“I do not wish to cause such turmoil inside you. You are so…so…” she paused and smiled, “I am sorry I do not have the words.”

Alex put her finger to the warrior’s lips. “I know how much you love me. I see it in your eyes every time I look at you.”

“I’m am sorry I do not hide it well.”

“Neither do I.” Alex replied. “I made a promise to God that I would never touch you again.”

“Why would you promise that?” The warrior asked confused.

“It is my sin that caused your injury. My sin almost caused your death.”

“I do not believe that.”

“What do you believe?”

Nantane thought about it. Given what she knew about Alex and the English beliefs she did not know what she believed anymore. The clash of the cultures both in her world and inside her was too much. “I do not know what I believe except that I love you. I’ve fought death for you. I’ll do anything for you.”

Tears filled the blond’s eyes when she heard the words. She shook her head as the drops fell on the brunette’s naked skin. “I do not know what to do anymore. I thought I did. Now, it’s all just so confusing.”

Nantane ran her hand through the blond’s hair as she spoke. “I will be healed soon. I will leave you and you can get on with your life with your husband.”

Alex’s brows knitted in confusion, “You would walk away from me forever?”

“I cannot stay and watch you in the arms of another.” A tear rolled down her cheek as she added, “But my heart will remain with you, forever.”

Alex began crying openly as she uttered, “I do not deserve you.”

A few hours later Jacob returned home. By that time Nantane had re-dressed and was napping. Alex was finishing dinner. When she turned and saw Jacob walk through the door her heart sank. She did not love him. The painful realization made her feel sick. She had hoped that she could force the love. She had prayed that eventually, if given enough time the love would grow from amiable to romantic. But she knew, looking at him smiling at her that it was a lie. She was lying to herself. It was an impossible situation.

“Hello Beautiful. What is for dinner?” Jacob asked.

“Porridge.” Alex replied forcing a smile onto her face.

Within another week, Nantane was feeling much better. She was able to help Alex and Jacob with chores and maintain her strength for most of the day. When the evenings came she tired quickly but it was a welcome difference from the bedridden status she had endured for weeks.

One night, over a dinner that Alex had prepared, Nantane made an announcement. “I am ready to return to my village.”

Both Jacob and Alex looked up in surprise. Jacob spoke first, “Are you sure you are healthy enough?”

“I will not know until I try. I think that I can do it.”

“There is no rush my friend. You are welcome here as long you need.”

“I wish no disrespect to you Jacob, but I am tiring of my situation.”

“I understand. I know how mobile you naturally are.” Jacob said smiling lightly.

“You are not ready.” Alex stated simply but sternly.

“I am sorry Alex, but I am.” Nantane replied.

“I DO NOT agree!” the blond practically yelled as she stood abruptly and walked out of the cabin slamming the door behind her.

Nantane stood to follow her but Jacob stopped her. “I will get her. I am sorry for this.” He said. He left the cabin and found Alex by the woodpile. “Alex?” he asked.

“Please Jacob. Not now.”

“My darling, I do not want her to leave either but it is not our decision to make.”

“We cannot just let her walk out into the woods. There must be something we can do.”

Jacob was quite as he thought about it. “What if I went with her?” he suggested.

“What do you mean?”

“She is not completely well. What if I accompanied her? To make sure that she makes it back. At least that way we could be sure that she got there safely.”

The sides of Alex’s mouth turned up in a smile and she leaned forward placing a soft kiss on her husband’s lips. “That is a wonderful idea.”

They came back into the cabin. Nantane was looking over her things getting them ready. She looked up when she saw them. “Is everything alright?”

“We have a proposition for you.” Jacob said. The warrior’s eye brows raised with curiosity as she waited to see what he would say.

“Both Alex and I question whether or not you are ready to travel unaccompanied. What if I came with you?” he said.

Nantane moved to speak but Alex cut her off. “I would come too.”

The warrior and Jacob looked at her. Jacob spoke. “My darling you can’t,” he began but she cut him off as well.

“I CAN! I have already been there. I have already made the journey. Based on that alone, I am more qualified than you. I refuse to be left behind.”

It was obvious that Jacob wanted to speak. His mouth opened and closed a few times but no words came forth. Nantane broke the silence. “I do not think it is necessary.”

“Will you at least think about it?” Alex asked.

It was clear that Nantane did not wish or need to think about it but when she looked into the woman’s eyes she was helpless to deny her. “I will think about it.”

FIC: Whither Thou Goest 16/?

2009-05-04T14:17:24Z

The boys screamed as the shot rang out and Matthew, Jacob and Alex tore through the brush to find Nekka on the ground as David pointed his shotgun at him to keep him still. Nantane was on her back on the forest floor bleeding.

“Noooooo!” Alex screamed as she beheld the scene. She dove into the middle of the men and the guns throwing herself on top of Nantane to protect her. David was screaming at Nekka not to move. The warrior did not understand English but knew enough to stay still. “Stop! Put your weapons down now! Stop! Stop!” Alex yelled at the man as she used her body to shield both of the warriors.

“Jacob get her out of here, I’m going to kill them both!” David screamed.

“David! Put your weapon down!” Jacob cried.

“They have our children tied up!” The man yelled back his weapon shaking in his arms from his rage.

“They did not do this!” Jacob screamed.

“I’m going to kill them!” David yelled again. He felt a hand on his shoulder. He turned anxiously and saw Jebediah’s face. “Put your weapon down David and look around.”

David did not put his weapon down but did look around. When he looked around him he saw the dead bodies of more savages. It was becoming clearer what had happened. He still was not sure but he was confused enough to know that it was time to put his weapon down.

When he did Alex turned to Nantane and put her hand on the woman’s face. “Nantane, speak to me, please speak to me.” She said frantically. Nantane’s eyes fluttered open and when she saw Alex she smiled but was too weak to speak. She had been shot in the stomach. Alex ran her hands over her love’s face caressing her and talking to her as tears streamed down her own cheeks. “You are going to be okay, I promise. I promise you will be alright.”

Matthew cut the boy’s ties and asked them, “Boys, what happened?”

“It was those men! Those men captured us. Nantane saved us father! She saved us!” Malachi yelled through tears. He could not believe the warrior had been shot. “Is she going to be okay?” he begged.

Jacob was at Nantane’s side as well. Alex offered a reassuring look to Nekka who nodded to Alex. He was clearly worried for his sister as well. “We cannot leave them.” Alex spoke.

“What are we supposed to do with her? Matthew asked incredulously.

“We have to bring her back, she needs to be taken care of properly, she’ll die out here.” Alex replied her voice still desperate.

“She could die on the journey back.” David replied and then looked at Nekka, “What are we to do with him?”

Alex was angry. She stood and got in David’s face as she replied, “They have names. He is Nekka. She is Nantane. And you shot her. I will not leave her alone to die. If you leave without her you will leave without me as well.”

“My darling, David is right. She might not make it.” Jacob spoke.

“We have to try!” Alex cried with tears streaming down her face.

Jacob nodded and turned to the men. “We will build a litter.” He began instructing the men on what to get. Alex smiled at her husband thankful for his support. She knew without him she would have not being able to convince them men to bring Nantane back.

She went back to the warrior and was thankful to see her chest still rising and falling. Nekka was sitting next to her watching over his sister. Alex had not seen Nantane’s brother since he had escorted her back to the English village. They had spent three days in almost total silence since neither spoke the other’s language. But she felt a kinship to him. She knew that he knew how much Nantane cared for her. She looked at Nekka and pointed to his leg she asked him with awkward hand gestures if he was alright. The man nodded. He showed her that his injury was minimal.

As Jacob worked with the other men to build the litter he watched his wife interact with the warrior. It seemed strange how comfortable they were with each other.

Finally, the litter was built. The men carefully put the warrior on it and were prepared to set off. Jebediah looked to Nekka and nodded. “Thank you for saving our boys.” He said to the man. The warrior shook his head not understanding.

Alex walked up to him and again, using hand gestures did her best to explain to him that they were thankful. She was not positive the man understood but he did nod his head. She then set about trying to explain that they were going to take Nantane back to the English village.

At first, Nekka seemed to object but Alex was patient and continued to explain to him. She was surprised when the man used an English word. “Love.” He said.

Her eyes went wide with surprise. She nodded. She did not know if the rest of the party had heard him say it and she did not care. “Yes. Love.” She answered back as she pointed to his sister. The warrior nodded and walked with her toward the men and the litter.

“He is coming too?” David asked in surprise.

“He is her brother. He will not leave her.” Alex responded.

“You interpreted all of that from hand gestures?” Jacob questioned.

“No. I know who he is.” Alex replied. She did not follow up the statement. The men exchanged looks between them and then looked to Jacob. It was clear from the man’s face that he was just as confused as they were. It was concerning for all of them but none more so than Alex’s new husband. Since there was no time to stand around and discuss it, the party started off. The men pulled Nantane’s litter with Alex and Jacob walking ahead and the boys and Nekka bringing up the rear.

They made good time. Everyone was eager to return home. Jacob said little as they walked. His main focus was making sure that Alex and the boys were making their way without trouble. His thoughts were also pre-occupied by Alex’s interaction with Nekka. It seemed familiar. Something was off. He let it go for the rest of the ground they covered that day.

They finally stopped and made camp well after the sun had set. Alex immediately went to Nantane’s litter to tend to her. She crouched down and caressed the warrior’s face, brushing back her short, sweat-dampened hair. “Nantane, can you hear me?” Alex spoke just seeing the warrior in a weakened state brought tears to her eyes.

The brunette’s eyes fluttered as she struggled to open them. Her lips strained to move but they were stuck together from thirst. Alex looked around until her eyes met Nekka’s. She made a hand gesture for water. No one in the rescue party had anticipated their search and return would last this long and as a result, they had not brought enough water.

Nekka stood carefully despite his wound and nodded knowing where to get water. Alex turned to look at the men. “She needs water. We all need water. Nekka knows where to get it.”

“You are pretty good at communicating to him.” David observed.

Alex did not vocally acknowledge the statement. Instead, she turned to Jacob, “Someone needs to go with him to help him get it.”

Jacob stood, “I will go.” The two men headed off in the direction that Nekka chose.

Alex went back to Nantane. “Can you talk?” she asked her quietly. The warrior’s eyes squeezed shut hard as if she was fighting off pain and she did not speak. Alex leaned in close so she was against the warrior’s ear. “You cannot die my love. Please hold on.”

She did not linger at the woman’s ear too long knowing that they eyes of the men were constantly on her. She pulled away but remained seated next to the woman. “I think she is conscious but she will not talk.” She announced to the men.

“That is good I suppose. I have no interest in dragging a dead savage around the forest.” Matthew remarked.

Alex stood quickly and without a word walked up to Matthew and slapped him across the face. It was a bold move but she did not care. Jebediah yelled. “Alexandra! You are beyond your boundaries here! You will NOT do that again!”

“I will not be present to such remarks made about the person that SAVED your children from death or worse!” she declared.

“What do you care about a dead savage woman?” David responded.

“I care because she is more than that to Jacob and I.”

“As you demonstrated by her heretical presence at your wedding.” Jebediah pointed out.

“I say we leave her here. She is going to die, it is just a matter of time. Jacob and Alexandra are only one man and a woman. We should have the final say in this matter and I say we leave them.” David argued.

“I said it before and I will say it again. If you leave her here, you will be leaving me behind as well.” She stated firmly.

“Your loyalty is greatly misplaced Goody Daniels.” Matthew said emphasizing Alex’s last name.

“You will see that my loyalty is directly in line with my husband’s.” Alex said angrily.

No one spoke again until Jacob and Nekka returned almost an hour later. When they did Nekka handed the water skin to Alex who immediately gave some to Nantane. She poured some water on her fingers and pressed them against the woman’s lips. When the warrior did not immediately respond she poured more water on her fingers and began to rub the moisture into the brunette’s lips in an attempt to get her as much water to her as possible.

After a few moments of this, the warrior’s eyes fluttered as she struggled to open her eyes. They opened just a crack and she looked up at the blond. Her mouth opened enough to allow a small amount of water in and she drank very carefully.

Jacob and the rest of the men were engaged in a passionate conversation about what had gone on while he and Nekka were retrieving water. Nekka was on the other side of his sister’s litter saying nothing but watching over her.

Nantane’s eyes moved to look at her brother. She licked her lips and looked as if she was struggling to speak. When she did it was in Mohawk. She was only able to get a handful of words out in her weakened condition.

“Nekka, go back to the village.”

Alex watched as whatever Nantane said made her brother angry. He responded by stating emphatically, “No! I will not leave you with these people!”

“I do not have the strength, please, do this.” Nantane spoke.

Nekka crouched down and took his sister’s hand. Tears were forming in his eyes as he spoke to her. “I love you Sister.”

Nantane did not answer, she did not have the energy. Instead, she just squeezed her brother’s hand and in her eyes, let him know how much she loved him.

Nekka stood and looked at Alex motioning for her to walk over to him so they could speak away from Nantane. The other men in the group watched the interaction carefully but could not hear what was being said.

Nekka made hand motions to indicate that he was going to return to his village. Alex knew, even though she did not speak Mohawk that that was what Nantane had asked of her brother. She knew the woman’s tone too well. She nodded at Nekka and handed him the water skin for his journey. He refused it. He used his hand to touch his heart and then pointed at Nantane. “Love.” He said.

Alex nodded, “I know you love your sister. She knows that as well.”

Nekka then placed his hand on Alex’s chest over her heart and then pointed to Nantane, “Love.” He said again.

Alex nodded emphatically. “I love her too. I promise she will not be alone.”

Nekka smiled, he was happy to see the love in the blond’s eyes for his sister. Though he did not wish to go, he had to do what his sister requested, especially if it was her dying wish. He did not spare any of the other men a look as he turned and walked into the forest.

The other men walked up to Alex as he disappeared. “What just happened?” Jacob asked concerned.

“Nantane spoke. She asked him to leave, so he left.” Alex replied tears in her own eyes as she realized that might be the last time a brother got to see his sister.

“He left his family to die with strangers? What a Godless race.” Jebediah replied.

Alex’s eyes bore into Jebediah’s angrily but she did not retort. She was too tired and did not care anymore what the man said. She walked over and sat down again next to Nantane. Eventually, everyone else settled down for the night as well.

Nantane did not speak again that night though Alex stayed awake as much of it as she could in case the woman chose to. She made sure that the warrior had enough water and was as comfortable as possible. The wound had stopped bleeding for the most part but they had no clean cloth to clean it with or to create a new dressing.

Before the sun even rose, Alex woke the group and they continued on their journey. The rest of the men were eager to get back to their village and if they had to drag a heathen savage through the woods to do it they did not care as long as they got back home. They made good time and by not stopping even at midday they made it back to Jacob’s cabin by the time the sun was setting.

Nantane’s condition had not changed. It was troubling. On the one hand, it was good that she had not gotten any worse, but on the other, she had not improved. She had not spoken again since the night she told Nekka to leave. The men helped Alex and Jacob get her into his cabin. They laid her in their bed and Alex immediately went about tending to the woman.

Jacob stepped outside with the other men to talk before they left. “Your continued association with this savage has gone beyond the point of practical necessity Jacob,” Jebediah began as he spoke for the group. “She is a woman and a savage. You cannot continue to foster this relationship in this manner without the rest of the village taking notice. I would suggest that whether she heals or dies, that the relationship be severed now before it does any damage to your and Alexandra’s standing in the community.”

“Is that a threat my friend?” Jacob asked knowingly.

“It is the way of this land and our lives in it. I do this out of concern for you, not because I wish you harm. I hope you will see that.”

“I see that a person is suffering and I wish to help them.” Jacob replied. “I thank you for helping us get her safely back and I would hope that you are thankful for what she did for your children.” He reminded them. The men looked down at the statement ashamed by his words. They climbed in Jebediah’s wagon and left.

Jacob watched them go. Once they were out of sight, he went inside his home. He watched as Alex carefully washed the warrior’s wound. “How does it look?” he asked not actually looking at the warrior’s body since she was female.

“I cannot tell.” Alex said her voice deeply concentrated on her task.

“When you are finished, I would like to speak to you.” Jacob replied as he stepped back outside to chop wood.

About a half hour later, Alex stepped out of the cabin and spoke to her husband, “You wanted to speak to me?” she asked.

Jacob brought the ax down hard into a log and it split half-way through. He used his leverage with the ax to force the log the rest of the way apart. Tossing the two split pieces toward the woodpile he turned and looked at his wife. “You were able to communicate with Nekka quite quickly. Had you ever met Nekka before?” he asked.

It was a surprisingly pointed question and Alex did not expect it. She would not lie to her husband. “Yes, I have.” She replied steeling herself for the conversation that was about to take place.

“When?” he asked, pressing the issue.

“My dear husband, there is much that you do not know.”

“I beg that you tell me. There should be no secrets between us.” He stated.

Alex felt the heat rising and her cheeks flushing as she began to speak. “I have not told you the entire story,” she began and then started over, “I have not told anyone the entire story of what happened when our farm was attacked and Caleb was killed.”

“What do you mean?” the man asked surprised.

“I have known Nantane for a long time.” She began. “The first time I met her she saved my life.” She went on to tell Jacob all about how Nantane saved her from a bear attack, helped her find a missing sow, fought off a Huron attack and finally how Nantane, Nekka, Chogan and Apiatane saved her and Caleb from the Hurons. She told him about how they brought Caleb back to their village to tend to him and how he did not make it. Finally, she told him how Nekka guided her back to the village.”

The man’s face was a mixture of confusion and wonder. When he finally did speak he asked, “So the day I introduced you to her, you had already known her. Why did you not say something then?”

“You have seen first hand the way the people in this village have treated her. They might have gone after her and her village if they would have known that Caleb had been there.”

“And why did Nantane not tell me anything?”

“She was honoring my wishes I imagine. That is what she always does.” Alex said as her heart clenched in her chest.

Jacob could not believe what he had heard. He knew his friend was an amazing person, but he had no idea how truly heroic she had been toward Alex and Caleb. “She did all of those things for you?” he asked in amazement. “I have never seen her do anything without taking consideration for others over herself first. I pray to God that she lives.”

“So do I.” Alex replied. She turned and went back into the house worried that she had left the warrior alone too long. Jacob went back to splitting wood. It helped him take his mind off of the dying woman in his cabin.

Alex walked over to the warrior and picked up a damp cloth daubing it on her forehead and cheeks. “Oh my love,” Alex began caressing the woman’s face. “Please stay strong. I promise I will not leave your side. I will take care of you and love you the way you have deserved all along.”

The warrior did not wake for the rest of the night. In the morning, Alex shooed Jacob out the door so she could bathe the woman. She knew it was essential to keep her and the wound clean. After boiling water over the fire, she brought it over to the warrior and set it down. She needed to let it cool a bit before could wash her with it.

Alex went about carefully undressing the warrior. A tear rolled down her cheek and her heart broke as she thought about the last time she had undressed the woman. She carefully lifted her up from the waist and pulled up her shirt to pull it over her head. It was the shirt she had made for the brunette. She folded it and laid it next to the bed. Dampening a clean cloth, she began to wipe it down over the warrior’s body. She noticed something she had not picked up on the night they made love. Scars. There were scars all over the woman’s body. Some deep, some light but they were there, dozens of them.

She thought about all of the fights and battles the woman must have been in to get the scars. It was ironic that of all of the times she had survived vicious fighting only to be taken down by the bullet from a merchant’s gun.

Nantane’s condition did not change for the rest of that day. Alex kept the woman’s lips moist by occasionally dipping her fingers in water and running them over the warrior’s lips massaging the water into them. She did everything she could think of to keep the brunette comfortable. She and Jacob went to bed that night in their loft but slept little as the condition of the woman weighed heavily on both their minds.

The next morning Alex woke early before her husband. She got out of bed carefully and dressed quickly. Once she was dressed she snuck out of the cabin. She walked with purpose behind the cabin, finding a calm spot where the early morning sunlight shone down warming her shoulders as she knelt. On her knees, she clasped her hands together and began to pray. “Holy Lord, I have sinned times without number, and been guilty of pride and unbelief, of failure to find Thy mind in Thy Word, of neglect to seek Thee in my daily life. My transgressions and short-comings present me with a list of accusations, but I bless Thee that they will not stand against me, for all have been laid on Christ. Go on to subdue my corruptions, and grant me grace to live above them. Let not the passions of the flesh nor lustings of the mind bring my spirit into subjection, but do Thou rule over me in liberty and power. “

Tears were filling in her eyes as she realized how truly sinful she had been. Could Nantane’s current condition be a result of Alex’s own sins? Guilt gripped her heart as she considered the possibility. She looked up into the heavens and spoke again. This time not a memorized prayer but a simple plea to heaven. “Lord Almightly I beg you, I KNOW what I have done. I KNOW that I am a sinner. I have been lustful, I have forsaken my family, I have lied, I have committed more sin that I can even count or recall. I do not deserve Heaven. I do not deserve your love or grace. I do not even have the right to ask this of you but I have nowhere else to turn. Please, dear, almightly Lord save Nantane. Do not let her die. She has been good and virtuous without even knowing you. She is a better Christian than many that I have met and she knows you not. She does not deserve to die. Not like this, not now. I would give ANYTHING for her. I would do ANYTHING for her. If it is a matter of my life for hers than please take mine! I know I have sinned. I know that I lust after her. I know I will go to eternal damnation in hell for it. I just need her to live. Please save her. She is good and righteous and…and…” she stopped in her prayer. She wanted to finish the sentence with “and I love her.” But she did not. Though it was undeniably true, and God knew her heart without having to declare it she kept it silent, hoping against hope that somehow he would ignore what he knew and save the woman anyway.

She remained on her knees for long moments afterward crying and praying. The sun rose higher and higher and she remained. It wasn’t until Jacob walked around the side of the house and spoke her name that she snapped out of her reverie. “Alex.” He said her name when he found her.

Alex’s head turned when she heard her name and she began blushing. “Oh, Jacob, I am sorry. I did not mean to be out here so long. I need to get back inside and check on Nantane.” She spoke as she got up and started walking back toward the entrance to the house.

Jacob caught her by the shoulders as she tried to walk past. “My darling, what were you doing?” he asked concerned.

Her heard dropped and tears sprang forth anew as she answered, “I was praying for Nantane.”

The man smiled and embraced her in a strong hug. She held onto him her tears staining the sleeve of his shirt. “I begged God to save her.” She confessed.

“I do not know what God plans to do for her. I wish she was Christian.” He said sadly. He released his wife and watched as she walked back into the house her shoulders hanging low in a defeated posture. His own mind was still reeling from all of the things that Alex had told him about Nantane. The warrior had been watching over Alex and by her side for a long time now. He could not believe how courageous and good the woman had been to his wife. He offered his own prayer to God that he spare the warrior’s life.

That night, after they had eaten dinner, Alex sat next to the warrior mending a pair of Jacob’s pants. Her fingers shook as she worked the needle through the fabric. She had barely slept since Nantane had been injured. She had little appetite. Jacob was reacting similarly and though he noticed his wife’s condition, he understood the cause and did not trouble her about it. Alex’s ocean blue eyes narrowed as she pushed the needle carefully through the fabric right at the seam. Suddenly she heard a groan. It was low and weak but it came from the warrior.

She dropped her mending and turned to the woman. “Nantane? Nantane can you hear me?” she asked hope leaping into her chest and making her eyes dart wildly. She watched as the warrior squeezed her eyes tighter before opening them just a sliver. Her lips moved a bit and it was apparent that she was dry.

“Hold on! Hold on let me get you some water!” Alex spoke so excited she was beginning to cry. She jumped up and practically slammed into Jacob who was behind her excitedly watching what was happening. She laughed and moved around the man to hurry to the water pail. She brought it over along with a small wooden cup.

When she came back over to the bed the warrior had not moved but her eyes were still opened. It was not possible to really pour any water into her mouth because she was laying down completely horizontal. Instead, Alex did the same thing she had been doing. She dipped her fingers in the water and ran them over the warrior’s lips letting the heavy drops make their way into her parched mouth. It was a different situation to do it when the warrior was conscious. It was incredibly intimate. Once she did it a few times, Nantane was able to move her lips and tongue a bit more freely.

Alex ran her hands through the warrior’s hair obsessively trying to keep it out of her face though it was never in her face to begin with. Jacob stepped closer to the bed side and spoke to the warrior.

“How do you feel?” he asked smiling down at her.

The brunette’s bloodshot eyes moved slowly looking at each of them. “Tired.” Was all she was able to say and it was barely above a whisper.

Alex’s was freely crying with joy now and when she heard the word she smiled and ran her hand over the warrior’s cheek. “Rest then, just rest. You can sleep as long as you want!”

They both watched as the warrior’s barely open eyes closed shut and within minutes she was sleeping deeply again.

Jacob and Alex were so happy that they embraced and when they pulled back Jacob kissed her. The kiss quickly deepened and soon they hurried up to the loft where they had been sleeping to make love out of joy and relief. They were careful to be quiet so as not to disturb the warrior.

The next day, around noon, Nantane woke again this time for longer. Her eyes opened wider and she was able to sit up enough to drink from the cup. Alex had to hold it but she could at least take her own sips. Alex did not push the warrior to talk. Instead, she told her the story of what had happened after she was shot. She also told Nantane that she had told Jacob everything that had happened before.

The warrior nodded and still said little. Later in the day, Alex made a light broth for the woman and she consumed it gratefully before falling back asleep. By the third day, Nantane was sitting up and staying conscious for longer. She still chose to speak very little and never more than just the words that conveyed what she wanted or needed.

Jacob was finally comfortable enough leaving the warrior that he felt he could walk into the village to buy some things at the market. He left Alex and Nantane alone letting them know he would be back that evening. It was the first time that the warrior had been conscious when Jacob was not around.

Alex filled a bowl with broth and brought it over to the warrior. She sat it down next to her and used a damp cloth to daub at the woman’s forehead and cheeks again. Nantane closed her eyes and let the feeling of Alex tending to her wash over her. It was doing more for her ability to heal than anything her own body was doing. When Alex finished, she opened her eyes again and did not take them off of the blond even as Alex fed her the broth.

Alex blushed but did not say anything. Once she was done feeding her, she wiped her mouth carefully and then went about cleaning up the dishes. When everything was clean she came back and expected the warrior to have fallen back asleep but she was still awake. She smiled at her and took a seat next to her. She picked up the warrior’s shirt and went about mending it.

Looking over at the brunette she offered, “I will make sure your shirt is all mended. I did not do it before in case…” she did not finish but Nantane knew what she meant.

“Thank you.” She responded.

Alex felt her frustration rising and she turned looking at the warrior as she exclaimed. “I know you can say more but you are not. How do you feel? Will you tell me how you are feeling?”

“It is not necessary to speak about.”

Alex leaned forward and ran her hands through the warrior’s hair. “Please tell me. I am so worried about you.”

Nantane squeezed her eyes shut and kept them closed as she answered. She did not want to speak but she had to, “I am in pain.”

Alex let her hands run over the warrior’s cheeks comfortingly. “I don’t want you to be in pain. I am so sorry. What can I do?”

Nantane wished she could say what she really felt. She wished she could tell the woman that her touch was healing her and making her stronger and beg her to never stop touching her. Instead, she answered, “You are taking good care of me. I am grateful.”

Tears fell down the blond’s face. She wanted to tell the warrior how much she loved her. She wanted to hold her and never let go. Instead, she moved back to her chair and picked up the mending to start her work again.

The two women both sat there not speaking and both wishing desperately that they could tell the other how they were truly feeling.

The next day, Nantane found the strength to move her arms. Not a lot, and not for long but she had the strength to do it. Jacob was outside working on building a new fence. When Alex walked past the warrior she spoke up. “Alex.” She said to catch the woman’s attention.

Alex turned and stopped by her bedside. “What can I do?” she asked.

“I want to clean myself.”

“Oh, I have been doing that for you.” Alex said. After the words came out of her mouth she blushed.

“I think I have the strength to do it.” The warrior said.

“I will get you the water and cloth.” Alex replied as she went about heating the water in the bucket. When it was ready she brought it over to the warrior. She dipped it in the water and then handed it to the woman. Nantane lifted the blanket off of herself and began rubbing the cloth over her body.

She looked away but stood by her side in case the warrior needed her. After only about a minute the sounds of Nantane’s fatigued breath could be heard and finally she spoke. “I will finish later.”

Alex turned and smiled gently taking the cloth from the warrior’s hands. “That is not necessary. I will finish it.” She said.

She started over as if the warrior had not done it at all. She was used to doing it a certain way at this point and had a pattern. Nantane closed her eyes. It was too much to have Alex cleaning her. She was thankful that she was too sick to have her body react the way it wanted to.

“Can I ask you a question?” Alex asked as she worked.

“Um, yes.” The warrior spoke carefully trying to keep her voice calm.

“Where did all of these scars come from?” Alex asked as she allowed her finger to touch one on the warrior’s hip.

“That one came from Chogan when we were kids. He dropped me on a sharp rock when we were wrestling.”

“What about this one?” Alex asked tracing a deep circular one on her bicep.

“A Huron arrow.”

Alex brought her hand up to her own face to push back some stray strands of hair that had fallen out of the bun on her head and continued working.

“You are so beautiful.” Nantane said unable to keep everything in.

Alex looked up from her ministrations and blushed again looking away. “Thank you.”

“I am sorry. I should not have said that.” The warrior said closing her eyes to fight off the wave of sadness.

Alex did not know what to say. All she wanted was to throw herself on top of the warrior and lavish her with kisses and love. She wanted to caress and kiss her face and tell her how exquisitely beautiful she thought Nantane was. She wanted to hold her hand and love her forever. But she knew she could not. She could never do it again. God had answered her prayers and brought the woman back from the brink of death despite Alex’s sins. She would not sin again. Not where the warrior was concerned. She would nurse her back to health and let her go back to her village to be happy and healthy with her own people. She had to put her own selfish desires aside to ensure that the warrior was safe. It would be painful for both of them but it was what was best for all of them in the long run.

She never responded to what Nantane said. She simply finished the bath and covered her back up carefully. The act had thankfully tired the woman out anyway and she soon fell asleep again.

FIC: Whither Thou Goest 15/?

2009-04-28T02:11:02Z

Malachi was on a mission. He left the Turner home with a small satchel on his back and headed to the home of another boy named Ezekiel. The boy was outside chopping firewood when he got there. “Zeke! I need to talk to you.” He called to him.

Zeke threw the ax into the wood and hurried to talk to his friend. “What is it Malachi?” the boy asked eagerly.

“I will tell you once we get Jonah. Do you know where he is?”

“The market, helping his father and mother with the cloth.”

“We need to get him too. Then I will tell you my plan.”

They went to the market and called to Jonah. After begging from his parents they relented and let him go to be with his friends. The boys ran many yards away until there was no one around. Only then did Malachi feel safe enough to tell them his plan.

“Come on Malachi, we have been waiting. You have to tell us what is going on.” Ezekiel said with excitement.

“Alright. You know my friend Nantane, the Mohawk warrior?” he began.

“Is she really your friend? I do not know that I believe you.” Jonah countered.

“She is my friend. She was supposed to take me hunting.” Malachi defended.

“But she did not. That does not sound like a friend to me.” Jonah continued.

“Jacob and Alexandra got married and Nantane left. She seemed upset. I think that she felt like Jacob no longer wanted to learn how to hunt if he was married. So she left but I know where she went.” Malachi answered.

“How do you know?” Zeke asked.

“Alex told me the direction of her village. I know how to find her.”

“I do not believe you.” Jonah said.

“Then come with me. When we find her she will teach us all to hunt and fight like warriors.” Malachi said with excitement.

“Leave the safety of the village to find a Godless savage woman?” Jonah began, “This does not sound like a good idea.”

“It is a good idea and I am going to go find her. You do not have to come if you do not want. I will go with you or without you.” Malachi replied.

“I will go with you!” Zeke replied eagerly, “I want to meet one of the savages.”

The two boys looked at Jonah. He was slightly younger and always did what his parents told him to do. He rocked back and forth on his heels as he debated. “When will you leave?” he asked.

“Right now.” Malachi replied.

Jonah mulled it over for a few more minutes before putting his head down and sheepishly replying. “I think I will stay here.”

Malachi took a step toward Jonah trying to intimidate him. “If you do not come you cannot tell anyone where we went. Do not get us in trouble Jonah or when we come back I will wallop you!”

The young boy cowered and nodded quickly. “I will not say anything. Please trust me Malachi.”

“I need to stop at my house on the way to get some things for the trip.” Zeke replied.

“When will you be back?” Jonah asked.

“After we find her and hunt with her.” Malachi replied as if it was obvious.

The two boys bid goodbye to Jonah and headed back to Ezekiel’s house to gather his things before heading into the woods. Jonah went with them and then to the tree line to see them off as they headed into the forest. He said a silent prayer that his friends would be alright on their journey.

The boys started off their journey in high spirits joking, laughing and chasing each other as they headed toward Nantane’s village. They made good time and were deep into the forest when the evening came. They made a small camp and fire to settle down for the evening. Malachi and Zeke had each taken some food from their homes to live off of until they reached the village. As they ate, Ezekiel asked about Nantane.

“What else did Alexandra tell you about her?”

“She told me that she is a fierce warrior who defended her own people against a horde of Huron warriors.”

“She was in a battle?” Zeke asked then coughed.

“Yes, she fought off armed men and survived without a scratch!” Malachi replied with enthusiasm then added, “And Jacob says she is the best hunter and trapper he has ever seen.”

“I cannot wait to meet her.” Ezekiel said his mind already playing out the encounter. “Though it is strange, that a woman is a warrior.” He coughed and then finished, “It is amazing that she can fight off grown men.”

“You would not expect it to look at her. She is not very big. It will be good for us because we are not big yet either. She will teach us things we can really use.” Malachi said with a smile.

“Let’s get an early start in the morning.” Zeke said and Malachi agreed. They went to bed so they could wake up early and still be rested.

The next morning they gathered their things quickly, put out what was left of their fire, and headed out once more. They walked for a few hours getting deeper and deeper into the forest when they came to a rushing creek. They were thirsty and felt dirty so they decided to wash up. They stripped down to their trousers and waded in to wash their faces. They were so busy enjoying the water that they did not notice they were being watched from behind the trees.

They finished up and pulled their shirts on over their wet backs. As they trudged back up onto the bank their eyes fell upon the ones who had been watching them. Five Huron warriors stood, blocking their path. Their eyes looked fierce and their faces, terrifyingly dark from a life spent in the heat of the sun. The man in front wore a green English made shirt and held an ax in his hands. The rest of them had their weapons drawn as well.

Malachi and Ezekiel clung to each other in terror as they looked at the men. “Is one of these men, Nantane?” Zeke asked hopefully but knowing that it was unlikely.

“No, I do not see her.” Malachi whispered back.

The man in the green shirt spoke in a language the boys could not understand. He barked at them in a tone that sounded like a command. The boys simply stood, shaking. The man barked again, seeming frustrated that they did not understand. When the boys still did not move, he turned to the rest of the men and said something to them. The men went to the boys and grabbed them roughly. One of the men pulled rope from a bag over his shoulder and tied their hands together. They tied them on the same rope so they could be pulled along behind the party as they began their journey again.

“We are still headed in the direction of Nantane’s village. Do you think these men are friends of hers?” Zeke asked. Both boys were more scared than they had ever been.

“I do not think so Zeke but I do not know.”

When one of the Huron’s heard the boys talking he backhanded Malachi hard across the face and yelled at him. Zeke cried out at the unexpected violence and received a backhand as well.

Esther and Jebediah were worried. Malachi had not come home for dinner last night. He had not come home at all. It was not like him. When he did not show up in the morning they decided to go find him. The first place they thought he might have gone was Jacob’s. They got in their wagon and headed to Jacob’s house, not wanting to lose any more time.

Alex answered the door when they arrived. “Is Malachi here?” Jebediah asked her.

“No, why would he be?” Alex asked as she held Caleb on her hip.

“He did not come home last night. We hoped he was here.” Jebediah said anxiously.

Jacob came to door and spoke with a concerned tone, “You have not seen him at all?”

“Not since breakfast yesterday.” Esther added.

Jacob grabbed his coat and hat from next to the door and stepped outside as he put them on. “Come Jebediah, I will come with you to look for him. Esther is welcome to stay here with Alex.”

Jebediah nodded and though the last thing Esther wanted to do was sit still while her boy was missing, she had to defer to the will of her husband. She stepped inside and took Caleb from Alex for comfort.

“We will be back soon. Hopefully he is just at one of the other family’s homes.” Jebediah said comfortingly though he did not believe it.

They went to Ezekiel’s family home first. When they got there they found Sarah, Ezekiel’s mother in the same state as them. “Zeke did not come home last night either. We have not seen him since yesterday morning.”

“They must be together.” Jacob said.

“Did he say anything about going anywhere yesterday to you Sarah?” Jebediah asked.

“No, nothing. He was outside chopping wood the last I saw him.”

“We need to try the Lowells. Jonah might be with them too. That three always run around together.” Jebediah spoke.

“David is out looking for them already, if you see him.” Sarah replied about her own husband.

The men nodded and hurried to the wagon. They reached the Lowell home and found David already talking to Matthew Lowell. “No, Jonah was home all night. I have not seen Malachi or Ezekiel.” He looked up when he saw Jacob and Jebediah. He greeted them both and repeated what he had just said to David.

“Where is Jonah?” Jebediah asked.

“He is at the market with his mother.”

“He might know where they went.” Jebediah concluded. All of the men agreed and left together in Jebediah’s wagon to head to the market to find Jonah.

When they reached the market and the Lowell’s cloth stall they quickly intercepted Mary Lowell. David spoke first. “Goody Lowell, Malachi and Ezekiel did not come home last night, where is Jonah?”

Jonah was in the back of the stall. “He is here.” Mary Lowell replied. “Jonah come here now.” His mother commanded.

The boy walked slowly forward. He knew this moment was coming. He had known it would come when he watched the boys walk away yesterday. He stood before them all and looked up at them without saying a word. His father spoke.

“Jonah, Malachi Turner and Ezekiel Dye did not come home last night. What do you know of this?” his father asked.

“Nothing father.” Jonah replied but his answer was shaky. His mother knew he was hiding something.

“Jonah, lying is a sin before God. What do you know of Malachi and Ezekiel?” she repeated.

“They made me promise not to tell.” Jonah spoke quietly.

“So you know where they are?” Jebediah said eagerly.

The boy shook his head. “I do not know where they are sir, I just know where they are going.”

“Where are they going?” David asked feeling like the conversation was similar to pulling teeth and being in no mood for it.

“The warrior woman.” Jonah spoke.

David, Sarah and Matthew all exchanged confused looks but Jebediah and Jacob knew exactly what the boy meant. “What does that mean Jonah?” Matthew asked his son.

“I think I might know,” Jebediah began his voice angry. “What did Malachi say about the warrior woman?”

Jonah could not make eye contact with Malachi’s father as he spoke, “He said that the warrior woman was going to teach him how to hunt and fight. He wanted to go find her.”

“Nantane.” Jacob said his heart falling at the realization.

“A savage? Is he referring to that savage that taught you how to trap Jacob?” Sarah asked.

“Yes. But she left two days ago to return to her village. Malachi knew that. I would not have thought the boy foolish enough to try and find her.”

“How do you know she did not take him and Ezekiel? Those savages are known to steal English children. There are stories of it up and down the coast.”

“She would never do that. Besides I watched her leave myself.” Jacob defended his friend.

Sarah spoke up angrily, “She is a Godless heathen. How do you know she did not come back for them?”

Jebediah put his hand up to stop the speculation. “We know nothing for sure until we find them.”

“How can you say that about her?” Jacob asked incredulous.

“How can you put so much trust in someone who is not even Christian? I did not say she took them. I just said we do not know. Now is not the time to argue about a savage! We need to find the children.” Jebediah spoke.

“I will come with you.” David replied.

“So will I.” Matthew added. All of the men got on the wagon and only stopped at their homes long enough to retrieve their shotguns. Jacob was apprehensive about bringing that much firepower but he knew that there was nothing he could do to stop the other men.

They could not take the wagon into the woods so they agreed to take it to Jacob’s house and leave it there. By the time they got there it was already noon. Alex threw open the door as soon as she and Esther heard the sounds of the horse and wagon. The two women came running up to the wagon.

“He is not with you? What did you find out?” Esther asked when she did not see her son with the men.

Jebediah frowned as he stepped out of the wagon. “My wife, he went to go find the savage.”

“Nantane?” Alex asked surprised that the woman was involved at all.

“Yes, Malachi and Ezekiel went to go find her. They are convinced that she is going to teach them how to hunt and trap like she taught Jacob.”

Alex closed her eyes as she remembered the day of her wedding. “He did seem very hurt that she had left without saying goodbye. I never would have guessed that he would do something like this.” She said sadly.

“We must go find them. They could get lost or worse.” Jacob replied.

“She could kill them or take them away from us forever.” David spoke up.

“She would not do that.” Alex spoke with conviction.

“How do you know?” David countered.

Alex was more than willing to argue with the man but knew it would serve no purpose to do so. Instead, she handed Caleb to Esther and stated with firmness, “I am coming with you.”

The men instantly objected and Jacob took a step toward her to stop her as she tried join their group. “You cannot my dear.”

“I can, and I will.” Alex spoke pushing past him. “I lived with Caleb on the frontier. I am perfectly capable of going back there.”

The other men looked at Jacob expecting him to correct the situation. Jacob, for his part did not really see how he could or should. Nantane was Alex’s friend too and she was right, she had spent more time on the frontier than any of them. Instead of trying to stop her, he simply stepped aside. The other men did nothing until he urged them, “Let’s go!”

They set off into the woods determined to find their children as soon as possible.

The Huron party had stopped for the day. They tied the boys to a tree and one stood watch over them as they rest set out to hunt. Malachi and Zeke were exhausted from the pace and though their arms were tied above them they leaned against the tree and did their best to rest. Zeke hung his head low and was sobbing quietly.

“Be quiet Zeke!” Malachi whispered angrily.

“Malachi, I do not feel well.” The boy replied coughing.

“You will have to do your best to stay calm. I do not know what else to tell you.” Malachi whispered to his friend.

The rescue party was only a few hours into their hike and already the fathers were getting agitated. They began talking amongst themselves about “savages” and how much they disliked them. Jacob and Alex chose to hang back and not participate in a conversation they did not believe in.

“I am sure that Nantane has no idea that the boys are even out here. If she did, she would do everything she could to find them and return them home.” Jacob said.

“Yes she would. I know it.” Alex agreed. She was careful not to say too much, even to Jacob. They continued on until the sun hung low in the sky. Having still turned up nothing, they had to force themselves to make camp.

The Huron party did not return from hunting until the sun had already set. The Huron that had remained to watch the boys greeted them when they returned and congratulated them on their kill. The boys watched as the men pointed toward them and asked the one who had been watching questions.

“I wish we knew what they were saying.” Malachi whispered.

“So do I.” Zeke replied as they watched the men talk.

The next morning the rescue party came upon an old campfire. Jacob kneeled down and put his hand over it. “It is not warm still but it is wet. This was put out fairly recently.”

This energized the group and they continued on at a hurried pace hoping to over-take them though they still did not know who or what they would find.

“I wish Nantane was with us. She is such an amazing tracker. We would have already found them if she was.” Jacob said quietly to Alex.

The pace was harder for Alex because of her dress but she did not complain she just pressed harder.

Nekka and Nantane had come upon the same fire about an hour earlier. They both recognized the campsite immediately as Huron. “Looks like a hunting party.” Nekka spoke as he walked around the campfire.

Nantane looked over at a tree a small distance away from the fire. She noticed the bark was worn in a ring around the tree. It was very light and difficult to see but she knew what it was immediately. “They have captives. Look at the tree.” She pointed for her brother. The man nodded seeing the same thing she did. They did not know what kind of captives they had but regardless, they wanted to help.

They picked up the pace knowing they could over take the group quite easily as long as they kept pace. They had no idea that the rescue party was also hurrying to catch the hunting party.

Just when the sun was cresting in the sky, Nantane and Nekka caught up to the party. They stayed far enough back to ensure that they would not be detected as they tracked them. Peering through the foliage Nantane felt her heart sink in her chest when she saw who the captives were.

“Malachi.” She whispered.

“Who is it?” Nekka asked.

“Alex’s nephew. I know him. I do not know his friend but we have to save these boys.” She spoke to her brother. He nodded. They began picking up the pace. They remained as silent as possible but were preparing to over take the men. With any luck, the Huron would not hear them until it was too late.

The leader of the Huron party, the man in the green shirt put his hand up to stop the group. He could hear something. He turned and the other men followed suit. When they turned two Mohawk warriors burst out of the bushes with weapons drawn.

Instantly there was vicious fighting. The Huron that pulled the boys along by their rope quickly pushed them out of the way knocking them down in the process before jumping into the fray. The boys watched with a mixture of terror and amazement as the two Mohawk warriors attacked Huron captors. They began screaming and cheering for Nantane and Nekka.

As the rescue party continued their hurried pace they suddenly heard the sounds of a struggle and the boys screaming. They broke out into a run.

Nantane and Nekka had succeeded in defeating the Huron captors. They had managed to surprise them and take out two of them before they even had time to react. The man in the green shirt proved the hardest to take down and he managed to cut Nekka in the process. It was only a superficial wound on his thigh but it bled a lot. He went down and was not able to tend to the boys while Nantane finished off the last Huron man with a lethal blow to the back of his head.

Once she was sure the man was dead she turned to her brother. She spoke to him in Mohawk. “Are you alright?”

He nodded as he ripped off part of his own shirt to make a tourniquet. Once it was tied he stood carefully and walked over to the boys. Nantane was helping them up. “Are you both alright?” she asked as she helped them stand. They were still tied. She pulled her ax so that she could cut the rope.

The rescue party was running as fast as they could. Alex was trailing behind not able to run as fast as the rest of them in her clothing. Jebediah and David were ahead and they could see the bodies of their boys. David’s shotgun was already loaded and ready. He was prepared to shoot on sight. They burst through the brush to find Nantane holding the rope the boys were tied to. Assuming she had them captive David raised his gun, took aim and shot.

FIC: Whither Thou Goest 15/?

2009-04-09T14:55:05Z

The day of Alex’s wedding arrived. Esther and Elizabeth were fussing over her talking more to themselves her as they made sure her dress was just right.

“I’ll never understand why you wanted to have the wedding at Jacob’s cabin instead of our home.” Esther complained.

“It is not something I want to make a fuss over. It is my second marriage.” Alex replied.

“Nonsense, we are your family. It is proper for the wedding to have been in our home so that we could have given you away decently.”

“You are still giving me away. Besides, I have never much cared for what is proper.”

The two Turner women exchanged knowing glances when Malachi came running in. “Alex! Alex! Jacob told me Nantane might come. Is she coming?”

Elizabeth and Esther looked at each other in alarm. “Of course not Malachi, do not say such things!” Elizabeth chided her brother.

Alex spoke over the girl. “It is possible that she will come. She was invited, but I do not know. We will just have to wait and see.”

“You cannot do this Alexandra, it is blasphemy!” Esther exclaimed angrily.

“A savage at a holy ceremony!” Elizabeth declared in alarm.

Suddenly, Alex’s voice carried over all of them. “ENOUGH! This is MY wedding day and whoever Jacob and I choose to invite is OUR choice. I will not hear another word about it!”

Everyone became quiet and Esther and Elizabeth went back to working on her dress. Alex said nothing as her mind raced with thoughts of the warrior. Ever since their night in the forest she was consumed with the memory of it. She lost herself in the memory of what the woman tasted like, the way her skin felt, and the sound of her voice as it cried out in ecstasy.

“Finished.” Esther declared. Alex continued to stand still. Esther looked at the woman and repeated louder, “Finished!” Alex still did not move. “Alexandra we are ready to go, are you?” she asked grabbing the woman by the shoulder this time.

“Oh, oh, sorry. Yes, I am ready if you are.” Alex replied blushing.

“What on earth were you thinking about? You looked like you were a thousand miles away.” Esther said.

“How wonderful your marriage is going to be?” Elizabeth asked assuming she knew.

“Uh, yes. That is it. My marriage.” The blond said nodding.

The three women walked out of the Turner home to find Jebediah and Malachi waiting with the horse and wagon. “You’re carriage my lady.” Jebediah said with twinkling eyes.

Alex smiled and hugged the man. No one around her would have guessed that it was the saddest day of her life. She was determined to keep it a secret. “Thank you Uncle. “

“You look so beautiful. I can only imagine that you looked even more beautiful on the day you married our dear Caleb.”

Alex did not expect the statement and the reference to Caleb. “That day will always have a special place in my heart.” She said with a tinge of sadness. Malachi helped her into the wagon along with Esther and Elizabeth and the party started off toward Jacob’s cabin.

Jacob was fussing over his vest. He was pacing back and forth as he did so. After a few minutes of this, he was interrupted by Nantane’s voice. “My friend you are shaking like a leaf.” She said as she stepped toward him. She placed herself in his pacing path so he could not continue. She reached out and helped him fix his vest.

Jacob looked at the woman who was deep in concentration to make sure he looked just right. “I am so very glad you decided to come today. I do not think I could have done this without you.” He said sincerely.

A wave of guilt so strong it threatened to knock her off her feet washed over the warrior and it took all she had to keep any hint of it from her eyes. “I think you would have been just fine without me.” She said with a smile.

“You are the best friend that I have here. I have always looked to you for strength. You are more than just a savage who taught me to hunt. You are one of the finest people I have ever known.” Jacob spoke.

Maybe it was the emotions of the day that caused the man to speak so openly and deeply to his friend, but regardless of what it was, it served to make the warrior feel a sickening combination of sadness, regret and shame. She looked up and him and did the only thing she knew how to do. She spoke honestly. “You have always accepted me and trusted me when others of your people did not. You are a good man, a good friend, and I know you will make a good husband.”

Tears welled up in Jacob’s eyes as he threw his arms around the woman. “Thank you Nantane.” He said hugging her fiercely. When he finally let her go he saw that the woman was blushing. He chuckled, “I am sorry, I seem to be more emotional than usual today. It is not every day that you get to marry the woman of your dreams.”

“You are right about that.” Nantane agreed looking away.

They only waited a bit longer before they heard the sounds of Jebediah’s horse and wagon outside. Jacob stepped outside to greet them and Nantane followed. Everyone smiled widely at Jacob. When they saw Nantane, all but Alex and Malachi frowned. They were clearly unhappy that the savage was present at the ceremony.

The Turner’s had stopped and picked up the pastor on their way to Jacob’s and when the man saw the warrior he quickly went to have a word with Jacob. Elizabeth ignored the warrior completely walking past her as if she did not exist. Malachi ran up to her and began talking incessantly. “Nantane, Nantane! How are you? Where have you been? Have you been hunting? What have you killed?”

Jebediah quickly hushed his son and grabbed him by the arm pulling him away. He looked up at Nantane and nodded curtly to her. It was one thing to be forced to interact with the warrior occasionally because of Jacob, it was entirely another for a heathen to be present at a Christian marriage ceremony. Esther followed her husband’s lead and did the same.

Alex was the last of the wagon group to meet the warrior’s gaze. Feelings of love and longing surged in both of them when they saw each other. She walked up to the brunette and hugged her much less passionately than she wanted. Nantane, aware of all eyes on her, barely returned the embrace though her heart screamed at her to hold onto the woman for dear life and never let go. When the blond stepped back she said quietly, “I did not know if you would come.”

“It meant too much to you both not to.” She said indicating both Jacob and Alex.

“She is a good friend.” Jacob said as he returned to Nantane’s side after having strong words with the pastor. He had to tell the man that he did not care what it meant to have a savage at a Christian ceremony. Nantane was a friend of both the bride and the groom and either she stayed, or the marriage did not occur. He looked at Alex and his face noticeably softened. He stepped up to her and took her hands in his. “You look more beautiful than I ever could have imagined.”

Knowing how to play the part, Alex looked at him and returned the sentiment, “You look very handsome.”

Jacob blushed but before he could say anymore the pastor spoke up.

“It is time.” He began telling everyone where to stand. He left Nantane for last. Instead of looking at her, he spoke to Jacob. “You can tell your friend that she is to stand behind you to the right.”

“She speaks English.” Jacob replied. The pastor stubbornly said nothing and Nantane moved to where she was told without additional instruction.

The pastor began speaking and Nantane became lost in thought. Alex looked so beautiful. Her soft, golden hair was down with the sides tied back and accented with light purple wild flowers. Her simple white dress was a bit lighter and more open than the dresses she normally wore making her look younger and more vibrant. All Nantane could think about was what it would be like to be in Jacob at that moment. To marry Alex. Her heart ached in her chest just from considering it. She loved her more than anything. The idea that this was the last time she would ever see her was so painful that she had to force the realization deep down so she could get through the ceremony without feeling sick.

It didn’t take long for the pastor to finish his speech and get to the part that she dreaded most. “And now, with the power vested in me by God Almighty, I pronounce you man and wife.”

Everyone cheered and Jacob took Alex in his arms and kissed her. It was not a deep kiss, that would have been inappropriate, but it lingered for long moments while everyone cheered and rejoiced. Nantane offered a small smile and looked away.

Everyone mulled around for afterward congratulating the couple. Nantane stayed back. She knew that her presence was already making everyone uncomfortable and she did not wish to make it worse by standing close to them. Besides, her heart hurt and though she loved them both, she was not eager to be close to the new couple.

Soon, everyone had said their congratulations and Esther, Elizabeth, Jebediah and Malachi went about retrieving the food they had brought with them to bring into the house to prepare for the wedding meal. They were happy to go inside with the pastor and leave Jacob and Alex to speak to the warrior.

Jacob turned and with a larger than life smile on his face once again fiercely embraced the brunette. He laughed and slapped her hard on the back. She did the same. She could feel joy emanating from him and even in her own sadness it was infectious enough for her to offer him a smile and a heartfelt “Congratulations my friend.”

When he finally let go of her Alex stepped toward her smiling. Nantane did not look at her. Alex hugged her anyway. She leaned forward and whispered quietly in the warrior’s ear, “Please hug me back, none of the others are around this time.”

Nantane brought her arms up and hugged her back but her effort lacked the conviction that Alex was hoping for. When they pulled apart Nantane replied still without looking at the woman, “Congratulations Alex. It is a good man that you have married.”

“Are you alright?” Alex asked ignoring the sentiment. Nantane would not look at her and it was making her feel panicked inside.

“It is a lot of emotion. I am not used to it.” The warrior replied.

Jacob stepped in placing a hand on his friend’s shoulder. “You said it yourself my dear,” he began talking to Alex, “She is not used to our customs.” He smiled and added, “Please come inside and celebrate with us.”

Nantane stepped back as she said, “I am not welcome by anyone but you. I do not wish on such a happy day to bring any conflict. I am going to go.”

“Go?” Alex asked pleadingly.

“For good?” Jacob asked as well not expecting this exact moment to be the moment he had to say good bye forever to his friend.

“Yes. You are a good hunter and trapper now. You no longer need me and my village does.”

“I was not yet prepared to say goodbye to you my friend. But if you are determined to go then I understand.” Jacob said. He punctuated the statement by hugging her yet again, this time more fiercely than the last two put together. Nantane hugged him back just as hard. She truly did consider the man the best friend she had outside of her own people. It was hard to say goodbye to him. After long moments he finally let her go. When he did he stepped back to let Alex say her goodbyes. He did not step far enough back however, to give them any privacy.

Alex felt sick. The love of her life was about to walk away from her forever. If she had been any less of a person she might have spent the last few moments she had with the warrior cursing the unjust circumstances she was trapped in that conspired to give her no choice but to let the woman she loved go forever. Instead, she forced down the tears and nausea so she could with a clear head, always remember the last moment she gazed at her love. “I did not expect to have to say goodbye so soon to you either.”

“I am sorry but I feel this is best.” Nantane replied her voice almost hollow from sadness.

“You are the most amazing person I have ever met. I will NEVER forget you.” She spoke her throat aching from the effort to force back the sobs.

The warrior smiled and reached into her bag. “I have a gift for each of you she said. She removed her sheathed knife from her bag. Normally, it was kept in the right leg of her moccasin. But she had made leather sheath to go with it especially for Jacob. She handed it to him. “To remember me by, when you are setting traps.” She said with a smile. He took it gratefully.

“Thank you my friend.” He said as he admired it.

Then she reached into her bag again and pulled out a small leather drawstring back. It was no larger than could hold a coin or two. She handed it to Alex and replied sheepishly, “I made it myself. I did not know what to give you.”

Alex held it to her heart and said with teary eyes, “I love it. Thank you.”

The warrior just nodded. She did not move to hug Alex. She did not trust herself to be close to the woman. Alex noticed her reticence but ignored it as she threw her arms around the woman again and for the last time. She didn’t care how she looked she just wanted to hold her. Again, Nantane barely returned the embrace. When she realized the woman was not going to return the embrace in kind, she began to pull back. As she did so she quickly kissed the warrior’s neck.

Nantane felt herself become dizzy and she waivered for a second before catching herself and widening her stance slightly to get her balance. She looked at Jacob and quickly at Alex before saying, “I will miss you both greatly but I wish you ALL of the happiness in the world.”

“Thank you.” Alex and Jacob said in unison. They watched the warrior turn and begin to walk away. They called out goodbye’s to her and watched her go neither wanting to move until the woman disappeared beyond the tree line.

When they entered the cabin everyone cheered and Malachi was the only one to ask, “Where is Nantane?”

“She left. She went back to her people.” Jacob said with a heavy heart.

The boy’s expression fell and he yelled back, “She is gone? You let her go forever?” Esther moved to quiet the boy but her pushed her away as he added, “I did not get to say goodbye to her!”

“I am sorry son. But she is gone.” Jacob said sadly. Malachi refused to be consoled as a few silent tears fell down his cheeks.

Alex put the gift the warrior had given her away quickly so that no one would see it or find it. They celebrated with the Turner family and the pastor well into the evening before the guests excused themselves and left the newlyweds alone for the first time.

Jacob took his wife in his arms and led her to their bed. They made love and afterwards Jacob fell into a deep, contented sleep. When she was sure he was unconscious, Alex crept out of bed and went to where she had hidden the gift the warrior had given her. She sat down by the table and held the small bag in her hands. The leather was so soft. It was clear how much time the warrior had put into making the gift. Tears fell unbidden down her cheeks as she sobbed softly. All that had transpired in the day and yet all she cared about was that the warrior had left her. She placed two fingers into the bag wanting to feel the inside, not expecting to find anything. She was surprised when she did. When she pulled it out she found it was a piece of the first shirt that she had made for Nantane, once white, now made off-white and threadbare from constant wear. The warrior had crudely embroidered something on the scrap. The words read, “I love you.” Alex’s head fell to her chest and she wept for hours in the darkness of Jacob’s cabin.

When Nantane was a safe distance away from Jacob’s cabin she began to run. She ran and ran until her lungs ached and her calves throbbed. She did not stop until she reached her campsite. When she did, she collapsed to her knees and cried until she fell asleep from exhaustion.

When she woke, it was by sensing the sound of footsteps in her sleep. Sitting up quickly, she peered into the darkness as she spoke. “Nekka.”

Her brother appeared. He stood over her and regarded his sister’s condition. She looked awful. “You do not look well. Are you alright?” he asked her in Mohawk.

Nantane rolled over and pushed herself up in an attempt to sit up. “I am tired and my heart is broken.”

Nekka kneeled down meeting her gaze. “You’re heart has been broken and trying to heal for a long time. What is the difference now?”

“It is final now. She married him. I will never go back.” Her voice was empty and her throat was parched.

“You deserve better than what little she gave you sister. I hope you will find it with us when we move to the new land.”

Nantane nodded sitting up completely. “So do I brother. Is that why you have come? To retrieve me?”

“Chogan is eager to begin preparations. We must build up our food stores so that when the time arrives we have all that we need to travel.”

“I am tired. Allow me to rest for awhile. In the morning, we will hunt and bring back meat for the village.”

Her brother nodded and went about starting the fire so he could make his sister more comfortable. Nantane was happy to have his assistance. She felt destroyed and all she wanted to do was sleep. Knowing he was watching over her was a comfort she accepted gratefully.

It had only been a few days since the wedding and Alex was attempting to settle into her new life with Jacob. He was so good to her. He was still careful to give her space knowing that she was adjusting to the new patterns in her life. Elizabeth and Esther visited often. They missed Caleb and came to play with him and spend time with him.

Jacob busied himself with taking care of the house. He did what he could to accommodate his new wife and child. His home was no longer a bachelor’s home but a family home. Alex busied herself as well cleaning up the cabin so that it could be livable to her standards. She cooked and baked so that Jacob could have a home full of food and warmth. She did it in a vain attempt to stay busy and keep her thoughts off of her broken heart.

Her mind wandered constantly to the night they spent in the woods. She had never been touched like that in her entire life. No one, made her feel the way the warrior made her feel. It was ecstasy and protection at the same time. It was beautiful and intense. It was more than she could have ever imagined and the warrior was so beautiful. She could not believe how beautiful she was when her body was laid bare for her. It brought tears to her eyes as she scrubbed the floor. She would give anything in the world to feel that way again but she knew she never would. Her life was with Jacob insuring that her son was safe and raised with his people.

Fun with Photoshop

2009-03-27T02:10:41Z

The 3 Badass Graces

Made this awhile back. Always liked it.

FF: Whither Thou Goest 14/?

2009-03-17T01:26:13Z

The next morning, Alex was up early tending to the needs of Caleb and assisting Elizabeth and Esther with the daily chores though it was obvious to both the Turner women that her mind was clearly elsewhere. They had to call her name multiple times to get her attention.

“I am sorry. Forgive me. I do not know where my mind is at today.” Alex apologized. Esther and Elizabeth dismissed it with only mild irritation but Malachi couldn’t help but think it had something to do with what she and Nantane had talked about the night before. He wished he could have heard them.

As the day finally came to a close, Alex was sitting by the fire mending one of Caleb’s small shirts. Elizabeth and Esther were giving the baby a bath. Malachi took the opportunity to approach her. He moved carefully not wanting to appear overly eager or to draw attention to himself.

Alex noticed the boy getting closer. She looked up from her sewing and met his eyes. “What is it Malachi?” she asked.

The boy was hesitant knowing that even expressing his curiosity could cause suspicion. “I want to know about Nantane.” He said.

Alex’s fingers froze for a brief moment at the sound of the woman’s name before she recovered and answered. “What makes you think I know anything about her?”

“You must know something. You spent so much time with her when you were with Jacob. And last night…” at the reference to the night before Alex glared at him and he did not finish.

She paused for a moment, gathering her thoughts before she began. “She wanted to talk to me about Jacob,” she wasn’t entirely sure why she was explaining herself to a child but she continued, “I only know her through him. I’m sure I know little more than you.”

“She is making Jacob an excellent hunter isn’t she? I want her to teach me to hunt. Does she bring something back every night that she has killed?”

“No, not when I was there. An animal every night would be more than she needed. She only takes what she needs.” Alex began to talk more openly about the warrior. Under the guise of pleasing a child, she found the opportunity to talk freely about the woman she cared for.

“But the more you kill the more you can sell and prosper.” The boy reasoned.

“It is not about wealth. It is about having enough to be comfortable. The natives live differently than we do. They do not seek to own things and control things like our people.”

The boy nodded. He did not really understand but he was grateful for any information about the warrior. “Did she ever talk about battles she was in?”

“She does not talk about such things. At least, not when I was there.” Alex spoke. Her mind flooded with images of the warrior as she broke and tore at the bodies of the Huron men until they fell dead by her hands.

“She has killed many. I am sure of it.” The boy said with a wide eyed smile.

“Malachi! Stop talking about those savages this instant!” Elizabeth yelled. She had picked up the last few minutes of their conversation and was livid. “Alex watched her husband die by the hands of savages! She does not wish to hear you speak about them in such an adoring manner!” Malachi shrinked away at his sister’s accusations.

“Elizabeth your input is not necessary.” Alex spoke her tone heavy in an attempt to reign the girl in.

“What’s the matter? What is the commotion over there?” Esther asked as she wrapped Caleb in a swaddling cloth.

“Mother, Malachi is talking about the savage again!” Elizabeth reported.

“She has a name, Nantane.” Alex spoke her voice getting harsher.

“She is an un-Godly savage! What do I care about her name?” Elizabeth responded.

“She’s a proud warrior! I like her!” Malachi yelled.

“Your husband died at the hands of people just like her how can you defend her?” Elizabeth cried becoming angry.

Alex stood so quickly that her chair fell behind her and she was instantly in Elizabeth’s face, “I was THERE when he died! I KNOW what happened to him. I do not need to be told by a child how to feel!” Her chest was heaving with anger as her crystal blue eyes bored a hole straight through the insolent girl.

Elizabeth immediately backed down as Jebediah tried to break up the fight.

“I will not have arguments in my house! Stop it this instant!” He spoke in a gruff heavy voice.

The two women were silent but Alex did not break her gaze with the girl. Elizabeth’s eyes bowed down and she spoke quietly. “I am sorry Alexandra. I did not think before I spoke.”

“I will not have arguments in this house. Least of all about the redmen. Those who do not follow the word of God are lost no matter how good they may try to be. It is not worth talking about.”

Alex’s body tensed. She wanted to argue with the man but she knew it was not her place. She stepped back and turned to pick up the chair she had been sitting on.

The sound of a snapping twig caused Nantane to jump up from her fire and turn in the direction of the sound with her knife drawn. She waited as the figure came into the light. It was Chogan. She cracked a smile said his name. “Chogan.” She spoke happy to see her brother though she knew he would not openly return the sentiment.

The warrior lifted a small bag and spoke “I brought you tobacco.” He entered the warmth of the fire and took a seat without being offered.

Nantane sat down next to him and said nothing allowing him to pack the pipe he brought with him with the sacred plant. Once it was packed he handed it to his sister to take the first puff. Nantane did so wordlessly allowing the smoke to billow over her face and above her head. They were silent for long moments each staring into the fire. Nantane knew that her brother had something to say or he would not have come at all. She remained quiet and allowed him the space to speak.

“The time for the great migration is getting closer.” The man said as he blew smoke out of his lungs.

Nantane nodded as she gazed into the flickering flames. “Is the village starting to prepare?”

“In small ways.” He replied. “Many are asking about you.”

“Tell them I am well. I will come to the village again soon.”

“Though they enjoy your visits your permanence is more desirable.”

Nantane sighed knowing that this topic was the reason her brother came. “My permanence is not something I am able to provide.” She answered as she remembered the soul-shattering kiss that she had shared with the woman she loved.

“She is only a woman Sister. She possesses no power beyond that.”

“She possesses my heart.” Nantane replied her body warming at the statement.

The statement made Chogun’s frustration rise and his next response was not so restrained. “Your place is with your people.”

Nantane turned to her brother speaking honestly. “Where is your heart brother?” she asked answering the question before her brother could. “It is with the village. It makes the decision easy for you! Your heart is your people. As it should be. My heart,” she began her voice breaking slightly, “My heart is her. You have no idea how much I wish they were one in the same.”

“You will forsake those that raised you, love you, died for you? You will be alone in this world and it will be a world of your own making!”

“Why do you come here Chogan?” the woman yelled. “To lecture me and remind me how wrong I am in your eyes? You asked ME to leave! I would never have left the people I loved.”

“You would have eventually left them for HER.” Chogan spat.

“We are at an impasse. It is the same as it has been. I cannot change my mind Brother, but I am grateful that you have tried.”

“Soon, I will stop trying.” Chogan observed.

“I know.” Nantane nodded in understanding. She did not look at her brother. Instead, she just gazed into the fire. He was content to do the same. They did not talk for the rest of the time they were together both knowing that there was little to talk about.

Over the course of the next few days, Alex went about her daily routine as usual, but she and Malachi had formed an unspoken bond over their mutual love for Nantane. The boy was insatiable in his desire to know as much as he could about the woman. Alex was careful not to give away so much that he might become suspicious. He accompanied her to the market one afternoon and they filled it with talk of the warrior.

“She told you that?” Malachi asked in amazement.

“She told me that she killed many Hurons in that battle. She would not say much more than that.” Alex replied as she relived the sight of Nantane killing the Huron right in front of her.

“She must be an amazing warrior to be able to kill grown men like that.” The boy wondered.

“You are right. It is not about size it is about skill and knowing when it is right to fight and when it is right not to. A warrior is made by their choices not by the numbers of dead they leave in their wake.”

The boy nodded wide-eyed. “I wish that I could have her teach me how to be a warrior. It is hard to be so small. I am the smallest boy of my age. I get bullied sometimes.”

“You will grow Malachi.” Alex said her heart going out to the boy as she tousled his head.

“I wish Father would let me come with you to Jacob’s. Then I could talk to Nantane and she could teach me.”

Alex sighed. When she heard Jacob’s name her mind was flooded with the impending question the man had asked her. Marriage. Her heart ached at the thought. “I do not know about that Malachi,” she began, “Nantane’s village is moving west in the spring. I think she plans to go with them.”

The boy’s eyes grew wide with disbelief and he scrambled to talk, “What? You did not tell me that. What do you mean? I thought Nantane would be Jacob’s friend forever.”

“They will always be friends but she has to follow her family. Like we must follow our family.” Alex replied the last part of the sentence more for herself than the boy.

“When will she leave?” He asked frantically.

“I do not know. She could wait until the spring or she could leave sooner to go back to her village and not return.” Alex realized she had to face the fact that her marriage to Jacob could alienate the woman for good.

“But how will I meet another warrior if she leaves?” Malachi worried.

“I do not know Malachi.” The blond replied only half listening to him as she became lost in her own thoughts.

Nantane debated for many days on whether to go to Jacob’s on the evening that Alex was to give the man her answer. Part of her screamed that she was walking into heartbreak. It yelled at her to run away to return to her home village and never see Alex again. She could spare herself the pain if she walked away now. But the other part of her desperately wanted to see the blond even if it was the last time she ever saw her. Even if the woman broke her heart.

She made her way to Jacob’s cabin and when it was finally in sight she felt anxiety rise in her chest. Seeing the cabin, actually seeing it, made knowledge of what was going to happen sink in. She felt her body tremble as she got closer and closer to the door. Taking a deep breath, she walked up to the door and lifted her hand to knock. Right as she was about to rap on the wood she heard her name being called from behind her.

“Nantane!” The warrior spun around to the sound of the voice she already recognized in her heart. Her eyes locked with sky blues that held her gaze pleadingly. She watched as the blond’s steps quickened and she hurried to catch up to the warrior. Nantane moved to step toward the rapidly advancing woman when from behind her, Jacob’s door swung open and his eyes lit up as he saw both Nantane and Alex before him.

“You’re both here, how wonderful!” he exclaimed with a grin. Walking up to Nantane and slapping her on the back. The warrior turned and smiled to the man the moment between herself and Alex effectively broken.

Alex’s heart dropped when she saw Jacob step out of the cabin. When she saw Nantane she had a moment of desperate hope that she would get a chance to talk to her, touch her, to do anything she could possibly do to convey how much she deeply and truly loved her before she inevitably, broke her heart.

“Alex!” Jacob spoke as he stepped in front of the warrior and opened up his arms in a welcoming stance. When Alex reached him she returned the open arms with a less enthusiastic embrace. Jacob held her close to him as he breathed deeply. “Oh, I have missed you.” He replied with closed eyes. “A week was longer than I anticipated it to be.” He said smiling. He turned to Nantane with his arm still around the blond. “Please, let us go inside. I have food and drink. We can talk there. I cannot tell you how pleased I am that my good friend can be here to hear what could be the greatest news of my life.”

“Oh, Jacob you make too much of this.” Alex replied blushing and refusing to look at the warrior as she was lead past her.

They walked inside and Jacob went about preparing drinks for each of them. “Is anyone hungry? Nantane, I know that you can always eat.” The man said with his back turned to the women.

The brunette and the blond locked eyes once again. Alex tried to convey with her eyes alone her love for the warrior but the warrior’s gaze was unwavering. She was looking past the blond. Her heart could not risk the contact.

Jacob turned around with three mugs precariously balanced in his hands. “Let me help you.” Alex replied going to the man and relieving him of the third cup. She walked over to the warrior and offered it to her giving the woman no option but to look at her. The warrior nodded carefully and took the mug. Their fingertips touched briefly and Nantane’s eyes fluttered as her body registered the feeling. The side of Alex’s mouth turned up slightly as she delighted in the reaction she caused in the woman.

“Alexandra, I do not mean to rush you…” Jacob spoke, his voice hesitant.

Alex turned and looked at Jacob blushing once more as she saw the expectant and fearful look in the man’s eyes. She felt sick, truly sick. This was the moment where she would break the woman’s heart. She wanted to cry and vomit simultaneously, but like she always had been, she stood strong and knew how to put up a good front. She squared her shoulders and smiled at the man as she answered. “Of course. I am so sorry to have kept you waiting like this.” She spoke as she moved toward him.

“It is alright. I would wait forever for you my darling.” Jacob spoke honestly.

“Please do not say such things. I do not deserve them.” Alex replied, guilt washing over her.

“You deserve everything a man could give you.” Jacob said. He looked to his friend. “Tell her Nantane, tell her she is worthy of such things.”

The warrior folded her arms across her chest in an attempt to physically hold in the screaming, raging feelings inside her. With a voice that took every ounce of her energy to make sound normal, she managed to say with complete honesty. “She is more than worthy. I do not have the words.” She apologized.

A tear formed and fell down Alex’s face and she had to look away from the warrior and hastily answer before she lost her nerve. “Yes, Jacob. I say yes.” If the man had been interested in paying more attention he would have caught the almost apologetic way that Alex answered him.

Jacob said nothing. Instead, he laughed as he caught her up in a bear hug refusing to let her go as he lifted her off her feet. They held each other for long minutes. When he finally put her down he started to speak but was cut off by the quiet, almost muffled voice of Nantane as she backed quickly toward the door. “Please, excuse me. My presence is not necessary.” As she finished the sentence she turned and opened the door to the cabin stumbling out and hurrying away.

Jacob moved to go after his friend as he called for her. “Nantane!” but quickly he felt the staying grip of his soon-to-be-wife keeping him from moving.

“Please, Jacob.” She spoke.

“But I do not want her to leave. I want her to share this moment with us.” He replied confused.

“She is not like us. She is a native. She may not have felt comfortable.” Alex spoke knowing full well it was the truth. “I will go.”

“You? Why would you go?” He asked confused.

“Because I believe this needs a woman’s touch not the gruff grip of a man.” She replied squeezing his hand.

The man smiled bringing her hand up to his to kiss her knuckles. “I can deny you nothing.” He said with a smile as he released his hold on her.

Alex smiled and nodded. “You are such a good man. “she spoke as she leaned in and kissed him. She broke away offering him a loving smile as she turned and headed quickly out the door.

She stepped outside and shut the door behind her as her eyes already scanned the forest squinting to see in the darkness where the warrior was headed. She caught sight of her just as she almost disappeared into the tree line. “Nantane!” she yelled not caring how loudly she screamed.

She saw the warrior’s body freeze for only a moment before walking into the trees. Alex took off running after the woman as fast as her legs could carry her. When she broke through the trees she could see the woman plainly in the moonlight and she called to her again. “Nantane please wait!”

The warrior appeared to be ignoring her as she continued at her quick pace deeper and deeper into the woods. Alex kept her pace at a flat run. She did not care if she tore her dress or scraped her arms and legs as she ran. She had to reach the woman.

Nantane just wanted to be away from the blond. She could not bear to look at her or hear her voice. Her heart felt like it was bleeding. Broken. Her heart, which had healed itself and fought against breaking so many times in the past with Alex was finally and completely, broken. It was over. She would never be with the woman that she loved. Never.

“Please! Please!” Alex begged getting closer to the warrior. She was within thirty feet of the brunette now but the woman would not stop. Alex’s heart was beating hard in her chest and she was losing her breath so she cried out, “Please my love, stop.”

She watched as she gulped breaths as the warrior stopped in her tracks. Her shoulders tensed and suddenly she spun on her heels. Alex was over-joyed that the woman finally stopped but became concerned when she saw that now the warrior was barreling toward her a look of rage in her eyes. When the warrior was only ten feet away from her she began to scream, something she had never done in anger toward Alex. It scared her.

“Love! Love?” she yelled. “Do not ever say that word to me! You do not know ANYTHING about love!” she paused for a moment gulping breath. Alex did not dare speak. “I LOVE YOU! I have ALWAYS loved you!” She yelled beating her chest to emphasize her point. “I have given you my blood, my sweat, my LIFE! I have followed you around like a dog begging for any scrap of your attention! I would gladly die right now if it meant I could do so in your arms.” Her tensed body suddenly went slack as she shoulders slumped and all of the fight went out of her. What came out of the woman next was so unexpected that Alex’s heart felt like it was being ripped out of her chest as she heard it. The warrior’s voice was broken and small, like a child’s and it cracked as she said, “I am NOTHING without you. All I want is to be with you.” Her head hanged down and she stood, feeling like an empty husk.

Alex was at a loss. She had seen the woman in pain before. She had seen her be in pain over her before. But there was something about this time that was different. The woman was completely defeated. Defeat. Defeat in such a complete and final way was something Alex never expected to see. She never expected total capitulation. It was un-nerving. She took a step toward the warrior and reached out her hand gently touching the woman’s arm.

At the blond’s touch, Nantane recoiled. Her feet scrambled as she tried to get even farther away. It was like Alex had touched her with red hot fire. “Nantane, what is it? I’m sorry.” She spoke in a tone that attempted to soothe the woman.

“Do NOT touch me.” The warrior replied. “I cannot be touched by you. EVER again. It is cruel.”

Stubbornly, Alex took another step toward her. “Please, Nantane you have to know the truth.”

“No! I do not have to know anything else. You have made your decision.”

“I love you.” Alex said. It was not loud and declarative. It was simple and it was true.

“Don’t.” the brunette replied, begging.

“No, you MUST know. If you walk away from here and I never see you again you MUST know that I love you too! I denied it. I fought against it for so long. I did not want any part of it to be true but I LOVE you Nantane! I have loved you since the day you saved me from the bear. I looked up at you and all at once I was terrified and in awe of you. You were so strong and brave and beautiful.”

“Do not say these things!” The warrior cried again as tears began to stream down her face. “Do not declare your love for me and then walk away from it. I am starved for you and you offer me your bounty just out of my reach. Do not show me what I can never have. Please, just let me be!”

Tears were streaming down Alex’s face as well. To see the single most brave and powerful person she had ever met crumpled at her feet was gut wrenching. She moved toward the woman again. The brunette looked up at her and started to scoot away again this time seeming to weak to stand she tried to back away on the ground like a wounded animal trying to flee a predator.

“Please let me come close.” Alex begged.

“No, I cannot let you.”

“Do you want me to?” the blond asked.

“More than anything. But you will tear my heart apart. Please do not.”

“I’m sorry Nantane but I cannot sign my life away to a man I do not love without first touching the woman that I do.” As she spoke, she brought herself down to the forest floor and moved toward the woman. The warrior awkwardly stood in one last attempt to stay away from the woman. Alex stood easily as well and continued to advance. The brunette walked backwards for only a few steps before her back came in contact with a tree that had no interest in moving for her cause. Now, she was truly trapped. Her body trembled like the lone leaf on a winter tree overburdened by snow. Her breath was ragged, her hands went clammy and cold as her body anticipated what it would feel like to have Alex’s body pressed against her.

The sound of the warrior’s heavy, fearful breathing filled Alex’s ears as she moved closer. She was so close to the woman now that when the warrior took her heaving breaths their chests momentarily touched. Alex’s face was getting so close to the warrior’s that her mouth began to water at the thought of finally kissing her. Just before their aching lips touched, the warrior spoke one final time, “Please.” Though whether it was uttered in protest or pleading she could not tell. Instead, their lips touched and eased into each other as their warm, heaving bodies collided as well. The warrior let out a plaintive moan that only spurned Alex on.

It was total surrender. The warrior knew that she was owned by the blond. Their kiss deepened as Alex forced herself inside the warrior’s mouth. The brunette finally, carefully, still somehow hesitant despite the blond’s obvious desire, placed her hands on Alex’s waist.

Alex felt dizzy when the warrior’s hands went around her waist. She wanted to be possessed by the warrior. She wanted to be taken. She wanted the woman to take ownership of her, to grab her by the waist with force and demand her supplication. But Nantane was too sweet. She would never, even if she wanted to, treat Alex that way. At least, not without permission.

Alex’s hands went to her own waist and she clamped them on top of the warrior’s forcing the brunette’s grip to be rough. “I want to feel you.” Alex’s husky whisper tore through the warrior’s senses. The warrior growled into the soft flesh of the blond’s neck when she heard the request. Her grip tightened on Alex’s small waist.

Alex’s hands began to roam. She ran them through short, messy brown hair and gripped it between her fingers as she pushed her tongue deep into the brunette’s mouth. She could feel the warrior trembling against her. “I need you Nantane.”

The warrior fought back when she heard the plea pushing her own tongue against the blonds as she squeezed her tighter. She wanted Alex so desperately she felt light headed. Having the woman who she had watched and yearned for finally in her arms was enough to make her go mad with desire. As she continued to kiss her passionately she felt the blond’s hands on her waist. They moved up quickly searching between the folds of her men’s shirt to find an opening. When they finally did, they went straight for her. Alex cupped her left breast and whimpered falling against the warrior in the weakness of the moment.

Nantane moaned and bit her bottom lip as she tried to fight against the feelings. The reality of what was happening was closing in on her and she suddenly reacted trying to take a step back. “Wait, please.” She spoke but Alex ignored her making her back step with a forward one keeping their bodies pressed together and lunging with hunger toward her mouth once more.

This time the warrior was more forceful. “Wait, no!” she spoke with conviction using the palm of her hand to gently but purposefully keep the woman at bay.

Alex’s eyes were still shut and her nostrils flared as she took a gulping breath, “What? What is it? Have I hurt you? My love, I am sorry.” She spoke as she moved toward the woman again this time in an attempt to comfort her.

The statement made Nantane angry she took another, more insistent step back effectively breaking their contact as she responded. “No. This cannot happen.”

Alex was dumbfounded and confused. The single greatest and sweetest moment of her life was unfolding before her and the warrior was telling her no. “What? Please don’t do this. Please.” Alex begged barely able to catch her breath from her own need.

“Do you truly care at all for me?” The warrior asked her voice small in a way that Alex had never heard before.

“You KNOW that I do.”

“Do you know how every moment I have been in your presence since we met I have spent it holding myself back from touching you? I have wanted to kiss you, to hold you and EVERYTIME I held back.”

“You don’t have to now. I am begging you to touch me.” The blond replied taking a step forward.

Nantane stood her ground and yelled back, “I held back because I LOVE YOU!” The statement made the blond’s blood freeze. The warrior continued, “I loved you more than my own selfish desire to touch you!”

Tears formed at the edges of the blond’s eyes as she realized what the warrior was saying. She felt her legs getting weak and slowly eased herself onto her knees on the forest floor. “I do not ever want to hurt you. You are the only real love I have ever known. I’m so sorry. I just got so caught up in how wonderful it felt to finally be touched by someone that I wanted to touch me. It was selfish. I am so sorry.”

It broke Nantane’s heart to see the woman that she loved on her knees before her. She went to her kneeling down next to her and reaching out with a hand to touch her cheek. “I am alright. I am.” She sat there for a moment before running her hand through the blond locks she had coveted for so long. “You are so beautiful.”

The blond could not help herself and leaned into the warrior’s hand. The warrior indulged her placing a hand on her neck and running her thumb up the side. The brunette’s eyes fluttered closed as she lost herself to the feeling of touching the blond. Alex moved encouragingly.

The conflict inside the warrior was almost impossible to bear. She knew that touching this woman, no matter how incredible it was would cause her pain when the reality of her absence set in.

“I am yours.” Alex whispered leaning closer still. Their lips were only an inch apart at most. The warrior’s breath was ragged as she fought against her own mounting desire. Her eyes opened slightly. When she saw the soft, parted lips of the blond so close to her she finally gave up the fight against her own will and kissed her.

The kiss was long, deep and overwhelming for them both. Alex allowed herself to fall backward slowly toward the forest floor. Nantane moved slowly on top of her refusing to break the passionate kiss. It was all she could do to keep from utterly consuming her. Alex’s lips burned against hers, her breath was hot and ragged against her face and the warrior’s resolve was all but gone. She moved her knee so that one was on either side of Alex’s hips.

The blond arched herself up into the warrior in an attempt to feel more of the woman. The brunette’s hands moved up the woman’s body fingering the buttons that went down the front of Alex’s dress. “The buttons,” Alex spoke through labored breaths, “Undo them.”

The warrior looked up in surprise. The blond nodded to reassure her. “Yes, please, I’m yours, I want you to have me.”

The warrior’s head dropped as her muscles went weak with the realization of what she had just been given permission to do. She moved her knees closer using them to grip Alex’s hips for stability so her hands could be free to work the buttons. Alex moaned when strong knees held her at the waist. Trembling fingers moved toward the buttons. She fumbled with them. She had never really handled a button before. She knew how they worked but she had never done it herself and these were the single most important buttons on the face of the earth. She managed to get the first two but there were at least twelve more.

Alex growled in frustration and brought her hands up to work them faster. The warrior watched as the buttons were rapidly undone and the most beautiful gift she had ever beheld was unwrapped before her eyes. When the blond finished, she pulled at the dress to try and get it off her shoulders. Strong hands helped her squirm out of the garment. Once she was out of it there was still a petticoat and shift. Alex lifted her hips, quickly untied the petticoat and tossed it away so that only the linen shift remained. Alex wimpered and her hands went to Nantane’s shirt tugging at it.

A beautiful smile broke across the warrior’s face and she quickly gripped her shirt behind her head and in one fluid motion pulled it off. It was all she was wearing so when it was removed her breasts were free bouncing slightly as she straightened.

Alex felt her mouth water as she beheld them and her hands moved to touch them. The woman above her leaned forward to accommodate her. Suddenly the soft, smooth flesh was in her hands. The blond cried out when she felt them. “You’re so beautiful.”

For a woman that was so strong and powerful her skin was dizzyingly soft. She pulled at the warrior’s body wanting her to move up so that her soft breasts could be closer to her mouth. As she pulled the warrior closer her breast and taught nipple were so close to her mouth that she lunged forward and wrapped her lips around it.

Nantane cried out. Her high pitched voice sounding more erotically feminine than Alex had ever heard. It fueled her desire as her arm reached out grabbing the woman behind the neck and pulling her down to kiss her deeply.

Nantane’s hands roamed all over Alex’s body with only the thin shift separating her desperate hands from skin. Between kisses Alex spoke, “Please, touch me. I need to feel you.”

The warrior’s hands reached down and under the shift. The first thing she found was Alex’s thigh. Her strong hand gripped the flexing muscle and Alex gasped. Her hand continued to move over a smooth stomach and up to her breasts. The warrior was careful as she lightly touched the woman’s already hard nipple.

The brunette knew how to tease. She ran the palm of her hand over the nipple. The friction made the blond groan. Her hand closed over the breast as she cupped it. It was maddeningly soft. The warrior leaned down close to her love’s ear nipping and kissing the lobe.

“Please, my love, please. I need you. I don’t know what I need…but I need you.” Alex felt crazed with desire. She reached up tugging at her shift. Nantane reached down and gathered up the dress from the bottom as she helped the woman pull it over her head. Once it was off, the warrior balled it up and put it under the blond’s head as a makeshift pillow.

“Are you comfortable?” the brunette asked as her eyes devoured the woman’s beautiful naked form.

“I am happy.” The blond replied as tears came to her eyes.

A self-conscious smile broke out across the warrior’s face and she looked away from the blond not able to make the intense eye contact after the comment. The idea that this beautiful, amazing woman that she had loved for so long would be happy with her, was something she never imagined would be possible.

“Come here.” Alex spoke, reaching out to the woman and pulling her down on top of her. The warrior did as she was told and laid her body on top of the smaller woman’s. Her hand moved down the woman’s stomach trailing spirals along the side and meandering over warm flesh until it reached the apex of her legs.

“Uh” Alex gasped in surprise when felt the warm insistent hand exploring her curls. She opened her legs wider instinctually.

The warrior’s fingers traced the slick folds and pressed slowly forward. She looked up into aching blue eyes and pushed through plunging her fingers deep into softness and feeling her own body go weak at the when her fingers were surrounded by Alex’s depths.

“Oh my God!” Alex cried her eyes snapping shut and her body shuddering with pleasure. She had never felt anything like it in all of her life. The pleasure was all consuming. Her body bucked against the strong hand inside her. The warrior leaned forward and kissed her deeply her tongue thrusting in the same cadence as her fingers. “You feel so incredible inside me.”

The statement made the warrior groan. She used her thumb to lightly rub against the woman’s clit as she moved the rest of her fingers inside her. She watched sapphire eyes widen with surprise at the simultaneous sensations of pleasure. “Please, don’t stop.”

Nantane smiled and started kissing down the woman’s body. She inched her way down lavishing her soft stomach in kisses wanting to taste every bit of skin that she could. She sunk her teeth into the supple flesh at the hip and her lover cried out in pleasure. Finally, she moved her head down allowing her tongue to graze over moist curls. Strong hands plunged into short hair desperate to hold onto something as her pleasure threatened to spiral out of control

“Wait,” Alex began lifting her head up to look down at the woman. “What are you doing?”

The brunette chuckled and cracked a gorgeous smile, “Trust me. You will like it.”

“Its just that…I’ve never heard of…” Alex was trying to speak when suddenly she felt the warrior’s warm lips and insistent tongue intimately and expertly exploring the most sensitive parts of her body. She cried out loudly her voice echoing through the canopy as her toes curled and her whole body instinctually offered itself up to the woman who was generating such unbridled pleasure.

It didn’t take long for the feelings inside her to start mounting, quadrupling in ecstasy until she thought she might explode or faint. Suddenly, every muscle in her body went rigid as she reached the crescendo of rapture. Her body rumbled like an earthquake for what seemed like forever. When it was all over she found herself laying on the forest floor, her body blissfully spent and an incredible, strong warrior watching over her with soft brown eyes.

“Hello.” She said with a lazy half smile to the woman watching over her.

“Hello.” Nantane offered back using her hand to softly wipe away moisture and stray hair from her love’s face.

“That was amazing.” Alex replied smiling. “I have never felt anything like that. Caleb never made me feel like that.” She said as her hands lovingly explored Natane’s face and body.

The warrior snuggled up against the woman from behind wrapping her arm around her. “I am glad I made you feel good.”

Alex’s heart swelled in her chest when she heard the simple statement from the warrior. She turned and in one quick motion was straddling the brunette. She moved her body against the woman’s below her and watched in delighted fascination as the warrior responded in pleasure.

Watching the strong, Spartan woman react to her touch was a heady experience for Alex. She couldn’t believe she had the power to make a woman react the way the woman beneath her was reacting. It was intoxicating. She reached her hands out to cup the warrior’s soft breasts and the warrior sucked in her breath sharply when she felt Alex’s hands on her. “I want to make you feel the way you made me feel.”

“I already feel that way my love. I have felt that way since you kissed me by the woodpile.”

That was all the blond needed to hear to fall onto the warrior showering her in intermittent passionate and quick kisses. “I love you. I love you. I love you.” She whispered over and over as she kissed her. In her eagerness she let her hand sneak quickly under the warrior’s drawstring deerskin pants.

The warrior cried out in surprise and her body tensed. Her hand went quickly to the blond’s catching it and stopping it. “Please, go slow.” She begged.

That the warrior was begging her, for anything, was incredible. She carefully and slowly removed her hand and focused her attention more on the upper portion of the warrior. She was more than happy to spend time there. They kissed for what seemed like forever, until their lips were bruised and their tongues were purple. Eventually, Alex wanted to explore more of the woman. Her hand started to move down past the soft breasts she had lavished attention upon, pausing and tracing the muscled lines of a strong stomach, and finally down again to the top of her pants.

She found the ties that were holding them on and slowly untied them. The warrior lifted herself up to help in the action. When the pants were finally cast aside Alex could not believe she was beholding the woman completely naked, open, willing and hers. She felt unexpectedly self conscious and asked, “What do you want me to do?”

The warriors desperate words tore through her ragged breath, “You can do anything.”

Alex’s fingers brushed over soft, dark curls as she watched the brunette bite her lower lip. She explored more pushing past the curls to feel the skin underneath. When the tips of her fingers met flesh she closed her eyes wanting to feel without seeing the amazing sensation of the depths of another woman’s body. She pushed in and felt her fingers guided naturally down. Her breath hitched when those fingers slipped into the woman’s opening. She did not expect it and when they were surrounded by strong, velvety warmth she became dizzy. The warrior moaned and her hips lifted up. This was all the encouragement the blond needed to plunge her fingers deep inside.

She explored Nantane’s depths with abandon all the while driving the woman crazy. Her body was coated in a thin sheen of sweat that Alex couldn’t resist tasting. She drew her tongue around her belly button delighting in the salty taste of her lover. She kept her tongue moving, lapping up every bit of sweat she could find. She did not stop until her tongue reached the top of moist curls.

The warrior was moaning and whimpering as the blond drove her to the height of ecstasy. She let out a scream when she felt Alex’s tongue tasting her folds. Alex knew enough to mimic what the warrior had done to her as she pumped her fingers inside the brunette and her mouth continued its ministrations. It did not take long for the warrior’s hand to go into Alex’s hair and grip it tightly as she began to tremble. The sound of Alex’s name being called out in orgasm echoed off the trees and the blond continued loving the woman until insistent hands frantically stilled her actions.

“Please, please.” Was all the warrior could say as her body slowly came down. Alex crawled up the warrior’s body and nuzzled her nose into the woman’s neck. “Please, please, be gentle with me.” The brunette begged.

Alex smiled and curled up next to the woman wanting the warrior to hold her. “Will you hold me?” she asked.

“Of course.” The woman replied reaching a strong hand around her. After a few moments they both fell asleep from the physical and emotional exertion but it did not matter because they were doing it in each other’s arms.

They woke less than an hour later. Though they were both tired the impending emotional experience they both knew was coming weighed heavy on their unconscious minds. When Alex opened her eyes, she found Nantane already awake looking down at her. She turned in the woman’s arms and kissed her softly wanting to savor the feeling of soft lips.

They finally broke the kiss and gazed at each other silently for long moments before Nantane spoke. “You will be going back to him, won’t you?”

Tears instantly sprang to the blond’s eyes as she looked away not able to meet the woman’s gaze. She fought against the tears and said nothing for long moments until she felt her voice was strong enough. “Please do not think that it is what I want to do.”

“But it is what you will do.” Nantane said flatly.

Alex could tell in the woman’s voice that she was slipping back into warrior mode in order to deal with her emotions. She sat up in the brunette’s arms. “I do not have a choice. I have to do what is best for my son. I do not expect you to understand that.” She finished bitterly, more bitterly than the situation warranted.

Nantane pulled herself out of the embrace and stood needing to distance herself from the woman after what she said. “What makes you think I do not understand?” she asked as she began to get dressed.

Alex stood up to do the same as she spoke, “I am not like you. I do not have the freedom to do whatever I choose.”

Nantane touched the woman’s shoulder so that they could look in each other’s eyes as she said, “Freedom is not out here,” she said indicating the outside world around them, “It’s in here.” She said pointing to the woman’s head. “You are free if you think you are free.”

Alex felt herself get angry and she pushed the woman away, “Do not lecture me about the mind! My life is one of bondage! I was bound to Caleb, now I must bind myself to another man or I am lost. I have a child to raise! I must find a way to shut down my heart and never let it out if I want to find some peace in this world without you!” When she finished she turned away from the woman as she struggled to get back into her dress.

“I cannot offer you anything but my love. In your world, that is not enough.” The warrior spoke softly.

Tears were streaming down Alex’s face as she watched the woman’s body language and voice and knew how badly she was hurting. She fumbled with the buttons on her dress unsuccessfully. After trying a few times with shaky hands, she finally stamped the ground in frustration.

Nantane, noticing her struggle, silently walked over, and began buttoning up her dress. Alex simply cried as she allowed the woman to help her. When the brunette finished she looked up and noticed her tears. Though she was hurt and angry she could not stand to see the woman cry. She pulled her into a strong embrace breathing deep the scent of her hair as she did so.

“It is alright. I understand. I understand.” She whispered over and over though she did not understand how anything could ever win out over love.

Alex wrapped her arms tightly around the warrior wishing with all of her heart and soul that their love could be enough to break all of the barriers between them. “I don’t have any choice, I don’t have any choice. Please Nantane, please.” She begged through sobs.

Nantane held her until she stopped sobbing and they were standing silently in the forest. She was content to hold the woman she loved and listen to the sounds of animals moving softly over the hard earth. Eventually, she had to break up the moment she wished could last forever. “I no longer have a choice either. I must go with my village.”

Alex was silent. Though she wanted to burst into tears anew, instead, she simply bit her lip as the pain washed over her. “How far away is the village going to go?”

“Far enough that we cannot be touched by the English.” The warrior spoke with a heavy voice.

“Far enough that I will never see you again.” It was a statement of fact. Nantane did not confirm the statement she just looked lovingly into Alex’s eyes. The blond felt her heart breaking like it was being crushed under the heavy boot heel of reality. “I want to ask you something.” She began, “It is something I know that I have no right to ask of you.”

“Please do not ask me to stay,” the warrior began.

Alex put her hand up to the warrior’s lips to still her speaking. “No, it is not that. But I do want to ask you if you would come to the wedding.”

“What?” the brunette’s face was contorted with confusion. The likelihood that she would even be allowed to attend the wedding was one thing, not taking into account the fact that she could not even imagine subjecting herself to that kind of heartbreak.

“We will have the ceremony at Jacob’s cabin. It is my second marriage and Jacob is not a vain man. Besides, it would probably mean a lot to him to have you there.”

The warrior took a deep breath as she spoke, “You do not know what you ask.”

“No, I do know. I know that I do not have the right to ask you and I would not blame you if you did not attend but the idea of giving myself away to a man I do not love is something I cannot imagine doing without you there by my side.”

A single tear made its way down Natane’s face as she looked at the woman. “I cannot promise you I will be there.”

“I understand.” The blond said. She was silent for long moments. Finally, she mustered up the strength to speak. She realized this might be the last time she ever got to be with Nantane at all and especially privately. She walked up to the warrior and took her hands in hers. “This may be the last time that you and I are alone and I can tell you how I feel. I love you Nantane. I love you with all of my heart and I always will. You will always be the first and only person I have ever truly loved.”

The tears were streaming freely down the warrior’s eyes now. It felt so good to hear those words from the woman she loved and so excruciatingly painful at the same time. “Thank you for that. It means more to me than you know to hear those words.”

Alex threw herself into Nantane’s arms not wanting their moment to ever end. They held each other tightly for long moments. It wasn’t until the sound of Jacob’s concerned voice searching for his soon-to-be-wife could be heard that they had to force themselves to break apart. Nantane quickly excused herself and left not wanting to face Jacob. As Alex walked toward the sound of her husband’s voice, she forced all of the overwhelming feelings down deep inside her so she could face her husband with no hint of what had just transpired.

FF: Whither Thou Goest 13/?

2009-03-06T05:16:23Z

Their day of hunting went well. Natane showed Jacob how to set traps as well as shoot. The traps insured that there would be no buckshot in the animal’s hide to ruin the pelt. It was the proper way to trap for fur but when Jacob met Nantane he couldn’t shoot a gun to save his life. They spent the whole day setting the traps and did not come back to the cabin until the sun was dangling just above the horizon.

When they returned to Jacob’s home, they found Alex waiting with a meal prepared. It was a simple meal of bread, cheese and salted pork.

“How did the day go?” Alex asked.

“I could not ask for a better teacher. I will be carting bushels of pelts to market very soon.” Jacob said with a smile as he ate.

“He is a good student.” Nantane said grinning. She was happy being close to Alex, seeing her smile. It had been a long time since she had seen the woman really smile. It was more beautiful than she remembered. Alex reached out and placed her hand on top of the warrior’s. She squeezed it gently and smiled.

“Do not downplay your talent. You are a good hunter.” Alex said warmly.

The warrior almost choked on her food when the woman touched her. Her insides instantly melted and she was flooded with warmth as a flush ran from her toes to the top of her head. She quickly put her head down to concentrate on her food and hide the redness.

No one spoke for long minutes afterward as they finished eating. When they were done, Alex went about cleaning up and Nantane helped. The warrior brought the rest of the dishes to Alex who was standing in front of a bucket of water washing them with a rag. They were less than a foot apart and the proximity made them both shiver. The brunette quickly handed off the dishes so she could move away. It wasn’t that she did not enjoy the closeness, she loved it too much. She had to keep a distance between herself and Alex or she was afraid that she might do something she would regret.

“Thank you very much for the dinner. I must leave now.” The warrior announced.

Alex turned with a look of disappointment on her face but said nothing. Jacob rose. He knew better than to argue with his friend. When she was ready to do something she did it.

“I’ll walk you out.” He offered.

Once they stepped outside Jacob smiled at his friend again as he looked at her. “Alex likes you. I knew she would. She trusts you as much as I do.”

Nantane felt a wave of guilt wash over her. She was not entirely sure why Alex had not told Jacob or the Turner family that she and Caleb had known the warrior before but since she did not, Nantane was not going to say anything either. It pained her to lie to her friend. She did not know how to respond to Jacob’s kind words so she remained silent. The man squeezed her shoulder as he added, “When will you return?”

“Two days. We should give the traps some time.” Nantane replied.

“Take care of yourself.” Jacob said.

“I will.” Nantane replied as she began to walk away. But before she could get very far, Alex opened the door of the cabin and came out calling for her, “Nantane wait please!”

The warrior turned. Part of her was elated that the blond had called for her but the other half was nervous about the reason. The blond went to the warrior and handed her a wrapped bundle as she spoke, “Jacob, I hope you do not mind but I prepared some food for you to take with you. I know you can take care of yourself but sometimes it is nice to have a little something.” Alex said almost rambling.

“I do not mind at all. I apologize that I did not think of it myself.”

The warrior took the package, the women’s hands touched again and a feeling of electricity passed through them making the warrior’s nerve endings tingle. “Thank you. Again, it is more than I deserve.”

“Nonsense.” Jacob spoke moving to stand behind Alex and putting a loving arm around her. “We are happy to do it.”

Though it was harmless enough to him, the statement caused both women’s bodies to tense. The use of “we” implied something neither woman was prepared for. The warrior responded by excusing herself from the situation as quickly as possible.

“Thank you again for the food. I must go.” She turned and quickly headed towards the forest desperately wanting distance between herself and what she had just heard.

“I need to return to the Turner’s.” Alex replied evenly.

“I’ll walk you. I’m sure you are eager to see Caleb. I am surprised you went so long without him.”

“I have missed him.” Alex replied honestly.

They went back into the cabin to gather Alex’s things before setting off to the Turner’s. They walked for long moments in silence. Jacob, normally talkative and warm, was unusually quiet. Alex only half noticed. She was lost in her own swirling thoughts about the warrior. Something had changed inside her in the past few days. Ever since Nantane left the day Jacob’s fever broke, she could not stop thinking about the woman. She tried to rationalize it away at first. To credit it to just missing a dear friend. In her heart, she was finally beginning to realize that it was more than that. When the warrior walked through the door of the cabin that morning and she saw her strong, tanned features and deep brown eyes she felt something powerful stir inside her. It was all she could do the rest of the time that she had been with Nantane to lavish the woman with attention.

Before she realized it they, were within sight of the Turner home. Jacob slowed his walking until he was standing. Alex noticed that he had paused and turned to see what was keeping him. “What is it?” she asked still distracted by her own thoughts.

“Alexandra, I would like to ask you something.” His voice quivered slightly. Alex stood before him with wide blue eyes. The man swallowed hard forcing his trepidation down and struggling with his courage “You do not know how dearly I will cherish the closeness that has grown between us over these past few weeks. Though I have known you for month, it has only been recently and by the benevolent grace of God, that we have been given the opportunity to spend more intimate time together. Though I never would have wished myself ill, I feel that it was a rare fortune that through it, you came to me.” He paused looking again into the woman’s eyes searching for a reaction. She offered little. He assumed she was a mixture of emotions similar to his own, nervous and excited, too much so to react much until he finished. So he continued, “What I am trying to say is that I think I fell in love with you the first moment I laid eyes on you and now, with all that has happened, I don’t want another sun to set without declaring my love for you. I love you Alexandra, and if you will have me, I would like to ask for your hand in marriage.”

Alex was dumbfounded. She was completely speechless. A part of her had known that this might happen but she had hoped he would wait or lose courage. She looked at him for long moments. His kind, green eyes sparkled simultaneously with excitement and fear. He was a good man. He loved her and could provide a stable home for Caleb. Her stomach knotted and she swallowed to fight back the painful sensation. Blinking a few times, she realized she had to say something before he passed out from anticipation. “Jacob, you do not know how honored I am.” She began “I did not expect this question tonight. It has not been that long since Caleb’s passing. I need…”she began and trailed off for a moment before finishing, “I need time. I need time to think about it.”

Jacob had observed enough of Alex to know she entered into nothing lightly. He smiled, happy with the response. It was not an outright “yes” but when he thought about it he never really expected her to respond like an elated young girl. She was a woman who had been married and watched her husband die. Such matters could no longer be handled with the giddiness of youth. They called for a much more temperate mind. “I understand. A second marriage is something to be considered, not jumped upon impetuously. I will come back to the Turner’s in a week. Will that be enough time? I do not wish to rush you.”

“It should be. If not, I will tell you.” Alex replied with blood rushing through her veins so loud she could hear it in her ears.

They walked the rest of the way to the Turner house in silence. Jacob greeted the Turner family but said nothing of the proposal. He said his goodbyes as he headed back to his cabin anxious to know how Alex would answer.

Two days later, as she had said, Nantane returned to Jacob’s house so they could check the traps in the woods. As they walked, Jacob was acting noticeably different. Finally, Nantane said something, “My friend, you are acting…different than usual. Is everything alright?”

The man sighed and smiled a fitful smile as he answered, “ I am a man in limbo.”

The warrior shook her head, “I do not know ‘limbo’.” She said.

“Oh, terribly sorry. I am in a state of waiting, not knowing. You see, I have asked Alexandra to marry me!” he said the excitement leaping to his face at the statement.

Olivia’s eyes went wide and she covered up the reaction by speaking, “What was her answer?”

The man stammered before he replied, “She has asked for time to think about it. I would not have asked this of her if I thought she would have taken it so lightly as to answer immediately. That is why I am in limbo now. I am waiting for her answer.”

Nantane felt her world collapsing in on itself like logs in a fire when their structures succumb to ash. She felt like she couldn’t breathe and she began to sweat as her heartbeat pounded in her ears. She forced herself to maintain composure on the outside, though inside she was crumbling. “Did she say when she would give her answer?”

“I told her I would return in a week. I did not demand she have an answer by then but I truly hope she does. My heart cannot take much more of this waiting.” He smiled a small, nervous smile and despite her own internal drama she felt sorry for him. She, more than anyone, knew what he was going through. She knew what it was to love Alex and yearn and hope that the love was returned. She felt nausea churning in her stomach but she fought through it.

“I hope for your sake she gives you your answer soon.” It was all she could muster. She couldn’t bring herself to lie.

They spent the rest of the day checking the traps which turned up nothing and setting new ones. All the warrior really wanted to do was get away from Jacob. She wanted to run back into the woods, deep into the seclusion of the forest where she could be in pain, alone. Instead, she was with him. She had to listen while he spoke freely about Alex in ways she only dared imagine when she was alone. Finally, after long hours they headed back to Jacob’s house. He insisted she stay for dinner. He knew she did not live in the village. He considered a meal a valid exchange for her training though she never asked for payment.

She finished eating and thanked Jacob for the meal excusing herself and heading back into the forest. She ran. She pushed her body until her muscles ached and screamed and her body forced her to rest. Tears mingled with sweat so that when she came to a stop she could not tell which was which. Collapsing on the forest floor, her lungs heaved and her mouth gasped for air. She wanted the pain to go away. She thought if she ran hard enough that the exhaustion would outweigh the pain and she might have a chance of not feeling it. She felt it still. Like a knife pulled from the fire and plunged into her chest, it burned.

That night, Alex was rocking Caleb back and forth after his feeding trying to get him to fall asleep. Jebediah put the last log onto the fire and called to his son. “Malachi, go outside and gather more firewood. We have reached the last log.”

“Yes Father.” Malachi spoke as he hurried out with the log carrier. The boy walked out of the house into the darkness. The log pile was kept far enough away from the home to prevent encouraging termites or other pests from getting to close. The boy set the log carrier down and began to fill it with already split logs. He worked quickly, wanting to please his father. Suddenly, he heard the sound of a branch breaking behind him. He spun around to the sound of the break, wide-eyed. His eyes fell on Nantane holding a broken stick in her hands.

“Nantane!” the boy said his eyes lighting up.

The warrior put her finger to her lips to encourage the boy to be quiet. Malachi listened instantly. His voice was barely above a whisper as he said, “What are you doing here?”

“I need to speak to Alexandra.”

“I can go get her!” He replied eager to please the warrior.

“Malachi, I have to ask you to do something for me.”

“What is it?”

“Please go inside and tell Alexandra I am out here by the woodpile. And Malachi, I must ask you, please do not tell anyone else.”

“Why not?” the boy asked. It was a valid question.

“The rest of your family does not trust me. They would not want me here.”

The boy nodded and picked up the wood he had gathered as he headed back to the house. “I will go get her for you.”

“Thank you.”

Nantane watched nervously as the boy disappeared into the house. She shifted her weight from one foot to another as she watched the door. If anyone besides Alex walked out of the house she would disappear.

When Malachi returned with the wood he walked over to the fireplace and began to unload it, piling it up in a stack next to the fireplace. Alex had finally gotten Caleb to fall asleep and had laid him down. She was now working on mending Malachi’s shirt. When the boy finished stacking he walked over to Alex with a smile on his face. She looked up from her mending.

“What is it Malachi?” she asked finding his behavior strange.

The boy leaned over and quickly whispered in her ear. “Nantane is outside. She asked me to tell you. I’m not allowed to tell anyone else.”

Every muscle in Alex’s body tensed as her knuckles turned white and the garment she was mending gathered in her fists. She did not say a word as she nodded and carefully set down the shirt and needle. She ran her hands through her hair once and smoothed out the wrinkles on her dress before turning to the boy. “I’ll help you gather more wood this time Malachi.” She announced intentionally loudly.

The rest of the family heard the announcement and paid little attention to it as the blond followed the boy outside. They shut the door behind them and headed toward the woodpile.

“Where is she?” Alex asked nervously.

“By the woodpile.” Malachi replied. Once they reached the woodpile the dark outline of the warrior could be seen just beyond it.

“Nantane?” Alex asked.

“Yes.” The warrior replied.

Alex looked to Malachi, “Keep gathering wood, I’ll be back soon.” Her stomach knotted as she approached the dark figure of Nantane. As she got closer she began to make out the woman’s features. She did not know why the warrior had come to the house to speak with her but she knew it must be something important or she would not have risked it alone. Once she was only few feet away from the woman, the warrior spoke.

“Alex, I am sorry I came here like this.”

“Please, don’t be. What is it?” She asked smiling at the warrior. Had they had the luxury of more light Alex might have seen the dark circles under her eyes and pained expression on the woman’s face.

The warrior took a deep breath. It had all built up to this moment. Her heart was pounding like a war drum and the adrenaline was coursing through her veins like a swollen river. “I have come to say goodbye.”

Alex had not expected the statement. Panic flooded her body and she stammered to respond, “What do you mean goodbye? Where are you going?”

“I have decided to re-join my village. They will be heading west after the winter passes. I will be going with them. Returning to them means I am to have no more contact with the English.”

The thought of losing the warrior made her feel sick. She took a step closer to the woman in the darkness as she spoke, trying to reason with her. “But why would you go back to them now? Have you finished teaching Jacob? There is still time, the harvest has not even come yet. Why must you go now?”

The warrior spoke up. Normally she would just put out her hand to show she wished to speak but in the darkness she did not know if the blond would see. “He knows enough. The rest will be learned from his own experiences. There is nothing else left for me here.”

“What do you mean ‘nothing’?” Alex responded her feelings suddenly hurt. “You are my friend, what about that?”

The warrior was quiet for long moments. She was thankful that she could not see the look in the woman’s eyes so that it did not have the power to melt her resolve. The pleading in her voice made it hard enough. “This does not change our friendship.”

“A friend does not leave.” The blond said bitterly and irrationally.

Though she had trained herself never to betray her emotions, the warrior was beginning to be overwhelmed by them. “Please do not say that.” She begged her voice lacking some of the strength it usually carried.

Alex was desperate, something stronger than her own reason and sense of propriety was at work pushing the warrior though she knew what she was saying was hurtful and wrong. “I thought you were my friend.”

“Do not speak as if I have hurt you.” Nantane replied her voice heavy with conviction. “I would die before I would ever hurt you.” She spoke. She felt powerless and like the conversation was spinning out of her control.

“This hurts me.” Alex spoke.

“You do not understand.” The warrior replied frustrated.

“Explain it to me.” Alex spoke, her tone more rational now. She was shifting into anger.

“I spoke to Jacob today. He told me he has proposed to you.”

Alex was silent the indignation ebbing away as she was beginning to realize what had triggered the warrior’s decision. “I have not given him an answer yet.”

“Please, Alex, if I have ever meant anything to you, please tell me what you intend to tell him. I need to know.”

The urgent pleading in the warrior’s voice softened Alex’s heart. She never felt this kind of emotion from the woman. Not since that day in the woods when they stood over Caleb’s grave and Alex forced her heart to stone so she would not have to face the burden of anguish that was before her. She closed her eyes and bit her lower lip, even in the darkness she could not look at the woman as she replied, “I will tell him yes.”

The hope the warrior had held onto deep in the darkest chamber of her heart vanished when she heard the word. Tears started forming at the corners of her eyes and in the darkness she let them fall as she replied. “Then he is all you need. You do not need me. I will go back to my people.”

Alex felt fear grip her as she responded, “Why does saying ‘yes’ to Jacob mean that I must lose you?”

The warrior began to shake her head and ball her fists at her sides as she answered, “Please, please, do not make me say it again. I said it once and you broke my heart. It is already broken now. Please do not make me do this.”

She had never heard the warrior beg so desperately. It was unnerving. She was so immeasurably strong how could anything hurt her this badly? She moved to the woman and reached out for her. Her hand gripped the warrior’s arm and the other groped in the dark for her face. “Its alright, I’m sorry.”

The warrior felt herself weakening at the woman’s touch. The blond was seeking her face and she reached up and pulled her hand away. She could not let herself be touched too much. It would weaken her resolve. Warmth was already beginning to spread through her at the point where the blond was holding her bicep. She knew it would take little else to let her heart have its way and to stay in the English world, lingering just beyond the tree line, loving Alex from a distance, forever.

Alex did not understand why she was being held back from comforting the woman when she was clearly hurting. If she could have seen the desperation in the warrior’s eyes she might have understood. Instead, she forced the issue and pushed forward easily freeing herself from Nantane’s grasp and snaking her arms around her waist, embracing her. She heard Nantane whimper at the contact and felt her arms trembling as she fought to keep from returning the embrace.

“Alex please. ..” she began, her heart torn. She knew allowing the woman to embrace her was only going to make her absence more painful, and yet, it felt so good. She was so rarely touched by the blond the feeling was like a revelation. “I love you.” She spoke. Her mind screamed at her that she was a fool for declaring it again. It knew she would only be rebuked and crushed by the reality of how Alex truly felt about her. But her heart didn’t care. If this was the last time she would ever see the woman she needed her to know. “It is selfish of me, and I am sorry, but I love you.”

Alex froze. It was the words she had heard that day in the forest. Spoken in the same raw, desperate voice from a woman that had done nothing but protect her and stand by her side thinking only about Alex’s needs since the day they met. “I can’t..” she began but the warrior cut her off.

“Do not finish. Please, I know. I just need to say it. I should not be forcing you to deal with this. It is my problem not yours but I have to just say it once. So you know completely. I love you Alex. I love you like Caleb loved you. I love you like Jacob loves you. I have loved you since the first moment that I saw you. I have stayed awake nights dreaming about what it would be like just to have the freedom to touch your hair or hold you while you sleep. Every time I have fought for you I have done so willing to die for you. When Caleb died I would have done anything to take his place if it could have restored your happiness. I love you more than I have the words to describe.” It was more than she usually spoke and it had come out in gushing waves of raw emotion.

She felt gutted and exposed and after it was all out of her, ashamed. She was ashamed because she knew that the only purpose the confession had served was a selfish one. It did Alex no good to have to know the unpleasant truth of her feelings. She allowed a few minutes to go by as she waited for any reaction at all from Alex. There was none. Guilt swelled in her chest and she spoke again, “I am sorry. You should not have to bare the weight of my problems. I know you do not feel the same way. I did not come here tonight to tell you all of that. I just wanted to say goodbye.” The warrior moved to step out of the embrace. Alex froze the minute Nantane began her confession and the brunette assumed it was simply out of shock or at worst horror, that she had yet to release the embrace herself. But when she tried to move Alex held her fast.

“No, wait.” Alex spoke. The warrior did as she was told. She waited for Alex to speak, to say something, anything that would push through the deafening silence and the anguish of waiting but instead she felt the blond’s hand searching for her face. It was shy, tentative, and unsure in the darkness as it found her neck first and slowly moved up to cup her cheek.

The warrior’s eyes closed tightly as her body threatened to overtake her mind. “What are you doing?” she asked in a frightened voice.

Alex’s thumb caressed the strong cheekbone it found, marveling at the softness of the warrior’s skin. She felt dampness as well and knew that tears had been streaming down her cheeks. Internally, her mind marveled at how the strongest person she had ever met was crying over her. It did not make any sense. It was so touching and beautiful. Her thumb moved down and brushed over the brunette’s lips also moist from tears she had not bothered to wipe away.

The warrior’s breath was shallow and rapid as she tried to stay calm while the woman gently and tentatively touched her. She had never felt anything so amazing. If she could have she would have lived inside that moment for the rest of her life.

“Kiss me Nantane.” Alex spoke.

“What?” the warrior replied in disbelief.

“Kiss me the way you have wanted to kiss me. Do it now before I lose my nerve.”

In the darkness, Alex closed her eyes in anticipation. She was so nervous and scared that it took little effort to remain still. Suddenly she felt it, the softest, lightest, brush of warm lips against hers. It came and went so briefly, she questioned if it had happened at all. She started to open her eyes when she felt the warrior’s lips again pressing a little harder, lingering a little longer. They pulled away again. The warrior was so hesitant, like if she actually kissed her, truly kissed her Alex would change her mind. The next time the blond felt the soft lips she quickly brought her hand up behind the warrior’s neck and held her there. The warrior only tried to pull away for a second before the magnificent feeling of the woman’s lips against hers finally melted through her resolve. Her body relaxed in defeat, she would never fight against Alex. Their lips pressed together and the warrior made a delicious whimper that simultaneously revealed her joy and defeat.

The sound emboldened Alex and before she realized what she was doing she had pushed her tongue out to explore the sumptuous curvature of the brunette’s full lips. The warrior moaned into her mouth and her hands reached out for Alex’s waist holding the woman securely. Her mind was spinning over and over itself leaving her dizzy and lightheaded as the kiss deepened.

Alex had never been kissed like that. The emotions that surged between them were more powerful than anything that she ever felt with Caleb. It was a pure, undeniable force flowing between them and holding them enraptured in each other. The feel of the warrior’s strong hands on her hips made her want to swoon. The smell of crisp leaves, and earth mingled with the indescribable scent that was Nantane and made Alex feel drunk as their mouths continued to explore.

Without warning, Malachi’s voice pierced the moment and caused them to forcefully pull apart. “Alex? Nantane? Are you over here?” he asked trying unsuccessfully to see them through the darkness.

Both women were breathless and only Alex was able to pull her wits about her fast enough to answer. “Yes, Malachi we are here.”

“I am sorry, I do not mean to bother you, but I don’t know how much longer I can pretend to be gathering wood before father or mother become suspicious.”

“I am coming.” Alex spoke as she walked away from Nantane. The warrior held onto the woman’s hand as long as she could as she walked away. Right at the moment where their hands had to separate Alex’s squeezed the warrior’s fingertips before the distance broke their grip.

The warrior was left breathless and weak in the darkness as she watched the woman she loved disappear around the front of the Turner house.

Alex could barely support her own weight on her shaky legs as she walked back toward the house.

“Is everything alright Alexandra?” Malachi asked concerned. The two had spoken for a long time in hushed tones.

“Everything is fine Malachi, it was a good thing that you did. Thank you.” Alex said with her heart still thundering in her chest like a spring storm.

“I like Nantane. I do not care what the rest of my family thinks.” The boy said.

“So do I.” Alex replied as they stepped inside.

Her thoughts were in constant motion like a child’s spinning top as she helped Malachi unload the firewood next to the hearth. She felt unsteady on her feet and she was aware of her entire body and the tingling that followed. She could not believe what had just happened. The entire world seamed turned on its axis and she couldn’t tell if she was upside down or right side up. Her breathing was finally starting to return to normal as she laid the last log on the stack next to the hearth.

“Did you have trouble Alexandra? You were outside for a good while.” Jebediah observed.

“Malachi and I were looking at the stars.” The blond replied with a smile. The man smiled back. She turned to Malachi whose eyes showed he did not approve of the lie yet he made no move to speak or contradict her. Alex only lingered in the common room for a few more moments before excusing herself. She claimed fatigue and retired to bed with Caleb.

As Nantane made her way from the village back towards the forest she could not even feel the ground beneath her feet. Every system of her body was in overdrive. She felt like running so she did. She sprinted along the edge of the village in the darkness. She ran fast but easily for over an hour finding herself deep in the forest before she stopped. When she did stop, her chest was heaving and she gulped hungrily for air. She lay down on the forest floor and looked up at the stars as they peeked through the canopy. She finally felt happiness. Complete happiness. Though it was a cool night she was warm and without even bothering to make camp she closed her eyes and fell into a contented sleep.

Whither Thou Goest 12/?

2009-02-23T00:02:32Z

Before the sun rose, Nantane reluctantly crouched down next to Alex as she slept. She remembered watching the woman as she slept when they were in the village. The warrior had never seen anything so remarkably beautiful in her entire life. The look of peace and contentment on the sleeping blond’s face coupled with her immeasurable beauty made Nantane then and now want to reach out and touch her. She did not want to wake her but she knew that the woman would want to know.

She reached out her hand and carefully placed it on the woman’s shoulder shaking her gently as she whispered, “Alex…Alex wake up.”

Alex’s eyes fluttered open as she looked up at Nantane. She felt herself go flush as she looked into deep brown eyes that were looking at her so tenderly. Then the reality of where she was and Jacob’s illness came flooding back to her and she realized that the warrior would not have woken her unless there was something going on. She sat up quickly blinking back the sleep as she asked, “What is it? Is Jacob alright?”

Nantane smiled at her as she responded with relief, “His fever has broken. He is not awake yet but he will be fine.”

The blond’s entire body relaxed and she sighed with relief. “Thank the Lord. Our prayers have been answered.”

“I am sorry to wake you. You looked so peaceful but I thought you would want to know.” Nantane replied not looking at the woman as she spoke then added, “There is no need for me to stay. He should be fine in a day or two and I am sure you and the children can see to his needs.” Part of the warrior wanted to stay but the larger part of her did not want to be around when the man regained consciousness. She was selfish and wanted Alex all to herself. She did not want to share her with Jacob’s competing affections.

Alex tensed again at the thought of the warrior leaving. “But what about the wolves? How do we know we are safe?”

“Yesterday when we were chopping wood and after Jacob’s fever broke, I checked the tracks, they are old and there are no fresh ones. They have not been here in days you will be fine.”

She handed Alex a bundle of picked plants wrapped in a piece of cloth. “Boil these and give it to Jacob when he wakes, it will help him get his strength back faster.” She moved to stand but Alex stopped her.

“I do not want you to leave.”

Nantane did not dare to hope that it was for the reason she wanted. “There is no reason for me to stay.”

Alex reached out and fingered Nantane’s shirt. It was the shirt she had made for her. It was worn and discolored now from constant use. She smiled when she thought of the memory of how happy the warrior had been when she gave it to her. She realized she did not often see the woman smile. It was a rare and beautiful gift like the harvest moon. “This still fits you well.” She said.

“It’s the nicest thing I have ever owned.” Nantane spoke honestly.

“I’ll make you another one.” Alex said.

“You do not have to.”

“For all that you have done for me, a simple shirt does not repay you in the slightest. I would gladly make you as many as you want.” Alex spoke honestly. The warrior blushed slightly which surprised the blond.

Neither of the women moved for long moments. It should have been awkward but it wasn’t. It was broken by the sound of Elizabeth climbing down the loft ladder. She noticed the proximity of the women as she came down and found it odd. “What is going on?” she asked when she reached the cabin floor.

Nantane stood quickly and Alex did the same. “Nantane was just letting me know that Jacob’s fever broke last night.” Alex spoke quickly.

“Thank our Lord!” Elizabeth spoke offering a disdainful look at the warrior.

Nantane ignored the gaze as she went about gathering her things. She did not have much, just a blanket, a leather drawstring bag filled with various items and her ax. She rolled the items up in her blanket and bound it up with leather so that it would not unravel and she could sling it over her back.

Malachi came down the ladder just as she was slinging the pack over her shoulder. “You’re leaving?” he asked clearly saddened and surprised.

The warrior nodded, “Yes. Jacob’s fever has broken. I am no longer needed here.”

“But I wanted to learn how to hunt and trap with you!” he replied.

“Hush Malachi, that is completely inappropriate and father would never allow it!” Elizabeth chided angrily.

“Elizabeth! Hold your tongue!” Alex spoke moving toward the warrior. “She has done nothing but see to our safety! Your disdain is spiteful and misplaced and I will not hear another word of it.” Alex responded definitively. The girl blushed at the rebuke and went to Jacob wanting to busy herself.

Malachi asked the warrior, “If father allows it may I come with you and Jacob hunting?”

“It is not my decision to make.” Nantane replied though she was touched by how openly the boy offered his admiration.

“I’ll walk you out.” Alex spoke. They walked out and said nothing as they continued a few yards away from the cabin.

“When he wakes he will want to see you and thank you.” Alex spoke in a last ditch attempt to get the warrior to stay.

“Tell him I will be back in ten days to see him.” Nantane replied.

“Where will you go until then?”

“I have a few places that provide me all that I need.”

“How long has it been since you were in your village?” Alex asked. Though she never said it, Alex sensed that it had been a long time since Nantane was with her own people.

“At least two seasons.” Nantane replied. “They question my loyalties. I am not unwelcome but they never wish me to stay long.”

“It is because of me.” Alex replied guilt causing her heart to sag in her chest.

“I was born divided. It was not you.”

“You cannot remain alone forever.” Alex replied.

“No.” Nantane began agreeing with the blond. “When Jacob no longer requires my help I am thinking of heading west.”

Alex’s eyes went wide with surprise. “For how long?” she asked not able to hide the tone in her voice. Nantane did not answer her with words. The look in her eyes told the blond everything she wanted to know. Alex wanted to beg her not to go. She needed the woman to stay more than she was even willing to admit. She wanted to cry and cling to her but instead she squared her shoulders and simply replied spartanly, “I see.”

Again there was a long silence, this one much more awkward than the one before it. Finally, Nantane said, “I should leave before the sun rises too high in the sky.”

Alex was angry and she did not know why. Her anger warred with her better judgment and finally she answered, “I do not want to keep you from it.”

Nantane felt sick as she felt the anger in the blond’s stance and tone. “Alex, I…” she began but she was cut off by the blond.

“No please, it is my fault. I am too emotional from Jacob’s illness. I am not thinking or speaking rationally.” She paused for a moment before adding, “You have done so much for me, for Caleb, the Turners and now Jacob. I should never speak sharply too you. I am indebted to you. Please accept my apology.”

“I do.” Nantane replied in a voice of total forgiveness and love. After a moment her mouth turned up in a smile as she observed, “You apologize to me a lot.”

Alex could not help but chuckle as she nodded, “You are right. I guess I feel like I make a lot of mistakes with you.”

“There are too many rules in your world. You apologize for rules that I do not even know you are breaking. You should just let yourself be.” The warrior observed.

The statement held more meaning than Nantane realized as Alex felt her heart flutter. “I wish I could.” She replied with a bittersweet smile.

“I must go.” Nantane answered at a loss as to what else to say.

“I need to see to Jacob.” Alex replied. “Please be safe.” She asked. It was an earnest request and Nantane felt warmed by the blond’s concern.

“I will.” She promised as she turned and headed towards the woods.

Alex watched her as she walked away. Internally, her heart was screaming that she wanted the woman to stay but she knew it was impossible. The warrior did not fit in her world. She barely fit on the edge of her world with Jacob.

Once the sun had risen to the highest point in the sky, Alex sent Malachi home to let Jebediah and Esther know that Jacob was through the worst of it. She and Elizabeth were going to stay until he got his strength back enough to no longer need them. Jacob marveled at the story they told him about what Nantane did for him after he fell ill and how they tended to him and watched over him until he recovered. He gushed with gratitude toward them both, especially Alex.

One evening when Elizabeth and Alex were outside gathering firewood to bring inside, Elizabeth spoke with girlish excitement, “Jacob surely means to ask for your hand in marriage. I can tell by the way he looks at you.” She fully expected Alex to respond in kind, with a giddy excitement born from her mutual attraction to the man but instead the blond said very little.

“I do not think you can know such a thing.” Alex said.

“It is written plainly on his face. I have never seen a man smile so much as him when you are in his presence. Though he is still recovering he goes out of his way to help you with the slightest task. You cannot tell me that is born out of anything less than love.” Elizabeth replied.

“I had not noticed.”

Elizabeth’s eyes narrowed and then she softened, speaking in a gentle tone to the woman, “You are not yet over Caleb are you? They say it is different here than in England. There they give you time to mourn, here it is expected that a woman marry as soon as possible even after the death of a husband. We are a precious commodity in this new world and are expected to do the work of populating this land with good Christian men.”

“I know what is expected of me.” Alex replied in an annoyed tone. She took what firewood she already had in her arms and hurried back into the cabin.

Nantane was sitting by the fire she had built mending a moccasin. The fire crackled and a warm orange glow flooded the small area of her campsite. She was deep in concentration when her ears picked up the faint sound of movement in the trees. She froze in her ministrations but did not get up instead she listened more intently. After a moment, she knew who it was.

“Nekka.” She spoke with confidence.

Her younger brother chuckled to himself as he appeared in the firelight. “You know my footsteps?” he asked.

“Since you were ten.” Nantane replied with a smile as she stood and embraced her brother. She had not seen him in many moons. “What brings you here?” she asked as she sat back down and took up her mending again.

“I missed my sister.” The man replied.

While she did not doubt he was speaking the truth but there was certainly more to it than that. Nekka was typically the one that came to Olivia and told her the news from the village. He took a seat by the fire and picked up a stick pushing it into the fire and playing with the embers. “What news do you have from the village?”

“Much of the same,” Nekka began as he repositioned himself to get more comfortable, “Malila asks about you. She knew I was coming to see you. She told me to tell you that she misses you.” Nantane said nothing. Her feelings about Malila were very mixed. Nekka noticed that his sister did not wish to speak on it so he continued. “How is the trapping going with the Englishman?”

“He has been sick. We have not trapped in 2 weeks.” The warrior replied.

“When will you begin again?”

“I will return there tomorrow to see if he is ready.”

Nekka said nothing for long minutes. He shoved his stick in and out of the fire. “And Alex?” he asked, “Have you found her in the village yet?”

Nantane did not look up as she answered, “She has a son.”

Nekka’s eyes widened with surprise. “She was pregnant?”

“He is a little baby. She is living with Caleb’s family.”

Nekka thought about what his sister said and carefully asked, “Is she happy?”

Nantane looked up at her brother. Her eyes were full and swirling brown pools as she answered, “I do not know.”

Nekka sighed at the answer. He did not know what he expected her to say but he had hoped she would say that the blond had declared her love for her and that they were going to be together forever. It would have made what he had to say next easier. “Chogan is moving the village.”

Nantane’s eyes widened with concern, “What?”

“He and the elders have agreed that the safest thing to do is to move the village west, away from the reach of the English.”

“How far?” Nantane asked.

Nekka did not answer. The look in his eyes told Nantane all she needed to know. The warrior felt her heart sink in her chest. It was one thing to not be considered welcome in the village it was entirely another to know that your whole home was going to suddenly be far away from you.

“If you give up the English for good Chogan will welcome you back to the village.” Nekka spoke in a pleading tone he knew was futile.

“You know I cannot make the promise.” The warrior replied her voice broken with sadness.

Nekka sighed feeling frustrated, “If you choose HER over US you could end up losing everything!” he replied angrily.

“Nekka please,” the warrior began. “I do not wish to fight with the only family I have left.”

The man felt his anger drain from him. He nodded. “You are right. I am sorry sister. I love you. I do not want to lose you.”

“I do not wish to lose you either brother but I cannot give up on her.” Nantane said. “I do not expect you to understand. I am not sure that I understand it but I feel too much for her to walk away.”

“I was there that day,” he began. “I tried not to but I heard what she said. She said she cannot be what you want her to be. I think that you are wasting your time.”

“It is mine to waste how I choose.” Nantane replied angrily. “I know you came here out of concern and you have always been there for me brother but you have no right to lecture me for my choices! I think that you should go.”

Nekka stood, nodding in understanding. “The village will not move until after this winter. There is still time.”

“Thank you for coming to see me.” Nantane replied.

Nekka nodded and offered one last thing before leaving, “Please be safe Sister.”

“I will be.” Nantane answered as she watched him leave.

Though she mentioned it to no one, Alex marked every day until the tenth day in her memory. Nantane would return on the tenth day and she had stayed with Jacob the entire time. Though he was much better, she knew that it was the best way to insure that she would see the warrior again. Unfortunately, Jacob took it as a sign that she cared about him as deeply as he cared about her. He was more than happy to agree with her when she said he was still a little weak and that she needed to stay just a bit longer.

Jebediah had come to fetch Elizabeth a few days earlier. He was wary of letting his daughter-in-law remain alone with another man but after a long talk with Jacob he felt confident that the man would not make any untoward advances. Besides, Alex was strong willed and it was clear to the older gentleman that she had no intention of leaving just yet. He, like everyone else, assumed it was because of her burgeoning love for Jacob that she remained.

It was early in the morning, the air was warming as the sun began it’s slow ascent toward the waiting blue. Alex was preparing a modest meal of porridge and bread for them to eat for breakfast. Jacob was outside chopping wood. As she worked, she felt a sense of giddiness that she could not suppress. Every time she thought about seeing Nantane her entire body flushed and a smile crept over her face that she could not remove even with the greatest of efforts.

Jacob’s face was serious as he concentrated on his task. Chopping wood was something he enjoyed. It allowed him to free his mind of thought and worry and just enjoy the exertion and the sound of splitting wood. He was so involved in his task that he did not hear someone approach him until she spoke, “You have your strength back.”

Jacob turned when he heard the familiar voice of his friend. Nantane stood smiling at him with her arms folded across her chest. Instantly, he dropped the ax and went to her throwing his arms around her in a bear hug which she returned eagerly. “My Friend! It is GOOD to see you again!” he laughed as he spoke.

“You are strong again. It is good to see you like this.” She spoke holding him out in front of her so she could see for herself that he was healthy.

“I am. And I want to thank you for what you did. Alexandra, Elizabeth, Malachi and you were a Godsend. I believe I would have perished without your help.”

“I only made sure you were in the hands of someone who could take care of you. Thank the one who nursed you, not the messenger.” Nantane replied.

Jacob slapped his friend on the back as his smile broadened. “I fully intend to repay Alexandra in the best way I know how.” Nantane’s stomach churned as she knew what he was referring to but stayed silent. She had no comment to offer. “Come, let us go into the house. There is hot food waiting for us.”

Nantane followed Jacob. Her mind went to Alex. She wondered what the woman was doing at that moment. She was lost in her thoughts about it as she crossed the threshold of Jacob’s home and only looked up once she was inside. There Alex stood next to the table looking at her. Her eyes were the softest cornflower blue, her lips , slightly parted and her cheeks ruddy from the warmth of the cooking fire. Nantane’s breath hitched in her throat and she had to swallow hard to force down the emotion. She did not expect to see her in Jacob’s home. Alex’s eyes seemed to sparkle like sunlight on rippling water when she saw the warrior.

“Nantane!” Alex spoke unable to contain her excitement. She went to the woman and threw her arms around her holding her tightly and laying her head on the woman’s shoulder.

It was more than the brunette ever expected. She tensed and panicked afraid that her heart and body would betray her and display her undying love for Alex so plainly on her face that Jacob would run her out of the house. She brought her hands up hesitantly and carefully barely touching the blond’s back, patting it awkwardly. She yearned to be able to throw her arms around her and hold her as tightly as she was being held but she fought against it. The feeling of Alex holding her so tightly was incredible. It was everything she could do not to melt to the floor. She turned bright red and when Alex pulled away Jacob admonished her.

“You have made her blush Alexandra. She does not know many whites and is not accustomed to their affection.”

Alex’s eyes twinkled knowingly as she stepped back and nodded. “You are right. I am sorry Nantane.”

“Please do not apologize.” The warrior spoke. Guilt tugged at her heart as she realized how little Jacob knew about their shared past.

Alex went to the table and pulled out a chair. “Please eat with us. I have prepared more than enough for all of us. It is not much, but it is warm and filling.”

Jacob took a seat at the other side of the table and motioned for Nantane to sit in the chair Alex was offering her. The warrior did so reluctantly. She began to eat as Alex busied herself with tidying up a few things before sitting down as well.

They ate in silence at first. Then Jacob spoke, “I would like to hunt today. Would you like to Nantane?”

The woman thought about it for a few moments before asking, “Do you think you are ready?”

Jacob smiled and looked to Alex with a loving gaze. “She has monitored my health more closely than I have. Do you think I am ready Alexandra?”

“I do. You have recovered very quickly. You are strong as an ox again.” She offered with a smile. She did like Jacob, he was a good man and companionable to be with. It had not been at all unpleasant being with him for the past two weeks. It was a welcome change from the nagging tone and watchful eyes of Esther and Elizabeth Turner.

“There you have it.” Jacob replied as he shoved a piece of porridge dipped bread into his mouth.

Nantane nodded. Watching the interplay between them made her heart ache. It was clear, and had been for some time, how much Jacob loved her but now she was seeing hints that Alex might love him back. She looked down into her bowl of porridge not wanting to betray the hurt in her eyes. “Today is a good day for a hunt. We can leave as soon as you are ready.” Nantane finished her food quickly suddenly feeling like an interloper into Alex and Jacob’s world. She stood with her bowl ready to take it to the dish bucket but Alex stood up quickly and took it from her. Their fingers touched for a brief moment as she took the items out of her hand.

“You do not have to clean up. I can do that for you.” She said.

“It was very good. I have not had a hearty meal like that in a while.” Nantane replied.

Jacob finished his as well and when Alex went over to take his bowl she whispered something in his ear. He responded with a confused stare and Alex spoke in a tone that was playful but still earnest, “You cannot stay Jacob Daniels it is inappropriate!”

The man smiled as he looked at the warrior. “Alright, alright. If you will excuse me for a moment Nantane, I am going to step outside.”

The warrior was completely puzzled as to what was going on but she nodded at him and watched him leave. Once the door shut behind him she realized she was all alone with Alex. She suddenly felt very self conscious and fidgety. She turned to see where Alex was and saw the woman rummaging around bent over a basket. Finally, she stood holding a folded item in her hands. The warrior looked at her with a mixture of confusion and fear.

Alex had a soft smile on her face as she walked up to the woman offering her the item. Nantane took it from her and unfolded it, revealing a new shirt. Like the one Alex had made before, it was a men’s shirt tailored to fit her made of durable cloth, crisp and white. The warrior’s eyes darted over the garment in wonder.

“I told you I would make you another one.” Alex spoke her voice slightly heavy with emotion.

“It is beautiful. I do not know what I have done to deserve such kindness.” Nantane spoke finally looking at the blond.

Alex’s eyes widened in disbelief at the statement. “You do everything for everyone. Yet you do nothing for yourself.”

The warrior blushed at the statement and decided to change into the shirt so that it would not be so obvious that she was blushing. She quickly removed the sling bag on her shoulder and took off her old shirt revealing her naked, muscular body and soft bare breasts.

Alex anticipated that the warrior would do this since it is what she did the first time she gave her a shirt. That is why she asked Jacob to leave. However it was not to protect Nantane’s modesty for the warrior had none. It was to insure that she could have a private moment with her.

As the woman pulled the garment over her body she smiled unable to hide the pleasure of feeling the new fabric against her skin. Alex couldn’t take her eyes off of her. “This fits me well.” Nantane marveled as she showed herself to the woman.

Alex nodded approvingly. “It looks wonderful on you.”

The warrior looked purposefully into the woman’s eyes and spoke with complete seriousness and sincerity, “This is the kindest gift I have ever received. I am grateful.”

Before Alex knew what was happening tears began to well up in her eyes as she spoke with emotion cracking her usually strong voice, “Please don’t say I have been kind to you.”

Nantane’s expression instantly turned from one of sincerity to concern. “Wha-“

The blond cut her off, “Kind is one thing I have not been to you. You have risked your life for me on multiple occasions, saved my life, saved my unborn child’s life. Sheltered me when I had nothing, defended me against you brother, and watched over Jacob. All I have done for you is make you two shirts.” She tried in vain to wipe the tears from her eyes.

Nantane did not know what to do. She wanted to reach out to the woman but she did not think it was appropriate. She felt responsible for her tears and helpless to stop them. “Alex, you are my friend. I did those things because they were right to do. I do not feel like something is unequal between us.” Her statement did not change Alex’s state. She smiled as she changed tacks, “Besides, I cannot sew anything. Without you I truly would be what your people call a ‘naked savage’.”

That made the blond laugh. She wiped the last tears from her eyes as she apologized. “Forgive me for that. I don’t know what came over me.”

Nantane’s heart screamed in her chest and she wanted to tell the woman she would forgive her for anything. She wanted to tell her that she would have fought to the death just to stop her tears. That she was the last thing she thought about at night when she went to sleep; that the thought of her soft lips kept her warm on winter nights under the stars. That every ounce of strength in her body, all the will in her soul and all the love in her heart was for her and always would be. Instead, she offered a small smile and replied. “It is alright. You do not have to apologize to me.”

At that moment there was a loud knock on Jacob’s door and Alex took the opportunity to answer it and get herself out of the intense moment. It was Jacob. “How long does it take for someone to open a present?” he asked with a smile. He peaked in and saw Nantane in her new shirt and smiled broadly. “That looks good on you. Alex spent every night since I have been recovering working on it. She did a wonderful job.”

“Yes she did.” Nantane replied as she pulled her shoulder sack back over her head. She walked to the door and offered the blond another thankful nod before heading out of the cabin with Jacob.

FF: Whither Thou Goest 11/?

2009-02-18T02:08:29Z

Title: Whither Thou Goest
Author: Connecticut Mcphee
Rating: R - Adult Situations
Pairing: A/O SVU
Summary: SVU is out the window. It’s just Puritans, Indians and the New World. Big buckles on shoes, funny hats, longhouses, peace pipes and two chicks having sex. Oh why wasn’t I born in the 17th century?

Once they brought Esther inside, Jebediah and Elizabeth went about tending to her injury. Alex was rocking Caleb to sleep in his basinet. He was out after only a few moments. She sat down next to him and watched him as he slept.

As Elizabeth tended to her mother, she spoke up, "I do not like that savage woman."

"She said she has killed men father. Can you believe it? A woman killing men." Malachi added.

"She is not from our world, you cannot judge her with our standards." Alex replied quickly, and sharply.

"You let her hold Caleb!" Elizabeth declared.

Jebediah raised his hands to stop the quarrel before it started. "The savage is very different from us in many ways. Ways that we do not necessarily approve of but she did return Esther and Alexandra to us safely and with care. If we are to judge only on action alone, she has done nothing to warrant distrust or severity." Alex did not appreciate the term "savage" but given the rest of Jebediah's response she chose to let it slide. "Go to bed children." Jebediah commanded. The children quickly went upstairs leaving the three adults by the fire.

Jebediah sighed as he took a seat next to his wife by the fire. "Goody Turner, how are you?" he asked his wife lovingly.

"I'll mend my dear." Esther responded smiling.

The old man's lips cracked a smile and he was content for long moments before turning to look at Alex. His expression faded and his eyes became stern. "Do you think it is a good idea Alexandra, to let the savage hold your Christian son?"

His question was asked in a tone that was half accusatory and half honestly curious. It was as if he was internally warring with himself. Part of him liked Nantane and part of him deeply disapproved.

Alex noticed the tone but was still angered by the question. "He is my son. The Lord has entrusted his life to my judgment and I do not take the task lightly. Jacob trusts her with his life. I chose to trust her." Though his pride demanded that he have a retort to her statement his mind was blank. He did not know what to say to her so he kept silent. Alex's nostrils flared and her determined eyes anxiously awaited a response that did not come. Instead, Esther's soft eyes calmed her as the woman said,

"Alexandra, it has been a long and eventful day. Let us all get some rest." The woman implored.

Alex nodded and she went about making her preparations for bed. She finally laid down next to Caleb who was fast asleep in his basinet. Sleep was coming easily. Her mind drifted back to the day of the Huron attack. Strangely, instead of memories of the horrors, or of Caleb, all she could think about was Nantane and how brutally she had fought for her. She remembered the woman's desperate rage as she tore at the men who had attacked them.

Alex watched helpless as Nantane pummeled the dead warrior over and over crushing the bones of his face and leaving nothing behind but a sunken pool of blood and broken bone. She called for the woman, reached for her and that was all it took. Nantane turned her full attention on Alex pulling her into her arms and clutching her fiercely. Alex's body flooded with heat at the memory. Pressed hard against Nantane's heaving body, the mortal threat abated by the warrior's overwhelming ferocity, she clung to her.

The feelings that coursed between them during that locked embrace were more powerful than raging fire or bellowing thunder. Even the muted memory of that moment left Alex trembling. Up until now, she thought she had successfully put the warrior out of her mind. Laying eyes upon her today tore that assumption asunder. The minute the warrior's rich, earthy brown eyes gazed at her in Jacob's cabin she was awestruck and left hungering for more. They way her lips parted just before she spoke, the way her jaw tensed when she was on guard, the way her long strides were simultaneously strong and silent, the way her soft brown hair which had grown slightly long in her absence and came down just far enough to partially obscure her eyes like too tall spring grasses, she was lost in the details of the woman and it was enough to make her mind go mad.

Suddenly her reverie was broken by the croaking cry of her son. She sat up and went to him, scooping him up in her arms and working to undo her dress at the shoulder so she could feed him. Once he was settled and nursing he quieted down. She caressed his head gently as she whispered to him, "My sweet darling, if not for you I believe I might have left with her by now."

The sound of Jacob's breathing was heavy in Nantane's ear as they crouched low to the ground behind a fallen log. They watched a deer walk carefully through the forest. The sounds of birds and the rustling of leaves was all around them but they kept their concentration.

"I have a shot." Jacob whispered as a single bead of sweat travelled down his temple.

"Not yet." Nantane replied knowing the animal was seconds away from darting off.

"I'm taking it." Jacob replied moving slightly as he readied himself.

"You will miss." Nantane answered.

"Bet you a new shirt." Jacob replied confidently.

"Done." Nantane answered. Jacob wasted no more time and pulled the trigger. The musket cracked out a shot and the deer bolted. The sound of the bullet tearing through the underbrush could be heard as the deer hopped away frightened but unharmed.

The man's eyes were wide with disbelief as he turned to his companion. "How in the wide world did you know that would happen?"

"You're not as good with guns as you are with traps." Nantane began standing and walking towards the place where the deer had been. "You pull up slightly on the gun when you aren't fully concentrating."

"How do you know if I am fully concentrating?"

"It is a cool day my friend, you are sweating and your color has been off for a few hours. You are getting a sickness."

"I feel fine." Jacob spoke shrugging. "Possibly a little warmer than usual."

"You should go back to your home and rest until it passes." Nantane replied then added with a smile, "The traps will be here when you recover."

The walked back to Jacob's home from the forest took a couple of hours. As they walked Jacob got noticeably worse. By the time they were at his home he was clearly ill.

Nantane made sure he was in the house and in bed before she decided, "You cannot be sick alone. Who can I get to take care of you?"

Through bouts of coughing the man tried to waive her off as he answered, "No one, I will be fine."

Nantane went outside and retrieved a ladle of water from the rain barrel handing it to him. "You are not fine. You will get sicker." She watched the man drink and ignore her entreaties. Finally, she made the decision for him.

"Alexandra and the Turners. I will get them."

"No, please do not bother them." Jacob implored.

Nantane shook her head as she headed for the door, "I am going to get you what you need, not what you want." She walked out the door and started to jog toward the Turner house.

When she reached the Turner house she ran up to the door and knocked vigorously. After a few moments the door was opened by Elizabeth. She took one look at Nantane and screamed, "Father! Father it's the savage!" her voice was fearful.

Nantane put up her hands up in a show of surrender as she tried to speak over the girl, "It's Jacob!" she yelled.

Jebediah appeared in the door pushing Elizabeth aside, "What do you want?" he asked suspiciously.

Nantane repeated, "Its Jacob. He is sick."

Now Alex appeared in the doorway. Her eyes lit up when she saw Nantane but quickly faded when she heard the woman's words. "Is he alright?"

"He needs to be taken care of, someone who can stay with him. I do not know how sick he is but I can tell it is getting worse."

Jebediah's brow furrowed as he thought about the situation and how to address it. Finally he answered, "Alexandra, Elizabeth and Malchi, go with Nantane to Jacob's and see to him."

"Father, I do not want to…" Elizabeth started but her father cut her off quickly.

"You will do what you are told!" Jebediah answered in a tone that left no room for discussion.

The children and Alex went to their quarters to get the things they would need for the duration of their stay at Jacob's. They took extra clothes and other items in case his sickness lasted for many days. While they were preparing Jebediah spoke to Nantane, "Let us step outside for a moment." He spoke. Nantane stepped back and out of his way. They walked a few paces so they were well away from the door before he turned to her and spoke, "You speak our language well, where did you learn it?"

"An English trapper stayed in my village. He taught me." The warrior answered.

"Was he your father?"

"I do not know my first father. He was English, if that is what you are asking." Nantane spoke.

Jebediah nodded. "I have no reason to trust you beyond the admiration that Jacob bears for you. I am entrusting the welfare of my children and niece to you. Do not make me regret it."

Nantane met his gaze with unflinching sincerity as she replied, "They will be safe."

As Alex was leaving she went to Esther, "Please, make sure Caleb is alright while I am away, he has not been sleeping well lately."

Esther put a loving hand on her niece's shoulder, "He will be fine my child. Go to Jacob, he needs you." The woman said with a twinkle in her eye.

Alex caught the implication but said nothing. It was true she did look excited to leave to tend to Jacob. Iit was not for him that she was eager but for the escort that would take them there.

Alex and the children stepped outside to see Nantane and Jebediah talking. The conversation was clearly strained so the old man was happy to have them step outside to break it up.

Once they started walking Malachi began asking Nantane many questions. "How many men have you killed?"

"I do not count them."

"Father says you are a hunter I bet you are a good shot."

"I am good enough."

"How do you kill a man when you are only a woman?"

"They die the same. It does not matter who kills them."

"How do you…"

"Enough!" Alex yelled cutting the boy off before he could finish. "Malachi stop your incessant questions. Go back and walk with your sister." Alex spoke. The boy, though clearly disappointed, fell back in step with his sister behind the two women.

"I am sorry for him. He is eager and awestruck by you." Alex replied, her voice was slightly shaky. She was nervous. The presence of the woman so close to her was making her feel like she had a thousand butterflies in her stomach.

Luckily, the brisk pace of their walk obscured the obviousness of Alex's tremble. Nantane smiled at the blond as she answered, "It is alright. Better to ask me too many questions than to be silent with distrust." She said in reference to Elizabeth.

"I am sorry for her as well." Alex answered.

The warrior waved it off, "Do not be. She does not understand where I fit in her world. Sometimes I do not understand that either. "

Alex smiled remembering her own time in the Mohawk village and how she felt out of place there. "There are such stark contrasts in this land. One minute you can be surrounded by what you know and the next thrust into the unknown. Nothing is permanent but you try to be grateful at least for what is constant."

Nantane locked eyes with Alex as she replied, "I am grateful to have met you." Alex felt her entire body go weak at the statement and she stumbled. Nantane's strong grip caught her under the arm and steadied her. "Careful." She spoke as she maintained her grip until she was sure the woman was balanced again.

Alex's face went flush as she hastily replied, "Oh, I am sorry, I am sorry. I must have stumbled. Forgive me."

Nantane did not respond to Alex's mumblings. She let silence fall between them for a few moments before saying, "Are you eager to see Jacob?"

She did not expect the question and therefore was not prepared to respond, "Uh…I am eager to see to his needs."

Nantane's heart ached in her chest. It felt like Caleb all over again. She knew without saying it that Alex had the same heavy thought on her own mind. After a bit longer they reached Jacob's cabin. Nantane opened the door and allowed Alex and the children to enter first.

Alex went straight to his bedside and found him shivering. She touched his forehead and gasped. She turned to Elizabeth. "He's burning up. Fetch me some water and a clean cloth."

She looked up at Nantane. The warrior communicated with desperate eyes that she was simply awaiting the blond's instruction. "We'll need plenty of wood to keep the fire going."

The warrior nodded and looked at Malachi, "Can you chop wood?"

The boy puffed up his chest and replied, "Of course I can!"

They walked back out of the cabin and headed to Jacob's woodpile.

There was only one ax and the boy was eager to prove himself so Nantane let him go after the wood first. While he chopped she walked slowly and carefully around eyeing the ground. Occasionally she got close to the ground to inspect a root or leaf.

"How sick do you think Jacob is?" Malachi asked as he chopped.

"He did not have a fever when I left." Natane offered.

"Alex is good at taking care of sick people. She took care of me and Elizabeth." He continued chopping and after splitting a few more logs asked, "How long do you think we will stay here with you and Jacob?"

"That cannot be known. But you will be safe until you return to your family."

The door to the cabin opened and Elizabeth appeared with a pail. She called to her brother, "Malachi I need more water."

Nantane went to her as she offered, "I can get it." She reached for the pail and with a disdainful look Elizabeth handed it to her.

"Please bring it inside." She spoke as she shut the door behind her.

"Don't worry about her. She doesn't really like anyone." Malachi answered.

"I am not worried." Nantane replied as she went to the rain barrel and dunked the pail in until it was full. She carried it carefully into the house not wanting to spill a drop.

"Set it over there please." Elizabeth spoke, her voice intentionally softer now that Alex could hear her.

Nantane set it down and walked over to Jacob's bed where Alex was rubbing a damp cloth on his forehead and face. She looked up at the warrior when she approached. "He isn't responding at all but he is red hot to the touch."

"What are you going to do?" The warrior asked as she looked at Jacob with concern.

"There is nothing I can do. All we can do is just watch over him, try to keep him comfortable and hope his fever breaks."

"Are you alright?" Nantane asked concerned for the woman.

Alex turned and looked at Elizabeth she did not want to speak within the girl's earshot. "I am fine."

Elizabeth and Alex did everything they could to make Jacob comfortable. They changed his clothes because his sweat had soaked through them and someone was always at his side keeping his forehead cool with a damp cloth. After a few hours of this Elizabeth started to yawn.

"You should go to sleep, I'll stay up with him. See to your brother." She told the girl. Elizabeth welcomed the respite. Though she was not shy about hard work, being in a sick stranger's home having to tend to him along with the presence of a savage was taxing for her and she was eager to get some rest. Jacob had a very small loft in his home reached by a ladder that Elizabeth and Malachi turned into a makeshift sleeping area for themselves.

Nantane took a seat in a chair and leaned back stretching her body. The day had started out so normal and had taken such a terrible turn by the end. Jacob seemed fine this morning when she met him just as the sunrise was breaking through the trees. Now it was possible that he could die. She felt helpless, like she had when Caleb was dying. There was nothing a warrior could do to fight illness.

She watched Alex tenderly wipe the sweat from the man's brow and watch over him with loving eyes. Part of her wondered jealously if she had feelings toward the man the way he had for her. She bit her lower lip as a pang of pain rolled through her heart. She so desperately wanted to be the one that the blond loved. If it was something she could earn she would stop at nothing to attain it but she knew love was not something you could win. Alex would most likely never love her they way she hoped she would. Nantane would have to content herself with the woman's friendship only.

Alex turned and looked at her friend. "His condition has not changed. I do not know what else I can do for him." She brought her hand up to rub her neck. It was clear that she was stressed and fatigued by the situation.

The warrior stood and walked over to her. She placed a comforting hand on her shoulder. "Let me do that for awhile. You should rest."

Alex sighed as a single tear rolled down her cheek. "The last time I did nothing, I watched the man I loved die."

Nantane's heart broke for the blond. "Alex, it was not your fault Caleb died. He was badly injured in the battle. There was nothing anyone could do to save him."

The woman turned to look at her friend tears welling up and spilling from her eyes, "I don't think I can do it again. I can't watch another man die. It's too hard." Her body slumped with the overwhelming sadness and she leaned toward the warrior.

Nantane did not think about it, she simply moved to her allowing the woman to bury her head against her as she stood there stroking her hair trying to comfort her. She felt a sense of self loathing as part of her secretly relished the feeling of Alex against her and the woman's soft hair as it ran through her fingers. She fought down the waves of happiness she was experiencing with the touch and focused on the pain the woman was feeling. "He is young, he can fight this. He might not die."

Alex allowed herself to be comforted by the warrior only for a few more minutes before she pulled away abruptly as a wave of guilt washed over her. Nantane reached for the damp cloth and spoke in a soft but authoritative tone. "I will sit with him. Get some rest."

Though she did not want to leave his side she knew that the warrior would watch over him just as closely and she needed the sleep. She gathered the last two blankets they had brought with them from the Turner house and made a sleeping area on the floor. "I think the children took the rest of the blankets. I really only need one. You can have this other one."

"I do not need anything. I have my things with me if I decide to sleep. I will stay awake with Jacob tonight. You need to sleep…please."

Alex nodded silently knowing the warrior would not be dissuaded. As she tried to sleep she couldn't stop thinking about the warrior and how she looked when Alex left her in the woods that day. There had been too much pain, too many emotions warring inside her. It had been more than she was capable of handling. Caleb's death, the violence of the Huron raid, the time in the village, Nantane's intense friendship and the sudden revelation of her and Malila was more than her body and mind could process. Part of her was so angry at the warrior that day and for a long time after. She did not even know why, she just knew that looking at her that day in the woods and thinking of her in the weeks after made her feel frustrated and angry and it was better that she had left.

But now Nantane was back in her life. Whether it was coincidence or fate she did not know but time had healed the anger she had previously bourn for the woman leaving only warmth in its wake. As she drifted off it dawned on her that she had missed her more than she realized.

FF: Whither Thou Goest 10/?

2008-12-17T02:51:09Z

That evening Esther and Alex made the long walk to Jacob’s house on the edge of town. He still lived within the village limits but barely. Their arms were laden with food carefully prepared by loving hands. As they reached the house, Esther knocked on the door. It took a few moments for Jacob to open the door but when he did a smile spread across his face as he saw that it was Alex and Esther.

“My goodness! Please come in come in. To what do I owe this visit?” He asked as he stepped back allowing the women to pass through. He took what he could from their arms in an attempt to alleviate their burdens.

As was customary, Esther spoke for both she and Alex. “My dear Jacob, we feared that you being here all alone left you without the comfort of a woman’s cooking. We made some things that should keep you satisfied for a few days at least.”

The man’s eyes went wide like a child’s at Christmas as he went through the basket of food and bread. “This blessing is a surprise. I am indebted to you Esther.” He looked up from the basket with soft eyes at Alex, “And to you Alexandra.”

She offered a small smile but turned away. His open affection toward her made her uncomfortable. She did not return his feelings though she found him to be a kind and gentle man and she understood the loneliness someone went through on the edge of civilization.

They went about setting up a meal for him and putting away the other items that he would not use right away. Jacob began eating almost immediately. As he ate he spoke of his day. More than just having delicious food it was nice to have someone to talk to.

“I just returned from a hunt. My guide had only been gone for a few moments before you arrived I’m sup—“

But he was not able to finish his sentence as there was a knock at his door. He stood quickly and went to the door, not expecting any visitors besides the ones that had already surprised him. When he opened the door his guide, Nantane stood in front of him.

“Nantane,” he began, he turned quickly back to Esther and Alex. The situation was awkward. He was not entirely sure whether or not he should introduce the warrior to the women whether it would even be appropriate. He stepped back from the doorway as he said, “Please, come in.” he looked at the two women. “Please, Alex, Esther, I apologize for the potential impropriety of this but this is Nantane, she is the guide that has been teaching me how to trap for pelts.”

Alex and Nantane’s eyes locked. Simultaneously, their hearts pounded, their flesh went flush beneath their clothes as they both fought off the outward signs of their reaction. The warrior nodded to Alex then to Esther. Alex was frozen. She did not move but Esther, in a surprising act of forwardness, spoke up. “Hello.” It wasn’t much but given her and Jebediah’s opinions of savages it was impressive that she spoke to the warrior at all.

Nantane did not speak back but she nodded to Esther then she turned and nodded to Alex. Alex nodded back but avoided eye-contact. Neither Jacob nor Esther noticed the reaction; assuming it was Alex’s fear or trepidation that kept her from looking at the woman. Nantane noticed but obviously said nothing. She turned to regard Jacob, “I returned to tell you that I tracked wolves from here.”

The three exchanged looks of alarm, “Should I be concerned?” Jacob asked.

“The tracks were only a few feet from your house. I tracked them back into the forest past the bend in the river.”

“Will it return?” Jacob asked.

“It could. You must be careful. If they smell food, meat, they could try to enter your home. I came back to tell you to be watchful and prepared tonight.”

“Your concern for my safety is admirable. Thank you Nantane.” The man replied.

The warrior nodded. There was a moment of silence before she regarded the women. “They should not return home unaccompanied.”

Jacob agreed. He turned and went to his gun pulling it from the wall it was leaning against and throwing it over his shoulder. He spoke, “I apologize for putting you in this situation and rushing you out but it appears that your safety is in question and it would be best to return you to Jebediah and the safety of the village.”

The women nodded. Alex cast a glance at Esther placing a comforting hand on her back. She was not afraid. Nantane’s presence made her fear nothing. But she knew what it was like to feel that fear and her heart went out to Esther. “We will be safe, trust in God.” She offered to her Aunt. The older woman offered her a small smile, her trepidation still stronger than her faith.

“We will accompany them together. The sun is down it is safe for you to walk through the village as long as you are with us.” Jacob spoke to Nantane. Again, the warrior only nodded.

They left Jacob’s home and began the long walk back to the Turner home. Almost as soon as they started out Esther slipped in the dusky evening light and landed awkwardly on her ankle. Jacob, Alex and Nantane went to her immediately.

“I’m alright, I’m alright.” The woman immediately reassured the rest of the group. Jacob and Nantane pulled her up to her feet but as soon as Esther put weight on it she started to buckle. Jacob got under her and pulled her back up.

“She will need help all the way back. She cannot put any weight on it.” Nantane observed.

Jacob nodded in agreement as he supported her. “I will walk her back but we will be slow.” He removed his rifle from his back and handed it to the warrior. Nantane slung it onto her shoulder.

“You will be fine. I promise.” The warrior reassured them. The confidence in Nantane’s voice surrounded Alex like a blanket. She knew they would be fine.

They began the journey again. This time Jacob and Esther followed behind Nantane and Alex who walked ahead keeping an eye out for any sign of danger. They were far enough in front of Jacob and Esther that they could speak to each other without being heard but they did not. They walked in silence for long moments.

Internally, Nantane’s emotions felt like an uncontrolled brushfire. She fought to contain them with all of her strength. No one would have guessed by her Spartan exterior the turmoil that was going on beneath the surface.

Alex was terrified. Her entire body felt like it was tingling. She was flushed and her breath quickened at the warrior’s presence. She desperately wanted Nantane to say something, to break the silence between them. Yet part of her was afraid. What if the woman had forgotten her since they parted over a year ago? The less Nantane spoke the longer she could nurture the hope that the warrior had missed her. But the dark haired woman said nothing as she continued to silently scan the ever darkening landscape around them for any sign of danger.

Alex did her best to remain silent as well but eventually her nerves got the best of her and she blurted out, “It’s been a long time. You look like you have been doing well.”

Nantane’s stomach constricted as she replied carefully, “It has been good working with Jacob.”

Her response was not what Alex expected. It caused her to fumble through her thoughts to find something to keep the conversation going. “He is a good man. You are kind to teach him your valuable skills.”

“He has a good eye and learns quickly.” The warrior replied. Her response effectively ended their conversation. Alex could not think of anything else to add to it and instead was quiet again though she ached to speak to her more. Nantane’s emotion warred with her resolve for a long time before she finally spoke up, “How have you been?” she asked. Such an open ended question was a terrifying because it gave Alex the opportunity to supply an answer that could crush her heart.

Hearing Nantane volunteer the question made Alex’s heart leap in her chest she forced herself to hide a smile as she answered, “Caleb’s absence has been trying. I am living with his family, Esther and Jebediah. They have been good to us.” Anxiety seized Alex after she spoke, she did not mean to say “us”, surely, Nantane would catch it. If she did catch it, the warrior said nothing about it. “How is your family?”

Nantane took a moment before answering, “Apiatane died this past winter.”

Alex instinctually placed a comforting hand on the woman’s strong arm. As soon as she did it she became self conscious of it and pulled away. “I’m so sorry. He was an amazing man.”

“Chogan has become chief.” She spoke waiting a beat before adding, “He is wise and strong, a good leader for my people.”

Alex sighed as she thought back to the time she spent in the village, “I regret the disagreements I caused between you while I was in the village.”

Natane put up her hand to dismiss the statement. “He is wise and strong, he guides our people away from the ways of the English. He is right to do so.”

The statement offended Alex and she bristled noticeably. “And what is so wrong with my people?” she asked.

Natane was quiet for long moments walking carefully, almost silently through the tall grasses. Finally she answered, “One or two of your people at a time you are a good and kind people but as a group, you fear what you do not understand. It makes you dangerous.”

Though she wanted to retort and defend her people, what Natane said was not only well spoken but truer than she wanted to admit. “So why are you here bothering with us then instead of with your own people?”

The warrior offered a small uncharacteristic smile before saying carefully, “It is not so simple as staying with my people when there is English blood in my veins.”

The statement was definitive and left Alex with little more to say on the subject. She contented herself with walking quietly beside the woman she had been thinking about for so long.

They walked for a long time with both women occasionally looking behind them to make sure Esther and Jacob were still okay. They were moving slowly but steady.

By the time they reached the town streets proper there were few people still out. The sun had set and most were in their homes. This made Nantane more able to walk the streets freely without the typical glares and stares she received during the day. They were always wary of her people but they were downright uncomfortable around her. It wasn’t so much that she was an Indian, there were others of her kind that came into the town enough that the people were not completely terrified. It was that she was a woman acting in a man’s role. Even a “savage” man’s role, was more than most of the villagers could take. The majority of the gazes were at the very least curious and at the worst, hateful. The darkness afforded her some peace as she walked quietly through the streets toward Esther and Jebediah’s home.

As they got closer, Alex turned to the warrior, “I’ll run ahead and get Jebediah, Malachi and Elizabeth to help us.”

Nantane nodded and turned heading back toward Ruth and Jacob to help them until Alex returned. She went to the other side of Esther and brought the woman’s arm over her shoulder so she and Jacob could both help her and they could all move a little faster. Esther was noticeably uncomfortable with the closeness of the warrior woman but given the pain she was in, she said nothing.

“Almost home now.” Jacob said comfortingly as the home was now fully in sight. The door to the home opened and Jebediah, Malachi, Elizabeth and Alex came hurrying out. From what Nantane could make out, Jebediah and his children were running and Alex was moving quickly but she was carrying something and unable to move as rapidy as the rest of them.

When Jebediah and his children reached Esther they were surprised to see a savage woman helping her walk. Jebediah, cleared his throat and checked his shock as he spoke, “Esther, good wife, are you alright?”

Esther nodded vigorously, “I am fine Husband. My foot is not, but I will make it. Jacob and Nan…Nan-tan-e made sure I got here safely.”

Jebediah looked Nantane up and down before speaking carefully. “You must be the woman Jacob spoke about. Thank you for helping my wife.”

Nantane nodded but said nothing as she helped hand Esther over to her husband. As Esther, Jacob and Jebediah limped away Alex reached them and Nantane was able to see what she was holding. Her eyes went wide as she realized it was a baby.

Malachi and Elizabeth should have followed their parents inside but they were too interested in the warrior woman. They lingered behind Alex just watching the warrior. Nantane eyed them grateful to be able to look at them instead of Alex and the child.

Alex followed her gaze and turned to see the children looking at the warrior like she was a suspicious animal in a cage. “Children, this is Nantane. She is a Mohawk. She will not hurt you.”

Malachi spoke up, “Do you kill men?”

“Only when they are trying to kill me.” Nantane offered.

“That is a sin. Your very being is a sin.” Elizabeth spat.

Alex spun around her blue eyes firing with anger, “Elizabeth! You speak out of place! Get in the house!” The two children ran quickly into the house, Alex’s unusual reaction frightening them into action.

Alex turned back around looking at Nantane apologetically. “I am sorry for them. They do not understand…”

Nantane cut her off, “It’s alright. I am used to it.” An awkward silence fell between them until Nantane finally mustered the courage to ask, “Is the child yours?”

Alex nodded, feelings flooding through her as she spoke turning the baby so Nantane could see him, “This is Caleb.”

“That is a good name. No doubt he will be as good a man as his father.” Nantane spoke.

Alex smiled. “Do you want to hold him?” she offered.

The warrior took a small step back as the child was offered to her. “It would not be appropriate for me to hold your son.” She looked toward the house. “Your family would not approve.”

“I do not require their approval. I want you to hold him.” Alex spoke stepping closer to the woman. Nantane still attempted to silently resist but she knew she would be no match for the woman and finally relented carefully taking the child in her arms.

Alex watched the warrior as she handled the child carefully. She’d never seen the woman be more gentle and she almost swore that she saw a hint of fear in the brunette’s eyes as well.

“This is your child.” Nantane spoke her voice holding a tone of wonder. She smiled and looked up at Alex. “He is beautiful.” She replied as she cradled him carefully. After a few moments he began to fidget and Nantane handed him back. “Thank you.” She said.

“For what?” Alex asked confused.

“For letting me hold him. It is an honor to hold your child.” She stood there just looking at Alex. She knew that at any moment one of them would turn and leave and the moment would be over with no way of knowing if they would see each other again. Nantane just wanted to look at Alex, as long as she possibly could.

“It is I who should be honored.” Alex spoke, “You’ve saved my life and protected my loved ones on multiple occasions. You are like a guardian angel.”

“Angel?” Nantane asked having never heard the term.

“They are messengers of God.”

Nantane chuckled, “I promise you I am not that holy.”

Alex smiled back, “Maybe not, but I know I have never felt as safe as when I am with you.”

Nantane’s heart burst in her chest, warmth flooding her like the summer sun. It was the single most amazing thing Alex had ever said to her. The wisest choice would have been for her to respond with reserve, but her internal elation got the better of her and she replied before she could stop it, “I would die before I let any harm come to you.”

The statement was strong like an iron chain and held more conviction than Alex had ever heard from the warrior’s lips. It made the blond’s heart swell in her chest. She parted her lips to reply but before she could utter a word Jacob called from behind them.

“Alexandra, Esther calls for you!”

Alex apologized to the warrior with her eyes before saying, “I have to go. Please take care of yourself Nantane.”

“I will be fine.” The warrior replied. She turned and started to walk away when Jacob called to her.

“Nantane wait! I’ll walk with you!” he called as he jogged toward her. She waited for him, happy to take the opportunity to watch Alex as she walked back into the cabin. As Jacob passed the blond, he lifted his hat to her and offered her a smile before continuing to jog up to the warrior.

“If you would like to accompany me back to my home I can offer you some of the food Alex and Esther brought me.” Nantane nodded in agreement and they walked back toward Jacob’s cabin. The warrior was content to listen to the sounds of nature and the sleeping town as they walked. After awhile, Jacob nervously spoke up. “Nantane, I want you to know that though we are not of the same people I consider you a friend.”

The warrior cracked a small smile, “Thank you Jacob. I would like to call you friend as well.”

The man smiled wide and responded, “By all means!” he smacked her heartily on the back. Then his smile faded and he turned serious again. “But there is more left unsaid than just that. I want to know what you think of Alexandra?”

Nantane paused when she heard the question. She thought very carefully before speaking, “She is an impressive woman.”

“Yes, she is isn’t she?” Jacob mused his voice taking a wistful tone. “I’m not ashamed to say that over the past few months I have become quite taken with her.”

“I can understand how that would happen. She is very beautiful.”

“I want to marry her.” Jacob added quickly as if the news itself could not be contained within him.

Natane felt jealousy surge through her as she forced it down in order to respond as expected, luckily, she was a stoic person and not expected to react much beyond a statement of approval. “She would make a good wife.” She offered carefully, the words tasted bitter in her mouth.

“I am happy that you think so. Your opinion goes far with me.”

“Let’s hope your meal goes even farther, I’m very hungry.” Nantane replied offering a joke to distract from the uncomfortable conversation.

FF: Whither Thou Goest 9/?

2008-12-11T02:30:53Z

Her feet, moving so quickly, dug into a halt as her lungs gulped air. “Alex!” she was only able to get out the woman’s name before the blond turned and looked at her with an expression that was a mixture of anger, fear and despair that stopped her voice in her throat.

“He’s dead.” Alex said her voice heavy like stone.

“When?”

“This morning. He didn’t last much past when the darkness came. It looked peaceful,” she paused, then added, “as peaceful as dying young from an Indian attack can be I suppose.” Her tone was absent. She was so grief stricken that she was only half thinking about what she was saying.

“I’m so sorry Alex. I…”

But the blond cut her off, “You left,” she began, “you left and I did not know where you went. Caleb died and they carried him out here. They buried him and then asked me not to return to the village.” Nantane felt her blood boil at the thought of what the woman she loved had just gone through. Her hand balled into a fist at her side as she worked through the anger. “Why did you leave?” Alex asked.

Alex’s swirling blue eyes churned with sadness and desperation. Nantane’s voice cracked in her throat as she answered, “I…I thought you did not want me around so I left. I left like I thought you wanted.”

“I wanted…” Alex repeated the last part of Nantane’s statement as she gazed almost through the mound of fresh dirt to the body below. “What I want….I don’t think I know the answer to that.”

Nantane just stood in silence. The sight of Alex, on the forest floor, wracked with sorrow made her want to go to her and wrap her arms around her so tight that nothing else could get to her, no pain, no person, nothing but love. She did not know what to do. Part of her wanted to proclaim her love for Alex right then and there whether the woman would be terrified by it or not. She had held it in for so long; kept the burning secret so close to her chest that it threatened to brand her forever. Another part of her felt that would be selfish and that she could not do anything that would hurt the woman further.

“I need you to say something.” Alex suddenly stated looking at the warrior. “Please say something this silence is deafening. It’s too much like death.”

Her heart clenched in her chest as she spoke, “Alex please know that from the moment I first saw you I have never sought to do anything that would ever hurt you. I have always sought your protection, safety and happiness.” She looked at the grave and thought about Caleb’s blue, lifeless body under the surface. “But now I think I failed you.”

“I felt safer with you than with anyone else.” Alex responded to the first part of Nantane’s statement but not the last. The warrior was not sure if it was because she did not want to admit to the failure or if she did not agree. Alex stood carefully, her stance faltered for a moment and Nantane instinctually went to her. When the warrior’s arms came up behind her Alex felt herself respond to the familiar, reassuring touch. Her eyes fluttered shut for a brief moment before she forced the confusing feelings back down. She steadied herself on her feet quickly muttering, “I’m fine.” As she stepped out of Nantane’s hold.

Nantane’s heart screamed in her chest with choked sadness and longing as the woman stepped away from her. She felt helpless. “Tell me what to do and I will do it. Anything you ask.” Nantane said. She was desperate to feel useful to the blond, desperate to be occupied instead of standing there watching the woman she loved ache and be powerless to prevent it.

“I need to go back to the village. Caleb has family there. They need to know what has happened to him. They are my family too I suppose…all that I have left.”

Nantane felt jilted. She wanted to proclaim that Alex had her forever. For as much or as little as she wanted. She was hers. She had always been hers since the first moment that she caught the glint of her hair in the sunlight. “You cannot go alone, I can take you back to the village.”

“No.” Alex began looking away from Natane’s confused gaze. “No, I can’t, I’m sorry but I can’t be with you right now. It is all too much. It’s too hard. I hurt too much for too many different reasons. Please, I know you have already done more for me than I deserve but please, let me be. I will be fine on my own.”

Nantane felt frantic with emotion, she was heartbroken and fearful at Alex’s request, “You cannot go alone! There are Hurons, wild animals, you do not know the way!”

The blood surged in the blond’s veins as she began to yell, “what does it matter Nantane? I have nothing! I have no one! I was defined by my husband and now he is gone! If I die here or not I am still alone in a strange world with no family of my own! I do not care anymore!” Alex screamed. She was at the end of her emotional capacity.

A single tear made its way down Nantane’s cheek as she fought against every fiber of herself not to scream out her love for the blond. Instead, she took a long deep breath before saying rationally. “I will ask Neka to take you into the village. Please let me go get him before you leave.”

Though Alex was looking at Nantane the gaze felt hollow as she nodded. “I will wait here for you to return with him.”

Nantane only paused for a moment before nodding and hurrying back to the village. She returned in short order with Neka. “Please, protect her as I would.” She said to him in Mohawk.

“I promise that I will.” Neka said confidently as they embraced. Then he walked away to give them a last moment of privacy.

Nantane looked shyly at Alex. The unwavering trust between them that had been so easy a day ago was now gone. Now, Nantane felt as if she did not even have permission to look at her.

She couldn’t believe that Alex was about to walk away from her forever. She felt as if she had ruined their friendship. The guilt and overwhelming sadness made her feel nauseous.

“You saved my life twice and protected me when I had nothing. I can never repay you for that. Please know that I will be forever in your debt for your protection and friendship.” She wanted to hug the warrior but she did not. Instead, she turned to find Neka.

“I love you.” Nantane called to her as she turned. The warrior couldn’t believe she was saying it. Alex spun around to look at her when she heard the statement uttered almost desperately.

“What?” she asked not sure if she had heard her.

“I love you Alex.” Nantane said barely able to maintain eye contact as she said it.

Alex felt her emotions bubbling up to the surface. She replied rationally though she felt so raw that she was barely holding it together. “I love you too Nantane, your friendship has meant everything to me.” She took steps toward the woman.

The warrior moved toward her as well, her need to be close to the blond over-riding her rational sense. Alex smiled as she looked at the warrior. Her features were so strong and tense. She could tell the proud woman was holding something back. She reached out her hand and pushed away a piece of hair that was dangling in front of the warrior’s earthen eyes. Nantane’s eyes went shut at the gesture and she took a deep breath to steady herself.

Alex felt her own body getting nervous when she realized she was responsible for the warrior’s reaction. She couldn’t move. Her body felt tingly and warm as she watched the warrior fight against the feelings, willing herself to stand still and not lurch into action. Her hand was now cupping the woman’s face and the feeling of her strong cheekbone beneath her fingers was mesmerizing. Suddenly, her mind flashed with images of Nantane and Malila, their bodies pressed together, mouths crushing into each other. The sense of horror and dread that she felt when she saw that flooded her. She realized that she was making Nantane feel the same way again. She did not want that. Shame fell upon her like sacks of grain. Guilt about Caleb, heavier, more painful guilt about all that she knew to be right and true in the world pulled against her.

She pulled away, avoiding eye contact with Nantane as she responded. “I have to go, I can’t. This is…I’m sorry…goodbye Nantane.”

When Alex pulled away from her Nantane felt like her heart was being ripped from her chest. “Alex!” the warrior called out to her.

“No, Nantane. I can’t. Goodbye.” Alex said with sadness in her eyes. “I’ll never forget you but I can’t be what you want me to be.”

Nantane watched the woman she loved walk away from her stiff-backed. She wanted to cry out for her but her voice would not come. Instead, she watched with desperate eyes as the woman just kept walking. After a few yards Neka appeared from the trees and fell in step with her. He offered only one look back to his sister, his gaze filled with compassion.

One Year Later

“Jacob Daniels inquired about you again the other day.” Esther Turner, Caleb’s Aunt replied to her niece-in-law as they sat before the fire doing needlework.

Alex sighed. She did not even bother to look up from her work, “Again? He certainly is persistent.”

Esther sighed. “Alexandra, no one, besides yourself, grieves more for Caleb than I do. But even I think that you have spent enough time grieving for him. You are a young woman…” Esther’s all too familiar plea was cut off by the sudden and shrill cries of a newborn.

Alex stood quickly and went to the basinet and scooped up the crying child bringing it to her chest to cradle and coo to it until it stopped crying. She turned and looked at Esther with an unconcerned gaze. “I think you will agree that I have far greater things to worry about at the moment than finding a husband.”

Esther rolled her eyes, “That argument is becoming predictable. You know all too well that your son cannot and should not be raised without a father. Jacob Daniels is a fine man and you are lucky to be considered by him at all.”

“Between you and Jebediah sizing me up for my next husband I feel more like a heifer than a woman. Are you to check my teeth next?” Alex asked. It was a sharp-tongued response but after twelve months of living with the woman, nine of which during a grumpy pregnancy, Esther had grown accustomed to her biting wit.

“Regardless of where your priorities lie, Jebediah has asked Jacob to come over tomorrow and help him with the rock wall. I expect you to be on your best behavior.”

Alex sighed as she carefully laid her son back in his basinet. She had managed to calm him down and he blissfully went back to sleep. She walked back over to her chair taking up her needlework once more. “I am always on my best behavior Esther don’t you know that?” she said with a wink.

Esther couldn’t help but laugh. Alex was a strong-willed woman who could be tough to deal with more often than not but she loved her instantly because Caleb loved her. She was growing to love her because she could see her strength and beauty and admired her for it.

Her grand-nephew was a gorgeous and perfect blessing. No one could have asked for a greater gift in the face of tragedy. She had been late in life to have children of her own and when she still lived in England, Caleb had been the son she thought she would never have. His death was bitterly painful for her but life in the new world meant the ever constant threat of death and though it hurt to have it happen to one of her own, she accepted it.

Now that Caleb was gone she set about insuring Alex’s happiness by making sure she found a husband and father for her child. She knew Alex would be tough to match.

After settling Caleb back into his basinet Alex took up her sewing again intently concentrating on the work. She always became uncomfortable when Esther spoke about another marriage. Part of the issue was having Caleb’s family look for another husband on her behalf. Something about it seemed untoward. If she dug deeper however, looked into it more truly she would be forced to admit that she did not want another husband. Being with another man was something she was not interested in but she knew that if she shared that truth she would be looked at as a freak or an outsider. So she kept that secret to herself and in truth, she kept the secret from herself as well.

As she plunged the needle through the taught fabric she suddenly flashed back to when she had sewn the shirt for Nantane. She remembered concentrating with all of her strength, straining to see the small stitches in the lamplight. Her mind was filled with images of how Nantane would react when she saw the shirt. Then another memory, a flash of Nantane being straddled by Malila; the two women kissing passionately. Her whole body suddenly felt flush and she began breathing heavily finding the needlework unexpectedly difficult.

“Alex, are you alright?” Esther asked effectively snapping her out of her memories.

The blond turned and looked at her Aunt as if she had forgotten where she was. “Oh…yes, yes I am fine. Sorry, I was lost in thought.”

“ Caleb?” Esther asked knowing well the far off look the woman got in her eye when she was thinking about her husband.

Though it was a sin to lie, Alex nodded silently as she went back to her stitching.

***********************

The fall air was crisp in her lungs as Nantane drew a deep slow breath, careful to make the act of it completely silent. Her eyes picked out miniscule changes to the terrain that indicated the recent presence of a beaver. She turned to the man behind her and pointed silently to the clues. She made an indication with her hand as to the direction the animal had headed.

Jacob Daniels nodded in awe. Jacob could not believe the skills of the woman before him. Though, her un-natural, mannish presence before God was something that he still found difficult to put aside, he had no choice. At least for the time being, she was the greatest tracker he had ever seen and the only savage that spoke English. He needed her to aid him in learning the trade. There was great money to be made in selling furs back to Europe and he intended to get a part of that profit.

By the end of the day, they returned to the village laden with beaver pelts. Nantane had tracked them all. Jacob was still learning. She readily gave him the pelts to sell in exchange for other goods that Jacob was able to get for her from the village. She always took them back to her own village. Mostly she took back things likes pots for cooking, gunpowder and cloth. It was a way for her to continue to feel connected and a part of her home though she did not live there anymore.

Jacob lived on the edge of town making it easier for Nantane to go to his home to drop off the pelts and collect the items she needed in exchange. Once Nantane collected her items she turned to leave. “We shall go out again in four days then?” Jacob asked as she was leaving.

Nantane nodded, “In four days I will meet you here before sunrise. Be ready, the sinite wake early.”

Jacob was learning some Mohawk words very slowly. After saying it about two dozen times he finally recognized that “sinite” was “beaver”. He smiled, “I will be ready.”

The next day, as expected, Jacob Daniels arrived when the sun was rising to help Jebediah with his rock wall. Jebediah, knowing that he was a single man, invited him in for breakfast. Jacob attempted to decline but Jebediah slapped him hard on the back replying, “Nonsense, you come here to help me out of the goodness of your Christian heart, the least I can offer you is a sound meal. Besides, you will never have it prepared for you by a fairer woman.

Jacob blushed slightly at the reference to Alex and agreed to come in for something to eat before they began working. They sat at the table and Esther and Alex quickly went about providing them with a hot meal. Jacob thanked Alex often and profusely every time she did anything for him.

The two men began talking as they ate. “So Jacob, there has been talk in the village that you are taking up the fur trade.”

“Yes, it is not easy for I have little previous knowledge of hunting and none of tracking. But I have enlisted the help of a savage who is vastly talented in the art. I find I am a slower learner than I expected but slow and steady wins the race as they say.”

The two men shared a laugh. “I’d take slow and careful, over fast and foolhardy any day.” Jebediah replied.

“Though, if I may speak in confidence to you Jebediah, there is something peculiar about the savage who is teaching me. It is not that I seek to keep it a secret necessarily but that I am not looking to publicize the information either.”

“You’ve piqued my interest, go on, you can speak freely in this house.”

“Well, this savage that is teaching me is without a doubt the greatest tracker I have ever seen but it comes in the most peculiar form. The savage is a woman.” As soon as Jacob uttered the last sentence there was a loud crashing noise and both men turned to see what it was.

Alex had dropped the kettle onto the floor. Luckily it was empty, but the sound rattled everyone and she fumbled with shaking hands to retrieve it. Jacob was up and moved to her quickly to help her up.

“Are you alright Alexandra?” he asked with concern.

No, she was not alright. Her entire body was shaking with the knowledge that Nantane was interacting with someone from the village. It made her feel like the woman was practically standing in her kitchen. Her heart was beating rapidly in her chest but she managed to reply with only a slight shake in her voice, “Yes, thank you, I am fine. It must have slipped from my hands. How terribly careless of me. Please forgive me.”

“Think nothing of it.” He replied as he watched to make sure she was truly alright before sitting back down with Jebediah.

“Please continue,” Jebidiah replied, “A woman you say? How is that possible?”

Alex strained to hear Jacob’s response. “It is the most remarkable thing I have ever seen. We brought back more beaver pelts today then I have managed to capture in three months.”

“Incredible.” Jebediah replied sitting back in wonderment.

Alex’s hands were shaking as she finished cleaning after the morning meal. She hurried to the basinet where Caleb was sleeping knowing that they would think nothing of her hurrying away to tend to her child. As she picked up her child and held him close she was not able to fight back the tears that began travelling down her face.

Nantane was so close. After almost a year away from her the time had done nothing to erode the deep feelings that surged inside her when she realized the woman was near her once again. She felt nauseous and tried in vain to clear her mind of the memories of the woman as they rushed passed her once again. She thought of the last moment she saw her. In the forest, the sadness in her earth brown eyes. She could feel her. Like a pull in her gut, so much of her had wanted to stay with the warrior that day. But she could not abandon everything she had ever known. Her very way of life and what she knew to be right and true would have been torn asunder in order for her to walk away from civilization that day and dwell in the dark of the forest with Nantane.

Again, the memory of Malila straddling the warrior as their mouths sought out the other’s depths. A shiver ran through Alex followed by a wave of warmth, the lower parts of her body began to tingle. She closed her eyes tightly and after a few moments opened them again. She had to eradicate those thoughts from her head. She had made a clean break, managed to wrench herself away from the forest and plant her feet firmly back into her English world. She needed to dig in her heels and endure. For young Caleb’s sake. Another flash of Nantane, her shirt removed, soft firm breasts exposed to the forest air and Alex’s gaze.

She clutched Caleb closer to her as her heart fluttered in her chest. It seemed as if the more she fought the thoughts the more they forced themselves upon her.

The next day, Alex and Esther left early in the morning for the market. Caleb was left in the capable hands of Esther’s daughter Elizabeth as the two women went to collect the items they would need for the week. Though the sun was just starting to yawn and stretch its light over the village square, there were plenty of people already shopping and going about their business. Alex headed to the cloth vendors to purchase a bolt of calico.

After haggling with the vendor and getting a satisfactory price, she placed the cloth in her basket. She turned to find Esther who had headed in a different direction in search of sugar. As her eyes skimmed the crowed she caught sight of a familiar face looking at her from the perimeter of the square, Nantane. The woman’s gaze did not break when Alex met it. It was strong and fixed. Alex felt panicked as she looked at the woman she had not seen for so long. The warrior nodded before turning and walking away.

In her wake, Alex felt her body trembling. Her lips opened and closed in an absent wanting. She felt her heart flutter and then suddenly jump as Esther spoke unexpectedly from behind her. “Alexandra, you look like you’ve seen a ghost. Is everything alright?”

Alex turned and shook her head to bring herself to the present. “Yes, everything is fine. I am fine. I purchased a fine bolt of calico.” She covered her nervous state by showing the cloth to her Aunt. After appraising it she went about showing Alex what she had purchased as well as suggesting, “I thought we could make some bread and stew for Jacob and take it to him. He is all alone in that cabin and surely has no means to cook for himself as well as we could.”

Alex smiled, “I think that’s a fine idea.” She felt a mixture of fear and anticipation as she found her circumstances bringing her closer to Nantane without her direct intervention.

SVU Video: "Hurt" Johnny Cash

2008-10-15T03:32:14Z

This is an old video I did a couple years ago but I haven't had it posted here. Enjoy. ~CM

FF: Whither Thou Goest 8/?

2008-10-09T03:23:49Z

When they reached the perimeter they began to hear ricocheting shouts bouncing from villager to villager of their arrival. The village though victorious, had been fearful that Apiatan and his family had been killed or taken in the battle. Their sighting on the edge of the village was the final piece of good news they had been waiting for. They were rushed by people but the wave of well wishers reared back when they saw what the family had brought back with them. Two English. English had been to their village before but they were injured, and clearly not of the normal making of white visitors. They were from the colony. If they were brought here it would not be permanent and what information they gathered they could take with them if they chose to use it against them. Experience had taught the Mohawk that trusting the English was always a gamble.

Though many wished to protest they were halted in their objections by Apiatan’s stern gaze and set jaw. Clearly, it had been with his blessing that the English were brought to the village. As the husband of Niabe his decision would not be contested.

Five women came quickly to their aid as Apiatan called out directions in Mohawk. The women gathered up the litter and pulled it to their longhouse so they could tend to him as quickly as possible.

Alex strained against Nantane to follow the women not wanting to be away from her husband but Nantane held her back with a firm grip. “Please, Alex, let them take care of him. You need looked after as well.”

“I cannot leave him!” Alex continued to stubbornly strain.

In an unexpected move, Nantane spun the woman in her arms so that they were face to face as she held her by the shoulders, “And I would never keep you from him but please, you need to be tended to first as well.”

The desperation in the warrior’s eyes softened the blond’s resolve. She finally relaxed and allowed herself to be lead to a nearby creek. Nantane called in Mohawk to a woman who quickly brought her some clean cloth to tend to Alex’s wounds with.

Nantane eased the blond down and quickly dipped the cloth in the cool creek water and with intense concentration set about cleaning Alex’s cuts and scrapes.

Though her mind was a chaos of thoughts, the feeling of Nantane’s careful ministrations kept pulling her away from them. She had just witnessed the warrior’s brutality as she decimated the Huron’s that were attacking them and now, by this quietly flowing creek her touches were soft, delicate and loving. She welcomed them. The woman’ deep chestnut eyes were focused solely on concern for her.

The warrior worked silently until she was confident that the blond’s wounds had been properly taken care of. “Do you feel alright? Did they hurt you anywhere that I cannot see?” Nantane asked her voice hitching with fear as she waited the response.

“I feel okay….physically.” she responded.

Nantane desperately wanted to wrap the woman in a strong embrace and hold her there until all of her pain and sadness went away. Instead, she did nothing but nod quietly and add, “Can I get you anything? Are you thirsty? Hungry?”

Alex closed her eyes for a moment willing emotion back. “No, I am alright. Thank you. I just want to be with Caleb.” Nantane stood helping Alex up who did her best to pretend she did not need the help.

They walked back to the longhouse were Caleb was taken. “He is in there. Move quietly, the women are working hard to care for him.”

Alex moved to head into the longhouse but paused for a moment turning and reaching for Nantane’s arm. She squeezed the bicep only for a moment and said, “Thank you Nantane. You saved our lives.”

The warrior’s eyes softened and her heart leapt in her chest at the exquisite touch. On the outside she kept her reaction stoically hidden knowing it would do her no good to display it. “You are welcome.” She replied Spartanly.

Her eyes followed the blond until she disappeared into the building. Her mind searched for a distraction so it would not be forced to dwell on the aching sadness of how desperately she wanted a woman she could not have. Then the memory of Takala flashed through her mind and she turned quickly heading to the couple’s home.

When she got to the door she entered quietly making sure that she was not interrupting anything. She saw Takala laying on his stomach eyes closed. She cleared her throat to let him know she was there.

The warrior looked up lazily and smiled a wide smile when he saw Nantane. “Hello my friend.” He said warmly.

Nantane came closer squatting next to her friend and examined his dressed wound. “How are you?”

“Alive, thanks to you.”

“I need no thanks for taking care of a friend.” The woman said.

“She only did it out of the fear that she would get stuck with me if you didn’t’ make it.” Came Malila’s voice from the doorway.

Nantane turned and smiled at the woman. “I’m not going to deny that.” Nantane said laughing.

Malila walked over to her husband handing him a skin full of water. “Here my love. For your thirst.” She kissed him lightly on the forehead and then stood looking at Nantane. “Let’s let him rest.”

Once they were outside Malila turned and wrapped Nantane in a strong hug. “You know I can never thank you enough for what you did for him.”

“I would use my last breath to defend him.” Nantane spoke honestly.

Malila pulled back from the embrace and looked carefully in to the warrior’s eyes. “Your English is here in the village.” She stated it was half a question and half a statement.

“Their home was destroyed. Her husband is badly injured. They had nowhere to go.”

“Already there is talk of anger for their presence here.”

The warrior nodded, “I expected that. Apiatan made the decision. It will not be contested.”

“I saw her,” Malila began, “She is beautiful, and her eyes are deep and strong.” Though she tried to hide it Nantane blushed at the compliment given to the woman she loved. She was proud of her even though she did not have her. “Will her husband make it?”

“I pray that he does.” Nantane spoke honestly. Her love for Alex was so profound that all she wanted for the woman was her happiness whether she was a part of it or not.

“She does not know what she has in you.” Malila said lovingly. She could see that her friend’s heart was in tumult and she wished she could do something to help the warrior in the same way that she had helped her.

“I should go check on Caleb.” Nantane replied not really acknowledging what her friend had said. She had definitely heard her but reacting to the statement would have been too difficult.

Alex had watched carefully as the native women tended to her husband. He was still not conscious. They cleaned his wounds carefully and applied poultices to his wounds. They seemed well versed in tending to the wounded much more versed than Alex was and so she let them do their work without interfering despite how powerful the temptation was.

When they finished, they offered consoling looks to her as one by one they quietly exited. Though they did not share the same language they understood what it was to have a loved one suffering.

When they were gone, Alex went to her husband and kneeled by his side taking his hand in hers. Her head went down as the tears started to run. “Caleb, my dear sweet Caleb, I am so sorry. Please, my darling come back to me.” She spoke softly to him caressing his perspiring face.

Natane stepped into the longhouse quietly but when she saw the intimate moment she was walking in on she quickly stepped back out and spoke up, announcing her presence. “Alex, can I come in?”

Alex’s head lifted when she heard Nantane’s voice and she quickly wiped away the tears as she stood and called, “Yes.”

Nantane stepped in holding a steaming drink in her hands. “I brought you this.” She spoke stepping closer and holding the drink out for the blond, “It is soothing, it should help you.”

Alex took the drink though she truly didn’t care how she felt. Caleb was all that mattered. “Thank you.” She said. She took a sip and was surprised to find it sweet and pleasing. “It is good. Thank you.”

Nantane felt awkward like she was an interloper in a moment she was never meant to be a part of. “Are you hungry? Or tired? If you need to rest I can…”

But she was interrupted by Alex, “No, thank you. I just want to stay with him.”

“I am sorry. I will let you be.” Nantane replied as she turned feeling defeated as she exited the longhouse.

She headed to the group of women who were taking care of the various wounded. One woman by the name of Pakuna was in charge of tending to the wounded.

“Pakuna.” Nantane called as she approached. The woman paused in her rinsing of bloodied cloths to meet the warrior. “How is the English man?”

Pakuna whistled in a concerned tone as she answered, “He is not well. We did what we could for him. He is clean and his wounds have been looked after. But on the inside he is not well. There is little we can do but wait.”

Natane felt her heart constrict in her chest but she covered it by placing a hand on the woman’s shoulder and squeezing it appreciatively. “I am thankful for everything you have done.”

Alex sat on the floor next to her unconscious husband sobbing. She couldn’t believe how quickly her life went from calm and secure to destroyed, empty and terrifying. Ruth had been killed before her eyes, godless savages tore through the hired hands cutting them down like stalks of wheat, their home and farm was torched and left burning like a worthless trash heap. She felt nauseous, her stomach churning with emotion. She clutched it and doubled over from the pain both physical and emotional. Her body went flush and she began to sweat as searing tears made their way down her cheeks.

She was like that for hours mourning the destruction and devastation of everything she knew. Her hands were scraped from fighting against the strong Huron that had held her. She turned them over and over feeling useless and helpless against Caleb’s condition. She wanted to do something anything.

As her mind simultaneously swam and sunk with the weight of her thoughts, Chogan, Neka and Apiatan entered the longhouse. She hadn’t even noticed how late it was and now they were coming in to sleep. Suddenly, she felt like an intruder, like she shouldn’t be there, in their home among their things, using their sleeping area for her husband. They did not look at her with any kind of displeasure or contempt but being in their space made her feel like they were. She stood using her hands to smooth out her dress though it was stained and torn from the battle. She tried to avoid eye contact as she moved toward the doorway. Right as she was about to step out Nantane was stepping in and she nearly ran right into her.

The warrior quickly put up her hands and caught the woman by her shoulders. “Whoa, Alex. Are you okay?”

The blond avoided her gaze as she answered in a rapid voice, “Yes, yes I am fine. I just need some air I think.”

Nantane kept one hand lightly on the woman’s shoulder as she said, “I will come with you.”

They walked to the edge of the village to the creek where she had helped clean the woman’s wounds earlier. Nantane lead the woman to some tall grass where she knew it would be comfortable to sit.

Alex sat down quietly and placed her hands in her lap not wanting to make eye contact with the warrior though she did not know why. Nantane did not want to push the woman. She sat down quietly next to her and was content to hear the sounds of the water flowing over the rocks. Her muscles screamed from the exertion of the day and finally sitting quietly made the exhaustion flood over her.

After awhile, Alex looked up and noticed that Nantane’s right arm was wrapped tightly no doubt a battle wound that had been tended too. Instantly, she felt guilt rise in her chest and exclaimed, “I am so selfish, Nantane, your arm,” she reached out and lightly touched the dressed wound. “I have been so wrapped up in my own troubles that I never even asked you if you were alright!” she began wanting to gush more but Nantane put up her hand to stop her.

“It is not necessary.”

“But your arm. Are you okay? Who tended to this for you?”

“A friend. I am fine. I worry more about you.”

Alex’s hand was still on the warriors arm. Her fingers were absently playing with the knot of the material. She thought back to the battle in more detail. Natane was breathtaking in battle. She fought off three grown men with ferocity. She had never seen that level of violence and certainly never from a woman. Yet here she was sitting next to her content to be quiet beside her all night long if necessary just to insure that she was alright.

“I’ve never seen anyone fight as fiercely as you did.”

“The Huron are our enemies. I will always fight them.”

“You saved my life and Caleb’s. I can’t ever repay you for that.”

Nantane’s hand came up to meet Alex’s where she still fingered the woman’s arm dressing. She took her hand in hers and did her best to ignore the feelings of love and desire that flooded through her at the touch. It wasn’t a moment to be thinking of that though she wanted to. She wanted to tell Alex the truth, to tell her that she loved her, to tell her that she would do anything to protect her, that she would die for her and would have done so today. But she knew she couldn’t. She knew that the only thing that would come from such a confession was pain and heartache. Her eyes opened a closed a few times, the only betrayal of the depth of emotion she felt. “You are alive and unharmed. That is all the thanks I could ever need.” She dropped the woman’s hand just before she gave into the desire to rub it lightly with her thumb.

The warrior’s eyes were dark and emotional. Alex felt the power they held pulling her in. Looking at Nantane was overwhelming and when the woman took her hand she felt another surge of emotion roll through her body that she fought against telling herself it was simply the built up emotion from the day.

Then, from behind them, Nantane heard the sound of light footsteps and called out in Mohawk to the person without even turning around. “I can hear you Malila.” Alex turned when she finally heard the footsteps as well and saw a beautiful Mohawk woman approaching them with two bowls. The woman answered Nantane in Mohawk leaving Alex to listen without a clue.

“You always hear me.” Malila said with a smile.

“That’s because you are as quiet as a drunken bear.”

Malila laughed at the comment and Alex noticed even without the benefit of the language the chemistry between the two of them. As the woman came closer, she knelt and set down the two bowls. They were filled with a kind of stew warm and steaming in the moonlight. “Neither of you have eaten since you got back. You both need food.”

“I think you are just being nosey.” Nantane said taking her bowl and Alex’s. “But thank you, friend.”

Malila reached out and examined the wound she had dressed on the warrior’s arm. “This is staying tight. I am glad.” She turned and looked at Alex. She offered the woman a warm smile. And though she did not speak any English she offered a comment in Mohawk. Alex listened carefully, offered a confused look, then nodded politely.

“I have to go take care of my husband. He is whining like a puppy.” Malila said to Nantane with a laugh. The warrior laughed back and watched the woman until she disappeared.

“What did she say to me?” Alex asked curiously.

“She said that just because your heart is hurting doesn’t mean your stomach should.” Nantane said with a smile as she offered Alex the bowl.

Alex was not hungry but she knew the woman’s words were true and forced herself to take a few bites. The food was unexpectedly good. It was a mixture of corn, beans and probably rabbit. “How do you know her?”

“She is a very good friend.” Nantane said between bites.

“Is she the one who dressed your wound?”

“Yes.”

“Does she have a husband?” Alex was not entirely sure what made her ask the question but she waited intently to hear the answer.

“Yes she does. He is a good friend as well.”

“You seem very close to her.”

“She knows me better than anyone else in the village, including my father and brothers.” Nantane said as she finished her food. She set the bowl down and stretched her body before laying down in the grass with her arms above her eyes half lidded gazing up at the sky.

Alex watched the woman’s movements, the way her body stretched and when she laid back her shirt rode up slightly exposing part of her stomach and hip bone. Unconsciously, the blond licked her lips. It wasn’t until Nantane turned to look at her that she realized what she was doing and quickly looked away. Her mind suddenly flooded with some of the feelings and thoughts she had had over a month ago and she desperately searched for a reason.

“Alex.” Nantane called the woman’s name but the blond was lost in her thoughts. “Alex!” Nantane said turning quickly on her side and reaching out to her with her hand. She was worried that the blond was lost in the horrific thoughts of the battle.

Alex snapped out of her mental maelstrom when Nantane touched her. “Oh!” she spoke dropping the wooden spoon she held in her hand. It fell with a light thud onto the ground.

“Are you alright?” Nantane asked sitting up and moving closer to the woman out of concern.

Alex scooted back away from Nantane’s closeness. “I am fine. I am fine, please. Don’t worry yourself.”

“There is fear in your eyes.” The warrior observed her own eyes holding loving concern as she reached out and touched the woman’s cheek.”

Alex leaned back. “Caleb. I must go back to Caleb. I should not have left him alone.”

Nantane quickly gathered her bowl and Alex’s so she could follow the woman who was already standing and heading back to the longhouse.

She followed the blond but not at her heels. It was clear that she was focused on Caleb and would not be deterred. Nantane did not want to keep her from her obligation though inside all she truly wanted to do was hold her.

When Alex disappeared into the longhouse without a word, Nantane stopped. She hefted the awkward bowls before turning to head to Malila’s to return them. But the woman was already standing outside. She had been watching.

“Thank you for the food. We both needed it.” Nantane said as she handed her friend back her bowls and spoons.

Malila took it and though she attempted to hold her tongue for a moment she abandoned the idea as soon as a biting comment occurred to her. “You follow her around like a lovesick puppy.”

“And you mettle like an overbearing she-bear.” Nantane retorted.

“She does not deserve your love.”

“It is not your judgment to make.” The warrior said getting annoyed with the conversation.

“She clearly cannot return it.”

“Neither could you.” Nantane spat offering her friend a look that conveyed both anger and pain. “I’ve never had the luxury of loving someone who loved me back.” She turned and quickly headed into her family’s longhouse.

She entered as quietly as possible knowing that the rest of her family was already sleeping and that Alex and Caleb were attempting to rest as well. The room was dark and silent but her eyes went straight to Alex. Caleb was laying on a raised platform and she laid beside it, lower than him, on the ground. She did not get any closer than six or seven feet from the blond. She could tell the woman wanted her space, though she was not sure why.

She went to her sleeping area and lifted up her blanket. Alex only had a bearskin to sleep on and nothing to cover herself. She couldn’t tell if the blond was already asleep but she moved quietly, quickly but gently covering her with her blanket before heading back to her own sleeping area and quickly falling asleep. After all, she had just fought a battle that day.

Alex had been wide awake when Nantane placed the blanket over her. It was such a sweet and comforting gesture. Though the log home on their farm was rugged, it was still warmer than the longhouse. It was not that the longhouse was a poorer structure, but that its inhabitants did not require as much protection from the elements.

Her mind conjured up the image of Nantane curling up behind her and wrapping he arms comfortingly around her. The thought simultaneously scared her and filled her with spreading warmth she did not expect. She wrapper her arms around herself as she felt a wave of bizarre guilt as she laid next to her husband thinking about the comfort of her friend.

The next morning, when Alex woke she was surprised to see that everyone else was already awake and outside. She sat up and looked at her husband. Her heart sank when she saw that his condition had not changed. She got up and tried to press down her hair and dress before stepping outside into the sunshine.

She walked out and leaned against the outside wall as she looked around at the village in the morning light. Everyone was moving around seeing about different tasks and their daily routine. It was a welcome respite from the repetition of Caleb’s condition.

The sound of children laughing and screaming could be heard from behind her and she turned to see what was going on. A raucous group of seven or eight children were buzzing around Nantane all with sticks pretending to fight her. Nantane was fighting them off as best she could but occasionally she was taking hits and pretending to be terribly hurt.

Alex couldn’t help but be completely charmed as she watched the warrior in mock-seriousness fight off the children and take hits back and forth. Finally, after a noble battle the children got the best of her and she slowly and over dramatically went down to the ground as the children laughed. She laid motionless on the ground for a long time. She was imobile for so long that the children started to tower over her eagerly looking at the warrior but nervous to get too close for they knew that at any moment she would pop up.

A smile broke out across Alex’s face that she didn’t care to hide as she too waited for the moment that Natane would jump up and scare the children. With a thunderous roar that made the children cheer and scream Nantane burst to her feet her arms swinging out to scoop up any children that she could grab. The other children fled in delight. Nantane had a kid under each arm and was swinging them around laughing and smiling as she did it.

After a bit she set them down and patted them each on the butt before they happily ran off. When she stood up straight again her eyes locked with Alex’s and her grin grew wider when she saw that the woman was smiling for the first time since the battle.

She made her way over to the blond. “Good morning.” She said adding, “It is good to see you smiling.”

Though she felt a pang of guilt Alex had to admit, “It feels good to smile,” she said, “those children love you.”

Nantane ran a hand through her short hair and took a deep breath of the morning air. Her eyes closed as her lungs expanded and she allowed the sunlight to bath her face. Alex tried not to watch but the woman’s lack of inhibition was palpable even in the way she submitted to the feeling of the sun on her face.

Nantane looked back down at Alex and caught the woman watching her. She smiled at her. “Can I get you something to eat?” she asked, ever concerned about the blond’s well being.

Alex thought about it for a moment before saying. “Can we take a walk?”

“Of course.” Nantane said as she led the way through the village.

Alex followed at her side taking her time and watching the new world around her. Despite what was going on with her husband it was fascinating to finally see Nantane’s village. It was exotic and intriguing to see how the people lived.

“This is an amazing place.” She said.

“It is only amazing to you because it is not your home.”

“True, but it is beautiful. You cannot argue with that.” Alex added.

Nantane smiled as she looked around at her village. “Yes, that is true, it is beautiful.” They walked in silence for a long time. The warrior was careful to give Alex her space and to let her know she could be both silent and talkative, whatever the woman might need or desire. As they left the village behind them and headed into the shaded forest Nantane finally felt compelled to inquire, “How is Caleb?”

Alex sighed heavily, “The same.”

“Alex, I’m…”

But the blond cut her off, “I don’t want to talk about it, or me. Please, let’s talk about anything else.”

“Alright.” Nantane said but stopped there. She could not think of anything to say.

“Tell me about your mother.”

Nantane was surprised. “Why do you want to know about her?”

“Because I know everyone else in your family.”

Natane was silent for a moment as she pulled open the stored memories of her mother inside herself. “Her name was Niabe. She was the first daughter of our elder and one of the leaders of this village. She had a strong jaw and dark eyes.”

“So she was Mohawk as well?”

“Yes.”

“But you…” Alex began but Nantane finished her sentence knowing what she was alluding to.

“I do not look like a full blooded Mohawk.”

Alex blushed and looked away feeling awkward for the observation. “Forgive me. I do not mean to pry.”

“My mother was raped by an English. She became pregnant with me.”

Alex’s eyes registered the shock. “Natane I am so sorry.”

The warrior laughed nervously, “Please, do not be. I do not know myself whether to be sorry or thankful. I would not be here if it had not happened and yet, how could you be thankful for something so horrible?”

“I can’t imagine what that must be like.” Alex said thinking about what it must have been like for Nantane as a child to carry the burden of that on her shoulders. “But your family loves you so much. You are lucky to have always had them by you.”

“Yes, Apiatan, Chogan and Neka are everything to me. I could not be who I am without them.”

“How did you learn to fight?”

Nantane smiled as a memory came to her, “I never wanted to be with the women, when Apiatan and Chogan would leave to hunt I always wanted to go with them. Apiatan never stopped me.”

“You are so different from everyone else I have ever met.”

“Well I know I do not know much about your English world but from what I have seen you have a lot of rules you must follow.”

Alex nodded. “Yes, this life I agreed to when I married Caleb is harder than the one I left behind in England.”

“Did you leave your family behind there?”

“Yes, I left my father, mother and three sisters.”

“You loved him that much?” Nantane asked her stomach feeling nauseous as she waited for the answer.

Alex let out a chuckle, “Actually, I did not know him at all. I had only met him twice before we were married.”

Nantane chose to be silent after the admission. “And now?” she asked scared to hear the woman’s response.

Alex sighed as she thought about her entire life since stepping off of the ship all those months ago. “Now, he is my home. I have nothing and no one without him.”

Nantane felt a pain in her heart that she fought against. Alex was in pain, her husband was possibly dying and here the warrior was getting angry that Alex did not consider her in the statement. It was ridiculous. “You do not know other English in the settlement?”

“No, I had never set foot in this world until a few months ago. I’m from England my family is all still there.”

“Do you miss them?”

“Everyday.” Alex said feeling the emotion well up in her chest. Normally though she thought of her family often, she never allowed the emotion to come anywhere even close to the surface. But with the stress of everything else in her life it was impossible to fight back the rising tide. She brought her arms up around her body and hugged herself.

Nantane watched the woman and could both see and feel the sadness welling within her. Every fiber of her own being ached and screamed to cross the short distance between them and wrap her in a fierce embrace but she held herself back. She feared rejection. Her heart would surely break into a thousand un-mendable pieces if Alex rejected her. She balled her fists at her sides a few times in an attempt to do something inconspicuous with her desperate hands. “Alex, please know that I am willing to do anything I can to help you. Your sadness pains me.”

The few tears that had managed to escape the strong blond’s fortitude were quickly wiped away by unsteady hands before she took a deep breath and answered more confidently than she felt, “Well, it shouldn’t. I am fine. You shouldn’t go to any more trouble with me than you already have. I am fine.”

“You can’t be fine. I will not listen to a lie. But I will respect your wish for me to back off.”

“Oh, no please.” Alex said as she took a few steps toward Nantane and reached out placing a hand on the woman’s arm. She did it all before she had time to think about what she was doing. She looked up into the woman’s eyes as she continued, “I need y….I mean….I need your friendship. It is the only real thing in my life right now.”

Nantane placed a hand over Alex’s feeling an electricity pass through her when her hand touched the blond’s warm skin. “You have my friendship. I am here for you.”

They lingered in the forest for awhile longer before Alex decided to go back to Caleb. She spent the rest of the day with him though his condition did not change.

Over the next few days, they settled into a sort of routine. Natane and Alex took walks in the morning and in the evening but all the time in between Alex spent with Caleb who still had not woken up. Nantane and Malila took food to the blond regularly and the other women of the village saw to Caleb. Alex felt herself getting closer to Nantane. She felt comfortable with her like she had when they first met. Yet now, it was even deeper.

On the morning of the fifth day, Nantane was in the center of the village waiting to meet Alex for their walk. Chogan approached her is arms already folded across his chest in a gesture that everyone in the village knew from experience to mean he had something to say to you.

“Sister, I hear that the English man is not getting better.”

“That is what Pakuna tells me.”

Chogan chewed the inside of his lip as he searched for the right words , “The English’s continued presence in the village makes me nervous.”

“They are not a threat Chogan.” Nantane said. She was tired of the argument. More unspoken than spoken they had been having the same argument since the day of the battle.

“How can you be sure? What is to keep the other English who know them to start looking for them, or worse, assume that we killed them or took them captive and to fight against us?”

“If the English go to the farm they are going to assume that they died in the raid or the fire.” Nantane countered.

“The English,” Chogan began his voice getting deep with frustration, “want our blood. They will use any reason to find us and destroy us.”

“Apiatan already spoke on this. We will not abandon them. “ She said standing up to the full height to her brother.

Alex approached right at that moment. It was clear that the warrior was exchanging serious words with her brother but again she could not understand them. She cleared her throat knowing no other way to let them know she was there.

Chogan turned and when he saw her he scowled before walking away. “Is everything alright?” Alex asked concerned for the woman.

“Yes, it is fine. My brother is…is…I do not know the word. Tries to tell everyone what to do.”

“Bossy.” Alex answered with a laugh.

Nantane couldn’t help but smile. “Yes, bossy.”

The rest of the day passed without incident until after their evening walk. Nantane saw Alex back to their longhouse so she could be with Caleb and when she came out Chogan was waiting for her again this time angrier.

“Pakuna tells me that the Englishman will die. There is nothing that can save him.”

“Is she sure?” Nantane asked choosing to ignore her brother’s anger.

“Isn’t it obvious? He hasn’t woken up since the battle. We should take him to the woods to let him die and send the woman back to her people!”

Natane was in her brother’s face. “Don’t even think about doing that! You cannot leave a man alone to die! And I will not leave her alone!”

“She is not your responsibility!” Chogan spoke leaning back into his sister. He was angry and had no problems showing it.

“I am making her my responsibility!”

“ You would risk the lives of this entire village for some worthless English woman?”

Nantane forcibly shoved her brother in the chest, though he was a very large man and difficult to move she succeeded in making him have to re-establish his footing. “Do NOT speak of her that way!”

Their shouting was so loud that the people of the village were beginning to gather around them. Alex heard the shouting as well and recognizing Nantane’s voice came out to see what was going on.

Chogan lunged at his sister getting so close to her face that they were almost touching. As he yelled flecks of spittle hit her face, “Your English coward’s blood makes you forsake your own people! You will lead us to death for a piece of that whore!”

Nantane’s response was to scream in rage and throw a punch at her brother that landed solidly to his jaw. The crack echoed through the village and it was all the invitation her brother needed to swing back. Within seconds they were rolling around on the floor throwing punches and kicks desperately fighting. Chogan was much larger and one of the only warriors who had always been able to best his sister. They struggled violently for a few moments before he was able to straddle her and punch her hard in the face and stomach. She continued to fight back until Neka burst from the crowd and pulled Chogan off.

Tekala lunged for Nantane who, as soon as Chogan’s weight was off of her, jumped up and tried to make another move for him. Tekala held her back. She fought against him for a few moments before finally going limp in surrender and allowing the man to release his grip.

Nantane’s face was bleeding from many places. Her nose was broken and her lip was busted. Malila and Alex both went to her instantly but when Alex tried to reach out and help the warrior Malila turned to her and said, “Haven’t you done enough?”

Though it was not in English she understood the tone. She was being told to back off. Knowing she was a minority she reluctantly did. Nantane looked at her softly through a rapidly swelling eye and said, “Please, Alex, go back inside. I will be back in a minute. I am sorry.”

Malila lead Nantane to the creek grabbing some rags along the way to see to her wounds. When they got there Malila went about wiping off the blood first and foremost. As she worked she began to talk, something she could never keep from doing. “He is not wrong you know.”

“What does that mean?” Nantane said angrily.

Malila pursed her lips as she worked, “ Their presence is hard on everyone. The village is worried about anger from the English. What if they find us? We do not truly know how great their anger can be.”

“I do not seek to put anyone in danger. That was never my intention.”

Malila pushed stray strands of the warrior’s short hair away from her face lovingly as she said, “I know. You always have the most honorable intentions.” The woman’s hand lingered on the warrior’s face, her thumb caressing the soft skin it found there.

Nantane looked up locking eyes with Malila. “Malila…don’t.” she pleaded half heartedly.

“But it’s been so long.” The woman whispered leaning in.

The warrior’s breath was rapid as she tried to pull back but in truth, she had been pushed and pulled in so many directions by her futile love for Alex that the sudden possibility of the woman’s touch was difficult to pass up.

Malilia closed the short distance between them and brushed her lips against Nantane’s. The warrior let out a moan and moved forward relishing the contact that neither of them had shared in years.

Alex was pacing back and forth outside the longhouse. Though she had no verbal proof she knew that the fight with Chogan had been about her and Caleb. The majority of the people in the village were very kind to her but there were a few that gave disapproving looks or avoided her. She did her best to ignore it but being the only one of her kind in a foreign place was wearing on her. Yet Nantane defended her. She stood against her own brother, her own blood to defend her. Her heart tightened as she thought of it. The need to see the warrior gripped her causing her body to lurch into action. She didn’t care that the woman asked her to wait, she didn’t care that Malila snapped at her. She needed to see Nantane.

She headed toward the now familiar spot by the creek where the warrior had tended to her wounds when they first arrived and where their morning walks always ended up. As she stepped through a few bushes and low hanging branches she looked up expecting to see Malila tending to the warrior’s wounds or talking to her. What she saw instead made her freeze in her tracks.

Nantane was sitting on the ground and Malila was straddling her. The warrior’s hands moved up and down the woman’s sides caressing her hungrily. Malila’s hands were in the warrior’s hair holding it tightly as they kissed passionately. Their bodies writhed and pressed together.

She didn’t even realize she’d made a noise until the two women suddenly froze and turned in her direction to see the blond staring at them slack jawed. Nantane reacted in an instant backing out and away from Malila and yelling the blond’s name in surprise and horror, “Alex!”

Alex felt her body flood with adrenaline when the warrior called her name. Acknowledging her as a witness to their act made it all entirely too real, too overwhelmingly visceral. She had to run. She turned and ran back toward the village.

Nantane was on her heels calling after her. Just at the outskirts of the village she caught up to the blond and grabbed her by the arm stopping her from running. Alex spun around and violently pulled herself from the warrior’s grasp. “Let go of me!” she yelled.

“Wait, please Alex!” the warrior begged.

“I…I…I don’t have anything to say to you!” Alex spoke. She was flustered and red faced with embarrassment, horror, confusion and frustration.

“Back there, that was…” Nantane began but Alex cut her off.

“I don’t want to talk about it!” Alex spoke her hands flying up and making motions imploring the warrior to stop explaining herself.

“But…”

“No!” Alex yelled, “I just…I can’t talk about this. I don’t know what this is and I DO NOT want to talk about it! Please Nantane, let me be. I need to be with my husband.”

The warrior’s shoulders slumped in defeat. It was something Alex had never seen before but she couldn’t acknowledge that now. Her mind was spinning and churning like hurricane with a million thoughts she felt like her head might explode. Her nerves were getting the best of her and all she wanted to do was get away from the woman in front of her.

“If that is what you want.” Nantane said lowering her head and turning away from the blond. She walked away quietly not uttering another word and not looking back.

Alex was trembling as she watched the woman walk away. She couldn’t face her and yet watching her walk away was more painful than she could have imagined. She felt like her world, which had only been held together by Nantane’s solid friendship, was now in crumbling ruin. She turned and walked into the longhouse. Her only hope now was a man who lay dying.

Nantane headed as far away from the longhouse and Alex that she possibly could. She had to get away. Her stomach was knotted in her gut and her heart was aching. She deeply regretted what she had done with Malila and she felt sick when she replayed the look on Alex’s face after discovering them over and over in her head. She felt as if she had destroyed their friendship. She did not know how she could go on without it.

She wanted to disappear for awhile. Her family was pressuring her, Alex hated her and Malila had used her. She headed for the forest.

When Alex entered the longhouse she saw the women crowded around her husband. Pakuna, the woman who had been tending to Caleb since the beginning bore a solemn expression on her face. She turned and saw Alex. She moved toward her placing a comforting hand on the woman’s shoulder.

Alex felt her world collapse around her, she felt nauseous and dizzy. She began to sway slightly and Pakuna steadied her. She didn’t need to speak the same language as the English to have the woman realize that her husband was dying.

Alex walked with shaking steps to Caleb’s side. The man’s breathing was shallow and his eyes closed. She brought her hand up and ran it through his hair. “My dear sweet husband I am here.” She whispered to him lovingly. The women who were tending to him quietly left, giving her the space she needed to say goodbye.

Tears were carefully trailing down the blond’s face as she watched him. “I love you. I am so sorry it all ended this way. I was prepared to live out my life with you. Your spot in heaven is assured my love. May the lord bless you and keep you always in the company of angels.” Her tears overpowered her voice and she began to sob as Caleb took his last breath.

Nantane did not return to the village until the next morning. When she finally did come back the villagers did not speak to her and avoided her gaze. Something was going on. She headed straight for the longhouse. When she entered, she saw the place where Caleb had lain now empty. There was no trace of him or Alex.

She burst out of the house and searched for Chogan. He was standing only a few feet away waiting for her. She moved towards him with every fiber of her body propelling her. “Where IS she?” she demanded.

“She is gone. The English died, we buried him. She was asked to leave.” He said it with a straight face as if he had simply asked someone to make dinner. Instantly, Nantane punched him across the face her knuckles connecting with his jaw. Chogan’s head snapped back from the force but he did not retaliate. “Which way did she go?” she asked her voice cracking in desperation.

Chogan pointed to the west. Nantane took off in a hard sprint leaping and pushing past any human obstacles she was frantic to find Alex. She picked up her trail easily. Finally, about four hundred yards due west from the village, she found the woman collapsed on her knees weeping beside the shallow grave of her husband.

“He’s dead.” Alex said her voice heavy like stone.

Whither Thou Goest 7/?

2008-09-11T02:03:56Z

Way before the sun even considered rising, the whole village was abuzz with activity. This was a greater campaign then the Huron raiding party that came through over a month ago. They took all the weapons they could reasonably carry and set out to meet the rest of the war party. The women, children and old men of the village followed them as far as they could wanting to be with them as long as possible before they said what could be for some of them, their final goodbyes.

The Oneida leader who came to their village was named Makya. He led the war party to the direction the scouts had last reported seeing the Huron. They hoped to cut them off before they reached the river convergence.

When they finally encountered the Huron it was right when the morning sun was cresting over the horizon. Gilded light pierced through the breaks in the trees spattering the warriors in gold as they commenced a battle for their lives. The heavy thumps of thousands of warriors colliding with each other echoed through the forest like a wardrum.

Nantane’s mind was a blank slate as she gave herself over completely to instinct. She moved like an animal, every reaction was the beginning of a strike. Bones were breaking, men screaming, weapons clashing. Blood poured, sprayed, dripped and pooled as warriors fell, collapsed, dove, collided and were hurled in every direction. The earth shook with the thunderous will of hundreds of men.

Nantane fought through fiercely painted warriors wielding deadly weapons with astounding accuracy. She took the force that was hurled upon her by attacking enemies and channeled it back to them. It was only through her sharply honed instincts and overflowing adrenaline that she was able to avoid the crush of a club or the slice of a blade.

She ducked the swing of a knife kicking the Huron’s legs out from under him as she jumped back up and brought her foot down hard on the felled warrior’s groin. He screamed in pain and she brought her tomahawk down on his head killing him instantly.

When her head snapped back up she saw Malila’s husband Takala in front of her fighting off two Hurons. He moved like a dancer as he lashed out with his tomahawk shattering a warrior’s shoulder and landing a solid kick to the other’s abdomen. Assuming the warrior with the shattered shoulder was incapacitated long enough for him to spin around and take care of the other one, he did not see when the first swung out with his knife slicing a deep cut into the Mohawk’s lower back. Takala snapped back in a painful arch and suddenly he was wide open and at the mercy of both Huron warriors.

Natane screamed her friend’s name as she dove into the fray. Neither Huron saw her until it was too late. She brought her tomahawk down on the already shattered shoulder of one Huron causing him to wail like a dying animal. This time he went down and stayed down. The second warrior swung his club in an attempt to practically take her head off but she deftly ducked it by lunging down and forward. As she did, she shoved her knife blade up as hard as she could stabbing the man up under his ribcage. By the time she withdrew the knife, he was sliding half-dead to the ground.

She quickly locked arms with Takala and helped him to a solid standing position. “Are you alright?” she asked breathing heavy.

Takala nodded, “I can still move.”

“Watch your back.” Nantane said with a smile before her attention was seized by another attacking warrior.

Most of the warriors were confined to the forest clearing where the heart of the fighting was taking place. But as she fought off raging Hurons who were hurling themselves at her, she noticed a large group of them branching off from the fight. They no doubt were quickly realizing that they were on the losing side of the conflict. They decided to cut their losses and try and sneak away to do some damage to the villages or any nearby dwellings.

Nantane realized with a nauseating pang of fear that the closest dwelling was their village. Before they would reach their village they would definitely pass the Turner farm. Her blood went cold in her veins and she suddenly let out a feral scream as her body leapt into a fury desperately fighting off any and all warriors who got in her way. It was the desperation that made her dangerous. A Huron rushed her hoping to overtake her with his shear inertia but she easily crouched down and using her shoulder drove it up and into his gut as he was coming down on her causing his own momentum coupled with her slight force to pitch him forward and behind her. When he landed with a thud on his stomach she spun around and using her knife quickly brought it down on the back of his heel cutting his Achilles tendon and rendering him immobile. She left him screaming in her wake as she pushed forward.

She had to get through the throng of struggling men so she could pursue the Hurons that had broken away. She had a brief window where she wasn’t being rushed by warriors and she used it to call for her family. “Chogan! “

Chogan’s ears picked up the sound of his sister instantly. As he brought his tomahawk down onto the skull of a warrior he turned to see her. She pointed toward the retreating Hurons and he suddenly shared her fear. He searched the group for his younger brother and father. “Neka! Apiatan!”

Father and son managed extricate themselves from the fight long enough to see what Chogan and Nantane were indicating. Apiatan nodded to Chogan and called to as many more of his village’s warriors as he could to let them know what was happening.

The tide of the fight had turned and it was obvious that even without their village’s help the Iroquois would win the battle. Apiatan wanted to pull out as many of his warriors as possible to pursue the retreating Huron party.

Within moments, a group of thirty broke away to pursue the Huron lead by Nantane and Chogan. Nantane’s lungs burned and her already strained muscles screamed as she ran with all of her energy through the thick forest. She was jumping fallen trees, tearing through branches and crawling over jutting rocks and stones. Chogan was right at her side and the rest of the warriors in pursuit were close behind.

They were desperate to reach the Huron before they got to the village but Nantane was desperate to get there before they reached the Turner farm. At the rate they were going she did not know if they would. The Huron had a good lead on them. As they ran Chogan looked at his sister and asked a question with only one word, “English?”

The look in Nantane’s eyes was all he needed to know. When they were finally in the familiar wooded area just before the clearing of the farm Nantane felt her stomach lurch in fear. The Huron were already there and the Turner farm was burning.

She burst through the tree line and what she saw made her scream in a combination of rage, frustration and anguish. The Turner farm was on fire. The hired hands were desperately trying to fight off the overwhelming force of the Hurons. Not all of the Hurons were at the farm. Most of them had continued on to Mohawk village but there were enough who stayed to destroy the farm and its inhabitants. The majority of the pursuing Mohawk continued past the farm as well desperate to stop their enemies before they got to the village. Only a Apiatan’s family stayed defend the farm.

In an initial and frantic scan, Nantane did not see Alex or Caleb anywhere. She tore through the Huron warriors attacking the ones she could but not willing to totally stop and commit to any specific fight before she found Alex. Chogan was still by her side. She ran to the farmhouse and dove through the door completely unconcerned that the building was on fire.

“Alex!” she screamed her heaving lungs filling with acrid smoke. Her tearing eyes scanned the large room and she saw Ruth slumped on the floor. It was impossible to know if she was alive or dead but if she was still alive she had to get her out of there. “Chogan!” she yelled to her brother through the thick smoke and lung-searing heat. He followed her gaze and saw Ruth. He went to her picking her up and carrying her out of the house. Nantane rushed the ladder to the loft. The fire was so hot up there that her eyes blurred and she could not see for the smoke and flames as she screamed again, “Alex!”

If Alex was up there she could neither see her nor get to her. Suddenly she heard a scream. It was Alex, she was sure of it and it was coming from outside the house. As if she had wings, she turned and flew out of the house using her honed instincts to follow the sound of the scream. It was coming from the back of the house.

Her legs pumped as her feet practically tore the ground as they propelled her to the back of the house. When she finally saw Alex and Caleb they were being attacked by three Hurons. One was holding Alex who was screaming and crying with a knife at her throat as the other two were beating Caleb. The man may have fought back at first but at this point he was reduced a moaning, half dead victim.

Nantane was running so fast that when she attacked the first Huron who was holding Alex the man never had time to react. Her tomahawk landed with a sickening thud into his face. The sound of cracking bones coupled with spattering blood punctuated the air as the man’s knife hand went limp followed by the rest of his body as it crumpled to the ground.

The other two Huron were upon Nantane instantly but the woman was unstoppable. She went down on her knees as they piled on top of her. Without knowing or caring what she was stabbing into, she drew her knife and shoved it upward as hard as she could. The blade sunk into the flesh and one of the warrior’s above her cried out in pain. The other warrior that she did not stab brought his tomahawk down hard but sloppy, missing a solid hit on his target he only barely got Natane right above her ear.

She was dazed but not done as she rolled onto her back bringing her knees to her chest. The warrior that hit her tried to rush her again but she shot her legs outward connecting with his chest. He was propelled backward by the force giving her enough time to get to her feet again. He regained his balance and with a tomahawk in one hand and a knife in the other prepared to go at her again.

She already had her knife drawn but saw that her tomahawk was too far away to reach. She had to make a choice. She was going to take a hit. Either she blocked the tomahawk and got cut with the knife or she blocked the knife and got hit with the tomahawk. The Huron rushed her raising the tomahawk as he did so. She brought her free arm up blocking the downward swing of the heavy weapon. The Huron anticipated the move and brought the knife in hard at her midsection hoping to connect with flesh. In a surprising move, born from desperation and adrenaline she managed to twist her body just enough avoiding the swipe and bring her knife hand down hard driving the blade straight through the Huron’s wrist moments before it pierced her. Completely stunned, the Huron looked down at his hand first and then at Nantane but he never saw her face. Instead, her fist connected solidly with his nose and after a few punches he was dazed enough to stumble backwards. She grabbed the tomahawk out of his hand and brought it down hard into his chest. He fell to the ground dead before he even landed.

She spun on her heels to insure that the other Huron she had stabbed in the fray earlier was still incapacitated. He was not. Though he was bleeding profusely from a knife to his gut, he was still swinging his tomahawk at Alex who was too weak from her own injuries to successfully fight him off.

Nantane let out a blood curdling scream of rage as she rushed the warrior. She kicked him in the gut as she fell upon him. That hit alone was enough to debilitate him but her rage blinded her and she continued to hit him with her bare fists. She pummeled him in the face over and over even when her own knuckles started to crack from the impact and the Huron’s face became sunken as the bones in his face were reduced to fragments. He was dead long before she stopped.

Finally, her swings began to lose their force and she stopped when she heard the broken voice of Alex calling her name. “Nantane.” The woman spoke.

The warrior turned and in one fluid motion scooped Alex up cradling her in her arms and searching her for wounds. She brought the blond’s head up and they locked eyes. Pained blues met frantic browns but when their gaze connected the overwhelming feelings of love that passed between them served as an instant poultice to their wounds.

Alex clung to her, the rest of her life momentarily forgotten as she desperately held onto the woman that she had been unable to force out of her heart. As she held onto Nantane taking immeasurable comfort in the strength of her arms her eyes caught Caleb in a pile on the ground and in an instant her world came crashing back.

She tore herself out of Nantane’s embrace and desperately crawled to her husband. The rest of Nantane’s family rounded the back of the house after having dispatched of the remaining Hurons. Apiatan and Neka went to Caleb to see if he was still alive. Chogan stood over his sister offering her an arm.

She took it and he pulled her up. “Are you hurt?”

“Only on my head. It’s a minor wound.” She wiped her face with the back of her arm it was covered in sweat and blood.

Chogan surveyed the dead Hurons as he told her what happened on the other side of the house which was still burning. “All are dead. The woman from the house is dead. The English men are dead.”

Apiatan, who was crouched down next to Caleb, called to Chogan and Nantane, “He still breathes!”

Alex was laying next to her husband stroking his face. He was unconscious but breathing, a mixed blessing. She could not understand Nantane and the other warriors as they were speaking in Mohawk but it was clear they were arguing.

“No, we cannot bring them to the village!” Chogan said emphatically.

“If we leave them here, he will most certainly die!” Nantane argued.

“They are English! I do not want them knowing about our village! Other English could come looking for them. It is trouble we do not need!”

“I will not leave her!” Nantane screamed.

“SHE, has been your weakness for months!” Chogan yelled back unabashedly pointing at Alex.

“I LOVE her! I will NOT leave her! And I will not leave him either.” Nantane yelled into her brother’s face.

“You would put us all in danger for the love of a woman who does not even care about you?” Chogan screamed back.

Apiatan put up his hand to stop the arguing. Though they were not done screaming at each other the brother and sister instantly stopped when their father raised his hand. “Enough. He will die unless we do something. He comes with us.”

They quickly fashioned a litter and placed Caleb on it carefully. Chogan and Neka pulled it. Apiatan lead the way and Nantane and Alex walked behind. Alex’s injuries luckily, were minor. They had hit her but beyond some bruises and soreness she was able to walk with help from an arm around Nantane’s shoulders.

“It was a Huron war party. We fought them back but some of them headed for our village before we could stop them. They came through here first.” Nantane spoke.

Alex did not really care why it happened. The weight of it all was too heavy to attempt to bare the explanation as well. It didn’t matter. It happened, everyone was dead except her and Caleb who might not survive. Her heart felt broken and yet with Nantane next to her she felt strengthened, like the core of her was no longer threatening to collapse.

“Please, can we talk later?” she asked. All she wanted was to concentrate on the journey. She felt exposed, vulnerable and naked with no home left to seek protection. Her mind offered no more space to concentrate on conversation. She hoped she would feel better when they reached the village.

When they were within two miles of the village, they started to encounter the bodies. Dead Huron laid where they had fallen, contorted into garish poses caked with blood, mud and the stench of death. The more horrors Alex saw the more numb she became. Natane could feel the emotional distance in the woman beside her but knew it was futile to try and breach it now.

Apiatan, Chogan, Neka and Natane all silently observed with great relief that their Mohawk brethren had clearly been victorious and stopped the Huron’s before they reached the village.

FF: Whither Thou Goest 6/

2008-08-13T02:05:01Z

My apologies to everyone who tuned in to my story only to find out it was a rerun! I hope this makes up for it. CM

Nantane did not go back to the Turner farm for over a month but in her mind she was there every day watching from the cover of the trees as Alex did the simplest of things. Hanging laundry on the line, carrying water buckets, feeding the animals. Her memories of it were enough to sustain her only for so long. Not long into the next month she felt herself feeling drawn to the farm. Her ache for the blond was greater than the creations of her imagination could soothe. One morning, just as the sun was rising she slipped out of the village and headed in the direction of the farm.

She felt nervous as she approached the sacred line of trees that separated her world from the English world. She hadn’t seen Alex in so long. She carefully peered through the branches and leaves hoping to catch a glimpse of the blond. She was soon rewarded by the sight of Alex taking dry laundry off the line. She watched with rapt attention as the woman’s body strained to reach the top of the line stretching her form in a beautifully elongated way. Nantane smiled to herself as she watched.

She felt a wave of sadness come over her as the blond disappeared into the house with the washing. She wondered when the woman came back out and if she should do anything to catch her attention.

As Alex walked into the house the hair on the back of her neck stood up and she felt Nantane’s eyes on her. Though she was utilizing every bit of energy she had to keep the warrior out of her conscious thoughts in the back of her mind, existing only as a fleeting inkling, she knew that the day the warrior came back to see her again would be the great test of her resolve.

Something in the blond's mannerisms and the way she was carrying herself made Nantane decide instinctually that it was not a good idea to try and get her attention. Instead, she just contented herself to watch the blond whenever she came into view. She must have sat behind the tree line for hours catching the briefest of glances of Alex. When the sun was hanging just above the horizon she finally decided to head back to the village. She felt sad for a reason she could not determine. Something about Alex this time seemed so distant.

She felt that Nantane had gone without ever even seeing her. She did not like the absent feeling left in her wake but she had no choice but to deal with it. She hoped that in time the feeling would lessen. It had to. Working closely with Ruth they put together a sumptuous dinner that the hired hands and Caleb could enjoy. She wanted her husband to feel loved in every way that she could. When the men came in from working in the fields their eyes grew wide with excitement at the food laid out before them. Alex and Ruth beamed.

They spent the meal talking and enjoying the time together. When it was over Ruth and Alex quickly cleaned up so that Alex and Caleb could spend some private time together. When they were alone in their bedroom Alex approached her husband from behind embracing him around the waist and nuzzling into his back. "Caleb, I want to try for a child."

The man turned taking his wife into his arms with joy on his face. "Alex my love I am over joyed. I did not want to suggest it until I thought you were ready. I know it has been hard being in this new world with all of its demands and distractions."

"I am ready. I am ready for our family to grow." Alex said happily. Caleb took her by the hand and led her to the bed. Alex wanted a baby. She was ready to have a child with Caleb. Having a child would cement their relationship in a way that all of her resolve and conviction could only hope to do. She threw herself into their lovemaking wanting to please him and wanting to insure the opportunity for pregnancy. It was a battle between her body, heart and mind as she concentrated on being with him. Her mind kept threatening to wander but she forced it back with her strength of will alone.

Later that night she lay in bed watching her husband sleep soundly next to her. His face was serene and his features soft in the grasp of slumber. Without realizing what her mind was doing before she could stop it Caleb's sleeping face slowly morphed into Nantane's and there lay the warrior woman next to her in bed, her strong features rendered soft by slumber. Alex reared back in bed shaking her head violently to rid herself of the image. She got out of bed and went to the kitchen area. She needed a drink of water. There was a pail with a ladle in it that she drank gratefully from. Her mind swam with thoughts, all racing.

She went and sat by the window gazing out into the night’s light. Only the moon and the vast canopy of twinkling stars gazed back at her.

*******************

Nantane could not sleep and was soon wandering through her village her neck craned upward so she could see the stars. Her thoughts, as they had every night, went to Alex and how it felt to be tenderly touched by her when she was tending her wounds. The feelings the blond was able to stir within in her from just the simplest of touches made her realize that she would have killed a hundred more Huron’s just to feel Alex’s soft touch against her skin.

Yet somehow there was an invisible barrier between them that tore at Nantane’s heart. She felt it screaming at her in Alex’s body language earlier that day. She suddenly stopped when she heard a familiar voice, "You have been sleepless too many nights sister." Neka said as he approached her.

She turned to the sound of her brother’s voice, "And what are you doing awake?"

"I heard you get up."

"I’m sorry. I am usually quieter."

"Its alright, I have been worried about you for many days."

"I’m fine Neka. I should be worrying about you. I am the older sister." She said smiling.

"Malila told me you are in love."

Nantane sighed, "She has a big mouth."

"What is she like?" Neka asked about Alex.

Nantane took a seat on the earth folding her legs under her as she thought about it. "She’s beautiful. Her hair is soft and light like cornsilk and her eyes are this perfect blue. "

"And her nature?" Neka asked.

The warrior smiled. "She’s strong . One look in her eyes and set jaw and you would believe that she could change the course of rivers if she set her mind to it." Neka started laughing heartily, his voice clear and crisp in the stillness of night.

"What’s so funny?" Nantane asked.

Between fits of laughter he answered, "Well, you move as slow as a river so you need someone like her!" Nantane shoved him with her elbow and he fell backward laughing. After a few moments of letting his mirth subside he offered softly, "You do not act like someone who is in love."

"How do I act?"

"Like someone with a broken heart."

Only in the darkness of night and the privacy of her brother’s company she allowed a single tear to travel down her cheek. "I saw her today. She was different. She was not looking for me like she used to. I felt it."

Neka sighed as he tried to think of something to say to console his sister. He placed a loving arm around her to let her feel his support. "I may be young, but I do not believe that people can fall out of love that quickly."

Nantane nodded grateful for the support but had to add, "The love may have only been mine. I don’t know that she ever loved me."

******************

Another month passed with Alex focusing completely on her home and Caleb. The summer was getting closer and the farm was starting to show signs of all the hard planting work they had done. Caleb and the hired hands were working on digging out a root cellar so that it would be ready by the end of the summer to house the yields they had sown.

Alex and Ruth were sitting in the sun outside the house working on a quilt from bits of cloth they had been gathering for months. Caleb took a break from working when the sun was at its height to get some water from the pail. Alex and Ruth had it out and next to them so it was easily accessible to everyone.

"How is the digging coming Caleb?" Alex asked with a smile as her husband approached.

Caleb smiled back at her. "It goes well my darling. God willing we will finish it in a few weeks."

"We have been so blessed in all our endeavors so far." Alex replied as she watched her husband drink heartily from the ladle. He replaced it and squeezed his wife’s shoulder, nodded to Ruth and headed back to the cellar.

"And you hope to be given one more ‘little’ blessing soon!" Ruth replied with secretive excitement when Caleb was out of earshot.

Alex put her finger to her lips. "Do be careful Ruth, I don’t want Caleb to know until I know for sure!" she said with a smile.

****************

Nantane, Chogan, and Neka headed back toward the village from a three day hunting trip laden with game. As soon as they were within sight of the longhouses they were met by excited screaming children gleefully jumping and screaming around them offering to help carry their spoils.

The rest of the village nodded, smiled and greeted them as they passed. It was always nice to return to such warmth and joy. They made their way to the longhouse where they handed over the animals to the women who would take care of skinning and butchering them.

Apiatan met them with a wide smile. "It looks like you have done well my children."

"Only because the earth blessed us with her riches." Chogan replied.

Before they could talk any more about their hunt, there was great shouting coming from the outskirts of the village. Nantane, Chogan, Neka and Apiatan hurried to see what the commotion was. A group of five Oneida warriors dressed in war clothes were entering their village.

Apiatan stepped forward knowing that they were coming to talk to him. The leader of the group of Oneidas met Apiatan and nodded. They grasped each other’s arms in friendship as the Oneida leader spoke to him, "A mighty Huron war party is heading this way. We have gathered four other villages together with our own to fight them. We ask that you join us as well. They are many. Together we should be able to defeat them."

Apiatan was silent for a moment before turning to his children and the rest of the village who were waiting anxiously for his response. "We must meet in the great hall. This is something all the warriors of the village must discuss together."

The Oneida warriors followed Apiatan who was flanked by his children and behind them, the rest of the warriors of the village to the longhouse. The women hurried in and out starting and tending to the fires as all of the warriors slowly took their seats and waited for the meeting to begin.

Once everyone was assembled Apiatan rose. He stood silently and only had to wait a few moments for the talking and buzz of the room to die down. When it was finally quiet the man nodded to the Oneida and the leader among them, a man named Honon stood and addressed the warriors. "My Iroquois brothers, a great scourge is coming from the North. A great Huron war party has laid waste to everything in its path and has set its beastly eyes upon our lands. They must be stopped, here and now by the brave warriors of this village standing alongside our own. four other villages are also ready to stand with us. Will you join us?"

When he was finished speaking the roar of reactions rolled through the longhouse like a clap of thunder everyone was offering their opinions and ideas all at once until Apiatan stood again and silenced the group by his stoic, silent presence.

When the silence returned to the longhouse he spoke, "My Iroquois brothers, I want nothing more than to say that we will stand with you. But I am only one old man. I cannot speak for my people until those in my village who wish to have spoken for themselves. I will hear opinions on the request of our brothers." Apiatan finished by opening the floor to anyone who wished to speak.

A warrior by the name of Makali stood. He nodded in deference to the Oneida and began, "I am a young man with a new wife and new baby. I am just starting my family. I do not wish to see that destroyed by the greed of the Huron. They take more than they need. They will not take our lands!" His speech was met with raucous shouts as the warriors echoed his sentiments.

Chogan stood up next and the group went instantly quiet at the sight of him. "My friends. The Huron’s greed is infected by the French. Their tongues drip with a hunger for land and they whisper their starvation into the ears of the Huron. They send them like dogs to do their bidding and destroy us. My Iroquois brothers I will stand with you now and fight to rid our lands of these scavengers!"

Chogan’s speech filled the air of the longhouse with sparks of crackling excitement leaping higher than the flames of the fires set to keep them warm. The whole room erupted into shouts and cheers and the Oneida stood grasping Chogan’s arm in brotherhood. Other warriors stood and spoke after him but their speeches would pale in comparison to Chogan’s. Apiatan finally stood and acknowledged what the entire room already knew, they would fight alongside the four other villages against the Huron.

That night the warriors of the village spent time with their family and loved ones knowing that tomorrow might be the last day they see. Chogan and his wife were in Apiatan's longhouse with Neka and Apiatan. Nantane was distracted for most of the night gazing into the fire as the rest of the family talked, laughed and enjoyed each other's company. Eventually, Chogan sat down next to his sister. "You are worried about the English woman aren't you?"

Nantane sighed, "I pray that she is safe."

"It is the English's choice to live so far from the safety of their people. We cannot protect them over our own people."

"I know." Nantane said offering her brother a half hearted smile. "I just wish I did not feel this way."

Chogan placed a comforting arm around his sister. "Feel this way tonight for tomorrow you will have to empty your mind of everything but war."

Slowly the fire started to die down and the family began to get settled for bed. They would be up way before the sun the next morning. Nantane was the last one still awake as she watched the glowing embers fight to stay alive. She heard someone laugh from the door way of the longhouse. It was a sweet, feminine laugh and she knew who it was before looking up. Malila was standing in the doorway. "Come outside." she said with a smile.

Nantane rose and met the woman. She followed her for a few paces but if she was looking for privacy it wasn't necessary, the entire village was in their homes resting or taking solace in each other as much as they could before the morning. "I came to wish you well for tomorrow."

"Thank-you but it is not necessary, you should be with Takala tonight."

Malila took a step toward the warrior and wrapped her arms around the woman's neck looking into her eyes. "I was. He is sleeping now." she leaned up and forward placing her lips against Natane's and kissing her slowly and deeply. Nantane allowed the kiss to go on for a few moments before pulling away.

She brought her arms up to Malila's and caressed them lightly as she spoke, "You did not have to do that."

The woman pushed some stray locks away from the warrior's face as she smiled, "I could not let you go into battle without a kiss. I know you would prefer it be from the English but I thought I would be better than nothing."

"Takala is the luckiest man in this village."

"Except when I am in a bad mood. Then he is the unluckiest." Malila said with a laugh. Nantane wrapped her friend up in her arms hugging her fiercely she was thankful to have her.